As of 03/12/11, I don't Chuck et al.

Chuck Vs The Hot Chick Five Point Paralysing Nerve Block

Chapter One.

Chuck was serving a customer when she came into to Buy More. As usual, she paused theatrically at the front of the store, searching the whole shop to find Chuck. All an act, since Chuck knew full well Sarah knew where he was the whole time. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw she 'found' him and smiled hugely while she headed straight for him.

God, he loved it when she did that.

Well, it sure beat Casey's version, anyway.

She saw he'd seen her, as he always did, and she nodded in the direction of the Nerd Desk, indicating she'd wait for him there.

Sarah wasn't dressed in her usual Weiner girl uniform, even though it was a Friday. The Weinerlicious had closed suddenly for refurbishment the week prior. Chuck wondered mildly at that, not that he would ever really miss the heartburn inducing ultimate deep crust carbonised death by a multitude of factors that they had on offer over there, although Chuck suspected that the 'carbonised' part had only been added to the menu unintentionally after Sarah started there.

Enamored with Sarah as he was, even Chuck was beginning to suspect that cooking wasn't a skill set that Sarah possessed. The woman could do anything. Except deep fry a God-knew-what on a stick. Maybe when they re-opened, she could work the new soft serve counter, assuming that they put one in. Chuck figured even Sarah would have trouble 'crispy crittering' soft serve ice-cream.

Chuck finished with the technical questions the customer had, and he got Skip to assist them with the actual sale. He headed over to Sarah who was waiting patiently, having stared Lester down into a mild petrified state after he tried to start a casual conversation with her.

"Hi," he beamed for her. She coquettishly dipped a shoulder for him.

"Where's my kiss?" she faux pouted as she stepped in closer.

"Oh, right," he said as he leant in, to peck her on the lips.

Her lips twitched sideways for a moment afterwards. "Hmmm..." she judged the simple kiss, and seemed to find it wanting.

Behind her, Chuck saw Lester scowl. Chuck was halfway convinced that Lester thought he had a shot if he could beat Chuck to Sarah's side, just once. And he might have too, if he'd received the Intersect as opposed to it ending up in one of the Encino Bartowskis. Chuck had discussed this with Sarah once on the drive back to his place after a long, nothing mission. Sarah told him she was immensely relieved that it was Jeff that hadn't been the one with all the nation's secrets in his head. Chuck agreed and had added he was pretty certain that the Intersect wouldn't have survived the accommodations in there.

Today, Sarah was wearing jeans, boots and a short sleaved loose burgundy top. Her hair was in soft waves, falling naturally to her shoulders. She was beautiful. Even if she'd worn the old Weiner girl uniform, she'd have been beautiful. Actually, it would have taken a something made out of a used trash bag for her to have been not beautiful, and frankly Chuck had his doubts about that. Besides, the Weiner girl uniform had a ... certain charm about it. Not he would ever tell her that.

And of course, the other guys (including Anna, just that one time) at the Buy More felt that the Wiener uniform had a couple of points worth noting.

"..So..." he prompted.

"You free tonight?" she asked him with that smile that made his kidneys flip-flop.

"Ahhhh, right. The 'M' word."

"Sorry," she whispered with a grimace, "I'll pick you up about six, we go to Casey's for a briefing, and then out. OK?" she continued quietly as she adjusted his tie.

"You know, Miss Walker, one time we'll just 'go out,' just us. No bad guys, no guns, no car chases... unless you want to watch that new bad guy car chasing gun fight movie with me."

She finished with his tie, and placed a palm on his white Nerd Herd shirted chest. She looked up at him, her head tilted slightly with her lips twisted into an amused shape. "Careful what you wish for Chuck," she said in a quiet throaty voice, finishing with her lips slightly parted.

She was so close, her lips were ready for him, and all he needed to do was lean down and...

Casey said one word on his way past the pair, ruining the moment.

They both backed up clearing their throats. "Right, six. See you tonight then," Chuck tried to keep his voice even.

Sarah swallowed, and nodded.

"Sarah?" he asked as she started to leave, she paused and looked expectantly at him. "What's... why does Casey want chocolate?"

She opened and closed her mouth while what seemed like fifteen expressions flickered over her face, before she settled on saying, "I'll see you tonight, Chuck."

Chuck went back behind the desk, thinking to himself maybe it was some sort of spy code, like 'pineapple' or something.

