Liz

She walked into her house for the first time since Jake had died. The house felt different to her now. Wrong. There was an emptiness about it that made her want to turn around and leave. She wanted to scream. Break something. Anything. This wasn't right. How could this happen? How did this happen? She woke up this morning thinking that everything was great. How was she supposed togo without her baby? How were any of them supposed to survive something as devastating as this?

Parents weren't supposed to bury their children. No parent should ever have to see their child go into the ground forever. She had chosen to keep her son away from his father to protect him, and all the while there really wasn't anything she could have to done to protect him completely. There were no guarantees in life. In the end, there was nothing. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks and she didn't ever bother to wipe them. What was the point? There would be more tears after that. There would be tears forever. She would feel this ache forever.

She looked down at the toys that Jake had been playing with before the accident. She knew she should put them up before someone tripped over them, but she just couldn't. It made it final, and in her mind this would kept him there with her a little longer. She still found it hard to believe that this was even her reality. This day was never going to end. This nightmare was her life now, and she felt so alone.

She was alone. Cam and Aiden were with Nikolas, Lucky was with Siobhan, and Jason was with Sam. She wanted to be with someone. At this point she would have taken anyone, but that just wasn't the way things went. She was alone.

She sat down next to Jake's toys and tried to come to terms that he would never again play with his toys. She would never again hear him say "I love you, Mommy" and she felt fresh tears slide down her tear stained cheeks. How does a person wrap their mind around something so horrifying, so tragic, and move on with their life? There was a hole in her heart where Jake used to be. What was going to make that better? How was anything ever supposed to be better?

What was she supposed to do now? She was filled with so many questions and who would be the person to answer them. Where was she to turn to find solace? She wanted to feel someone's arms around her telling her it was going to be okay even if it was a lie. She needed a lie right now. She needed anything that was reassuring, but she knew she wasn't going to get it.

Her house was empty, her heart was empty, and her soul was shattered. The anger was hitting her now. Why was she alone? Everyone knew what she was going through, and where were they. Didn't anyone even care to check on her? Has she messed up so badly in the past that no one even cared that her son had just died? A sobbed escaped her lips as she was attacked by the pain. It seared the hole in her heart. Her blood boiled in her veins as she cried harder than she had ever cried in her life.

She felt sick and weak when the sobs finally subsided. She had no idea what time it was, but she didn't care. What did time matter anymore? She had tonight to be able to feel what she feeling. Soon her boys would be home, and she would have to be strong for them. She was always strong for everyone in her life. She had to be strong enough for Jake to walk away from the love of her life. She had to be strong enough for Lucky when he was constantly struggling with his addiction. She just had no more strength for being the rock that everyone wanted her to be.

She wanted someone to be a rock for her. She remembered when Lucky used to be her rock 12 years ago when she was raped. She thought that would be the toughest thing she ever had to do. Jason had been her rock when Lucky had cheated on her, and they had made Jake that night. She had had Jason when she lost Emily, but Jason was no long there. And neither was Lucky.

She got up and fragged herself upstairs. She walked right past Jakes' room. She just couldn't look in there yet. She didn't think that she could take it. She didn't know how much more she could take. What was the point of no return when the damages were irreparable? That was what she was now, irreparable. There were no magic words that could fix this. She was going to have to bury her four year old son years before he even had a chance to live.

How was that fair? Then again when was life ever really fair. She had turned her eyes for five seconds and everything was changed in that instance. Who could hit a child and not stop? She had been hit by a car, and she couldn't imagine what Jake must have gone through. She walked into her room and sat at the edge of her bed. She wrapped her arms around herself feeling like if she didn't she fall to pieces. Her body would just burst into teeny tiny pieces that would scatter in the wind.

She was startled by the sudden knock on her front door downstairs. She couldn't move at first. She thought that she was hearing things. She was officially going out of her mind. She had been here for hours, and no one had called or stopped by. Whoever that had been knocking continued to knock, and she realized she hadn't snapped yet. She was actually hearing someone at her door.

She forced herself to get up when she came to the conclusion that the person was not going to give up. She made her legs move to her bedroom door, and mustered every ounce of strength in her body to walk down her stairs. She knew she would be sleeping on the couch because there was just no way that she was going to be able to make that trip again.

She opened the door, and saw Jason standing on her doorstep. She didn't know if she wanted to see him, but it made sense that he was there. Jake was his son too even if he hadn't claimed him or her. His life didn't permit that, but that was not the point right now. He was standing on her front porch looking like the burning man. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot. He looked like she felt, awful and heartbroken. It was amazing to this man that Spinelli affectionately called "Stone Cold" looking like anything but stone. He looked like he was breaking into a million pieces right before her eyes.

