It took months of planning but nowhere near as much as it did last time. Last time she didn't have Will. Then again, last time the holiday was also a chance to spend some much needed time with Ashley. This time, she was alone. She packed her bags, making sure she had everything she needed, including files and reports that she needed to catch up on. She was at the front door, all ready to leave when her team appeared. Kate moved forward, a small smile on her face.

"Bag search"

Helen frowned.

"Excuse me?"

Kate ignored her and opened first her suitcase, checking under all items of clothing before moving to the carry on bag that Helen had slung over her shoulder. Kate removed the files and reports hidden there, shaking her head.

"Doc, you are going on holiday."

"I can work and relax at the same time"

"Yeah right. You need to leave the work here, with us."

Helen shifted on her feet.

"What if something goes wrong? Last time I was away a parasite got out and you all ended up almost killing each other"

"We have Declan. He's a phone call away."

"Maybe I should - "

"Magnus"

Will moved forward, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"You need this. Go, we'll be fine"

Helen looked into Will's eyes before finally nodding. He was right, she did need this. She gave her a team a smile before exiting, the files and reports now behind her.

Italy had certainly pulled out the nice weather for her. The sun beat down hard and hot and even dressed in nothing but a white tank top and shorts Helen still had sweat moving down her back, chest and face. She got to the villa by the afternoon and the cool silence that greeted her was welcome. She didn't often get a chance to be alone in her thoughts, a chance to be in her own company and it was peaceful. The kitchen was stocked for her visit and she sipped a bottle of iced tea as she wondered what she was going to do with the long four days that stretched ahead of her. She was sitting on the patio that stretched around the villa when a knock on the door interrupted her planning. When she pulled open the door, a young man stood before her, giving her a wide smile.

"Yes?"

The young man offered her a large, brown hand, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Miss Helen Magnus?"

"That's me. And you are?"

"Pablo, I'm here for your appointment"

"Appointment?"

Pablo laughed, his smile even wider. He smacked himself in the forehead with the base of his hand.

"Of course, you would not be expecting me. Mr Zimmerman said it was to be a surprise, a gift."

Helen shook her head.

"Pablo, why are you here?"

"I am here to give you a massage. Mr. Zimmerman hired me to give you an afternoon of relaxation."

Helen opened her mouth to protest but Pablo bet her to it.

"Mr Zimmerman told me that you work too hard and forget to relax. That's why I am here"

It only took a moment for her to decide what to do. At 159 years old, she hardly ever indulged in anything. Everything she earned through hard work, leaving the easy gains for others. Perhaps this was the perfect time to break that habit.

"Well, you had better come in then"

Pablo gave her another smile, pulling a collapsible table from around the corner and slipping past her into the villa. Within ten minutes, he had set himself up in the living room, moving furniture to accommodate the table. He handed her a robe and as she got undressed in the other room, she could hear him humming cheerfully to himself. When she reappeared, the room was filled with a sweet smelling smoke from the incense that reminded her of India.

"Lay down Miss Magnus and we will get started."

Pablo closed his eyes politely as she took her position on the table, leaving the robe on the floor before laying a towel over her lower back. Helen closed her eyes as he placed a small amount of warm oil over her bare back, trying to relax and let her guard down. She wasn't used to this kind of attention and she had to admit it made her a little uncomfortable. The fact that she was naked, alone with a strange man didn't really help either. Her thoughts were soon lost as Pablo's gentle, firm hands started working the knots of muscle in her back.

Two hours later, Pablo had left and Helen could barely move, she was so relaxed. After a full body massage, a facial and a surprisingly good manicure, it had been far too long since she had felt so relaxed. She looked at her nails sadly. She knew that within a week the polish would be chipped or gone completely. For now she decided to enjoy it. She made herself some lunch and settled herself back on the patio. From there she could see the expanse of the city as well as the beach. Now that the sun sat slightly lower in the sky, it would be safe for her to go and sit in the warm sand. Her sadly British complexion was not made for sunbathing and it was impossible for her to tan. Sitting in the sun too long usually resulted in a painful sunburn, peeling then back to being pale.

"Beautiful isn't it? I always said you had the best view"

Helen's hand flew to her chest, flinching in her seat.

