Title: What Could Have Been
Author: Ladyfiery
Summary: Now was the moment of truth for her. Could she handle it?
Or had California taken her courage away from her?
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't earn money off of them,
either.
Time: After "Mission of Gold"

SMKSMK--signals the beginning or end of a flashback
***--transition

(1 of 3)

As he kissed her, she thought about the assignment. Even as part
of her took notice of how great a kisser he was, enjoyed the feel
of his lips on hers, she continued to think of her mixed emotions
about the case. It was an honor that Billy even considered her
the senior agent for such an important assignment. However, a
small part of her still wondered if she could handle it. The
bullet had taken away more than a few weeks of good health.

As he kissed her, she wished she were away on her honeymoon, the
one cut short by a rifle. The beauty of California had remained
hidden away from her. The sun shinning through the hospital
glass was not the same as lying out by a pool, reading a book or
laughing at the antics of your husband. They should be off
playing together instead of working so hard and apart.

As he kissed her, she focused on her thoughts and not on her
surroundings. Which is why three men, dressed as tourists--a
common sight by the millions in DC--were able to grab her and her
escort right off the street. She was so surprised, it almost
took her a second to realize it was a gun sticking in her back.

The cool, plush seats of the limo felt soft against her skin as
she was rudely pushed into the vehicle. At one time in her life,
she would have been surprised to have three men--with their too-
white legs revealed by khaki shorts--kidnap her. Now, looking at
the cold-faced man sitting across from her, the one with the
biggest gun, and the biggest camera around his neck, she was
irritated at herself for failing to notice them. However,
glancing at the clothes they wore, she admitted they did a good
job of disguise.

She looked at the man beside her, expecting to see a familiar
"here we go again" expression. Instead, she saw panic. His eyes
were on the "tourist" beside him, and his face was way too pale.
After reminding herself that not everyone was used to being
grabbed by gun-toting tourists--it was not something the average
person would expect to see in the nation's capital after all--she
struggled to remember that she was a housewife. Forcing a small
shake in her voice, Amanda whispered to her date. "Dean,
remember to take deep breaths." He managed to shoot her a look
of pure disbelief before returning his focus to the man--with a
gun--sitting beside him.

Amanda made sure her hands shook and that her breathing was
quick. It was not totally forced. After all, her life was not a
game. There could be a day--it could be *this* case--where
something would go wrong, and she ended up dead. However, years
of experience, and few months of training, had taken away a lot
of the panic she used to feel. Fear was allowed *after* she was
safe and the case was finished.

Moaning softly in what she hoped sounded like alarm, she closed
her eyes and leaned her head back into the seat. Enjoying the
quiet, smooth ride of the limo, Amanda relaxed. There was no
chance of escape at the moment, so she might as well conserve her
strength for later. Listening to the powerful engine hum as it
picked up speed--a sure sign they were already outside of DC--she
thought about the last few days and how she got to be in this
mess.

SMKSMKSMK

Amanda took a deep breath and opened the door. Her sweaty palms
made it difficult, but the doorknob finally turned, allowing her
into the foyer. Her eyes scanned the familiar room before
resting on the staircase. She wished Lee was standing there, but
she had known that to be impossible before she had even arrived.

Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, she smiled at Mrs.
Marsden, who actually returned it for a second, before getting to
business. Amanda's eyes continued to stray up the staircase as
she gave the password without any thought.

Her legs slightly shook as she took her first step up the
staircase. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. King." She turned halfway to
look back towards Mrs. Marsden. Staring down at the lady sitting
behind the immaculate desk, Amanda knew she would never be able
to look at the reserved woman the same way ever again.

"Mr. Melrose called a few minutes ago. He wants to see you
ASAP," Mrs. Marsden informed her coolly, pointing towards the
"closet."

Amanda's eyebrows twisted up at the instruction. "Mr. Melrose?
I thought he was supposed to be in a meeting all morning with
Doctor Smyth?"