-o0o-

Chuck got home with about ten minutes to spare. He found Devon in the kitchen sans shirt (no surprises there) as he poured something green and gloppy from the blender into a glass.

"Chuckster! Want one?" he waggled the blender at Chuck.

"Ummm... no thanks..." then the smell of 'green and gloppy' hit him, "...Devon, I'm... I'm good," he continued after a small choking moment.

"Sure? I'll put this in the fridge, in case you change your mind."

'On the day that Satan skates to work,' thought Chuck. "I'll, uh, I've got Sarah coming over, so I should get changed."

"You two going out again? Awesome bro!" said the good Captain, holding out a mandatory high five. Chuck noted that Devon had his exercise bike out, ready for a solid night of bachelor fun, since Ellie was working late tonight.

Chuck threw his bag into his room and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

He really should learn to plan these things better. Because naturally, Sarah turned up right on time.

Chuck never heard her knock, or Devon's pleased booming, "Sarah!" owing to the fact he was under the shower.

"Chuck's just getting ready for you. Want one?" Devon tempted her with the blender contents that were destined to glue-up the sink some time tomorrow, when Ellie resumed control of her kitchen.

Sarah managed to not gag when the 'green and gloppy' wafted past her, and she shook her head. "I'll, uh, I'll go see if Chuck's ready," she said as she headed to her fake boyfriend's bedroom. The door was ajar, so it was safe, she thought. It turned out she was wrong.

In his defence, Chuck really did have a quick shower. Discovering a hidden camera in the bathroom had taught him that. He darted across the hallway to his bedroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.

He only just missed seeing Sarah enter his room when he walked through the door. Sarah was just realising Chuck wasn't in his room and turned around only to bump into a slightly damp Chuck who was just as surprised as she was.

"Yearagha!" Chuck managed to mangle her name into a surprised yelp.

Sarah remained silent only because she couldn't speak, and noted that Chuck only wore, reading from the top, an expression similar to the type worn by someone who's just realised they've shot a tranq dart into the only pilot while the helicopter is still in the air, and a damp white towel. Which he immediately pulled tighter in an effort to 'hide more.' This had the somewhat opposite effect that he intended, and showed lumps and bumps under the towel in all the proper places as far as Sarah could tell.

And then she realised she was staring, and might possibly be drooling. "Um.." she whipped around to face the corner. "Um.. Chuck, I... Chuck I'm sorry, I ah... Devon..." she pointed vaguely over her right shoulder before her posture slumped in reluctant acceptance. "We're kind of stuck now. In here. Together..." she tried a calming breath. "Chuck, I'm sorry, but right now I'm in here, I can't leave without raising suspicions ..."

"R...r...r...right... because we've seen... we're supposed to be lovers and this is normal, right?" he concluded in a mostly normal voice.

"Um.. yeah."

They stayed frozen, facing away from each other almost long enough for a small glacier to form.

"Sarah, I'm gonna need some clothes..."

"Right! Let me..." she headed to his closet, grateful for something to do. She laid fresh jeans and a blue button down shirt on the bed for him.

"Sarah? Top right draw, I'll need some..."

"Right! Yes..."

Annnd just like that, she was fondling his underwear.

"Um, right," he decided. He had to get changed, and she wasn't going anywhere. So, with a deep breath, and unconsciously sucking his gut in, he stood naked in the same room as Sarah Walker.

But not for long. He grabbed the boxers as quickly as he could, and while he had one leg in, he hopped forward as he reached for the jeans. He was just grateful he didn't fall over.

She heard the metal of the zipper, and he said, "OK, it's safe."

Sarah discovered 'safe' was relative. She turned around, only to find him still shirtless. He leaned past her to reach into the draw for a white under shirt. She froze to the spot at his proximity and part of her hoped she wasn't drooling. She could feel the heat radiating from his body... Oh God, he was hot...

"So..." Chuck said from under his tee as he pulled it on, "...what's our mission tonight?" He was curious, since they hadn't had many night missions in smart casual. Sarah was still in the same clothes as earlier today.

"Oh, you know, rich guy's party, bad guys, guns. Maybe a car chase if we're lucky. You know, just a regular date night with my cover boyfriend."

He smiled at her as he did up the buttons on his shirt. She handed him his shoes and socks. He grunted like a junior Casey, "Dress leathers, huh?"

"Rich guy's party, Chuck. We'll get changed again into something formal later."

Chuck focused on his laces, muttering to them, "Oh, that'll be fun"

When he finished and looked up at her, she asked, "Ready?"