"Bloody hell John. You just wasted a full body massage."

John settled himself in the seat beside her, looking completely at home despite the black duster jacket.

"Sorry Helen, I didn't mean to startle you"

"What exactly did you think would happen when you suddenly appeared?"

"Point taken"

Helen let the silence fall, waiting for her heart to return back to its normal rhythm. Only then did she realize that John's appearance could mean only one thing. The worse possible thing.

"What's wrong?"

John frowned slightly.

"Sorry?"

"At the Sanctuary? What's happened?"

"Nothing. Why would you think something was wrong? You've been gone one afternoon Helen. You need to relax"

"Hard too when people keep interrupting me"

"And for that I have already apologized."

Helen stretched out her legs, testing the heat on her bare skin, feeling the fain chill that came from the setting of the sun. She watched as the sky changed colour, the slashes of purple and pink making her feel unsettled.

"So why are you here John?"

John ignored her question, a small smile on his face as he turned to her. His eyes were striking in this light and Helen felt the familiar desire to fall into their depths.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?"

Helen felt her smile come unwillingly in response to his words. Last time that they were here they had barely left the villa. Her father had owned it and had given it to her just after they had injected themselves with the vampire blood. She and John had taken full advantage of being alone. It was the only time in her life that she had ever been in bed that long without being ill. She felt her cheeks flush at the memory, the blush deepening as John chuckled softly beside her, making her feel foolish.

"Don't be embarrassed Helen."

"Please John, why are you here?"

"Memories. Much like you"

Helen shook her head.

"I'm here for my holiday. It's that time again"

"And last time you were here it was with Ashley. And the time before that if I remember correctly"

"How do you know that?"

"There are many things I know."

It was then that Helen realized the truth.

"You've been keeping tabs on me, haven't you?"

"Always Helen. Ashley as well. Mind you, she was harder to follow. She seemed to have eyes in the back of her head half the time. You were usually distracted."

Helen let herself absorb the information before saying anything else. There was no reason for her to be surprised. In fact she should have figured it out for herself. Then she wondered what John had seen.

"I'm not judging you Helen"

"Sorry?"

"I know….about the others"

Helen felt the flush in her cheeks again. She was by no means promiscuous. She could easily count on her hands the amount of lovers she had, and still have room to spare. She never let her need for contact or the desperate need to end the loneliness dominate her actions. Every relationship was born from something. In saying that, none had been anything compared to the relationship she had with John and nothing ever could. She had always known that John was the one and she had always known that it didn't change just because he did. The only difference was the fact that her love was now wrapped in a neat ribbon of hate and guilt.

"You make it sound - "

"I'm by no means implying that Helen."

Helen frowned at John.

"What about you? You seem to know everything about my moves so how about you let me in?"

"Of course. Zero"

"Excuse me?"

"I have had but one lover in this life and that was you."

He said the words matter-of-factly and she didn't doubt them, could see the reality in his eyes. It had taken her years to move on from him, to allow any man near her, even the ones that she happily trusted with her life. Her life was one thing but that part of her, allowing someone to know her that intimately, that was another matter entirely. It made her feel hollow the fact that John hadn't had anyone else, that his only company had been his obsession and his blood lust.

"Oh. May I ask why?"

John's eyes were locked firmly on the horizon, his voice low as he answered.

"There was no one else because there could never be anyone else. I know what you think of me Helen, of the demon within me. But when I fell in love with you, that was it for me. Even when everything became a mess and we turned on each other, I have always loved you. What is the point in forming relationships like that with other woman? It would only end badly."

Helen felt the comment that sat on her tongue, could feel the sharp edging of the words as they sat there. No was not the time to comment on his need to kill woman. Or the former need at least. The naked peace that settled between them was enough for now. She let the silence fall until she caught the small smile on John's face.

"What?"

"I knew what you were going to say"

"You think you do. You don't know me as well as you think John"

John shrugged.

"As you wish"

Helen sighed and got up from her seat, heading back inside. She headed to the master bedroom, starting to unpack what little clothes she had bought with her. It took her ten minutes to realize that John didn't follow her, as she had half expected him too. She finished unpacking, slipping from the room. It took her only a couple of minutes to find him in Ashley's room, the one that had sat unchanged since their last visit. Her perfume still lingered there and it hit Helen hard in the stomach. She had almost forgotten the room or at least had pretended too. It hurt too much to think of it without her in it. John stood in the far corner and Helen slipped in, sitting on the bed. A teddy bear sat on the pillow, one that Helen forgot the origin of. She picked it up and hugged it to her chest.

