AN: Yes, it's a terrible pun. Don't know what I'm talking about yet? You will. And remember that "M" rating? No kiddies from this point on. Legal at Bottom.
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A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
By SHADO Commander
CHAPTER TWO – HARD WOMAN
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"huh.. hello?" The fuzzy voice at the other end of the phone answered sleepily.
"Monique?" Kim spoke softly into the phone, keeping her voice as quiet as she could as she paced around the darkened kitchen. "I need your help."
"At three… thirty five in the morning?" Monique's drowsy voice was incredulous. "WTF girlfriend?"
"Actually," Kim admitted in a whisper. "WTF describes it exactly, but maybe not how you think. Can I come over?"
"Come… what? Now?" Monique's voice was suddenly louder. "Can't it wait til morning?"
"I don't think I can wait 'til then," Kim whimpered with a hint of desperation. "Seriously Mo, this is a really weird, total freak-out situation and you are the only one I can talk to and… I CAN'T tell you over the phone, for a lot of reasons."
Maybe it was the sudden note of need in Kim's voice, but suddenly Monique's interest seemed to pick up and the drowsiness in her voice dropped away. "Uh… okay. So what do you need, exactly?"
"I can tell you when I get there," Kim supplied evasively. "But this is important. Your parents are still in Las Vegas, right?"
"You are seriously freaking me out Kim, but yeah, they're OOT, otherwise you can bet they'd be pounding on my door wanting to know who was calling." There was a weird rustling sound, which Kim assumed was the sound of Monique getting out of bed. "And yes, you can come over… but I'll be expecting a FULL explanation. TME, got it?"
"You're a life saver Monique," Kim gushed. "I'll be there in seven minutes but um… well, you'll see then cause you'd never believe me until you see it. You have no idea how important this is, bye."
Kim quickly dropped the phone back on its cradle… for a lot of very important reasons she hadn't dared use the Kimmunicator for this particular exchange… then she turned and looked at the unfamiliar face that looked back from the dressing mirror next to her bed.
Well, actually it was a very familiar face, just not one that she was used to seeing in the mirror. Blonde, big eared, short haired… and masculine. . . Odd, she'd never really thought about Ron that way before, but when he didn't have the slack jawed look on his face, he really wasn't bad looking. At least, he wasn't when it was Kim's mind looking out of his eyes. She hoped Monique would feel the same way, because she was counting on that difference to help convince Monique to resolve her very peculiar… problem.
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"And it's been like this for HOW long?" Monique gasped, her mind banging its mental head on the floor as it tried to grasp the full situation. It had been crazy enough when RON had showed up at her house… TG she'd pulled on a robe instead of just answering the door in her undies… but when Kim's voice started coming out of Ron's mouth, she'd thought that her friend's weird factor had just hit an all time high. Until THIS.
"Nearly five hours," Kim admitted, her gaze roving around Monique's bedroom. "And yes, I know after four hours is supposed to be really bad, but what was I going to do? Ask my MOM for help?"
"Well, she IS a doctor," Monique pointed out. "And why wouldn't you…?"
Monique stopped as the answer suddenly became obvious. "Oh… oh, that is TFW."
"Yeah, major league wrong," Kim sighed, looked down at the huge bulge in her trousers, "Not is only she going to be obligated to tell Ron about it, because it's HIS body, but she's also going to ask what caused it in the first place and I so don't want to get into that with her…"
"Uh huh," Monique gulped nervously. "And is it going to be more TMI than I want if you tell me what DID cause it in the first place?"
"Um…" Kim began… "This is kinda squicky…"
"Squickier than you in Ron's body with a five hour boner?" Monique exploded in disbelief.
"It really started when I was thinking about Bonnie's ass.".
"WHAT?" Monique was now way over the TMI limit. "Augh! Earsoap! Mindsoap! Ohmigod, I so did NOT just hear you say that!"
"I'm in a GUY'S body Mo!" Kim fired back desperately. "And that's not even the weirdsickest part! I was reviewing the tapes of the cheer rehearsal this afternoon and suddenly I realized what a great ass I have! I mean, like I was watching myself in a way that I never imagined watching myself, and that totally creeped me out so I tried to focus on Bonnie instead and then I was thinking about HER ass, and how it looks in the showers when we…"
Kim broke off as she saw Monique's eyes glazing over. "Look! Does it really matter HOW I got it? I've got it and I don't know what to do with it Mo! I mean, I have an idea, but I tried doing what I normally do with myself…"
"AUGH!"
"Well I DID, but it didn't seem to work and… I don't want to damage it and have to explain to Ron but I
don't know how delicate it is, and then I remembered that you told me about having given Derek a… a… "
"A handjob?" Monique screamed. "Kim Possible! You came over here because you wanted me to give you a HANDJOB?"
