Harry Potter and the Sorcerer that got Stoned

~*Chapter One*~

It had been a day like any other at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Everyone had risen from their beds as late as ever, scurried to the Great Hall in order to get some breakfast, and then rushed off to their morning classes.  Today, the first year Gryffindors and Slytherins sat in Defense Against the Dark Arts awaiting their teacher's, Professor Quirrell's, arrival.

            "Maybe Professor Trelawney spent the night with him," Seamus Finnigan offered in an innocent voice as an explanation for their teacher's tardiness.

            This caused a few rows of laughter from the Gryffindor side of the room. However, the Slytherins didn't find it all that amusing.  They may have thought Quirrell to be a stuttering fool but he was still a Slytherin.  They felt some need to protect the reputation of their house.

            "Finnigan, your eyebrows are filling in nicely," Malfoy said with a sharp hiss.  "I still roll over laughing when I think of you scuttling from the Charms classroom to the Infirmary.  You can't even levitate a stupid feather."

Now, it was the Slytherins turn to laugh.  Malfoy took this as a sign of encouragement and continued insulting Seamus.

"Too bad Madam Pomfrey couldn't fix them with magic.  I'd hate to have to repair my magical maladies by using muggle means."

            His sneering tone echoed off the stone walls of the room.  The door to the classroom shut abruptly with a flick of the teacher's wrist.  It's slamming signaled the start of class and everyone sat quietly waiting for the lesson to begin as the professor gathered his notes together.

            "M-mr. Malfoy.  That c-Comment is eEx-x-actly why I am late."  A few of the students raised their eyebrows, wondering what the old bat was talking about.

            "I have j-just sp-Pent the last hour wiTh P-profesSor  D-Dumb-bldore.  He feels ttHat the F-first years a-Aren'tt p-prep-pared to live in p-peacce with mugg-gals.  Ahh.. Here is M-mr. Weesal to ex-x-plain."

            A few of the Slytherins chuckled at the mispronunciation of the name while Arthur Weasley stepped into the classroom.  Ron let out an audible groan at seeing his father.

            Harry Potter leaned over to Ron and whispered, "What's going on?"

            Ron just shook his head and gave a look that meant he had no idea why his father was there.

            "Professor Quirrell, how nice to see you again.  Good morning class.  I'm Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry."  He sounded a little over zealous about the fact.  "I'm here at the Headmasters request.  He feels that you all aren't up to date with muggle conduct and need a bit of a reintroduction to the muggle culture.  He has asked if I could work something out between Hogwarts and a muggle school that would allow everyone here to be attend a different school for a week."

            All of the Slytherins' and a few Griffindors' jaws just about dropped to the floor.  After everyone got over the initial shock, the classroom broke into huge outburst of conversation.  Nearly everyone was shouting to express the pointlessness of the whole thing.  One rather whiny voice was heard above the rest.

            "Wait until my father hears about this!  He'll never stand for it!"

            Mr. Weasley attempted to settle the class down. 

            "Children!  Children!"  They seemed to ignore him and continued with their shouts and objections.

            "Sonorus!"  His voice automatically projected itself around the room.  "CHILDREN, IF I MAY EXPLAIN WITHOUT INTERUPTION!"  Everyone quieted down and looked at the red haired man.  His cheeks were flushed at having to calm such a disruption.

            "Quietus!"  The older man's voice returned to normal.  "Now please, let me explain the situation.  Professor Dumbledore has noticed that several students have become, shall we say 'muggle intolerant' and he would like to see that changed.  I have organized it so that there will be ten of you entering any particular school in the United States."

            "America?  We're going to America to learn about muggles?!" Malfoy shouted.

            "Yes, Draco," Mr. Weasley said with an amused tone.  "Won't it be wonderful?  Anyway, have your things packed for a week and be ready to leave tomorrow directly after breakfast.  Are there any questions?"

            A few hands shot into the air, unsurprisingly, Hermione Granger's was included.

            "Ah yes, Hermione," Mr. Weasley acknowledged.

            "I'm assuming we are going to a boarding school?"

            "Actually, no.  You will be attending a muggle public school and stay with a family from the community.  They believe that everyone visiting the schools are cultural exchange students.  Sort of like a Triwizard Tournament but without the wands.  Anyone else?  You there; in the red shirt."

            "I'm Seamus, Mr. Weasley."

            "Sorry Seamus, escaped my mind.  Your question?"

            "You said only 10 of us will be going to each school.  So who is going with whom?"

            "I'm sorry.  Did I forget to mention your groups?"

            A few 'humpfs' came from the Slytherin students. 

            Arthur continued, "Let's see.  Lavender Brown, Millicent Bulstrode, Vincent Crabbe, Seamus Finnigan, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter, Ron, and Neville Longbottom will all be going to the rural town of Poolesville and attending the local high school there.  And the rest of the Slytherins and Gryffindors will be going to-"

            Hermione's hand was waving in the air frantically, trying to gain acknowledgement. 

            "Yes, Hermione?"

            "Sir, you said we will be attending an American, muggle high school.  But clearly, we aren't old enough to attend a high school.  We will stand out like sore thumbs."

            "Humm.  I never thought of that."

            Several Slytherins resorted the '*cough* dumbass *cough*' technique.

            Arthur seemed to ignore it.  "I know.  I'll have Aging Potion for everyone tomorrow.  Each person will just need to make sure they apply it once a day so they look old enough.  Now if that is all, I must get back to the Ministry.  And remember, dress muggle!"

            With that, Mr. Weasley left and Defense Against the Dark Arts began.

~*~*~*````*~*~*~

            That night, the only talk in the Gryffindor common room was about the first years' trip the next day.  Everyone wanted to know the details; where they were going, who was in their group, ext.  The first year didn't mind the shift of attention at all.  They were offered the best seats in front of the fire and were coaxed to share their stories to the sixth and seventh years.

            "Ron, all of the girls are going to love the British accent.  They always do," Fred said with a growl at the end of his sentence.

            "You too, Harry.  American girls are so much looser than the ones around here.  I wish Dumbledore set something like that up for the sixth years. Make sure you get a few pictures!" George added.

            Percy the Prefect came over and said in a snobbish voice to his brother, "George, I highly doubt Harry will be making time for girls.  He does have specific tasks to complete."

            Harry's head piped up at this.  He hadn't heard anything about assignments.  "What do you mean by specific tasks?"

            "I can't discuss that with you.  It is strictly Prefect knowledge."

            "Oh come on Perce.  Ron's your own brother and you know Harry well enough.  You're not going to give them a heads up?" George said in the sweetest tone he could muster, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

            "Dumbledore's orders.  I can't tell ANYONE; including my own flesh and blood."

            "Jolly good fun you are," Ron said with a yawn.

            "Well, I'm gonna hit the sack.  You coming, Ron?"

            "Yeah, I'll be up in a minute.

            With that, Harry went upstairs, thinking about what the next day would bring.

*****

Author's Note:  I know it isn't all that funny yet, but you have to wait till they actually get to America.  I like to set up some sort of a plot.