Peterson—

A/N: I wrote this for school, but I really liked it. I hope you do, too.

Odysseus had just reached the land of the Cyclopes. His men told him to steal Polythemos's sheep, but Odysseus protested that he had a better idea, and he asked Polyphemos for hospitality. From on high, Athena and Zeus watched and with amusement and chagrin, conversing both amiably and heatedly about the events they observed.

"How dare he invoke my name?" Zeus thundered as Odysseus claimed that "Zeus will avenge the unoffending guest" as a part of his attempt to glean hospitality from Polyphemos. "Does he know the meaning of unoffending? I say, when will these mortals get around to inventing a dictionary? For the record, I will not avenge him if anything happens to him on this blasted island! He's planning thievery, which means he's not unoffending! Does he really think we immortals can't see that?"

"Father, these stupid humans can't write yet. You'll have to wait centuries for a dictionary," Athena pointed out.

"Idiot mortals!" Zeus snapped.

"I know, Father."

Just then, Polyphemos declared that he and the other Cyclopes didn't care about the gods of the Greeks. "WHAT?" Athena and Zeus shouted in unison.

"That's blasphemy!" Zeus thundered. "I should blast him into charcoal!"

"Patience, Father," Athena counseled. "He's funny; blasting him would be a waste of a good bolt."

"But, Athena, he said he didn't care about us! About me! That's not funny!" Zeus protested. "I am the ruler of the universe! I think I deserve some respect!"

"Will you quiet down?" Athena snapped in response. "We're missing all the action."

"Action?" Zeus retorted. "What action? They all went to sleep."

"And we missed the entire evening," Athena shot back.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about that now," the sky god reasoned. "We'll just have to wait until they wake up."

"But that's boring," the goddess of wisdom whined. "Can't we speed things up?"

"I'm afraid even we immortals have our limits," her father sighed.

The next evening, after Odysseus had come up with his plan and was presenting Polyphemos with wine . . .

"Now that's what I call a plan," Athena approved. "I'm on his side. Go Odysseus!"

"Daughter, why go choosing sides in a fight if you're not going to help or sleep with anyone involved? It's more interesting if you just cheer for everybody. Or against everybody. Or for whoever's winning. Or if you cheer against the guy who's wife you've been sleeping with," Zeus advised.

"Father, do you realize how absolutely repulsive it is for me to hear about all your . . . escapades?" Athena replied, shuddering in disgust. "There's a reason I've vowed eternal virginity. I really don't need to hear about—never mind."

"Yes, yes, yes—now hush," the lord of the universe responded. "We're missing the good part."

"You know, for mortals, they're pretty good at gorging out a Cyclops's eye," Athena commented. "It's quite a useful skill."

"And you know this because . . . ?" Zeus prompted.

His daughter ducked her head, blushing and looking sheepish. "Oh, you know, I've been around . . ."

"Athena, you do realize that, as your father, I have to approve your quests?" Zeus said in a threatening voice.

"Yes, Father," Athena mumbled. Then she looked down at Odysseus and Polyphemos again. The Cyclops had regained consciousness. "Oh, I do love a good fight!" she said, changing the subject. "And calling himself 'Nohbdy'! Brilliant!"

"Hey, the Cyclopes just invoked my name! They do believe in me!" Zeus rejoiced.

"The mortals are tying themselves to sheep! They're smarter than I thought! My word, these mortals are geniuses!" Athena shouted, getting excited.

"Daughter, are you sure you have no . . . interest in this Odysseus?" Zeus asked suggestively.

"Father, will you shut up about that?" Athena snapped. "I am a virgin. Get it through your immortal skull. But seriously, these mortals are smart!"

"Don't be so sure. They haven't gotten away yet," Zeus countered.

"Very well, very well," Athena muttered. When Odysseus and his men boarded the ship, she turned to her father and said, "See? They're getting away!"

"There's still time for Fate to step in," Zeus argued.

Odysseus shouted back at Polyphemos. "Idiot!" Athena yelled, though the hero couldn't hear her. "Idiot! You don't goad your enemy when they're in striking range and you have no means of defense! Idiot!" As she shouted, Polyphemos threw part of a mountain at Odysseus's ship, missing narrowly. "There! See what you get when you draw that kind of attention?" Odysseus opened his mouth to shout again, and Athena groaned, "Spare us. Are you really that stupid?" Odysseus' men started protesting. The wisdom goddess muttered, "Yes, listen to your men, be a good boy . . . Really? More shouting? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Tut, tut, daughter, so much emotional attachment. Can you understand the beauty now of a one-night st—?" Zeus began, but Athena cut him off.

"Don't you start on that again, Father!" she screamed. "I'm not like you! I'm not going to be! Get over it!" With that, she stormed out of her father's dwelling and took a long walk around Mount Olympus to calm herself. Zeus sat and watched the rest of the Odyssey. For his part, he found it pretty entertaining, though it would have been nice to have more father-daughter time with perhaps his most accomplished child. Even in immortality, you couldn't have everything.

A/N: Favoriting and reviews are lovely!