He pulled a thoughtful grimace and nodded. "Wouldn't be a proper Chuck Bartowski date without gun fire and a car chase," he ended with a grin for her.

"Don't forget bad guys."

-o0o-

The three of them stood attentively in front of the plasma screen as the General ended communications in her usual courteous method of stabbing her finger at the cut-off button to prevent any further conversation.

"Right... so, lead me to my tux, my good man," Chuck said to his new valet (who doubled as a very surly bodyguard as well).

This newly minted valet sneered and pointed to the drycleaner bag hanging from a door with a grunt, one of the meatier ones. He then stomped off to his own room to get changed.

Chuck grabbed the bag and paused. Sarah had her own dress bag as well, and would need to change too. "Sarah, you take the bathroom first."

She considered him for a moment, and then said, "Thanks Chuck," with a heart stopping smile before she took her dress bag into Casey's bathroom.

Chuck sat on the couch and undid his shoes. He knew he'd made a tactical blunder. Living with his sister, he knew women took longer getting dressed that what felt like a reasonable time. But then, he couldn't just take the bathroom first.

He wandered Casey's living room / command centre, checking out the big man's small video collection. War and docos he noted. Only one actual film film, Mel Gibson's 'The Patriot.' Appropriate, Chuck judged. He was reading the back, wondering to himself, if it was about time he saw that film again when he heard a door open behind him. He looked around expecting to see Casey (and have to explain why he was pawing through Casey's private things). Only to find Sarah standing in the hallway.

Chuck was surprised at her speed...

And then he saw her dress...

His voice worked the third time around, "Holy bird fuck, Batman..."

That raised her left eyebrow.

"I...I...I mean, wow! You look... Sarah, you're gorgeous."

She stood there, just looking at him with a slight smile on her face. The dress was one of those things that you saw on TV for the Oscars or something. Midnight blue, just a hint of sparkle he thought, but if it was, it was beautifully understated, with a plunging neckline that he understood from the gossip magazines Ellie read occasionally required something called 'Hollywood tape.' At least he hoped this mythical tape was needed, otherwise she might...

And then Chuck hoped fervidly that Hollywood tape wasn't involved. She turned slightly, and Chuck saw that the dress was backless and frankly dipped lower down than he thought possible from an engineering stand point.

"Thanks Chuck, your turn," she indicated to the bathroom. He wondered mildly at the size of her wardrobe... So far, and he'd been paying attention, he hadn't seen her wear the same fancy dress twice. Certainly not this one, he would have remembered this one.

Chuck got changed into the suit. Armani, nice. He left his jeans and shirt on the hanger the suit came on and re-entered the main room, still fiddling with the tie. He knew Sarah couldn't resist 'helping' him with that.

She smirked at him as he flapped the tie at her helplessly, but came over anyway. Chuck's evil plan had worked.

"Christ moron. Didn't you wear a tie at work before you became a walking database?" came the dulcet tones of Casey, as he checked his weapons.

"Yeah," Chuck said, craning his neck to both help Sarah as she worked at his neck, and also to not peer down her dress.

"So how did you tie a tie then?" his expression seemed to indicate he had also added the phrase, 'before you trained the CIA skirt.'

Sarah stepped back to judge her handiwork. "Badly," said Chuck with a straight face. Sarah's eyes glittered at him.

-o0o-

Casey drove the black van full of gear. Chuck was given the keys to the dark seven series Beemer that gleamed even in the night, along with a grunt, and warning about damaging tax payer's investments.

Casey led, Chuck and Sarah followed in the BMW along the highway. The large engine barely making a noise. The pair of them took turns glancing and smiling at each other, but mostly stayed quiet.

Eventually she asked, "Whaaat?"

He grinned at the road ahead, "Just wondering where your gun is."

She grinned at the windshield, but said nothing.

Chuck noted that the alleged Hollywood tape must have been used, since her top stayed in place, doing its job. Eventually Chuck decided this was a good thing, since he was currently driving, and it was distracting enough to be in the same car as Sarah without risking the lives of fellow road users due to a wardrobe malfunction.

They got to the party as planned, the parking valet took the keys while not taking his eyes off Sarah until Chuck cleared his throat. Names on clipboards were checked, and the velvet rope moved aside for them. Chuck frankly thought that Sarah would never ever have problems with his old nemesis, the velvet rope. Certainly not the way she was dressed right now.

-o0o-