A/N: Ok. Wow. I'm not even going to talk about the fact that I haven't updated in more than SEVEN MONTHS! Not going to talk about the fact that I kind of quit fanfiction for a while. What I will tell you is that this story will go all the way to Z, no matter how long that takes. And, I will TRY MY VERY HARDEST not to ever go SEVEN MONTHS! without updating. I have a lot of things (stories included) on my plate right now, but I will update. I will! Thank you to everyone who's stuck with this story even though it's been on hiatus for so long.
Disclaimer: After SEVEN MONTHS! I don't deserve to own Doctor Who. So, I guess it's a good thing that I don't ...
Word of the Day
Katzenjammer - (n.) the discomfort and illness experienced as the aftereffects of excess drinking; hangover
It was odd – one moment they had just been laughing at one of those "a man walked into a bar" jokes, and the next moment, they were actually walking into a bar. Ok, it didn't happen exactly like that, but that's what it felt like.
They had been laughing inside the TARDIS when the Doctor had stopped laughing rather abruptly and said, "Do you want to go grab a drink?"
Rose blinked. Go for a drink? Is he- no, he couldn't be … he's not asking you on a date, girl! Be realistic!
"I mean, I just realized that out of all the places we've been – space stations, Earth – 1876, New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York, Raxacoricofallapatorius – we have never been to a bar, not even when Jack was around," the Doctor continued.
See! Told you so … But a bar, hmmm? Sounds like fun! Rose thought.
"An intergalactic bar?" she asked.
The Doctor smiled. "Oh, of course! One with crazy drinks you've never heard of and bartenders with two heads. You up to it?"
"Why, good sir," Rose responded, affecting an accent, "If you will but give me your escort, I'm up to anything!"
The Doctor ran around the TARDIS console, flipping switches and setting the TARDIS into movement. After a particularly turbulent few seconds, the Doctor stood up and brushed himself off. Then he walked over to Rose.
"Dame Rose," the Doctor said, joining the act as he offered her his arm, "escorting you would be my honor!"
When they stepped out of the TARDIS, Rose found out where they were, exactly – the 51st century's most popular bar, Le Cabezudo. A minute later they entered the bar, Rose on the Doctor's arm, both of them incredibly happy.
"Bananas!" the Doctor yelled as he bolted up straight, some time later. Then he moaned as his head seemed to split open. He lay back down, wanting to go back to sleep (it sounded so enticing right now) but then something occurred to him – something was wrong.
Carefully, the Doctor looked around and discovered two things with a shock – one, he was laying on the very uncomfortable, grated floor of the TARDIS control room and two, he was wearing nothing but his tie, trainers, and boxers …
"What the-" he muttered to himself before he called out, "ROSE!"
Only a couple of seconds later, she appeared in the doorway between the control room and the hallway.
"Rose, what's going on? Why don't I have any clothes on?"
Rose didn't answer – she just gave him a brilliant smile and then began to walk towards him. Only, she couldn't really do that properly. She kept stumbling and walking crookedly. About halfway to him, she couldn't seem to stay on her feet anymore, and fell in heap on the floor.
"Rose! Are you okay?" the Doctor inquired earnestly, hurry towards her to help her up.
"Oopsy. I falled down," Rose announced before bursting into peals of laughter.
The Doctor knelt down besides her. "Rose, are you drunk?"
Rose hurried to the control room when she heard the Doctor call out her name. He must have woken up. Probably gonna complain that I left him on the floor. But honestly, for a skinny bloke, he ways a ton! I couldn't drag him all the way to his room while he was passed out! Besides I covered him in a blanket and brought him a pillow. He really has nothing to complain about.
"Yeah, Doctor? What's wrong?" Rose said when she reached the control room. Then she realized what she was seeing. "Doctor … why aren't you wearing any clothes?"
"Boring," the Doctor said with an arch look.
"What?!" She began to walk towards him, confused. But she was so focused on him, she didn't watch where she was going and she tripped and fell. The Doctor walked towards her and then knelt besides her.
"Clothes are boring," he clarified, giving her that you-just-dribbled-down-your-chin-again look.
Rose just looked at the Doctor. What?! What the hell is going on here? Clothes are boring?!
"Doctor, are you still drunk?"
"Rose, are you drunk?"
Rose giggled and then tried to get up, saying, "Jus' a little … tipsy! Dotor- No … Docor … Doctor- Doctor!"
"Yeah, Rose?" the Doctor replied, looking very concerned.
"You're a lil' bit foxy. An' your not wearing a shirt." Rose punctuated each syllable of the last sentence with a poke to the Doctor's bare chest.
"Oh – no, I'm not, am I?" The Doctor didn't want to give Rose any ideas (not in the state she was in right now, anyway) so he helped her up and then quickly put on his shirt, trousers, and jacket. "Now, Rose, how did you get so drunk?"
"Iiiii draaaaank somethin', stupid!" Rose said, drawing out some of her words. Then she fell against the Doctor's chest and began to sob.
"Rose, stop! It's alright!"
Rose Tyler slapped the Doctor in the face.
"Doctor, are you still drunk?"
The Doctor glared at her. "Of course I'm not drunk. I don't get drunk. I'm far too superior. Don't be stupid."
"Doctor, what ever is wrong with you, you need to put a shirt on," Rose insisted, poking the Doctor's bare chest. "When ever you stop being weird and wake up, you are going to kill me if I just let you go around without clothes on!"
"No! I refuse! It is illogical."
"Doctor ..."