Somehow managing to give the impression of a shrug without
actually shrugging, Mrs. Marsden answered, "Dr. Smyth had to
cancel." Then, she returned her attention to whatever she did
between accepting passwords and delivering messages. Walking
towards the elevator that doubled as a closet, Amanda made a
mental note to ask Lee what else Mrs. Marsden did during the day.

Frowning, she moved the coats out of her way. As she pressed the
button, she wondered why Lee had not called to tell her the
meeting was canceled. They could have met somewhere for
breakfast. She bet he was none too pleased; after all, he had
left early last night to finish preparing for the ridiculously
early meeting.

Her thoughts focused on Lee, Amanda jumped a half step back into
the elevator when the doors opened. "Surprise!" the multitude of
people surrounding her yelled. She laughed as she noticed the
cake in Lee's hands and the sign; it hung over the bullpen
entrance so she could barely read it, but she thought it said:
"Welcome Back, Amanda!"

Promising herself to take a piece of cake to Mrs. Marsden, Amanda
joined the festivities. She had been away for far too long.

***

Relief filled Amanda as she entered the Q Bureau. Even though
she had enjoyed the party, this office was their domain, hers and
Lee's. Smiling, she closed the door softly behind her.

Her husband did not let her down, drawing her into his arms
immediately for one of his toe-curling kisses. Sighing, he held
her close. "Are you mad at me for not warning you about the
party?"

Smiling, Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm not mad. I should have
known, but--"

"But?"

She hugged him tighter. "Sometimes, I forget I belong now."

He kissed the top of her head. "Are you kidding? Many of those
people are rookies compared to you! You were sitting in the that
bullpen before they were, and you have more field experience than
most of the others."

Amanda smiled, pleased by Lee's words, even though she did not
really need to hear them. She pulled away so she could see him.
"I know, but today, walking in here was like the first time. It
felt like--"

"A fantasy?" Lee finished. She raised her eyebrow and then
realized it was a perfect choice. Nothing had felt real from the
moment she walked into IFF.

"I felt the same way," he admitted. "After being away so much to
spend time with you, it didn't feel real here anymore." Taking
one hand off her hips, he brought it to her face. Gently rubbing
his thumb across her cheek, he said, "I don't know how I lived so
long in a fantasy when reality is so much better."

After a few minutes of silence, where they both simply enjoyed
holding one another, he mumbled, "What's up with you and Mrs.
Marsden today?"

She stiffened. "What do you mean?" She almost groaned when she
heard that note of false innocence in her voice. Even after four
years of lying to her mother and the boys, she still found it
hard to lie to those she loved.

He pulled back so he could see her face. "I mean the way you
wouldn't look her in the eye when you gave her that piece of
cake. I mean all those odd looks you kept giving her as we
walked up here."

She moved her hand across Lee's chest; she kept her eyes focused
on that hand. "Odd looks? I don't--"

"Amanda," Lee said with a lot of frustration in his voice.

After taking a few deep breaths, and waging a short internal
debate, she finally told him. "You know I had lunch with
Francine Wednesday?" He nodded. "Well, she told me--" Amanda
shook her head, trying to get the images out of her head. A tad
bit embarrassed, she rushed her words out of her mouth. "She
told me that Mrs. Marsden and Harry are having an affair!"

"Harry? Our Harry?" Lee laughed at her small nod. "The old
dog! How does Francine know?" Off of her look, he protested,
"I'm sorry, but I work in the intelligence community. You check
your sources. You check your source's sources. Then, you find
out that the info was good on Monday, but not on Tuesday."

She shook her head, a large smile on her lips. "Then, you
interrogate your girlfriend--"

"My wife," he quickly corrected her.

Her smile grew. "Your wife," she agreed and reached up for a
kiss. After a few minutes, Amanda feared she was about to melt
into a puddle. Reluctantly, she pulled away, and Lee's groan
reassured her that he felt the same way.

Sighing, he leaned his head down so that the top of his head
touched hers. "I think we need to take a couple of days off,
just you and I, and go to the mountains."

