A/N: Another starter note. I read a review the other day on an Eomer/OC fic suggesting less dialogue and more description. The opinion surprised me, because I very much admire dialogue writers (Joss Whedon!), hence the poll on my profile. Then I realized that I have not yet written any dialogue-only stories AND I have a commercial for my program at work that I need to have written in Q1. So I figured I might as well explore and this is what came out. Interesting exercise since I tried to stay away from script conventions to make it more like listening to Prairie Home Companion. Someday I'll go back through the story and edit the voices for more pronounced diction.
Please review! I would love to have feedback! Please tell me whether this story works or not – yes, no, maybe a why, if you can swing it.
Late afternoon in a garden…
"Eomer. Eomer, wake up."
"G'way, 'wyn. Napping."
"I can't believe you can sleep out here. It's chilly."
"Warm in th' sun. Get outta m' sun."
"Then scoot over. It's too muddy to sit on the ground and you're taking up the whole bench."
"Don' wanna. Wanna sleep. Gonna be a late night t'night. Stupid ball."
"Fine. If you aren't going to move over, I'm going to sit on you."
"Oof. Eowyn! Go away!"
"No. Eomer, wake up. You have to help me. What are the qualities that a wife should have?"
"Sexy. Interested in me. Tolerant of me. Tells me when I'm stupid. Fine. I'm up. Eowyn, Faramir loves you and likes you the way you are already."
"Oh, I know. Ack! Stop hugging me so hard. My arm…"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorr…"
"Eomer! Don't look like that. I want you to hug me, just not so hard. It's fine. Aragorn healed me. It just… needs some time."
"M'kay. Here sit next to me on this side so I don't jostle it."
"Ahhh. That's better. No, keep your arm across my shoulders. Warmer that way. All right. I understand 'sexy' and 'interested', but what do you mean by 'tolerant'?"
"Well, everyone has his quirks. And I know I have a temper - I can't be the easiest person to live with. I would hate that my bride might be scared off by something I do as habit."
"I think any woman would tolerate a lot to be Queen of the Riddermark."
"Yes, well, that's why I mentioned 'interested in me' first. No man wants to be married for his responsibilities, but because she loves him enough to shoulder them."
"Hmmm. Well, only I get to call you stupid, stupid."
"Ha! Eowyn, you know what I mean. She'll tell me if I'm doing something that might be wrong and hurt people. Or her. Like just now with you. Sometimes you need to spell things out for me. I'm still trying to figure out how to be a man and being king or a prince in Faramir's case is so much bigger."
"I have just the woman for you! My friend Lothiriel."
"Awww. Eowyyyyyn."
"It'll be great, Eomer! You'll meet her tonight."
"Hmmmph. We'll see…"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
At dusk in another garden…
"Lothiriel! Lothiriel! Wait up!"
"Oh, hello, Faramir! Alphros, stay away from that mud. Alphros! Stay. Away. From. That. Mud."
"Alphros, your aunt said to stay away from that mud. You are a prince and need to know when to do something and when to refrain. And if you really want to jump in, I'll bring you back tomorrow."
"Nice, Faramir."
"I used to be a muddy little boy too, you know."
"Ha! Alphros, that's a good offer. You can play in the mud tomorrow. But right now we're all dressed for the party, so let's hold off. Why don't you try to find any worms that might need rescuing. So how are you doing, Faramir?"
"I'm good. I'm glad I ran into you. I wanted to ask you some things."
"Yes? There you go, Alphros. Throw that worm back into the flower bed. And don't touch your clothes."
"Lothiriel, what characteristics do you think would make the best husband?"
"Faramir. Eowyn loves you just the way you are."
"Alphros! Worms in the flower bed, no little boys. There you go. Stay on the path."
"Thanks, Faramir."
"No problem, like I said, I too was once a young muddy boy long, looooong ago. But answer the question anyway."
"Faramir, you were a Ranger. I think long ago was only a couple of months. What question?"
"What do you want in a husband?"
"Chemistry. Pays attention. Likes who I am. Communicates."
"Pays attention?"
"Yes, I want my husband to notice me and what I need, not just what I can do for him. I also think he should be self-aware and pays attention when I tell him I want or need something different. Every man my father seems to be throwing my way is some lord with big estates. Running something like that is a lot of work and I don't want to have to fight the lord in order to do right by myself or my people."
"Your people?"
"Well of course. If I marry the lord, I marry the land, and the people are my responsibility."
"Elessar is making me Prince of Ithilien. Do you think Eowyn will be okay taking care of the land like that?"
"She knows. We talked about it yesterday. She's been the ranking lady in Rohan for the last twelve years. And now she no longer wants to be a shieldmaiden, so you don't have to worry about her running off from her duties. She's ready. You'll be fine."
"Oh, that's good. And I can't really blame her for throwing herself into battle, otherwise I never would have met her. And she did appoint someone in her stead when she left."
