I just wanted you to know the person that I am; more than any other of your friends; I will love you more a 1000 years, yours truly…
I'm not going to play it cool, let me tell you I've tried that
Already
Every day and every night, your words ring through me
Who am I trying to fool? Honey, I've been living on my own
Like lately
But I'm still a woman, baby, tell me how…
How could I ever love another?
How could you say you don't remember?
God knows I'd give anything for just one more night together…
Today I miss you more than ever
How could you say you don't remember?
This one's for the happiness I'll be wishing you forever…

-Crying Like a Child; Utada Hikaru

…

It was May 21st.

The air was cold, tinged with a light bittersweet that froze his lungs and made him want to stay and breathe. Tall, lean and almost lanky, Kurosaki Ichigo stood facing the river on the green hill; bluish crystal-clear water glittering with orange and pink, like watercolor.

Ichigo had never really cared much for sunsets. It was a Friday evening; he had been bored at his home and he walked out, stating lazily that he was going for a walk. He wasn't sure why, but for some reason, his mind and body… maybe his soul… decided it; his legs propelled him and before he knew it, here he was. He inhaled frozen air softly; it was all quiet around him except for the soft sound of flowing water.

On this day, last year, he had met Rukia on that fated night.

Why was he here? He wasn't sure. Did his heart have some reason? Was it a feeling? A stupid glimmer of fake hope that she could be here, still sitting in that offwhite coat and pink scarf with a disheartened look on her face, like it had been 10 months earlier; when she could not look him in the face? And then, this time, he would run at her, screaming her name, begging her to stay, unlike last time? Last time, where he hadn't really realized how damn important she was to him and he just let her slip away from him, just like that, without promising him that she would return? Like blowing his only brightly burning candle in this lightless, pitch-black nothingness he was constantly stumbling around in?

Rukia, I'm sorry.

Ichigo took the cement stairs down to the bank of the river, skipping the last three steps and landing easily on the cemented ground. He stuck his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, feeling smooth, flat wood against his sword-worn fingers. His eyebrows slanted slightly, frowning as brown eyes scanned the colored waters.

He had every reason to be here, yet none at all.

The wind picked up suddenly, gently sifting his hair, reminding him, yet again, of that time. His eyelids were heavy, not from sleep, but from the broken feelings he had pushed into the restricted part of his heart. He could not close his eyes. When she had disappeared from his world, she had been permanently etched into his memory; if he closed his eyes, she became so vivid, it was almost real.

Almost.

The memory really was clear as day. What happened ten months ago was like a fresh, painful memory from yesterday, though the time felt like it had already been years. Oh, but he still remembered, almost too easily. The warm, wet glass in her violet eyes, the sunlight behind the senkaimon illuminating the great gates; wisps of raven falling down her back and her shoulder when she stopped in front of the gate and took just one last look over her shoulder at him, perhaps memorizing the smooth, tanned lines of his face, the delicate spikes of orange falling across his forehead, or the warm, gentle, shaded honey of his eyes, lips framed in a bittersweet smile to match hers. He remembered her fading, disappearing, starting from her feet and working it's way up, the way fire burns a photograph.

By now, Ichigo's frown had faded; his face downcast, like a child scorned by everyone around him. He looked down at the ground, but all he saw was her; smiling and teasing, before her smile faded and she looked up at him, eyes begging for him to say something, do something, anything, for her to stay with him just one more hour.

He wanted her back. His winter rose; his ray of light; his white moon; his angel; his better half; his perfection.

He wanted to see her face. He wanted to remember why he wanted to save her so badly. He wanted her words to ease him, like they always did. He wanted her to stop the rain from falling in his heart again.

'So damn selfish,' Ichigo thought to himself. He'd become completely useless. Powerless, he could do nothing. if Rukia was sad now, he could not cheer her up. If she was crying, he could not sit and listen to her as a quiet comfort. If she was angry, he would not be there to help her or offer a solution. If she was hurt or in trouble or in pain, he could not save her. If she was smiling…

He would not be there to return that smile.

Ichigo slowly looked up. The moon was out now; it reminded him of that day- the last time they fought together, side by side. The last time he and Rukia had seen him in his shikusho with Zangetsu. The last time he fired a Getsuga Tensho.

The last time he felt alive.

"Hey, Rukia... I remember you standing here, on this riverbank. It was after school. You were staring out at the water…." His voiced faded for a moment, but for some reason he could not bring himself to silence his reminiscing.

"I guess you were hyper that day, because you were singing a song at the time, taking off your shoes and walking into the water. I teased you for it, Rukia- I said you sounded like a mouse on crack (he almost smiled at this memory)… I shouldn't have. In reality, it was beautiful. I was just too dumb to admit it...

"You know, Rukia… now, I'd give anything… can I hear it once more?" His voice was reduced to a mere whisper at his last five words, eyes falling from the moon to the ground again. Ichigo swallowed hard, ignoring these feelings of heartache and frustration.

Silence. But it was to be expected.

Ichigo looked at the river again. The water had faded, like the sky, from its sweetened combination of orange, red and pink to a sensual violet-indigo-black. The stars that reflected in the mirror-like water were pieces of crushed diamond, and of course, the moon; a large, radiant pearl on a black canvas.

The air was still cold; Ichigo stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket. And now, surrounded by white glitter and blue-black skies, the air frosty, it reminded him of her more than ever-

Something fluttered past him, gliding gently in the air over his left shoulder. He saw it out of the corner of his eye- small, black, and fragile as paper. His eyes widened as it perched lightly on his shoulder for hardly 2 seconds before moving on, floating past his ear daintily.

A black butterfly.

Ichigo craned his neck looking over his shoulder, brown eyes wide and searching.

It was gone. As if it had dissolved right into the air. Disappeared, just like her.

He turned back to the river, unable to think properly. Was that really what he had just seen? Where did it come from? How did he see it? ...Did he even see it? Was he hallucinating? Did the absense of Rukia and his power finally go to his head?

Confused, Ichigo went home. He greeted his sisters, smiling happily, and, skipping dinner, went upstairs to his room. On entering, he shivered from the cold air that seemed to blast him when he opened his door. The window was wide open, curtains fluttering from the mild wind. Ichigo made to close his window, but something on the desk caught his attention-

A Chappy candy dispenser, colored yellow and pink with a lovely rabbit head crowning it at the top like a jewel; big red bubble letters spelling out Chappy.

At first, Ichigo, who did not realize, felt annoyed- why was Yuzu wandering around his bedroom with her toys lying around and leaving the window all the way open so he could come home and freeze to dea-

His eyes caught sight of the paper folded underneath, the kanji of his name written neatly in pencil lead.

To 黒崎 一護

Ichigo grabbed the paper, unfolding it, eyes scanning the paper to find just one sentence-

I will find a way.

Ichigo stared at the paper, his eyes blank. He turned to his window, wide open, the curtain still fluttering airily from the wind. His eyes fell on the moon outside the window.

Hey, Rukia

Say something.