She nodded solemnly. With mock seriousness, she said, "We could
always take a lesson from Mrs. Marsden and try the desk." Lee's
chuckle filled the air. "Francine parked her car out front, and
then ended up working past midnight. She didn't think about it,
and Mrs. Marsden was apparently too busy to remember to lock out
the elevator--"

He shook his head in amusement, telling her he understood
completely how Francine knew about Harry and Mrs. Marsden now.
He glanced over at their desks, and then somehow managed to pull
her closer. "You, me, the desk--One of my favorite fantasies,
Mrs. Stetson. However, if we went to the cabin, we would have
time to try a few of her other ideas."

She laughed. "What other ideas?"

He leaned down to whisper close to her ear. "Like one of those
she's writing right now."

"What are you talking about?"

Amanda's heart beat faster at the look he gave her. "Don't you
know what she does during the day, sitting at that desk for so
long?" She shook her head, never taking her eyes off him. The
sparkle in his eye told her he had his own juicy tidbit to share.
"She's writing her next Zula Quincy novel."

She stopped laughing when she saw the expression on Lee's face.
He was serious. "Zula Quincy? The romance writer? Mrs.
Marsden?"

"Yeah." Lee's eyes shinned with laughter, and his voice was like
smooth velvet. "Right now, she's down there burning up those
pages with her hot little stories."

She shook her head. "Hot? Lee, they are practically por--"

"I know."

Her eyebrow lifted. "You know?"

It was Lee's turn to act serious. "I was researching what women
find romantic."

She began fighting a losing battle with her lips. They only
trembled a bit as she said: "Research? Did you find any
pointers, Stetson?"

He nodded, his eyes slightly widened in mock surprise.
"Actually, I did learn a thing or two."

A small giggle escaped her tight lips. "I don't believe it."

Lee stood taller. "Well, Ma'am, in the interest of furthering
your education, I will do my best to show you what I learned."

Grabbing his tie, Amanda yanked her smiling husband down for a
kiss. His eyes told her it was what he wanted to be doing
anyway. As his lips finally met hers, the phone on Amanda's desk
rang.

He groaned, as a laughing Amanda slipped out of his arms. "I
think they have this place wired for surveillance."

She held up a finger to let him know she planned to continue
their "discussion" in just a moment. "King, here," she said,
happy to be there to answer it, even though she was aggravated at
the caller's horrible sense of timing. Thinking she might need
to take a message, she picked up a pen.

"Amanda, I need you down here ASAP. For real this time, I'm
afraid. I have case for you," the warm melodic tones of Billy
answered her.

She dropped the pen. "A case? For *us*?" She ignored Lee's
dark frown and crossed arms.

Billy sighed. "Actually, no. It's for you, but you might as
well bring Lee with you." She could hear his unspoken words: He
won't let either one of us have any peace until he knows what is
going on anyway.

"We'll be right there, Sir," she answered before dropping the
phone back into its cradle. She was pleased her voice had not
trembled any. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face Lee.

***

*Francine noticed*, Amanda thought, taking her usual seat in
Billy's office. No one else in the bullpen did she would bet,
but then few of them knew Lee Stetson--or Amanda King, for that
matter--well. Francine knew them both.

As they walked towards Billy's office, both of them had been
wearing smiles. They talked briefly with several people, but
none of them seemed to notice that Lee's replies were too short
or that Amanda's answers were too long. They saw his hand at the
small of her back, but they did not feel the tense muscles in the
fingers like Amanda did.

As Lee sat stiffly in the chair beside her, Amanda noticed she
was playing with her hands. Putting them on the arms of the
chair, she forced herself to relax. Billy flashed her a smile of
kind understanding before looking back at Lee.

Amazingly enough, it took him two seconds to explode. "She's
recovering from a gun shot wound, Billy! Dr. McJohn said a
minimum--a *minimum*, Billy--of two weeks light desk duty."

Billy nodded patiently. Amanda thought, if she were the section
chief, Lee would have a file folder so full of write-ups, it
would take a fork truck to move it. She almost laughed nervously
when she remembered Lee's file was about that thick.