"I know. I completely approve of her and you. She's already the sister I never had."
"Good! She talks about you all the time. I think she wants you to be a sister in truth. I certainly wouldn't mind. It might make her brother less grouchy at my suit."
"Oh, not you too. I haven't even met the man. Stop trying to marry me off to poor Eomer."
"Not exactly poor. He is the King of Rohan."
"And he has a very big job ahead of him. I don't envy him the next few years. Although from what Eowyn says, it sounds like there are a lot of things we could bring in from Gondor to make things easier. Goods and trade, certainly. But also some of our building practices and medicines. And the Dimholt is going to be huge for everyone, not just Rohan."
"Lothiriel, I wouldn't write off marrying him too soon. You are sounding way too excited about rebuilding his land."
"Don't be ridiculous, Faramir. It's just an interesting problem. The Rohirrim saved us and we owe them aid. I don't have to marry anyone to help out. And between all the pressure from you and Eowyn, and even my father, oh and Erchirion and Elphir. Even Alphros adores him. Actually everyone but Amrothos seems to want me to fall madly in love with him. So, I have to say that I really don't care to meet him."
"Alright, alright! Backing off. If it happens, it happens."
"Not if I can help it. Anyway, it's getting dark. Aaaalphrooos… Time to go in."
"Okay. See you at the ball tonight, Lothiriel. Bye, Alphros, see you tomorrow."
"Come along, Alphros, good job staying clean. Let's go find your mother. See you later, Faramir."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
That night, inside a closet…
"Oof."
"Hey! This is my hiding spot. Get your galumphing boots off my toes."
"Sorry! Sorry! I can't see a thing. It's dark in here."
"It is a broom closet."
"Here. There must be room for both of us. You step up on my feet. I'm wearing riding boots, so your dancing slippers won't hurt them. Okay. There. Now put your arms around my waist."
"Aaaah! Awk!"
"Sorry! Okay, I've got you. This would work better if there was more room."
"Yes. Well. There would be more room if there were not actual brooms in the broom closet."
"Ha! True. Okay. I'm going to lean back now."
"Oh, that is much better. As long as you can handle me leaning on you and me standing on your feet."
"Not at all. This is nice. Thank you for sharing your spot with me."
"Sure. Sooo, who are you hiding from?"
"My sister. She's trying to get me to meet one of her friends. Again."
"Aaahh. Myself, as well. Except that it is my cousin I am hiding from. He interrogated me this afternoon on what I want in a husband. He wants to introduce me to someone at this party tonight."
"Yeah? Why?"
"He is in love. He wants everyone else to be too."
"Mmmmm. Same with my sister. A little nauseating."
"I suspect you are secretly thrilled about it."
"I kind of am. She has been through a lot lately. It's nice to see someone appreciate her whom she can appreciate back."
"You sound as if you think her trials are your fault."
"They are."
"Would you like to talk about it?"
"I tried to defend her from unwanted attentions and was thrown out of court instead. She was on her own for so long, I am afraid to ask what happened."
"Well, as she has been falling in love, has she seemed at all afraid of her suitor?"
"Bema, no! I find them in every dark corner. I'm surprised they weren't already here in this closet."
"Then I don't think you have anything to worry about, if it doesn't seem to be affecting her happiness. If she needs you to know something she will tell you. And her new lover is yet another sympathetic ear if she needs it. Any harm that may have come to her will be both of their problems if it turns out to be a long term affair."
"He's already asked my permission to marry her. As if I have any say."
"Ah! So now you know she definitely has ready assistance should she need it."
"That is a nice way of putting it. Thank you. That makes me feel much better. And I suppose I shall have to tell him I am in favor of this match."
"That would be very magnanimous of you.
"Or maybe I'll just stop growling at them when I find them making eyes at each other from now on."
"Aaand, that would be a good start. Oh! Aaaghhh. Ow."
"What's wrong?"
"My foot is falling asleep."
"I thought I would be the one to say that first."
"Yes, well. Dancing slippers do not exactly support one's feet. They are supposed to be dainty accessories to my dress."
"That seems ridiculous. As far as I've seen, these Gondorian dances are pretty athletic. And looong."
"They can be. They are mostly see-and-be-seen events. A chance for the hoi polloi to dish out deals and contracts."
"Uh, the what? The wah-puh-wah?"
"The hoi polloi. The nobles. The landed and moneyed. They trade around land and money via handshakes and marriages."
"You sound a bit jaded."
"My father's been making noises lately about marrying me off. Apparently I've done such a good job running our lands at home while he was off at war that he thinks I would be a good 'asset' to a certain someone."
"Well certainly, those skills are what are needed most after the war. Rebuilding the Riddermark will be a huge effort. I have no idea where we will begin."
"Very, very true! I do not envy any of you your task. However, I've got some ideas on where you could start."
"Go on."
