Headers, disclaimers in part 1

SMKSMK--signals the beginning or end of a flashback
***--transition


***

"Take off the shawl, Amanda," Lee said the minute Amanda walked
through her bedroom door.

Taking a deep breath, she shut the door behind her and walked to
where her husbands stood. His arms were crossed, and his eyes
were flashing. He obviously had heard what happened earlier
tonight.

"You made Francine call you and give you a report," she realized.
She shook her head. "I can't believe she told you."

"I can't believe you set yourself up--"

"I did what I had to do."

"Amanda, the man's a cold-blooded--"

"I know."

Lee sighed and turned away from her. Looking out her window, he
whispered, "You could have been hurt a lot worse than some
bruises."

Taking off her shawl, she tossed it on the bed and leaned forward
to wrap her arms around him. "I know."

He turned around in her embrace. For a second he put his hand
between her breasts, to where the scar hid behind the dress.
Then, his fingers trailed up to where the spaghetti straps lay
and then down her arm to where the dark bruises from Estevez's
fingers marred her skin. Gently, he moved his finger lightly
over each one, as if he could erase them by sheer will. "I never
want to see you hurt again."

Amanda reached over and grabbed his hand. Then, she brought it
to her mouth to gently kiss the palm. "Lee, it's what we do.
Getting hurt is something we face everyday."

He leaned down to kiss the top of her forehead. "I know."

***

Walking along Pennsylvania Avenue, Dean reached for Amanda's
hand. Again, she had to resist the urge to yank it away from
his. "I really am sorry about what--"

"Dean, I thought we agreed not to discuss it anymore?" Her voice
was gentle but firm. If she had her way, she would never discuss
Ricardo Estevez ever again after this case.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

After several minutes of silent walking, he sighed. "I knew the
man was bad, but I didn't bother to warn Mother. I should have
said something."

She smiled sadly, thinking of the people she had wanted to warn
over the years. "Your mother would not have listened, Dean."
She knew that with a certainty she could not explain.

"Yeah," he agreed. "She never liked to listen to anyone else,
but I should have tried."

Amanda started at the sound of a distant horn blowing. Her
nerves were still on edge from the previous night's event. "I'm
sorry she's hurting."

He shook his head. "She's too angry to be hurting right now.
She'll deny it, just like she did when Dad and Zachary died.
Sometimes, I think I have a stonewall for a mother."

She thought of all the caring glances she had seen Evelyn shoot
in Dean's direction when he had not been looking. She remembered
the pride she had heard in Evelyn's voice every time Dean had
received a commendation or promotion. "She adores you."

"I know, Amanda, but sometimes I just wish she would let me know
her."

She thought of her two boys at home, unaware of the risks their
mother took daily. "Sometimes we mothers go out of our way to
protect our sons. I remember how hard I worked to make sure the
boys didn't notice the loss of their dad; I tried to be both
parents. In the end, they just needed to know that I missed Joe,
too."

"Did you actually miss him?"

She almost refused to answer. The conversation was becoming too
personal. She did not want to give him any ideas, and she would
rather her co-workers in the van could not hear this much detail
about her life. However, she felt like she owed him an answer,
owed herself an answer. Ever since she had been wheeled out of
that hospital in California, she had been thinking about the
changes in her life. She realized that this assignment had been
perfect for the moment of her life; she needed to say goodbye to
the past in many ways.

"Truthfully, I'm not sure. I think a part of me did--missed
having someone there, but--" She shook her head. "I missed the
marriage, but not Joe. I missed having someone there, but not
necessarily the parts that made him uniquely him. I did miss our
family. I missed the dream of happily ever after."

Dean stopped walking. She turned to face him. "I guess you were
luckier than me in some ways then. I missed her everyday, even
though I never dreamed of a happily ever after with her. She was
a rolling stone," he said with a sad smile. "A beautiful bird
that was never meant to be caged."

He put his hands on her arms. "I'm glad I ran into you at the
Megamart, Amanda."

As he leaned forward to kiss her, she resisted the urge to turn
her head. *You are working,* she reminded herself. His lips
softly caressed hers, and she remembered how great of a kisser he
had been. Even though her lips had been reminded now, the rest
of her body remained unaffected. It was pleasant, but
unappealing. She understood how actors felt, and she remembered
reading once how a soap star went over her grocery list during
the love scenes. So, as Dean kissed her, Amanda thought about
the case and about her husband. She did not notice three
suspicious acting tourists . . .

SMKSMKSMK

Discreetly looking around, she noticed that the men were all
focused on Dean and his mother. The man with the biggest camera
and the biggest gun still had his weapon in his hand, even though
somewhat loosely. The other two had theirs holstered now.
Ricardo was making threats to hurt Dean if Evelyn did not tell
him where the meeting was going to be held. "I don't know," she
sobbed, and Amanda wished the lady had never been exposed to this
tonight. Evelyn Hunter might be a judgmental snob, but no one
deserved to find out they were a pawn in a chess game.

