"It's okay Cerise." Dr. Chapel said calmly as she took the woman's hand. "I had to restart your heart. Try to open your eyes."

Cerise opened her eyes to find a smiling Christine Chapel hovering over her like a mother hen. "You had us all worried. If DeSalle's team had gotten to you and the Commander a few minutes later I'm not sure either of you would have made it back alive."

"Commander Spock?"

"He's fine. He asked to be notified as soon as you awakened."

"How…, how did DeSalle find us?"

"He didn't have to find you; Commander Spock contacted him with your location and called for an Engineering team to beamdown before he went into the cave. That's the proper protocol for a level red landing party." Chapel pealed the wrapper from a frozen hydro stick and held it to Cerise dry lips. "Here, this will help. "

Cerise sucked the cool sweet ice greedily while Chapel evaluated her bioscans, and made small adjustments.

"Commander Spock, he was here earlier?"

"Yes he spent the night here. I believe he was quite concerned about you." Chapel gave Cerise a warm smile. If she'd seen the Commander holding her hand earlier she was certainly maintaining her "game" face.

"Is he coming now?"

"He's in a briefing with the Admiral but he said he'd be down shortly."

Chapel returned her attentions to the lifescan readouts for a few moments her cool professional demeanor betrayed by anxiously gnawing her lower lip.

"Is there a problem Doctor?"

Chapel sighed and fixed Cerise with a worried, almost maternal gaze. "Lieutenant…Cerise. May I call you Cerise?"

"Sure."

"It's a lovely name."

"It's French for cherries. My mother had an insatiable craving for cherries the whole time she was carrying me."

"I hope you won't feel I'm being to forward in asking you this Cerise. You're a bright, driven, lovely young woman. What are you doing with your life?"

"What do you mean, what am I doing with my life?"

"Look, I've seen your files. You've been bouncing from one posting to another, from…one man to another."

"What I do with my life is of no concern to you Doctor."

"I was like you once Cerise. I chased after men, thinking that if I could find the right man all of the pieces would come together and my life would make sense. I put my career on hold and bamboozled my way onto the Enterprise to find a man who it turned out had been dead for years. Then instead of going back my life when I had the chance, I stayed on the ship…" Chapel swallowed hard and chuckled bitterly, "I stayed on the ship waiting for another man to love me."

"I'm sorry Doctor; I don't see what your failed love life has to do with me."

"Don't you see? It wasn't love that failed me; I failed myself. After the first mission ended, I finally decided to start chasing myself. Instead of finding the things in me that would please someone else, I searched for the things that I wanted, that I needed to be me. It wasn't until I stopped trying to be someone else so that someone would love me that I finally found me."

"I appreciate the pep talk, but your concern is unnecessary Doctor Chapel." Cerise responded coolly. "Would it be possible to get a comb and a mirror?"

Christine reached into the nightstand and pulled out a sealed pouch containing a kit of personal care items and tossed it onto the biobed. "Here, knock yourself out."

Cerise smiled back at her reflection in the small hand mirror. She looked darn good for someone who'd had a mountain fall on her. Somehow she couldn't resist a parting shot as Chapel returned to the desk outside of the small ICU room.

"Jealousy is most unattractive in a woman of your age."

"Jealousy?" Chapel stopped dead in her tracks, then slowly turned to face her. "You think I'm jealous of you? Why on earth would I be jealous of you?"

"Oh come on Doctor, stop pretending. You've been riding me since the day I was assigned here and we both know why."

"We do?" Chapel's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms across her chest defiantly. "Well just for the sake of argument why don't you enlighten me?"

"You're jealous because of Commander Spock's interest in me."

"Commander Spock is interested in you?"

"You know it's true. He's in love with me."

"Have I come at a bad time Doctor Chapel?" From the doorway of the ICU Commander Spock watched the two women warily.

"No not at all." Chapel responded evenly. "In fact I'd say your timing is just perfect. You know what they say about three is a crowd. I'll give you two kids a little privacy."

"Kids?" The Vulcan raised a puzzled eyebrow at the departing doctor, then back to Cerise.

