Hi there folks! I decided to jump on the car of writing rules for living with Autobots. This may be a oneshot until I get enough reviews (5) to write more, hope you laugh or smile because I know I did.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, Autobots or Decepticons. All I own are the rules, my ocs, and my ideas.

Warnings: Some cursing, some references to Robo-smex, and everything else a rated T has.

Hey there idiots! This is a list of things you absolutely cannot do around Automous robotic organisms. Or Autobots for short. I hope you follow eve-

"Are you typing it Helena?" Ugh, Prowl...if you weren't expecting...oh the pranks I could do~! Anyways, I rolled my eyes and responded, "Yes. And why can't Arina help me?" The tall metal mech sighed. "It would be highly unlogical for her to help you if she had no cause to do with your stupidity. Now get back to work, we are expecting some more 'bots to show in less than 34 Earth hours. And NO trying to escape. We have cameras at everyplace you least expect it."

"Okay! Primus!" He sighed again. And then left. He's SOO Pmsing right now. And I am starting to dislike the little Solstice that banged him up.

I started to type again.

-ry rule. While some may disagree that this is just something you brush off a shoulder pad-SUNNY-it would be so wise to trust the little squishy for once.

1) Don't prank call me. Or Arina, the other squishy that you'll see around.

(I know who it was...and your desmise is near.)

(Just ask Mudflap 'n Skids)

(They'll tell you.)

(While looking over their shoulder)

2) Do not threaten me or Arina that you'll squish us.

(You'll be cleaning out our smashed organs off you for weeks.)

(In the well of allsparks.)

3) Recording Arina while she is deaf-singing in the shower is not a form of blackmail.

(You'll be on our hitlists more then anything)

(Me, Sunny, Ratchet,...and most likely Prowl)

4) Screaming while being scanned is not going to make it shorter.

(ARINA!)

(Ratchet scanned her twice to make sure there was something he missed)

(And still, she screams.)

(She had to be scanned 38 times until she stopped.)

(Then she had to take a mentality test, which she passed...barely)

5) Don't comment when meeting new recruits until you know their gender.

(I commented on how round Mirage's chasis was.)

("Oooh! We have a femme invasion!")

(Let's just say...he doesn't come near me unless absolutely necessary.)

6) When I haven't had my daily twizzler break, do not mess with me.

("It's like your smoking crack. You can never get enough of it." -Arina.)

(I growled. But hey, it's true.)

("You look like shit." -Skids.)

(He is still missing. Not that anyone really cares.)

7) Telling stories to Anna-Banna is banned.

(She had started to collect energon cubes for an odd reason. When asked, she said, "I want to wake up the sleeping mech!" On closer inspection, they were high-grade.)

(I have my suspects.)

(I is going to find you!)

8) When on the battle field, do the following:

*Run around with a gun in your hand, yelling 'I need my pills!'*

(You'll get stares from both sides of the track, and then you'll get asked by both sides to slowly put the gun down. Trust me, I did it.)

*"EVERYONE CALM DOWN! I LOST MY GRENADE!"

(Everyone, human and 'bot alike, started to duck and cover.)

(It was a Wheeljack 'oops' expriement, that Arina had thrown without realizing it.)

(There were many casualities that day. Mostly on the decepticons.)

(That's the day Ravvy began to hang out with moi.)

*Sing 'Why can't we be friends?'

(Everyone stared Sam. Bots and humans alike.)

(Arina started to cry. Babbling on how dumb this war is since Cybertron is gone.)

(Nobot said anything. It was a awkward silence for like 9 minutes. Then the Decepticreeps retreated.)

(Haven't seen them in MONTHS.)

*Pretend you get hurt, start to cry, and do it in front of Moonracer.

(Arina did this because 'Screamer wouldn't leave her alone)

(Now, Moonracer is known for having a soft-spark like Arina)

(But her optics went white, and she almost offlined 'Screamer within a few minutes.)

(I have a new-found respect for her now)

*Never yell: "(Fill in the blank) broke my spark!" then point to a con.

(I yelled this then pointed at Megatron, who is still in need of a denta check up.)

(I never seen Optimus' eyes go so white before) (Not even when Arina was kidnapped)

(Amazing)

*Try to actually fight bare handed.

(Leo, Miles, SAM!)

(These three dumbos all broke their knuckles.)