"Fine!" The Doctor began to pout as Rose assisted him into his clothes.
Rose sighed when they had finished redressing the Doctor. "Doctor, don't you know that something's wrong here - with you?"
"The only thing wrong here is that I am forced to associate with someone who posses as little intelligence as you do," the Doctor spat out.
Rose Tyler blinked. Then, with out missing a beat, she slapped the Doctor in the face.
Rose Tyler slapped the Doctor in the face.
"OW! What was that for?!" the Doctor exclaimed, holding his injured face. He hated it when the Tyler women did that!
"You- you won' kiss me!" Rose wailed before burying her face back in the Doctor's chest.
The Doctor was flabbergasted. "What?!"
"I love you an' you won' kiss me! Don' you love me, Doc-"
The Doctor interrupted, quickly, "Rose, don't be foolish. I-"
Rose gave out a cry. "You think … I'm silly! You don' love me!"
"Rose, I-"
"YOU DON' LOVE ME!" Rose yelled and then broke down again, her wails echoing through out the TARDIS.
The Doctor was utterly confused. Rose was acting so bizarrely – she was a hell of a drunk! And he was afraid that if this went on much longer, she'd never forgive him for not stopping her from making the fool of herself that she was. So (Just to shut her up, of course. That's all it was. It couldn't mean anything ...), the Doctor kissed Rose Tyler.
Rose Tyler blinked. Then, with out missing a beat, she slapped the Doctor in the face.
"What was that for?!" asked a completely confused, but superior looking, Doctor.
Rose glared at him. "I don't care what's wrong with you – whether you're drunk or not – you are a jerk sometimes!"
The Doctor shook his head, all of a sudden looking perplexed in a different way. "What-"
"I'm not even your girlfriend or anything and I still have to put up with you when you're annoyingly drunk or what ever's going on with you. And you're still this dense and awful when you're not mentally inhibited! We share so much but you can't possibly lower yourself to speak to me about anything meaningful! I said forever and I mean it, but you are awful annoying!"
"Rose, what are you talking about?"
"I mean, I'm never gonna leave you," Rose continued on as if she hadn't been interrupted, "'cause I love you, but that doesn't mean that I like putting up with this stuff, especially when you haven't ever even acknowledged what we've got between us! And when I say stuff, I'm not talking about now – I'm talking about you always pushing me away and leaving me on a spaceship for a French prostitute and-" She broke off out of breath and ashamed. Whoa. Where did that come from? I don't even mean that- well, I wish he would just tell me that he loves me too and I wish that he didn't leave me for Rienette, but what I just said was uncalled for!
And then, Rose kissed him, perhaps to apologize for what she had just said, perhaps for some … other … reason.
"Oh my gosh- Doctor, I'm sorry. I did not mean to say that or to do that. I don't know where that came from- I guess I'm just tired. Come on, let's get you to bed so you can sleep what ever you've got going on, off."
The Doctor stared at her. "There's nothing wrong with me. I think you had a little too much to drink, Rose. You just spent the last few minutes sobbing on my chest and I'm sorry I kissed you if it's gonna make you yell, but I just- You need to go to bed."
"What? I've not been sobbing on your chest – you've been picking on me! And, you didn't kiss me! I just kissed you after yelling at you!"
"Wait- You just kissed me- No, you didn't! I- wait ... I've got this headache- Oh. No. I can't have been so stupid!" The Doctor punctuated stupid by hitting his head, something he immediately regretted doing. "We were at a bar- Rose, you don't happen to know if I drunk any Venusian Sherry while we were there, do you?"
Rose was looking very adorably confused. "Um, maybe? Actually yeah, we did. The bartender said it was really good and I gave you some."
"Rose, I can't get drunk on regular alcohol. I'm kind of immune to it. The only thing that can mess with me is Venusian Sherry. It makes me pass out drunk and when I wake up, I go through something called Katzenjammer Syndrome which is pretty much a hangover that messes with my mind worse than being drunk messes with humans. It's also called Looking Glass Syndrome. From my point of view, it looked like you were drunk and I was trying to calm you down, but apparently something else happened in reality."
"Uh, yeah, you were really rude and- Oh! OH! You were- I get it, now. I know what you were doing! You were imitating Sherlock from the telly show! And then, I kind of lost it when you were really rude … I slapped you in the face, yelled at you, and then … um, kissed you." Rose finished, really quietly.
"Did you? From my point of view, I was the one doing the kissing ..."
Rose gave a weak little smile. "Does that mean somethin', Doctor?"
The Doctor looked at Rose tenderly. "Well, although I wasn't in control of the myself in front of you, in my hallucination, I knew exactly what I was doing. And now that I've stopped being the equivalent of a stupid ape, I've realized something that I should have figured out a long time ago. It's time I told you I love you, Rose Tyler. Oh, and, I should be kissing you a lot more often."
Rose grinned through the tears of joy running down her face. "A Time Lord and a Human walked into a bar ..."
"... did some stupid stuff and realized that the stupidest thing they'd been doing for a long time was not talking to each other. Especially the Time Lord. He was really stupid."
Rose punched the Doctor in the arm. "That's a terrible way to end that joke!"
"How 'bout this? … and they lived happily ever after."
A/N: Tada! What'd ya think? First reviewer gets to give me an extra prompt! And bonus points (maybe a fic ... if I'm particularly impressed) for anyone who can tell me what the name of the bar is a reference to. Anyway, review, follow, favorite ... you know the drill! And thank you muchly!