Usually, Billy could give it back just as well as Lee could give
it. There had been more than a few times where she had seen them
standing toe to toe having a yelling contest. However, if she
ever wondered about the times Billy was patient, she reminded
herself of two facts. One was that, while Lee's file was thick,
very few of the black marks were from Billy. Most of those that
were had landed on his desk from higher up, while most of the
commendations came directly from him. Knowing what she did about
Lee's past behavior, Amanda knew their supervisor had seen Lee in
all forms--good and bad.

The other fact, which she was reminding herself of right now, was
something Lee told her after her return from Addi Birol's hands.
He basically received what amounted to a slap on the wrist for
his reckless behavior in her rescue, when he should have at least
suffered through a couple of weeks' worth of suspension. When
Amanda, at home recovering, asked why he had not, Lee sheepishly
admitted that Billy had gone to bat for him. "He understands
when I go a little crazy over you."

Anyone who knew Lee, and had heard about what happened in
California, would be expecting today's anger. He was afraid of
the thought of Amanda back out in the field. So, instead of
returning yell for yell, Billy calmly explained his decision. "I
know, Scarecrow. I don't want her back out there either until
she's physically in top form. However, she's the only one who
can do this assignment, and there's not enough time for us to
wait for her to get her okay from McJohn."

"Come on, Billy! The only one?"

Billy's cool nod seemed to take some of the burning straw out of
scarecrow. As her husband partially relaxed into his chair,
Amanda asked, "What's the assignment, Sir?" She had no worries
about being *physically* able to handle the work.

Looking down at the folder sitting in front of him, one of the
most popular section chiefs at the Agency shook his head. He
slowly pulled it towards him and then quickly flipped it open.
He took out two photos and handed them across his desk to Lee's
hands. Amanda sat back, understanding as Billy did, that her
husband wanted the facts *now*. She, although anxious, could
wait for the details. Watching him for clues, she saw his jaw
clench and his nostril's flare when he looked at the second
photograph. So much for her hope of an easy assignment.

***

Lee felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He had been
angry earlier, but now his blood was cold. He looked up at Billy
with disbelief written across his face. "I recognize the
Senator, but I don't recognize the woman with him in the first
photograph. I do, however, also know the man she's with in the
second photo!" Amanda, sitting quietly beside him, winced
slightly as his voice rose in volume.

Despite Lee's anger, Billy's focus remained strictly on Amanda.
Apparently, she also noticed it, because she shifted uneasily in
her chair. Disturbed by the unusual quiet, Lee opened his mouth
to demand an answer about why Amanda was the only person who
could handle a case dealing with Ricardo Estevez when his friend
finally spoke. "The lady in the pictures is Evelyn Hunter."

Frowning, Lee started to ask who in the world Evelyn Hunter was
when he became aware that the lady sitting beside him was
unnaturally still. Without looking, he could feel the waves of
tension rolling off of Amanda. He turned, startled to notice
that she was still breathing. The shallow little breaths she was
taking barely made her chest move. Unblinking, her eyes remained
focused on the man sitting behind the desk.

Looking back at Billy, Lee saw the same tension reflected there.
He also sat unmoving, a frown creasing his brow, and his fingers
tightly intertwined in front of him. Confusion instead of anger
prompted Lee's next question. "Who is Evelyn Hunter?"

Billy sighed and looked down at his fingers. Lee watched as his
friend forced them to relax. "She is Dean McGuire's mother,
Lee."

Recognizing the name, Lee looked through the Rolodex of agents,
both domestic and foreign, in his mind, but he could not place a
dossier with the name. Amanda managed a breathless chuckle. "I
think Lee knows him better as 'whats-his-name' or 'Doug' or
'Dan,'" she prompted softly.

Lee turned to look at his wife. "Dean? The Dean you used to
date when we met?" She nodded.