"Yes! I mean no, not give me one! " Kim admitted in panic and then redacted herself, forcing herself to keep steady and as calm as she could while the boy hormones were driving her mind crazy. She wondered if Monique really knew how HOT she was… and that was a tangent she SO needed to avoid. "Please… just tell me what to DO with it so I don't break it or whatever happens cause it's really starting to get painful and I CAN'T call Ron and ask him what to do with his.. his…
"Okay, this is now officially the single most fucked up thing I have ever been involved with," Monique groaned. "NOT that I'm getting involved! FGS, Kim, do you know how totally wrong all of this is?"
"Of course I do!" Kim shuddered. "Mo… please… this is killing me… I mean it's… I can't tell him… but… Oh God, why did I come here! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I just… it's just that we promised each other that we WOULDN'T do this with each others'... and I'm…"
She looked at Monique in desperation, tears forming in the corner of Ron's eyes. "I'm just so… fucking… HORNY that I think I'm going out of my mind! How do guys live like this?"
"Kim… Kim? It's okay! It's okay! Look… I..." Monique took a deep breath. "I'll talk you through it, okay?"
"You will?" Kim's Ron eyes practically glowed.
"Yes, I will. But you will NEVER, EVER tell anyone about this. Do you understand?"
Impulsively, Kim pulled Monique into a huge bear hug "Yes, thank you! Thank you!"
"Ack! Kim! Air! You're a lot stronger than you normally are! And your thing is…"
"Oh! Sorry!" Kim let go and pulled away, but there was a part of her/him that wasn't sorry at all. God, Monique felt good! But the last thing she could do was think about THAT right now.
Instead she put her hands down, in front of the offending member like an embarrassed little boy and forced her eyes up to almost meet Monique's. Hopefully it looked embarrassed too, rather than like she was looking at Monique's nipples poking through the thin fabric of her robe.
"So… er… what do I do?" Kim/Ron asked.
"Aah… uhyeah," Now it was Monique's turn to look uncomfortable… well, uncomfortable-er... and HER eyes weren't on an eyeline with Kim's face anyway. "Um, the first thing, I guess, is that you'd better uh… you know… take it out?"
"Through the zipper?"
"No. No. The balls are important. Maybe you should just…?"
"Yeah…" Kim nodded, unbuckling her belt and dropping her pants. "And the underwear too?"
"Uh…" Monique was staring at the stretched taut boxers. "Yeah."
Kim did as suggested and not-so-little-anymore Ron popped free. It felt like a spear sticking out of her crotch… but in a good way she couldn't even explain, and the sight of Monique's reaction only further confused Kim's testosterone besotted brain. Something that got worse the longer Monique just simply STARED at it. For a REALLY long time. Until finally Kim had to say SOMETHING.
"Monique?"
"S… sorry." Her friend blinked, as if coming out of a trance. "I just wasn't expecting… I mean, wow. It's um…"
"It is?" Kim asked hopefully. For some reason that was really important to her now.
"Yeah," Monique nodded. "Ron's a lucky guy. And I've never seen a circumcised one before."
"Is that good or bad?" Kim asked nervously.
Monique shook her head. "Just different, I guess. But Derek liked me to roll his foreskin up and down and I… I can't believe I just told you that…"
"I can't believe I'm in a body that used to have a foreskin," Kim gurgled, fascinated at how Ron's… HER penis bobbed up and down… and how Monique's eyes followed it. "So we're kinda even."
"Kinda, yeah." Monique agreed. "Let me go get some lotion."
"Lotion?"
"Yeah, Kim. Guys don't lube themselves. That's what we… oh for god's sake, you know!"
"Oh…" Kim gurgled, watching Monique slip out of her bedroom the room, then back down at the waving mansword that had taken over her life as she shook her hips from side to side. The thing was, there was something that she hadn't told Monique, and that was that half of her excitement was because she HAD this thing growing out of her. She'd always wondered where the expression 'cocky' came from, but not anymore. Whatever it was about being a guy, she now understood what it was that drove them nuts about sex. The simple fact that she was here proved that she was willing to go to almost any length to… make that part of her body happy. And instead of being frightened by that, she found it almost liberating.
But hell, though she wouldn't admit it to Ron, even with this strange… penis dominance… she found just about everything about being in this body to be a huge improvement over her own. The sense of balance was a little different, but she was inherently more POWERFUL. Even Ron's gangly frame was stronger than her own much better conditioned bod, just due to the increased leverage of the larger shoulders and bones... And these hands! So much bigger, and at the end of arms that were intended to be used as weapons. Even the extra body hair felt strangely right… she'd spent more than a few minutes just staring in wonder at the blond fur that covered her arms, chest and legs, while the stubble that was coming in on her face had made her wish she could experience what it would be like to have facial hair… maybe a mustache or a goatee like one of the three musketeers. Then again, perhaps that was the reason for the quick assimilation… unlike all of her female friends, Kim's role models (with the singular exception of her Mom,) had always been male. Indiana Jones. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. Captain Kirk. And oh, so especially Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan. No wonder it had taken only seconds for her to be as at home in it as she was in her own... when she'd played as a child THIS had been the kind of body she fantasized about.