"Let's start with actual building. You don't have much timber and it gets very cold in the winter. The limitation with stacking sod into walls is that you cannot go very high before it begins to crumble under its own weight. We have a new way of baling our hay fodder into blocks for storage. It is very light and sometimes farmers will build temporary winter barns as it creates very warm walls. Feasibly it could be used to construct houses as the basis of wattle and daub, but on a much grander scale."
"Hmmm. Interesting."
"And for staking the bales you can use a special grass that grows south of the Harad. It may not survive as a perennial in Rohan, but it grows so quickly the summer season should be more than adequate for producing building materials."
"Huh!"
And you know there is a special long-passage chimney you can put on a hot-burning oven that can hold the heat for longer. It needs to be built with special volcanic rock, but you have that on the Dwimmerhorn and only the heating chamber needs to be lined. Then you don't have to burn as much peat or dung or whatever to heat a house."
"Damn! That all sounds fantastic! Unfortunately you didn't see my eyes glazing over at your first point, because I have no head for that sort of thing. Maybe you should come out to the Riddermark to help us."
"I would love to! Are you serious?"
"Yes! We really do need all the help we can get. Come with us when we go back next month."
"That would be wonderful! I would really like to help! And I have also been doing some research on the… Hey! Are you getting hard?"
"Yes."
"Well, stop it!"
"You're a girl and you're wiggling against me and you smell incredible. Asking me to stop is like asking the Dwimmerhorn to become the plains of the Entwash."
"I can't help the wiggling. My foot is still asleep. Este! This is so cliché."
"What? You mean because this is what broom closets are for?"
"I believe we have already established that broom closets are for brooms. But yes. I do think this is what most couples use these things for. Aaaand... You-smell-very-nice-too."
"Thank you! Do you mind if I kiss you?"
"Um, well. Gah! My father is already going to kill me. Fine. No, I don't mind. Actually, I think that would be lovely."
…
"Wow! You taste incredible too."
"Yes. You too. Sh. More."
…
"Oh! Oh, damn!"
"What? Why? Stopping?"
"Rider… Your sister, my cousin... You are Eomer."
"Yesss... Don't tell me you are Lothiriel."
"Mmmhmmm. Eowyn has been desperately plotting to get us together."
"Yes. And likewise with Faramir, huh?"
"Mmmhmmm. Actually, it feels like my entire family has been conspiring. I guess we didn't escape after all."
"Damn. We might as well go out to the party then."
"Do we have to?"
"Yes? We're pretty lenient in the Riddermark, but I consider your father a friend and I suspect he would consider this me compromising you. So, well, I'm going to open the door on the count of three. One-two-three."
"Oooo, it's bright. Oh! Hello!"
"Okaaaaay. I can't believe I was fighting the introduction earlier."
"Me too. Umm, uh…"
"Would you… would you like to dance?"
"Do I have to let go?"
"On second thought, Lothiriel, do you want to stay here?"
"Good idea, Eomer. Close the door."
"Damn. It is dark in here."
"Doesn't matter. Kiss me again, Eomer."
"I do like a woman who knows what she wants…"
"And I like a man who follows order… Mmph! Mmmmm…"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Later that evening, outside a closet…
"Faramir! I don't think this is going to happen tonight. I have not been able to find Eomer anywhere and I have to leave soon. I have an early morning ride with Legolas tomorrow."
"Don't worry, my love. It will happen eventually. Besides which, I cannot find Lothiriel either. Hey! Amrothos! No macking on my betrothed."
"Darling! Lothiriel told me just yesterday that cheek kisses are a perfectly acceptable polite greeting."
"'Mir, I'm not going to steal your girl. And finally! Well congratulations, you two lovebirds! I knew the moment I saw you both that you would bring each other joy."
"Thank you, Ro!"
"Yes, thank you, Amrothos. I will do everything I can to deserve your cousin."
"Oh no, White Lady of Rohan, it is the other way around. My cousin must strive every minute of every hour to deserve you. But never fear, Eowyn, I can tell you are well pleased with him. So! In order for me to find you two here in the candle-lit crowd, you must be enjoying the party more than usual. What coaxed you to stay? The sprightly dance music, the glittering throngs, the excellent wine, and the tasty passed canapés. No? Then I am surprised you have not already found a dark corner or maybe a… closet… this evening?"
"Actually, Ro, we were just wondering where Lothiriel is. Did you escort her here this evening?"
"Ah! Well I arrived with her, but am no longer her escort. And what about you, Eowyn? Were you wondering where Lothiriel is? Or perhaps where Eomer is?"
"Yes, Amrothos. I am in fact wondering where Eomer is. Do you have information for me? Are you trying to tell us something?"
"Mmm. 'Mir, no need to look so confused. My dear Eowyn, I am trying to say that perhaps your usual pursuits and your current search do not have so very different a target. Perhaps you should find a closet… However, I suggest you avoid the one about halfway down the back hall on the left as I directed Lothiriel and Eomer there when we first arrived and they are using it well."