He again returned his attention to Billy. He opened his mouth to
ask how such a boring, incompetent weatherman, or his mother,
could really matter when suddenly he did not care. The reason
for Billy's tension became clear to him in a blinding instant.
"Billy--what kind of assignment are we talking about here?"

His friend sighed and looked down at his desk. Then, he looked
up, meeting Lee's eyes for the first time since they walked into
his office. "A peacock dance--Lisbon variation."

***

"You are my wife," Lee managed to whisper, but Amanda could hear
the anger in his voice. Not to mention that one vein of his was
throbbing.

They sat at an outdoor café, for all the world looking like two
normal people. Maybe two normal people in a slightly heated
discussion, but that in itself was ordinary, too. However, the
topic of conversation was not. After all, it was not everyday a
woman was ordered by her employer to begin dating her ex-
boyfriend. In fact, if Amanda worked for any other business, she
could probably sue. However, she worked in the intelligence
community where left was sometimes right and up sometimes down.

"And Billy doesn't know that!" she snapped. She understood why
he was upset--after all, it was not so long ago that she sat in
his Corvette, listening to him make out with Sonja. Of course,
they were not married then, but they had had a job to do. Her
own stomach was in knots for a lot of reasons, and she could use
some understanding from Lee.

With a heavy sigh, he leaned back in his chair. After rubbing
his forehead briefly, he grabbed his cup of coffee and took a
large drink. Sitting it down with a small click, he apologized.
"I'm sorry; I--there are days where I wonder where I came up with
this stupid idea."

She smiled and reached over to grasp his hand. "I know things
are difficult right now." Lee's lips twisted. "Okay, so things
are really hard right now." He snorted, but she felt the fingers
beneath hers relax. "I don't know if we made the right decision
with this 'secret' business either, but I do know that now is not
the time to question it. We are both on edge, and we need some
time alone--something we haven't had since California!"

"When this is over, let's go to the mountains."

"The mountains? And a cabin?" He nodded, and she grinned.
Stroking his hand, she looked down at the table. "Well, you'll
have to make sure you are in top physical form first."

"I will, will I?" The light, flirty tone she loved was back in
his voice.

She nodded. "Yes, you will. I have an intense physical workout
planned for you when we are alone."

Amanda noticed a few of the ladies glanced in their direction as
Lee laughed. Her own blood ran a little faster at the sound.
She did not want to fight with him; she wanted enjoy the hours
together. This morning, right before Billy called, had been the
first time in over two months that they had time alone together.
Oh, in the last few weeks, her mother and the boys had went to
bed early to give them some peace, but the mere fact other people
were in the house who could possibly overhear dampened the
atmosphere a lot.

Lee's entire body suddenly tensed. He leaned forward. "Amanda,
after work, come home with me." She bit her lip and shifted in
her chair. He sighed. "I know you won't be able to spend the
night. I understand Philip and Jamie wanting you home, but just
for a few hours, come back to my place. I want some time alone
with you." Looking in his eyes, she knew she could not say no.

***

With one final roar, the mighty dinosaur died, and the tattered
remains of humanity cheered. Amanda finished the last bite of
popcorn as the credits began to roll. After putting the bowl on
the table, she leaned back into Lee's arms. "It was a good
movie."

"Yes, it was," Lee agreed, gently playing with her hair.

"Dinner was excellent, too. We needed this," she said with a
sigh.

He kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, and yes, we did."

Amanda leaned her head back and kissed him. She could taste
butter and salt. From the attention his tongue was giving her
lips, she bet he could taste the remains of their snack on hers,
too. As it used to be, it only took a second for the kiss to
become intense. They could do sweet and soft, but they had been
restricted to that kind since their cut-short honeymoon.

She managed to twist herself around so that she was straddling
his legs. She leaned forward as Lee's arms surrounded her and
pulled her close. She sighed as he gently nipped her earlobe.
She had been out of these arms for way too long.

However, to her surprise, he pulled away from her after only a
few minutes. She moaned and opened her eyes. Expecting to see a
playful look on her husband's face, she sat up straight when she
noticed regret and longing there instead. "What's wrong, Lee?"