There was uncertainty and a vunerablity in Spock's dark eyes that she'd not thought possible. He seated himself in the chair beside her. Over his shoulder, throught the glass window Cerise could see Chapel dutifully working at the small ICU desk. Dropping her hand to the side of the biobed her deft fingers found the contol chip for the intercom conntected to monitor next to the doctor. If the good doctor wanted to be "enlightened" Cerise would be more than happy to oblige.

"Lieutanant…" he began anxiously, then took a deep breath. "Cerise…there things we must discuss, things I would have you understand, things that I would ask you to forgive."

"Of course Mr. Spock." Chapel looked up at the sound of their voices, and fixed Cerise with an icy glare.

"This is difficult for me Cerise. There are things… things which Vulcans do speak of to outworlders. We are a very private people." He bowed his head for a moment and she noticed that his cheeks had taken on a slight verdigris tint. "But I must speak of them now. I have wronged you, and I must make you understand so that I can set things right."

Oh gods of the universe he's blushing.

"People…humans, believe that because Vulcans do not display emotions, we do not experience emotions. It is a common misperception that we allow, but the truth is that emotions run very deep in my people, so deep, in fact, that before the time of Surak our society and culture were almost destroyed by our passions.

Emotions…deep…passions…so who's the one wasting her life now Christine Chapel?

"The bonding which occurs between a Vulcan and his mate is a sacred thing; a practice that goes back to the earliest times…it is the foundation of the Vulcan way of life. It is difficult to explain to one not of the Tradition. It is a complete communion of body, mind and soul, a oneness that can only be broken by death."

"The blue light." Cerise whispered softly.

"The blue light?"

"I saw it…when you were in my mind I saw it. It was incredible"

He nodded gently. "The mind meld was necessary to keep you alive until Mr. DeSalle's team could reach us, necessary, but a transgression on my part nonetheless.

"For a Vulcan male, the protection of the bondmate is a primal imperative, ingrained in the Vulcan psyche. A Vulcan male would sacrifice his own life without question to protect his mate."

"So Vulcan's do love?" Cerise was certain she saw Chapel stiffen at the question.

The Vulcan responded with a raised eyebrow and a faintly bemused smile. "Yes, Cerise, Vulcans do indeed love.

"I would have you understand that, to understand how I allowed my selfishness and pride to put you in danger. Choosing you for the landing party was not based on logic. I confess my motives in bringing you down to Vericula II were quite selfish. I deluded myself into believing that my actions were appropriate; but my imprudence put your life in terrible danger."

Cerise felt her heart racing. He was in love with her, and not just in love with her he wanted to marry her, to make her his "bondmate".

"I realize now," he continued staring down at the decking, "that it was hubris on my part to believe that we could stay together on this ship, that I could somehow control what no Vulcan male could control. It is clear now that we will have to leave the Enterprise, I see no other alternative."

"Leave the Enterprise?"

"I have found suitable billets, one in in Starfleet Ops and a teaching position at the Academy for myself."

"What kind of a position in Ops?" Cerise sat up in the bed.

"Assistant Director of Emergency Opperations."

Cerise looked around the room half expecting to see Chapel jumping from the corner with a butcher knife. If this was another dream she didn't ever want to wake up. She was going to be Assistant Director of Emergency Ops, apparently Spock could pull strings at the highest levels.

"Can you forgive me Cerise?"

"Of course." She reached out and laid her hand gently on his. "As if it never happened."

Relief washed over his anguished features. "There is something else I must ask of you."

"Of course, anything."

"I must ask for your…discretion in this matter."

"Discretion?"

"I must ask that you keep what I have shared with you to yourself for the time being."

"Of course," she assured him. "I won't tell a soul."

"No one knows yet, not even the Admiral. It has been difficult to keep this from him, but Christine has been insistent."

"Christine? Christine Chapel?"

"Yes, she is hesitant about making our bonding known to the crew. I find her reasoning on the matter somewhat illogical, but I am learning that the females of your species operate under their own system of logic that is often beyond my understanding."

"You…and Dr. Chapel? You're kidding me?"

The Vulcan raised a puzzled eyebrow. "Vulcans do not kid Lt. Jones."

"You're leaving the ship with Christine Chapel? What about me?"

"You, Lieutenant?"

"I thought, I mean…well I thought …why did you…I mean, the lunches, and dinner in your cabin? You wanted me to take over Chapel's place in the lab. What was that about?"