He said nothing, he just pulled her into his arms, and that was when all her strength gave way. She fell to the ground with Jason's arms around her. She began to cry again, and she could feel that he was crying right along with her. They were both mourning their baby. They were both feeling a pain that was too feel alone. No one else could understand the pain they were both feeling. Lucky had raised Jake as his own, but he was really and truly Jason's son.

She and Jason eventually stopped crying, but she had no idea how long they had been there like that. Hours, minutes, seconds. None of it mattered anymore.

"Jason, I am so sorry. This is all my fault," she told him getting up and moving away from him.

He grabbed her arm gently keeping her from walking away from him, "Elizabeth, in no way is this your fault. Whoever hit Jake is at fault. Whoever hit him is to blame. Not you."

She couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. She couldn't look up and see her own pain reflecting in his eyes as he looked at her. She wanted to pull away from him again, but she wanted to be in his arms again. She knew he was with Sam, but she needed with every fiber of her being to feel the comfort of his strong arms around her. She needed to feel safe as she always did when he was holding onto her.

"Jason, I can't talk about this. I am just not ready to say the things that are going through my mind."

He forced her to look up at him, "We don't need to talk."

She pulled him over to the couch, and laid back into his arms. There was nothing but knowing he was there that was going to help. She was surprised as she sat there letting him be there for her when she needed someone most and he needed her most, she started to fall asleep. She hadn't thought she would ever want to sleep again, but she had been wrong as she usually was. She was feeling her eyelids get heavy as they sat there in silence, and she drifted to sleep.

Jason

Jason left the hospital, and jumped on his bike. He couldn't face Sam. He couldn't face Sonny or Carly or Michael. He just drove like he used to do. As he rode, he saw flashes of Jake and Elizabeth. He kept seeing the devastation on her face as Lucky told her that Jake was gone. He saw the betrayal in her eyes as he told her about Carly and Josslyn. He had never been good at tact. He was pretty sure he had none. It wasn't something he had woken up with after his accident.

He must have ridden around for hours when he finally stopped. He looked up to see he was sitting in front of Elizabeth's house. He saw again Elizabeth fall apart when Lucky told her about Jake. He saw the emptiness in her eyes as she took in what Lucky was saying. He saw her face and felt her slap as he told her about Josslyn having cancer and needing Jake's kidneys. He saw all the mistakes he had made during Elizabeth's pregnancy and after Jake was born.

All the times he saw Jake, and all the times that he had made promises to Elizabeth and broke them. She had only wanted them to be together as a family, and if he had done that then maybe Jake would still be alive. He would never know now.

He got off his bike, and somehow found himself standing on her front porch knocking on her door. All the lights were out in the house, but he knew she was home. He had to see her. He had to know she was at least okay because he knew he was not okay. He could barely breath without feeling ache of losing Jake. The pain was making it hard to breath.

He didn't know how long he knocked, but eventually she opened the door. She just looked at him. He couldn't move at first. He could see that she had been crying. The thing that hurt him the most were her eyes. They were completely empty. They used to be so full of life. He used to think her eyes danced with excitement. He knew how she felt, and that's why he pulled to him. As soon as his arms were around her she went limp in his arms. As if all strength that had carried her through this had just left her body.

He went down with her, and just held her as she began to cry. He had never heard such anguish and pain in his life, and he found himself crying with her. He didn't know how long it took for them to finally stop crying, but eventually it did happen. She pulled away from him first which was not something she usually did.

"Jason, I am sorry," she said softly, "This is all my fault."

He took her arm as she turned to walk away. He couldn't let her think this was her fault.

"Elizabeth, in no way is this your fault. Whoever hit Jake is at fault. Whoever hit him is to blame. Not you," he assured her.

She wouldn't even look at him. This was the most time that they had spent together since they ended things two years ago. She had changed so much in that time, but she was still the woman that he had loved more than life itself.

"Jason, I can't talk about this. I am just not ready to say the things that are going through my mind."

He could understand that completely. He could barely comprehend what was going on right now. He just needed to be with the woman who had given him his son. He needed to be there for her because it helped him to feel stronger just being next to her.

He gently lifted her face up to look at him, "We don't need to talk."

He only saw sadness and defeat in her eyes as she looked back at him. She led him to her couch and he took her into his arms. This would probably be the only night that they would be able to grieve in private. The only night that they could be together and feel the pain of being parents that had lost their son. He held her and was surprised to see that she had fallen asleep in his arms. She had fought a long battle today, and tomorrow was going to be even worse. The one thing he could give her was tonight. She need him and he needed her. No one else, especially Sam, could understand what this meant to both of them.

Tomorrow he would go, and they would be strangers again. It killed him that this is what they had become to each other. How did this happen?