Tralalala~ I have decided to upload something else! xD This one's not going to be beta-read (actually, it will be, but I will ignore my beta reader this time because she is sick with the flu and delirious.), because it's more of a comedy than anything. Severe Mary-Sue bashing ensues.

Enjoy!

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, Edward had his food stolen.

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Okay, okay. I admit. That was a bit far-fetched. Let's add some more description.

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"Here you go, Mr."

Edward Elric took the plate of food gratefully, glad to be able to eat after traveling for so long. With a sigh, he sat down on a bench, finally allowing himself to relax.

He held his plate with two hands. Two perfectly normal hands. After all, he had gotten that piece of his body back when Alphonse had sacrificed his soul in order of Ed's arm to return. Now, well, he was back on the traveling road again. Except this time, it was peaceful. A soft, warm breeze rose, rustling the leaves as it blew over the city. The Fullmetal Alchemist sighed contentedly and closed his eyes, glad that Amestris could be so peaceful in the summer.

A hooded person walked by.

Edward paid him no mind.

The hooded person walked by again.

Edward continued to ignore him, pretending he was completely concentrated on eating his food.

The hooded person walked by Edward for the third time. This time he snatched the plate of food out of Edward's hands. Immediately after, the thief began to run away.

Yes. Just like that. Rather anticlimatic, but isn't that how most Mary-Sue fics start? Whoops, hahaha. Did I really just say Mary Sue? Nah, impossible. Hahahahaha...I meant OC. Original Character. A perfectly harmless Original Character.

Edward was shocked. "I am shocked!" He said, and immediately began running after the thief. Quick as a flash, he caught up to the thief, and snatched the food back. However, doing so made him lose his balance, and he crashed on top of the thief. The thief's hood flew back, revealing an extremely pretty girl.

"It's an extremely pretty girl!" Edward said to himself. Instantly, however, his eyes were caught in the girl's dazzling amethyst eyes that sparkled and glittered like the most precious of jewels. Long silver tresses highlighted with golden tints splayed down her back. Edward was amazed by her beauty, so he could only splutter and do something equally unintelligent.

A delicate rose colored blush appeared on the girl's cheeks. "G-gomen..." She whispered. Her voice was clear as a bell, beautiful like the birds at dawn. "I'm really hungry..."

Edward looked away, uncomfortably aware of the fact that his cheeks were heating up. "N-no, it's okay. You can eat it..."

A brilliant, angelic smile appeared on the girl's face, and Edward tried not to stare. "Really?" She cried happily, "Arigato!" The air seemed to shimmer in contentment as she sat down, popping a rice ball in her mouth. "Thank you so much! What is your name?"

Edward snapped back to attention after he became transfixed by the girl's beautiful wavy hair. "Call me Ed. Only my closest friends are allowed to call me Ed. Let's forget the fact that I have only known you for three seconds and that you just stole my food." He said, "What's yours?"

The girl smiled wider, and it was such a beautiful smile that Edward thought she must be an angel. "You're really nice, Edward-kun. My name is Celestia Silva D'loeur. I'm the White Guardian Angel Alchemist at 12 years old! Pleased to meet you!" She held out at hand, and Edward had a double take as he realized it was automail.

The Fullmetal Alchemist narrowed his eyes, but took the girl's hand. A nagging suspicion began to form in his mind. "White...wha?"

"White Guardian Angel Alchemist." The beautiful girl offered helpfully.

"Um, yeah. Why do you have a automail hand...?"

The girl smiled sadly, and Edward felt his heart suddenly accelerate unnaturally as he looked into her deep violet eyes. "My parents abused me and my brother when we were little. My brother always protected me, and he always took the brunt of the hits." Tears began to pool in her eyes. "I wanted my brother back; that's all. So I tried human transmutation, and I lost my arm. But that's okay, because I found an automail engineer who gave me a new arm. After a week, I was good-"

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And then a flower pot sailed through the air and hit the girl in the head.

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Wait, what?

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Pardon me, pardon me. Did that startle you? I'm sorry. But it's just how things go. Mind-Screw through and through.