"Christine thought your potential was being wasted in Sickbay. She asked me act as a mentor to you, to help to find you a more suitable placement. I admit to having my own reasons for wanting Christine's nights free."

"So all that talk about secret Vulcan mating crap, that was about Dr. Chapel?"

"Yes, who else would…" The color drained from the Vulcan's face and his eyes frantically darted to the ICU desk where Christine was engaging in an unsuccessful battle to keep from laughing. "You assumed that I wanted…" The look of panic on the Vulcan's face slowly morphed into one of utter mortification.

"Lieutenant Jones, It would seem that you and I have experienced a most serious miscommunication." His cool gaze and formal tone were incongruous with the way he rose from the bedside chair as though it were on fire. "I restate my apologies that I allowed my feelings for Christine's safety to put you in a position of danger."

He moved quickly toward the door, then took a deep breath to fortify himself before turning back to face her. "Lieutenant, Christine is correct, you are a very bright young woman, with promising research skills, however I must say given your complete lack of regard for Starfleet protocols and regulations I would advise you to consider some alternate line of work."

Cerise scanned the bedside table seized by an overwhelming desire to throw something at him as he walked out the ICU door. It probably wouldn't be worth the month in the brig and probable demotion that came with assaulting a superior officer, but it would certainly feel good right now

.

Through the ICU window she watched as Spock brushed an errant dark brown curl from Chapel's cheek. Christine looked up from her work and gave the Vulcan a sweet smile, her blue eyes were shining. The realization hit her like a photon torpedo. The blue light that had been just beyond her reach, it was there in Christine Chapels eyes, perfect unconditional love.

Cerise laughed bitterly. How could she have misread things so badly? Maybe she was losing her touch. Maybe Chapel was right; maybe she'd lost touch with herself. Maybe she'd spent too much of her life chasing the wrong things. It was something she would need to think about.

"You find this amusing Christine?"

Christine finished the last entry in the chartpadd and returned it to the case then stood up from her chair. "I could lie and say 'no' if it would make you feel better?"

"You are not that skillful at prevarication." Spock sighed. "Will this overturn my incarceration in the canine's abode?"

"I don't know if you're out of the dog house or not. I want some assurance that we won't have another Vulcan caveman incident."

"Vulcan caveman? Vulcan's never lived in caves Christine."

"You know exactly what I mean. You took me off of the landing party without even consulting me. And don't even try pulling rank on me buddy."

"You don't find my near death and total humiliation sufficient castigation for my transgression?"

"We both knew going into this we'd have a lot of cultural barriers to negotiate, but we have to be able to communicate and we have to be able to compromise."

"So I shall endeavor to refrain from caveman behavior."

"And I shall endeavor to balance my emotions with logic. Are you going back to the bridge?"

"No, Mr. Sulu has the conn, I am free for the rest of the evening."

"Well, we could spend the night playing chess."

"That would be one possibility."

"Or we could work in the biolabs."

"Certainly another possibility."

"Or we could go back to your cabin and breech some cultural barriers."

"What sort of cultural barriers do you have in mind Doctor?"

"Humans have a certain cultural practice sometimes utilized after a man and a woman have settled a disagreement.?"

"Indeed, please tell me more about this practice."

"Well, it's called "make up sex", and well it's rather axiomatic."

"I do enjoy a good game of chess." The Vulcan mused aloud. "And of course there is always a backlog of work in the biolabs…but I must admit I am finding this concept of "make up sex" most intriguing."

Spock walked through the outer office to the turbolift with Christine following close behind. The doors closed with a gentle swooshing sound and Spock pulled Christine into a slow soft kiss, pulling away from her only as the lift signaled their stop.

"Cerise, it is an unusual name."

"It's French, it means cherries."

"The terran fruit, sweet but with a hard center?"

"Yes."

"Appropriate."

"Spock?"

"Yes Christine."

"You know how sometimes I get annoyed when you go on about something for a while without getting to the point until the end."

"I believe you have cited your annoyance with that in the past."

"This was one time I rather enjoyed it."

FIN

For those who have read my other stories this was meant to take place between "Bodies at Rest" and "The Felinoid Quadraped has been Vacated from the Containment Apparatus"