Title: Attempt

author: infraredphaeton

disclaimer: I do not own any of characters within this work

summary: Don't screw with Roy Mustang's subordinates. You won't like how it ends.

"Don't you know who I am?" the old man shouted in outrage, and Mustang sighed, straightening his gloves.

"I'm guessing from your frankly annoying tone, you think that I should, and on top of that, I should be so stunned from who you are that I let you go, apologise, and send you home. Possibly with a fruit basket."

The old man stopped yelling, sputtering, and Mustang offered him a blank smile.

"Unfortunately for you, I do not know who you are. What I do know is that my lieutenant kindly refrained from shooting you after you attempted to assault her in an alley."

Hawkeye, dressed in mufti, nodded to the Colonel, and continued to pet Black Hayate.

"You then proceeded to use high level alchemy of unknown origin, leading me to have to call in one of my annoying subordinates."

"What, the runt?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD HITCH A LIFT ON A PIECE OF POLLEN? WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE COULD GET STOMPED ON AND FIT IN THE TREADS OF YOUR BOOTS? WHO ARE YOU-"

"That's quite enough, Fullmetal," Mustang said, grabbing the other alchemist by the back of his coat as he tried to run at the old man, "and as you can see, old man, he's very, very annoying."

"I'm too important-"

"No you aren't. Not unless you have ID on you, and unfortunately," Mustang snapped his fingers, and the man's clothes burst into ash, "you appear to also be breaking the law of 'public decency'. Havoc, find the good criminal a blanket or something, would you?"

"Yes sir!"

Mustang aimed another steely smile at the attempted rapist.

"Don't attack my team. Ever. It doesn't end well. Just ask Grand Secretary Robarson."

"Robarson? I've never heard of him."

"Precisely."

Mustang turned on his heel and stalked back towards his town car.