('Bee was an emotional mess)

(I didn't help it by reenacting the stupid event by punching any bots leg I saw, then not getting hurt 'cause, I AM AN TECHNO-ORGANIC BITCHES!)

9) My name is HELL-ENA squishy. Mess with me, you'll get so much of it.

(Starscream never knew what hit him.)

(Just about a ton of 'oops' explosives.)

(He was trying to steal my proto-type of a cannon I was buliding.)

(And...he'll always have a limp.)

10) Just because Arina -sometimes-bathes with Sunny, don't assume that there is something between them.

(Heard it from a group of soldiers.) (Got pissed.) (And disgusted.)

(They got transfered not even a hour later.)

(Optimus did it not for me to hurt them.)

(OH NO. He did it because Sunny wasthis close from squishing them.)

(And he whined. "She gets into cracks I can't reach!")

(...Dude. That did not help the situation AT ALL.)

11) Never let Ratchet see you get a boo-boo.

(He'll take it way too seriously and you'll end up with a even bigger one.)

(Arina got a tiny paper cut, and it went all 'New Moon' on us.)

(Red Alert screamed, Sunny slapped him to shut him up, 'Sides laughed, then the Hatchet pounced.)

(There was no Emmett to stop him)

(Arina tripped from trying to get away from the tumbling and pouncing, and broke the same arm she got a papercut on.)

(I still blame the bots.) (Mostly Ratchet himself alone.)

12) "BEEP, BLOOP, BLEEP!"

(Me and Arina were bored. The bots were all there.)

(She started it. "Beep?")

(I responded. More masculine. "Bloop. Bleep.")

(We had a 'conversation' for a minute or two.)

(Then she made it dirty!)

(She was more out of breath, like she ran a mile. "BLEEP! BLOOP!")

(I realized where this was going. But hell. It was hella funny to see the 'bots reaction.)

(Lastly, we both screamed at the same time. Hers high pitched while mine lower.)

("ROBOT SEX!")

(No one, not even Prowl said nothing.)

(But humans found it funny, I don't get it.)

13) Don't keep on saying how the human race is primitive when it comes to technology, weapons, etc.

(SUNNY, MIRAGE, IRONHIDE, RATCHET!)

(We weren't the ones who destroyed our planet yet with our weapons and technology yet!)

(Oh yeah I went there!)

(Now who's talking!) (NO ONE!)

14) Opening doors without knocking is banned.

(I walked into Ratchet and Ironhide's room to find Ratchet because Arina got stuck in the revolving door)

(Again)

(What I saw shall never let me think the same way about the Hatchet ever again)

(*Shudder*)

15) Playing with noodles in our hot springs is banned

(Sam, Leo, Miles, ARINA!)

(They had a noodle fight)

(Arina and Miles got black eyes)

(With noodles anything can happen)

16) Never, EVER, bring a boy to the base

(I'd never think that Ravvy would get jealous!)

(It was soooo cute!)

17) With a dare, do it. No matter how embrassing it is.

(We won't ever let it down, trust me)

(...we're still waiting)

(Leo...Miles...)

18) Never use a vehicle that isn't an 'bot

(Sunny, you were away on a mission. Arina had to use a millitary provided car to get to school)

(That doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore)

(I really don't think that's possible)

(So stop giving her the silent treatment!)

19) Kicking a object in Wheeljack's lab when you're angry, is banned.

(I did it.)

(I think I destroyed his only sucessful project)

(Now he won't even look at me)

20) And, finally, never yell, "Muffin TOP!"

(Yelled this when Arcee came in.)

(Was offended.)

("Atleast I look good in it!")

(Grrrr! Arcee!)

(Can't help that Arina is the sister that attracts the misters.)

Just follow these rules. You'll have a longer, happier life if you do. Peaces, and deuces. Helena Gardener is out!

I stretched and sighed. "ARINA!" I yelled, she came to the door. "Yes?" I thought about it. "Do you feel like making a noodle fort?" She shifted on her feet, thinking about it. "As long as I don't get blamed for it. Then yes." I jumped up. "LET'S DO THIS!" She rolled her optics. "You realize you might have to write more rules, right?"

"Annnnd?"

"...You're going to kill Prowl and the sparkling. I swear." She said walking out the door, I followed her. Wanting to build my fort before Prowl notices I'm missing. Arina knew how to disable the cameras without even touching them, she's cool like that. So we walked/skipped down the hall singing 'Fuck you', by Lily Allen.

Sooooo. Hope you liked it and please review!