Original Title: PUMPKIN PATCH POONTANG (Changed to comply with 's title requirements)

Rating/Warnings: NC-17

Author's Notes: This was my November 2011 entry at the FirewhiskeyFic community on LJ (http:/ / firewhiskeyfic . livejournal . com). The rules of the fest are simple: "have a drink and write a masterpiece"

November's Prompts: Either autumn or winter. I went autumnal.

Characters, in order of appearance: Hagrid, Hermione, Draco

No betas, autocorrect, or spell-checking are allowed!

A Winner: Won the "BEST SMUT" award at the LJ November 2011 FirewhiskeyFic Fest.

Pumpkin Patch Poontang

by UnseenLibrarian

"'ermione?" said the half-giant. "Whut are you doin't out here I bm in my punkins?"

Hermioned walkined over to HArgrid in what whe thought was a swexy swagger but was more of a lurxhing cxsstagger due to her over drunken nature at hte moment.

:hu, bug guy," she breeathed into his face.

Haggrid gagged at the scent of licoueeeer and old puke on her breakth. "Woujld you mlkle ia mint? I'sts wafer-thin,: he quipped in his baritone voice.

Harmie has fa gazed up at his big harry face. I mean hairy face. "thanksssss" she slurred, and sicked the ,ing mint from his fgngers with her lips, sucking on hius huge index finger like it was a lollie the zie of a Snorkamcs dinkiedoo. QWhighxh was a complete falsehood. His finger was more the zie of his gock. Which was funcking ENORMOUS.

:havrid", wispered Hermony.

"Yeah?" he grit out in his hustuy, low voice that caused her kickers to pucker up into tyer twat,

:I wants you. I want you to fuc me with that huge sawusesage of a divbck you have." HGer,oione brieathed again.

"Excuse me?:" hagrid whispers, and Hermoned grabbs his cxrotch, which is at her eyes lefve,l, and unbuttons his fly.

"Crist, hagrid, why do you werar these stupid okldfavshong trusesrs? We have sometying alled zippers in the twenty-fivftygh century, you know," she compained, and then his Dig fellout of his leather pants onto her face, brouzuing her forehgead with its shear weight and size. She moand softly ,gfrabbed it and sucked on its big bulbose head.

"Ughghghgwe!" Hagrid said aemrlorquently.

"Huw" hermione replied, outmouth full of hairy, big, bulbous-veinged half-giant cock. She grabbed homd with both hands and started stronging too, as she suckled with all her might,

Findally, Hag couldnt' tane talke take anymore and he shoved ouer Hermikme down into the pumpkin patch. He wripped off her knickers, stuffed them in his mougth and swalled them.

"There lassie, you are mihe, bow, mind! Finally! I'm, gottan fuck you so damned funncting arhd. I's a virgin you know, never found a cunt bigge nough for m e and Madame Maxime was werin' a chastity belt for some funcming stodue stoopid reasin so SPREAD EM!" he grounwdled, all in one breath.

Hermione snored. She'f fadlled asleep while he spliliogquid soliliquoid soliliquied at her. Whatever.

He shoved his cock between her thighs, but the feel of her soft stim sim skin against him nad3 him sjhoot his load all over her bvefoer3 he should shove his big gat fat distended penis ionto her cunt.

Just as well. He owulda split her in two faster than that centaur teachger person thing split Parvati in half when he ficked her chairry out of her body that one noght while "star gazing" (wink wink)

Haggrisds jizm coated hermione head to tow and she starged gagging, coming awake.

:are you in yet?" sie asked.

I'm done" said Hagrid, heaving himself up while using a pimpking for support. Hermione sighwd.

:You are jkust like everyone. Every other man has gotten as far as my thighs and then blown his wad. I've had 'sex' wioth 42 men and I am still a virgin. Even Draco bloody Malfoy coujldn't get all the way into my twat." She said, mournfully.

Just then the Poliyjuiccze wore off and Hagrid shruhnnk and became Draco.

"Oh hah, Granger? Spread em. I'm ready to go again," he smirked down at her with his alabaster skin gloawing faintly in the autumnal moonlijhgt.

"Polyjuice? " she asked, as hshe spread hjer thghs and he shoved himself into her./ Tje two of them groaned.

"Yeah – thought you had a thing for that big hairy Neahderthla..." dradco huff3d into her ear as he thrust in and out of her beared calm.

"oh yeas... we need a ... oh! A threesome," she gbsed gapses as she came all over his big cock, not as big has it had been when he was Hagrid but still mighty iumpressive for a seventeen year old twinkie guy.

"Yeah, I... HE$AHHAYHANFDAASERFSVDGABH! Harry!" Draco screamed as he came.

Silendce reined. Thne,

"Harry?"

"... shut up, Granger." He hissed.

Original Under the Influence Author's Notes: This was feaking fun and I loved it. LURFed it. Yes! Mad so many frineds...