Ricardo glanced in her direction, and suddenly Amanda became the
focus of the man's attention. He strolled in front of Dean and
smiled in a way that made her shiver. She felt the man with the
big gun walk up behind her, and then beside her. He was so close
his breath moved her hair. "I bet you wonder why I had her
brought here, don't you, amigo?"

The lump in her stomach grew. Dean fought with his bindings with
no success. The ropes continued to saw at his flesh. Amanda
wanted to beg him to stop, but she could not take the chance of
drawing too much attention to herself. Ricardo leaned forward
even closer. "I plan to have a good time with her later. If you
are a good boy, I might let you watch."

Everyone's focus was on Dean and his anger. Amanda knew it was
now or never. Instinct and training took over as she twisted
around to shove the camera still hanging around her guard's neck
up into his face. He bellowed in pain as Amanda heard the
distinct sound of his nose breaking. She grabbed the gun from
his suddenly limp hand, and twisted before the other two could
even think to move. She aimed the pistol right at Ricardo's
forehead.

"Tell them to drop them or I'll shoot." She saw the surprise in
everyone's eyes as they heard the authority in her voice. Dean's
mouth dropped open as he looked at her holding the gun with such
confidence.

"You shoot me, you die."

She lifted her eyebrow. "Maybe, but I know that if I shoot you,
you die, and if I don't shoot you, I'm going to die anyway. So,
I'm going to take my chances that you do not want to die. Now,
have your men drop them."

"If you don't mind," she called to the one moaning on the floor
behind her. "I would like you to crawl your way over to where
your companions are standing." She managed to keep the smile off
her face as she heard him moan and shuffle to follow her bidding.
Just as she suspected. Big gun. Big camera. Little courage.

"Freeze, federal agents!" Fred Fielder yelled as he and his team
rushed into the warehouse. Amanda did smile as the other agents
slid to a stop at the sight of her holding all of the bad guys at
bay.

"It's about time you got here," she yelled with a grin. She took
a second to apologize to the poor man for breaking his nose, and
then, as Ricardo was cuffed, she handed the gun to Fred and went
to undo Dean's ropes. Using a knife that someone provided, she
easily cut through them, wincing at the damage done by Dean's
struggle.

His gaze stayed fixed on her as she cut through his mother's
ropes. "So, just a film editor?"

Amanda smiled and shook her head. "No, not a film editor."

He smiled at her as the agents swirled about, and his mother
walked to his side. With the look of a lioness on her face,
Evelyn marched over to where Estevez stood; his hands were drawn
back behind him in the classic arrest pose. She said nothing as
she jerked his handkerchief from his breast pocket. Then,
walking back, she drew another handkerchief from her pocket and
gently wrapped her son's wrists. When she finished, Dean reached
over and gently wiped the drying blood from his mother's chin.
Amanda saw the strain leave the older woman's face, and she
smiled as mother and son both seemed to take a step closer to
each other emotionally as well as physically.

"I can't believe the Amanda I knew could become a spy," Dean said
as he finally turned his attention back to her. His arm was
draped over his mother's shoulders. His desire to comfort and
protect her was written clearly on his face.

She looked down at her shoes as she grinned. "Actually, the
Amanda you knew was."

Evelyn actually smiled at her. "I guess you had a good reason
for missing lunch then."

She laughed softly. "Yes, I did. Can't give you the details, or
I would have to kill you." They all laughed together, more from
relief than from finding the weak joke amusing. It was over for
them all. All that remained was the paperwork.

Lee rushed into the warehouse; Amanda knew it without looking.
Dean looked over her shoulder and then at her face. "So, he's
the lucky man."

Making sure to be quiet, although the general noise of the
arrests and the search was covering their conversation, Amanda
whispered, "Yes, he is."

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I hope he knows what a
treasure he has in you."

"He knows," Amanda told him. "Just as I know the treasure I have
in him," she finished as Fred Fielder walked over to them.

"Sir, Ma'am? I'm afraid you'll have to come with me for a few
hours."

Amanda nodded reassuringly. "They'll debrief you, make sure you
get some medical attention, and then you'll be free to go home.
They also want to make sure you are safe until the Senator is on
his plane and gone."

"Goodbye, Amanda."

"Goodbye, Dean."

As she watched them walk away, Amanda felt Lee standing behind
her. "I'll never let Billy talk me out of being in the van
again," he declared.

She turned to smile at him, relaxing now that he was here. "A
few days in a cabin sounds really good about now."

Lee looked over his shoulder, obviously surprised that Amanda
would mention something so personal with so many of their co-
workers about them. "Yeah, it does."

