Chapter 1: Broken

It's been 6 weeks since I told Dr. Burke that I was ready, ready to tear down that wall inside me. I was actually ready… Hell, who am I kidding? I'm scared out of my mind, but somehow I feel this time might be different.

"Kate. Kate, please don't go. Kate, come on. Kate, I-..Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

The mere memory of his voice made my cheeks go red. He loves me. ME. Kate Beckett, horribly wounded-no, scratch that. I'm broken…broken and unfixable. I've told him this a million times but he doesn't believe me. He continues to believe in me…believe in us. Whatever "us" even means...or if there even is an "us" to begin with.

"Morning, boys!" a voice cried out

As soon as I heard his voice, my heart skipped a beat. I didn't look up my computer but the thought of him with that stupid boyish grin I love seeing him wear made me blush even more. I must've had a pretty stupid look on my face because when I looked up, I noticed Ryan nudge Esposito to look my way, but I didn't care. My eyes were only for that adorably annoying man-child heading towards me. As soon as Castle handed me my coffee, our hands touched for the slightest moment…I shuddered. My reaction was not left unnoticed by Castle whose grin turned into a full-blown smile as he sat down.

"Thank you", I said as I took a very much needed sip of coffee

"Always", his reply barely audible

He was doing it again. He was pulling my heart-strings without even trying. Suffice to say, words escaped me and all I could manage was a smile. I went back to my paperwork and a few SECONDS into it, I noticed him looking at him. Normally I would've yelled at him and poke the hell out of him but today was different…I was different. I let it pass, hoping he'd stop. After a while, I noticed Ryan, Esposito and a few other uniforms were also watching him watch me. I turned off my computer and gave him a stern look. Well, tried to at least.

"Castle"

"What?" he answered innocently, eyebrows raised

This. This child-like side of him was something I could never seem to get enough of. I softened my look and looked him in the eye and said,

"You're staring at me…I must look really bad."

"No, I just thought I'd never see you…doing paper work again."

He winked at me, his blue eyes twinkling, clearly remembering our conversation in the hospital months ago. I let out a small chuckle and shook my head in disbelief. I looked up at him and held his gaze. In those few moments, I could feel that wall inside me crumbling down. He didn't build a door, climb a ladder or dig a hole; Castle broke through the damn thing and left nothing but rubble. Part of me wanted to run away and crawl back into that hole but his gaze kept me there…anchored to him, to the world. Both of us were deep in thought, lost in each other when someone in the background cleared his throat.

"Uh...boss, you two busy? Cuz there's a body over at 45th and Lexington." Esposito said, trying to hide the curiosity in his voice.

"Right. Let's go, Castle"

I grabbed my jacket and headed to the elevator, Castle not far behind me and the boys.

When we got to the crime scene, Lanie was already beside the body writing down her preliminary conclusions.

"Still no coffee or bear claw for the M.E.?" Lanie said, glaring at Castle

"Not today, my beautiful medical examiner. Maybe tomorrow" Castle said as he gave her a little wink

I couldn't help but grin at the two of them but immediately stopped when Lanie caught my eye and glared.

"Okay. So, who's our John Doe?"

"Daniel Evans, 27. He works at the Post Office right beside us. I'd say TOD was between 10 and 2 this morning. COD was a clean GSW to the chest. Judging by the size of the entry wound, I'd say we're looking for a .38. Also, I found a bruise pattern on his left cheek similar to that of a gun. Other than that, there were no indications of a struggle."

"So what's a mail delivery guy doing in the alley right next to his office?" asked Castle as he hovered next to the body.

"Whatever it is you're thinking I'm pretty sure it's got nothing to do with the CIA—"

Castle raised his finger in an attempt to save his colorful theories but I beat him to the punch.

"Or aliens"

Again.

"Or time-travelling murderers"

And Again.

"Or crazy vigilante super-heroes."

He crossed his arms, pouted like a little child and walked away. Castle's reaction to it all made me smile a little more than I normally would at a crime scene. I turned around and saw Lanie looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Girl, we've been here before. Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to smack it out of you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Before she could say anything, I turned around and jogged to Castle's side. We walked over to Ryan and Esposito who were just finishing getting statements from anyone who might've seen anything.

"Did anyone see…hear anything?"

"Well, it could be a robbery gone bad. All his cash is gone, same goes for personal effects except his wallet. Evans's boss said he left work at around 6 last night. Owner of the jewellery store across says our vic did go home at around 6 then went back to this alley at around 7, right around the time he was closing." Esposito said, recounting what he'd just heard from his notes.

"Then the 24-hour security guard of said store said that Evans hung around all alone until about 9pm when three guys walked up to him. He said they didn't look they were from this side of town but he said the vic acted as if he knew them so he didn't bother." Ryan continued.

"Wait. If there was a 24-hour security guard across the street, then why didn't he help Evans when he got shot?" Castle asked, seemingly over his previous fit.

"We thought that too. Apparently, our security guard left his post and got a little busy with a waitress who works a block away." Ryan said, looking at Esposito who was laughing at what his partner said.

I turned to Castle to see if he knew what the hell was going on but he was intently texting someone on this phone. Instead, I turned back to the boys who were apparently watching me and Castle the whole time.

"Anyways, keep looking around to see if anyone saw or heard something. Bring the security guard down to 12th to a sketch artist. See if he can help us find those guys."

The boys gave a quick nod and headed their way. I turned to Castle and saw his brows furrowed in worry.

"Something wrong, Castle?"

"It's nothing. Alexis sent me a text. She says she's not feeling well so she's going home."

"You should go home and take care of her. "

Stay

"Sure about that? I could stay and help around for a little bit, you know."

"Of course. This is your daughter we're talking about. Go take a rain check. We'll be fine."

They will. But I won't.

I smiled, hoping he wouldn't see through me.

"Thanks, Beckett."

He gave an appreciative smile and hailed a cab. I watched the cab as it drove away, slowly disappearing from view. Part of me wanted to make him stay. Part of me wanted to go with him and help him take care of Alexis. Quite frankly, I wasn't exactly sure where I was headed. All I know is that wherever this road I'm on is taking me, I want Castle to be beside me every step of the way. Without him here, I knew this was gonna be a long day.