Shaking, his head, he replied, "We can't do this, Amanda. Not,
yet."

She leaned forward, making sure never to lose eye contact. "Oh,
yes, we can, Mr. Stetson."

"Amanda, I didn't ask you here--"

"Well, it's why I came!" At his startled look, she laughed. "I
expect a lot more than dinner and a movie from you, buster. I'm
fine, Lee. The doctor has cleared me."

His legs shifted uncomfortable beneath her. "Doctor McJohn said
you should--"

"I asked," Amanda said with a large smile on her face. Feeling
his entire body relax, she almost laughed again. "He said it was
fine. He just wants me to have a few weeks to build up my
strength. That was why he recommended desk duty." Lee's muscles
tensed again at the reminder she would be back out in the field
tomorrow, but Amanda knew he would say nothing: They had agreed
not to discuss it tonight.

"So, you asked the doctor . . ." As an answer, she leaned forward
to give him a kiss she was sure sent a shock wave from the top of
his head to the tip of his toes. He was not slow in responding.
His fingers worked their way through her hair, and she felt her
hair fall out of the clip and onto her neck.

Lee's mouth followed it there. Before she fell in love with this
man, she would have argued that the neck was not an erogenous
zone--at least for her it was not. However, a few dates with
Lee--and his lips--had proved her thinking to be wrong. His
magical lips and fingers had managed to make her neck feel
impulses she had not believed possible. All too often, she had
left his arms with shaking legs and a gut twisted by passion. If
he had not insisted on them taking it slow at the beginning, she
would have seduced him the first time he caressed her neck.

She felt the crisp hair of his chest beneath her fingers, and she
realized she had unbuttoned his shirt. Lee quickly returned the
favor, and she shivered as the air caressed her warm skin. His
lips were working their way down the front of her throat when
suddenly he stopped. Instantly, an image of how she looked in
the mirror that morning came to her mind, and she quickly grasped
the two ends of her shirt to pull them back together. Lee's
hands stopped her.

Slowly, almost reverently, he reached his left hand out to touch
the scar. She closed her eyes when she thought of how horrible
it looked to her. Even this morning, after a lot of the redness
and puffiness had faded, it stood out as a horrible, ugly mark on
her chest. It seemed to scream, "Look at me!" Amanda could not
believe that she allowed passion to let her forget about it. She
had meant for their first time after her shooting to be in the
dark, where she could hide it away from him and herself.

Tears pricked at her eyelids when Lee leaned over and kissed the
top of the scar. He slowly followed the path down, leaning her
back over his arms so he could trace it with his lips to the end.
He pulled her back up and put his hand on her face. Reluctantly,
she opened her eyes. Her husband smiled at her. "You are still
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." Her hand shook as
she ran her fingers through his hair, and her eyes watered, but
there was a smile on her lips as she bent down to kiss him. Slow
and sweet was wonderful, too.

***

It was after midnight before either of them felt like speaking in
complete sentences again. Fighting droopy eyelids, Amanda
sighed. "I really should be heading home."

He said nothing for several minutes. In spite of her words,
Amanda continued to lie on his chest. She enjoyed hearing the
gentle pounding of his heart. The rhythm of his breathing almost
lulled her to sleep before he spoke. "I know. Your mother is
probably going to wonder how come you are so late coming home
from a dinner and a movie with some friends from work."

A small giggle filled the room. "I doubt it; she told me to tell
you 'hello'."

Shaking his head, he leaned over and kissed his wife's forehead.
"I don't want you working this case, Amanda."

"I know."

Gently rubbing her arm, he hugged her tighter. "Do you ever
wonder?"

She lifted her head. "Wonder what?"

His pause before answering told her how important his question
was. "What your life would have been like if I hadn't passed you
that package?"

She frowned. She tried to imagine life without the Agency,
without the pressures of spying, and, more importantly, without
Lee. She felt two boxers begin to fight it out in her stomach at
the images her mind produced. She shook her head. "You're
jealous!"