Let's continue.

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And then a flower pot sailed through the air and hit the girl in the head as she was speaking mid-sentence.

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Oh, worried about Edward now, are you? No, don't worry. We do not enforce the killing of Canon characters. Mary-Sues, I mean OC's (OMG! I'm so sorry for the continuous incorrect choice of words, I swear it's not on purpose...), on the other hand...

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Moving on.

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And then a flower pot sailed through the air and hit the girl in the head as she was speaking mid-sentence. The girl gave a strangled yelp, and then collapsed. Not much later, a second flower pot came towards her and smashed into her head again, splintering into a cracked mess of dirt, ceramic, and plants. Edward blinked and carefully stepped backwards.

Without warning, the air began to glow around the broken flower pots, then swirling around the dead (? Oh, wait! Wrong word again. Because your precious precious precious OC can't die, she's too special) girl. There was a few seconds of silence as Edward stared dumbfounded, and then a number appeared above the girl's head, glowing an unusual green color:

42.

Edward blinked again, trying to figure out the significance of the number. 42? Almost instantly, the answer popped to his head. The answer to the secret of the universe, life and everything...! OF COURSE!

"Yatta!" Came an uncomfortably cheerful cheer from his right. Edward turned to see a girl around his age, dark brown ponytails bobbing as she jumped up and down excitedly. And next to her - Edward rubbed his eyes, blinking to make sure he had seen correctly. Next to her was a pile of...?

The girl gave a delighted squeal and picked up a flower pot from the pile of flower pots next to her. "Kill it dead! Kill it dead! Kill it dead! Kill it dead!"

Edward blinked again as the new girl hefted the flower pot, gauged the distance, and hurled it at the Mary-Sue (I MEAN OC! FORGIVE ME!). "Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!"

Wasn't she being a bit too cheerful about this? Edward narrowed his eyes at the new girl, then turned back to the Mary-Sue (I MEAN - oh wait. I really totally did mean Mary-Sue...). Carefully, he sidled towards the girl with two pigtails. "Oi..." he said, poking the flower pot girl lightly on the shoulder. "What's going on? What are you doing?"

The dark brown haired girl turned to him, smiling. "I'm doing my job, of course. Don't worry about being so OOC back there. Mary-Sues always cause a terrible mess of OOC-ness wherever they go. But it's okay, Edward-san!" The girl hefted her flower pot, and Edward backed away warily. "I took care of her!"

The number above the Mary-Sue's head suddenly fizzled out. Soon after, the beautiful girl herself began to disappear as well, her body fading away until there was nothing left. The new girl nodded in satisfaction, observing the mess. "Mission accomplished~!"

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All of a sudden, a firm grip latched itself onto her shoulder. Edward's golden gaze was unflinching as he peered at the girl. "Tell me what's going on." He demanded. "Who the hell are you? Who was that person just now? Why did you kill her? What is this 'mission' you're talking about?"

The girl grinned delightedly, and pushed Edward's hand off of her shoulder. "My name is Aki." She said, placing her flower pots back into a giant sack one by one. "Employee working in the MSMD division of the C corporation. I'm somewhat of a police officer, if you want to think of it like that." Aki smiled, her light blue eyes staring evenly into Edward's. "I go around getting rid of a certain type of criminal." Her smile became slightly more predatory than normal, and Edward narrowed his eyes. "I've been assigned to this world for the time being, due to an odd increase in the number of criminals that must disappear."

Edward blinked. "Wha?" He said, obviously confused.

Aki sighed, lifting her shoulders in a shrug. "Well, I'm not really supposed to mess around with Canon characters, but if you're so curious, I'll tell you straight out." She grinned, picking up to last flower pot at her feet. "I hunt Mary-Sues."

Yay! The slaughtering has begun :D

I hate Mary-Sues with a vengeance ^^ Anyone here agree with me? Let's kill more of them next chapter...

Anyone who figures out what 'MSMD' means will get a cyber-cookie :D

see you soon!

- Colorless Butterfly