"I almost forgot"

John looked around the room, his face tight.

"She's still here. I'm almost expecting her to walk through those doors."

Helen felt the tears in her eyes, swallowing hard to push the grief away. She had cried many tears since Ashley's death, knew that it was going to be something that she would be doing for the rest of her days. Most of the time she could push it aside and pretend that the thumping pain was something else but when faced with the reality that was Ashley, it was salt on a wound, almost as fresh as it had been the day she was taken. John cleared his throat, his voice raw when he spoke again.

"I barely knew her and yet I miss her terribly"

"Then you have a mere ounce of my pain"

Helen was impressed that her voice came out hard and not filled with pain. She was angry that he had the nerve to have pain over Ashley. John sighed heavily.

"I grieve as well Helen"

"I know you do. Except you moved forward by killing all those involved. I never got that luxury"

"If you had said the word, I would have taken you with me"

"I don't do payments with blood John. That's not how life works"

John shrugged.

"That's how it works with me"

"Which is why we can never be John."

Helen sighed and pressed her face into the teddy bear that she still held against her chest. It was all too much. This was meant to be a chance for her to rest, to relax and perhaps a chance for her to forget for a little while. That was why her team had all but pushed her out the door, had agreed to cover the workload for two days. Instead she find herself in Italy with John, remembering the daughter she had lost and the lover that had deceived her.

"I think you should go John."

"Helen - "

"Please John. I can't do this"

John moved closer to her, his face pulled into a frown.

"I didn't mean to upset you"

Helen gave him a hard look.

"That's what usually happens when you show up unannounced."

"I'm sorry"

Helen shook her head. She put the teddy bear back on the bed and pushed past John, finding it hard to breathe. She went into the living-room, heading for the bar that she always kept stocked. She wasn't one for drinking, never had seen the appeal but right now, all she wanted was to forget. She poured herself a tall glass of scotch, clunking in two cubes of ice before closing her eyes and downing it in one swallow. It burned and it made her cough, her eyes tearing of their own accord.

"Helen, you don't want to do that"

Helen ignored his words and poured herself another scotch. This one went down far easier and she followed it quickly with a third and then a fourth. She didn't really feel anything until she tried to move to the sofa, the world turning of it's own accord around her. John's blurred form appeared in front of her and she fought him as he put an arm around her.

"Get off!"

He ignored her and her struggles did nothing as he half pulled, half carried her to the sofa. She sat heavily into the soft leather, her head rolling onto the back.

"I hate you John. You know that right? I hate you"

She tried her best to glare at him but failed. In all honesty, there were three of him at that point and she couldn't tell who she was glaring at. She heard John's chuckle and it made her angrier.

"Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm sorry Helen. I've never seen you like this before"

Helen huffed angrily and crossed her arms over her chest. She really didn't hate him. He had destroyed her and continued to do so every time he came back into her life.

"Helen, I really am sorry that I ruined your break. That was never my intention."

She narrowed her eyes and she managed to focus on him. He was completely truthful, that horrible honesty that was a trademark of his shining through.

"You're still a bastard."

"I'll accept that"

She nodded and she felt a small well of satisfaction.

"Good"

John took a seat next to her and she found herself leaning against him. How did he do it? How did she hate him with all her heart and yet in the next beat love him all over again? How did he make her so angry that she thought that she might explode yet every time he walked into a room she had to swallow her smile? He made her skin crawl, like she had bugs inching through her veins yet all she wanted him to do was hold her. Even after all these years she hadn't figured it out and given another set of lifetimes, she didn't think she ever would.

"I miss Ashley"

Her words were mumbled against his shirt but his body stiffened and she could tell that he had heard her. She closed her eyes and focused on the beat of his heart. He pulled her closer, brushing his lips against her forehead.

"I miss her too"

Helen sighed and pressed herself closer to him, curling her legs under herself. The sharp, clean smell of him clung to her as she let the drunken darkness take her.