Lee's lips twisted, but he shook his head. "No, not really. I
don't think Dean McGruire's going to steal you away from me.
It's just--"

"What?" She pushed herself up on her elbow, and leaned over him,
forcing him to look her in the eyes. She saw something there,
but she could not identify it. He reached out and again followed
the path of her new scar. "Lee, you didn't shoot me."

His eyes dropped down to look at the permanent remainder of their
honeymoon. "No, but you were in danger because of me."

She sat up on the bed, shaking her head. "No, I was hurt because
someone was firing a rifle. We weren't even there for a case,
Lee. We were there on our honeymoon."

Leaning up on his elbow, he ran his other hand through his hair.
"I know that's true, Amanda, but--"

She leaned forward and kissed him. "Everything seems a little
upside down right now."

Sitting up so he could gather into his arms, Lee nodded. Leaning
back on the headboard, he shifted so that she could lie back on
his chest. "I don't think I've felt right since I opened that
car door."

"I know." Amanda's voice was like a breathy whisper.

For almost a half-hour, the only sound in the room was their
breathing. Finally, Lee shifted and sighed. "Do you ever think
about Dean? What would have happened?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't. I would have never married
him."

"How do you know? I thought you two had discussed it."

She laughed and felt Lee's arms relax around her. "For a man who
could never get Dean's name right, you sure kept tabs on how
close we were."

"Surveillance duty. Had to make sure the new lady wasn't a
plant." The tension was back, but for a different reason.

Her laughter this time was loud and full. "Oh, of course,
Scarecrow. Just making sure your country was safe from crazy
housewives!"

Lee did not make a sound, but Amanda felt his chest shake behind
her. "Yes, I was! You might have been a top-secret Soviet agent
out to lure me into her trap."

After twisting around to steal a quick kiss, she reluctantly
started to stand up from the bed. Lee's arms tightened briefly
around her waist, but then he let her go. As she dressed, she
thought about the past and about Lee's question. "No, I would
have never married him," she finally said, more to herself than
to Lee, as she buttoned her shirt.

"Why not?" She looked at her husband lying on the bed. Her eyes
roamed over his lean and well-defined body, and her own body
urged her to immediately get undressed and rejoin him. Her heart
and her mind, however, immediately thought how small and unsure
he looked lying there.

Sighing, Amanda sat down on the edge of the bed. "I wanted to
love him." Images of Dean floated through her memory. Shaking
her head, she turned and smiled at Lee. "He was great with the
boys, and Mother adored him, but the spark just wasn't there. I
kept trying to light it somehow, but it was like trying to ignite
wet wood."

She leaned over and whispered, "Now, when you came along, it was
like trying to put out a grease fire with more grease!"

Laughing, he tugged her hand hard enough to cause her to fall
over on him. After kissing her softly, he caressed her cheek.
"Promise me something, Mrs. Stetson."

"What?"

"If I ever do anything that starts to put out that flame, you'll
tell me ASAP." His entire focus was on her, letting her know how
serious he was in his request.

Looking down at the body she had to be soon leaving, Amanda
managed a sound that was half-moan and half-sigh. Then, meeting
the gaze that told her she was the most important person in the
world, that he would die to protect her, she smiled. "I don't
think we have to worry about that anytime soon." He grinned, but
the shadow of doubt remained in his eyes. "I promise."

The muscles around Lee's lips relaxed and the sparkle returned to
his eyes. "Good. Now," he said as he suddenly sat up and
gathered her up into his arms. Standing, he gently let go of her
legs so she could slide down the front of him. "I need to get
dressed."

Laughing softly, she shook her head. "There's no need for you to
walk me to my car, Lee. I'll be perfectly sa--"

The look he shot her stopped the sentence before it was even
completed. Amanda did not even know why she had bothered; he
*always* walked her to her car at night, even when she parked
right in front where the bellman could see her the entire time.
After watching his bottom--sans underwear--slide into jeans, she
decided to wait for him in the living room. She did, after all,
need to get home sometime tonight, and if she stayed one second
longer, she would not be heading to Arlington before sunrise.