"Good job, Amanda," Billy's voice called out to her. Wearing a
large grin on his face, he stopped in front of her and Lee. "You
did a real good job."

"Thank you, Sir," she whispered. His grin told her that he never
had any doubt that she could do it.

Without waiting for all the controlled chaos to settle, Amanda
and Lee walked out into the night air. She took a deep breath,
feeling freer than she had in a long time--since California
actually. "I did it," she said to Lee as they stopped at his
Corvette.

He paused in opening the door to look at her. There was a flash
of understanding in his eyes before he turned away from her.
"Yeah, you did, but then you always do." She smiled as she slid
into the seat.

***

Amanda woke up alone on the rug. The fire had died down, but its
gentle crackle let her know that it had some life left in it.
She stretched, smiling when muscles-- which had unfortunately not
been used much recently, but had gotten a wonderful workout
today--protested.

Then, yawning slightly, she sat up and looked around the cabin
for her husband. Since the bottom floor was basically one open
room, it only took her a second to realize he was not there.
That left outside and upstairs. So, wrapping herself in the
blanket Lee must have covered her with earlier--he had been her
blanket when she fell asleep--Amanda went in search of her
Scarecrow.

It did not take her long to find him. The sound of water being
turned off in the master bathroom alerted her to his location.
Tossing the blanket onto the bed, she opened the door wearing
only a grin.

Her mouth dropped open in shock, and the look on Lee's face
reminded her of the boys' faces when they were caught doing
something they knew they were not supposed to be doing. "What on
earth--"

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time," Lee answered with
a tiny, I-hope-you-aren't-too-mad smile.

She opened her mouth to ask him how he could do something so--
Then, she closed it. He was her husband, not her son. This week
was their long-overdue honeymoon. She refused to consider the
short time that they had together before in California a
honeymoon, and Lee had agreed whole-heartedly. Unfortunately,
hectic schedules and tough cases had prevented them from taking a
week off until now.

She walked over to the Jacuzzi tub and decided that it was a good
thing that it was in the corner instead of the center of the
room. The bubbles had gone up between the walls--all the way to
the ceiling--instead of over onto the floor. Looking at the
sheer wall of bubbles sitting atop the Jacuzzi, Amanda grinned.
"Looks like fun," she said over her shoulder as she stepped into
the soft, warm suds. They were so thick, they almost closed in
around her, hiding her away from Lee's eyes. He quickly found
her, as she had known he would. He would always find her; she
knew that fact as sure as she knew her own name.

The steam was already dampening both of their bodies. Amanda
shivered as Lee's hands slid over her breasts. Then, she grinned
as she noticed the small pile of bubbles on his nose. She leaned
forward to gently blow them away, and Lee's eyes sparkled with
amusement as they floated over his head.

Drawing her in for a kiss, he laughed a small husky laugh that
sent sparks through her body. Then, his lips ignited the flame.
She followed him down to the hot, wet depths below.

***

A very content, mostly dry, Amanda lay on her husband's chest.
They had spent nearly an hour drying each other; neither had been
interested in more sex, but both of them had reveled in the sheer
joy of just being totally free to touch and explore. Then, Lee
had carried her into the bedroom to the large four-poster bed. A
large goose down blanket covered them.

"Do you know today is an anniversary?" he asked softly.

It took her a second to remember the date, but when she did, she
smiled. "The day we told each other that we were in love."

"Yeah," Lee said, gently stroking his hand up and down her arm.
Amanda believed she could stay right where she was for the rest
of her life. "I was just thinking about how I kind of lied to
you that day."

She stiffened in his arms. She lay there, unable to move.
Silence filled the room for what seemed like an eternity. "What
I feel for you today," Lee struggled to say. "Is so much more
than what I felt for you then--"

He lifted her up slightly from his chest so he could look her
into her eyes. "I love you so much more today than I did then,
that what I felt then seems too tepid to call love."

Biting her lip, Amanda nodded, totally understanding. The past
year had been one of the roughest for them in so many ways, but
out of the hottest forges came the strongest iron. There had
been days when she had wondered if they had made a mistake, when
it had seemed too hard. However, the tough times had tied them
together so tightly she knew nothing would pull them apart.
"Mother was reading something from a book before I left. Some
comedian who said that love at first sight is easy to understand;
it's people that have looked at each other for years and still
loved that is a miracle."

Lee laughed and hugged her tightly to his chest. "I want to be a
miracle," he whispered in her ear.

"We're going to be," she said with a certainty she had not had on
their wedding day.

"No doubts?"

"No doubts." She sat up so she could look down at him. As
usual, Lee's eyes ran appreciatively over her body before
returning to look at her face. "Remember Margaret Stevens'
favorite quote of late." Unfortunately for Margaret Stevens, her
recent marriage had not been filled with the happiness Lee and
Amanda's had.

