Title: Unofficial Rules

author: infraredphaeton

disclaimer: I do not own any of characters within this work

summary: Roy meets a pretty girl. He really should have done his paperwork beforehand.

"Thank you so much for showing me around headquarters, Colonel Mustang- but are you sure I'm not interrupting your work?"

Roy grinned brightly, ignoring the nagging memory of his desk- covered in paperwork, with an angry Riza Hawkeye standing by, caressing the butt of her pistol meaningfully.

"Absolutely not, Maria. I'm always happy to take time out of my day to help people, especially when the person who needs help is as ravishing as you are. And please, call me Roy when we aren't working."

Maria blushed prettily, "Absolutely… Roy," and Roy sidled closer, letting their arms brush.

"That's much better. Never has my name sounded sweeter than on your tongue."

Maria giggled lightly, "So, being new to Eastern, what should I know?"

"Well, there are a few things, but most of them were covered in the briefing, I'm sure."

Maria batted her eyelashes, sliding her arm into Roy's, and he gave a mental cheer.

Hot new girlfriend, here comes Mustang.

"But, unofficially…"

"Unofficially, hmm…I'd say, don't antagonise the little blond kid who comes here every so often. He gets overly worked up about his height- although if you wear adequate ankle protection, you should be fine," Roy made a point of eyeing her ankles. They were very nice ankles, well worth eyeing, "he's pretty tiny, after all. Don't interrupt Lieutenant Hawkeye on her lunch breaks. Don't-"

A bullet whipped between their heads, making Maria shout as she ducked into a roll, coming up with her gun drawn and pointing at the shooter.

Hawkeye calmly holstered her gun, and finished Roy's sentence, "let Colonel Mustang use you to get away from his paperwork. Sir, you have budget reports to file, due two weeks ago."

"Lieutenant, I was just coming to find you," Roy said smoothly, and Maria stood up, holstering her pistol, "have you met the delightful Corporal Kenning?"

"Yes."

"She's- wait, yes?"

"Havoc introduced us to his new girlfriend last week," Riza explained, ushering the Colonel towards his office.

"And he didn't introduce me?"

"He was afraid you'd steal her, like you have every other girlfriend he's ever had under your command."

Roy stopped gesturing for Maria to 'call him', and looked hurt.

"I would never-"

"Lydia. Andrea. Lindy. Carspka."

"Carspka was crazy. Havoc should thank me for that-"

"Just do your budget reports, sir."