SMKSMKSMK

The purr of the limo's engine stopped, alerting Amanda to the
fact they were at their destination--wherever that might be.
Clutching Dean's arm, she opened her eyes. She noticed that
their friends, unfortunately, were still vigilant with their eyes
and their guns focused. However, she was relieved to notice
Dean's somewhat relaxed features. At least he had some color
back in his face and his breathing was almost normal.

After stumbling her way into the warehouse, Amanda quickly
scanned the area. It was all open, which was usually a
disadvantage--no place to hide from the gunfire. In the center
was three chairs which told her that she had been planned in the
kidnapping. A shaking, pale Evelyn Hunter sat in the first one.

"Mother!" Dean bent over in pain as one of the guards pounded
him in the stomach. Amanda winced and wished she could have
warned him somehow. They never did like you running, even if it
was to someone they planned to use as bait to get you.

The one with the biggest gun and the biggest camera lens pushed
Amanda in the last chair. Something in his eyes told her that he
did not trust her, that her reactions had not played right to
him. However, the two other guards and Ricardo Estevez were
paying no attention to her. None of them even bothered to tie
her to the chair, a sure sign they considered her unimportant.

Estevez smiled at Evelyn and walked over to her chair. Almost
reverently, he strokes her cheek. "Ah, Eve," he says. "You are
now going to help me create a whole new world." He laughed as
she trembled. "At least, a new world for me." A loud crack
echoed off the walls. Amanda jumped as a small trickle of blood
started to trail its way down Evelyn's chin.

One of the most ruthless men in the information underground
laughed at the older lady's stunned look. Amanda winced when she
noticed that Dean's wrists were starting to bleed. He was
struggling so hard to get out of them that they were cutting into
his tender flesh. "You son of a--"

A raised hand stopped him. Evelyn's eyes widened in fear as
Estevez's hand stayed hovering over her, waiting for Dean to
finish his statement. "Your mother has already gotten a taste of
the punishment that *you* earned. Lucky for her, you only hit me
once. Now, I happen to love my mother very much, and I do not
take insults to her kindly. Surely, you would not want your
mother hurt because you could not keep control of your tongue,
now would you, my boy?" Dean's mouth stayed firmly shut, but the
hatred in his eyes shouted out to the world.

Amanda's hands shook as Estevez lowered his hand to his side.
"Good boy," he said, as if talking to his favorite pet. A dark
bruise began to form on Evelyn's cheek as the blood from Dean's
wrists continued to drip on the floor.

So much blood. Too much of it. She thought of the blood she had
lost in California. Of course, she had been unconscious as hers
soaked into the seat of a rental car in California, but she had
nightmares about it. Lee did, too. Estevez's men had semi-
automatic pistols, but in her mind she kept seeing the barrel of
a riffle. She had only seen a photo of the gun used in her
shooting, but the image of it haunted her sometimes, even in her
waking hours.

She had never cared much for guns. Still did not like them,
although she was proficient in their use and understood that
someday her life or Lee's or another agent's might depend upon
her shooting, and possibly taking the life of, another person.
She could not tell anyone why she disliked them so much, but she
once told Lee that they always felt so cold and heavy in her
hand.

Amazing how something so cold could produce something so hot.
Looking down at her trembling hands, she could hear her own heart
beating and the sound of her blood rushing through her body. She
had been very aware of it since she awoke in that hospital bed.
She woke up knowing how precious life was, and how much wanted to
live. Would she be able to do what she needed to do knowing how
those bullets felt entering soft flesh?

Billy's earlier words began to play in her memory, but doubt
worked hard to keep her from believing them. Now was the moment
of truth for her. Could she handle it? Or had California taken
her courage away from her?

Even as she considered all of her current options, as few as they
were, she thought back to that first date with this new Dean
sitting beside her. Watching as he continued to struggle against
the binds on his wrists, she remembered the night she told him
she could fall in love with him.

(end 1 of 3)