"Love is blind; marriage is an eye-opener," they intoned together
just as Margaret Stevens was always saying it.

"It's true," Lee said, rubbing his hand across her taut nipple.
She shivered. "I've learned stuff about myself I didn't even
have a hint of before I married you."

She nodded. "I learned a lot about both of us. Like we are big
fat chickens. Cluck-cluck."

Lee's hand dropped away in surprise. His mouth opened and closed
a few times before he grinned. "Yeah, we are."

"We didn't want to rock the boat, so we hid the fact we were
dating. Then, still not wanting to rock the boat, we got engaged
in secret, and *then* we got married in secret." She shook her
head. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I left you out in the cold. I was too afraid of the changes, so
I just left you outside, looking through the window." A light
sheen of tears covered her eyes.

Lee sat up, holding her arm, making sure she looked him in the
eye. "Amanda, you have never, ever, left me out in the cold.
You have warmed me since the day we met, even when I didn't want
to be warmed by you or anyone else!"

"Lee, you have not been able to be a part of my family--"

"Amanda," he said, leaning even closer to her. "I wasn't ready
to be a part of your family. Remember how I said I had learned a
lot about myself?"

"You have been great with the boys," she protested.

Lee grinned, pride on his face. "Yes, I think I have been, but I
wouldn't have been if I walked in your house February as a new
stepfather instead of remaining your boyfriend." He ran his hand
through his hair. "They would have had more barriers built up
against me, and I would have panicked more. Amanda, your family
terrified me, if you want to know the truth."

She laughed, startled by the confession. "I know you were a
little nervous--"

"No, I was terrified! Give me a troop of Russian soldiers, and
I'm fine. Two kids and a mother-in-law and you might as well
shoot me out into outer space." He kissed her lightly on the
lips. "I *had* to marry you, Amanda. I *had* to know that we
were really committed to our relationship, but I think we both
weren't ready for a regular marriage, yet. I needed time to get
used to my new skin. I think you needed some time, too, to get
used to the new you."

Leaning her head on his chest. "I don't think I even knew how
much I had changed until after I was shot."

He kissed her hair. "I know. I knew, but not really."

She laughed, understanding what he was saying. Some of the
changes had been too obvious to ignore, but the ones that ran
deep had been easy to overlook. She knew her worth as an agent
now. Confidence ran through her. She knew how important she was
to Lee. She had always known she meant a lot, even when he had
not particularly liked her, but now she *knew* how much she meant
to him, how much she enriched his life as an agent and as a man.

"So you are saying you wanted to be married, but weren't ready
for it?"

Lee frowned. "Yeah, in a way, I am. Don't get me wrong, Amanda.
I know what you are saying is true. We were afraid of messing up
our partnership, of the Agency splitting us. We were afraid of
how your family would react. But I think we also needed the
time. We had years as friends, so we knew we were in love, but
we needed the time to get used to being lovers as well as
friends, without the outside pressure."

She leaned back away from his shoulder so she could look into his
wonderful eyes. "It's time."

He frowned. Then, he grinned. "Yeah, it is."

She nodded, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. "How do we
go about it?"

His arm gently urged her to lay back down with him. Reaching
over, he drew up the quilt again. Then, he turned out the light.
"First, we are going to sleep and enjoy the rest of our week.
Then, when we go back, we can let it casually be known that we
are dating."

"Okay. Then, what?"

He shrugged. "I think the last year worked really well. We'll
just use our anniversaries."

She laughed softly. "That way you don't have two dates to
remember."

"Exactly! I'll know the date we were engaged because it is the
only date we got engaged," he teased. "Marriage is strictly for
February 13, although I know the fourteenth would have been more
romantic."

She hugged him tight. "The thirteenth was perfect. And this
time, it shouldn't be on a Friday." Lee softly laughed. They
often teased one another about being the only couple in the world
willing to marry on such a notorious date.

Silence filled the room as both of them lay there thinking.
Then, Amanda finally admitted her last fear. She knew Lee was
still wide-awake, even though he had not spoken for half an hour.
"They could still separate us."

He ran his hand through her hair. "I don't think they will. We
are some of the best, and Doctor Smyth, when it comes right down
to it, likes results more than anything else. They are what
makes him look good to the boys up on the Hill."

"What if he does separate us?"

Lee sighed. "I don't know. We'll worry about that when it
happens, but, Amanda, one of the other things I've learned about
myself is that as much as I love being your partner in the field,
I love being your partner in life more."

"Partner in life?"

"Yeah."

She smiled. "I like that."

"I do, too. Now, get some sleep. I have an intense workout
planned for you in the morning."

"Good," she whispered, as she finally let her mind relax. As
sleep overtook her, she knew she was right where she belonged,
and she was not going to let Doctor Smyth, fear, or any old
bullet keep her away from her partner.


(End 3 of 3/End All)

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