And it was a draw as to whether she most liked the things she could do… or the things she didn't have to. Peeing standing up had been kind of a crazy thrill, and it was probably a good thing that it hadn't snowed recently… But not having to wear makeup or coordinate clothes? Bliss. And then… just being able to sprawl out, legs akimbo like a gorilla instead of having to put on her best face every single second of the day?
Not to mention the freedom to just stare at others… yes, including girls. Mostly girls. Kim maybe did that herself sometimes, but it was always subtle, so that no one would ever wonder about her… the way she sometimes wondered about herself; about whether the way her eyes sometimes traced up the curves of the other cheerleaders when she thought they weren't looking was reallyjust normal curiosity. Why was it that she had to be so demure, so discrete when, as Ron, she could openly watch Tara walk past with a look of appreciation that just felt so… right.
Right. Yes, that's how it had felt when she'd gone back to confront those bullies who'd been picking on Ron. The way the adrenaline had flowed through her body like a river of electric current as she knocked their dimwitted bodies around like so much kindling had simply felt right and unbelievably satisfying. After hearing for years about how the female body was supposed to be superior in so many ways, it had been incredibly educational to feel the other side of the coin. Sure, enough skill still overrode pure brute force, but brute force coupled with skill… that had been an entirely new game indeed. And she couldn't help but wonder how many other things were so completely different…
"Okay, I've got the lotion," Monique announced as she reentered the room holding a tube, stopping as she saw Kim/Ron staring thoughtfully at her/his own erect penis with a huge goofy smile on her face. "And this just keeps getting weirder."
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Kim jerked back to full awareness the instant she heard Monique's voice, her eyes snapping towards the figure framed in the door. A few minutes before and she would have turned a beet red at having been caught doing what she… he… was doing, but between the unrelenting drive of the body she was in and the bizarre route her thoughts had been following, embarrassment was almost completely lost in the turmoil of strange emotions and hormones and the desperate need to do something to relieve herself. And as her eyes focused on Monique, she couldn't believe the totally twisted thought that slithered into her train of thoughts.
"No!" Kim gasped, turning away as quickly as she could, her hands going to the offending member that was taking the role of the villain in the insane melodrama going on in her brain. But was it really the penis that was culprit here? Frantically thinking back, Kim tried to remember all the differences between male and female brain structure that she'd read about in her mother's magazines. Was this… insanity… the result of her thoughts being plugged into a brain that simply processed information differently, so that that what would have been controlled in her Kim brain was now being dangerously imbalanced in her Ron brain? Because the idea that she had considered so wrongsick a second ago that she couldn't even believe her brain had generated it, was continuing to roll around in her mind, refusing to leave…
Dominance, that was the key word she was mentally dancing around. Where women tended to be stronger in verbal and social skills, with greater empathy and a need to seek security, men were consistently ranked higher when it came to seeking independence, dominance and the use of aggression. That was something that scientists were in the process of proving was partially due to the fact that the male and female brains didn't just process information differently… their brains were actually built differently. And Kim had ALREADY been way above female norms in those latter categories BEFORE being dropped into Ron's body. Essentially, everything her subconscious id monster had been able to churn up, the things that her ego and superego had been able to keep under control as long as it was just her inside herself inside her nice normal mind, had now been dropped inside the equivalent of a turbo-charged engine and her freaking out intellect COULDN'T access the throttles it normally used because they were located in the wrong parts of her actual grey matter!
Oblivious, Monique continued forward, holding out the towels that she'd procured in addition to the Strawberry Fine love gel she'd pulled from her secret stash beneath the medicine cabinet. "You can use this to sit on and… uh… 'catch,' okay? No offense, but I don't want Ron's butt on my comforter, and then I…"
"Just tell me what I need to do," Kim hissed, still unwilling to look at her friend. "And then I need to leave. NOW!"
"What?" Monique balked at the notion. "Girlfriend, as, er, distracted as you are, the last thing you need to be doing is walking or driving. I know this is EAH for you, but the sooner we get you, um, done, the better for everyone."
"You don't understand…" Kim's voice came as a low growl. "I'm not thinking…"
"It's okay," Monique rolled her eyes, still misreading Kim's voice as embarrassment. "Like you said, we'll just get this taken care of and tomorrow you'll get your brain swapped back and everything goes back to normal… er, it WILL go back to normal, right?"
"Normal?" Kim whispered hoarsely, trying NOT to visualize what would happen if she and Ron couldn't swap back. And shouldn't thinking about things like that make her stop thinking about sex? But the problem was that she was STILL thinking about sex, just from the other position, and that was an even bigger turn on than thinking about sex as herself had been.
"Uh… Kim?" Monique queried nervously, finally beginning to snap to the fact that this was more than just nerves on Kim's part. "Are you still in there?"
"Yes," Kim's voice trembled as she fought to pull this freakish new male half of her back with every bit of strength she had left. "Barely…"
Monique dropped the towels and lube on the floor as Kim finally turned to face her, tears running down her face as her entire body shivered in spasms. Seeing Kim, or for that matter Ron, in that kind of shape was freaky enough, but what really shook Mo to the core of her soul, what stopped dead in her tracks was the look that she saw looking back at her from within Kim's eyes.
It was a look that could only be described as hunger.
"Oh FM…" Monique gasped.
"Not if you run," Kim snarled as the beast within her coiled to spring.
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Meanwhile, a rather different scene was taking place with one Ron Stoppable. He should have gone to sleep hours ago, but instead he'd been spending the time in front of the mirror, practicing applying his makeup. It was harder than it looked, and made more difficult by the fact that Kim never really wore much. Yes, that SHOULD have made it easier, but once he'd actually started experimenting, Ron had come to the conclusion that Kim really didn't do herself justice when it came to showing off her looks. So, having finally mastered the light base that covered her freckles… (how had he forgotten that Kim had freckles when they were younger?)… and the basic eye, lip and blush treatment that was the most he had ever seen Kim wear, he'd set out to find something a bit more… um…flattering? Unfortunately, what he knew about makeup could be written on one hand and most of the stuff he'd found online seemed to assume that someone who knew what they were doing had show you and had such great tips as 'go to the store with someone whose makeup you like.' He was still trying to make sense of the whole summer-spring-winter-autumn thing, though he'd finally got that Kim was an Autumn, even though her red hair made him think of summer.
And yes, he knew the things he was focusing on were a bit odd, but the truth was that he had feeling really weird all day. To begin with, his weight and balance were all wrong, like his hips were the center of the world and the top half of his body pivoted around on top of it… no wonder girls were always thinking about their asses. And then, of course, there was the part of him that WASN'T there, and the parts that had suddenly grown and were in the way of everything. It was just plain wrong to feel nothing down the front of your pants and as for the t… t… he couldn't even think the word, let alone imagine that they were on his chest. For some reason he'd thought that having breasts would be like having strange extrasensory organs, but so far they'd just felt uncomfortable inside Kim's bra. Of course, he wasn't sure how long they were supposed to stay in there anyway. Were you supposed to air them out? The truth was that even though he and Kim had had a long talk about how to handle this incredibly weird sitch, and she'd essentially given him her permission to do 'what was necessary,' they really hadn't gone into the clinical details, which he was definitely feeling had been a mistake. So far he'd been able to avoid anything except one quick pee, which he'd done in a darkened bathroom with his eyes closed, but at some point he knew he was actually going to have to take a shower and get the view that he knew most guys would give their left nut to see.
Of course, the ironic fact was that Ron had effectively given BOTH nuts to see it, and at the moment the THOUGHT of seeing it wasn't making him feel how he thought it would have made him feel. He'd thought he'd be, well, wound up in the way he got when he went to see an INHABITANT SINISTER movie and Killa Gogositch let a little boob shot slip. But he hadn't been keyed up like that at all… in fact, his mind felt unusually… calm wasn't the right word, so what was it… patient? That wasn't quite right either but it was closer. It was… more an absence of something nagging him, pushing him to do things he wasn't quite ready for.
But, given that it was nearly four in the morning, he realized resignedly, that shower was either going to have to happen now or in three hours when he got up for breakfast with the Possible household (they had made the decision to have the correct bodies going to the correct houses rather than the correct minds because it would look less strange and that's where all the appropriate clothing and toiletries were.) And the more he thought about it, the more he felt that the REST of the Possible household would probably appreciate it if they didn't hear the sound of him showering and having to think about what was going on. It was weird enough with that army guy who was stuck in Drakken's body sleeping in the guest room and adding the idea that Ron was upstairs running his hands all over Kim's body with a bar of soap might be the final straw that sent Mr. Dr. Possible off the deep end… although that DID bring up the interesting question as to exactly who Mr. Dr. P would actually have to send up to a black hole, in that particular situation.
Glumly Ron looked at the shower. It was time, he guessed, wishing he was Kim, who he was sure was adjusting to this far better than he was.
To Be Continued
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Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Monique, Shego, Bonnie Rockwaller, Dr. Anne Possible, Dr. James Possible, Dr. Draken, n are all borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe, are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and are trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Song: HARD WOMAN,written and originally performed by Mick Jagger All use should be considered fair under current parody law, and is not for profit in any case. This story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18.
