Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: So what was this? This was my mind running haywire after "The First Time," and trying to explore more. I wanted to look into the gaps and expand some more dangerous aspects of the action. This is what came out. And I will say ahead of time, I am not going into smut. I'm glad they had their Klaine lovin' but the most beautiful part for me was the stage apology. Blaine's "I want you to be [proud of me]" is what got me thinking. Blaine's a complicated character (coughFAILCONTINUITYcough), so I was trying to explore this more. I also was trying to avoid restating the episode.

Warnings: Spoilers for 3.05, Lack of continuity (it's Glee) and medical knowledge, no beta-reader and possible fandom cliches.

The First Time: Soul-mates

Blaine was panicking the Friday before Tech Week. Costumes weren't finalized, half of their props weren't collected yet, the lighting had changed the day before (and would probably change again the following week), and Blaine was very worried about how to adjust to these sudden changes days before the actual show. Even worse, despite his nightly rehearsals with Kurt, Blaine was still mixing up certain sections of dialogue.

Their Friday after-school rehearsal had left him feeling incompetent and unprepared for his role as Tony. He'd felt so confident about the musical numbers, and Artie's words had cut him deeply. He figured he'd covered up his disappointment well. "I'm waiting for the right time," he'd said, and it was true. There was also the simple fact that Kurt hadn't given him any indication that he was ready for the next step. And, really, it was all up to Kurt. He wasn't going to jeopardize the beautiful relationship they shared by pushing him, especially not over a role in the Fall musical.

But Artie had practically told him and Rachel that they needed to have sex to portray the iconic roles of Maria and Tony properly.

And, God dammit, Blaine really wanted this to be perfect.

Although Kurt and Blaine usually spent Friday night together, Kurt had left with Finn as soon as school ended because as his unit hadn't been needed for the Friday rehearsal. They knew it would be a late one. And so, Blaine drove home alone in the dark, as the sun had set at some point while they were perfecting "Tonight."

He missed the presence of his boyfriend terribly. His fingers clenched at the steering wheel as Artie's words of failure washed over him again, and the weight of their unpreparedness pressed down upon him. He pulled up to his driveway, and, when he left the car, he realized his hands were trembling with nerves and fears.

God, he wanted Kurt.

The house was quiet, though he'd seen the lights on in his parents' bedroom when he pulled up. He dropped his school bag in his room before walking down the hall to his knock on his parents' door.

"Mother? Father?" he called. "Rehearsal ran late. Sor-" The apology died in his throat, as he stepped into the room. "What's all this?"

Suitcases.

"Blainey, honey, your father got called out to Chicago. You'll be okay this week?"

Blaine nodded mutely. Typical. "How long?"

"We'll be back next Sunday," his father said as he exited their bathroom with a razor and shaving cream to pack in an open bag.

"What about the show?"

"We're sorry, honey. But this merger is really important for the business. You'll understand someday. You can pass along our tickets to your friends."

"All of my friends are in the show, mother." I want you there.

"It'll work itself out, son."

"Yeah. I guess it will. Have a safe flight."

"We will." His mother gently lifted Blaine's face to place a light kiss to his cheek. His father clapped a hand on his back, and then they both went back to packing their toiletries.

Blaine left.

He collapsed into his bed, turning over to look at the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was only 9 PM. Time to call Kurt for their skin regimen. Out of respect for tradition, Blaine didn't bring up his fears when Kurt first answered the phone. He sat back and listened to his boyfriend talk about his own day while they both rubbed cream into their skin.

"Honestly, Blaine! He actually told me that I didn't walk right for Officer Krupke. I can walk like a straight man. I can."

Blaine nodded, though he knew Kurt couldn't see it. "I like your Krupke walk. It's sexy." Just so Kurt didn't get the wrong idea, he added, "But I like your Kurt walk better."

"You're biased."

"Is that really such a problem?"

"Not at all."

They fell into silence. Blaine grabbed the next skin care product, sighing lightly.

"This is where you are supposed to start ranting about your own set of musical woes, Blaine."

"Mmm."

"Ok, seriously. What's wrong?"

He really should've known Kurt would pick up on his mood. Blaine couldn't imagine keeping anything from Kurt. The problem was that he didn't know where to start. So much had been going wrong lately. The play. His parents. And how was he supposed to bring up the sex thing? He didn't want to push Kurt, but he also wanted to pull off a performance that would make Kurt proud. If it wasn't good enough, then Kurt losing the role of Tony would be all for nothing, and Kurt would hate him for it, and then…

"Blaine. You're hyperventilating, honey. Calm down. Did you take your medication today?"

"Y-yes," he stuttered out.

It was a little known fact that Blaine was taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. The only person he'd willingly told was Kurt, and that was only because he'd had a panic attack after running into one of his tormentors while shopping. Kurt had stayed with him that night, running a soft hand through his curls when Blaine awoke with a scream lodged in his throat from the vivid nightmare his mind had concocted.

His depression was…manageable, though his parents and this play weren't making it easy on him. Blaine really did play the role of confident, dapper leader well. Except when Kurt was around.

"Are you ok? Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"

"Y-Yes." he breathed. Opting to close the speaker setting, Blaine desperately pressed the phone to his ear as the words tumbled out. "Kurt."

"Listen to me right now, Blaine Anderson. You are the perfect Tony. You're fine, honey. You need to relax."

"I'm trying, Kurt." His hands were shaking.

"What was that about your parents again? You spoke too quickly before."

"They aren't coming. Father had a business meeting or something. Mother, of course, is going with him."

"When are they leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning I think."

"Ok. I'll be there. "

"What! Kurt, no. Your parents –"

"-are leaving at 2:00. We're doing breakfast, but as soon as they leave… I'm yours for the rest of the weekend. You shouldn't be alone right now."

"I don't want to be alone."

Breathlessly, "Are you going to be okay until tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I've got it, Kurt."

"Okay. Take your meds. I love you."

"Love you too."

"So I was thinking," Kurt began, linking his arm around Blaine's as they walked in the cold November air. "You should visit the Warblers Monday."

"Kurt?"

"I know how much you miss them, and I think you could use a little break from the play. Artie has practice for 'America' scheduled for Monday afternoon. It's the perfect time."

"What about you? There's Krupke rehearsal scheduled for Monday."

"Oh, well, I thought this might be something you'd like to do on your own. You haven't been able to chat with Nick or Jeff or Trent in such a long time."

That actually sounded amazing. The switch from his Dalton dorm back home to the McKinley district had been jarring and unpleasant. He'd gotten so used to having his friends around all the time. There was always someone to go to if he needed company. Kurt had helped with that a lot, but the Dalton boys had been there for him while the horrors of Sadie Hawkins still plagued him. They hadn't asked questions; they'd just…they'd been there. Seeing them again sounded amazing.

"Yeah. I think I will."

"Excellent! " Kurt said, skipping slightly. "I had another idea." They'd circled back and were now approaching the Anderson house again. "I think you should invite the Warblers to opening night. You have two extra tickets now, but it's definitely not too late to reserve tickets for the rest of them."

Blaine stopped at the door, turned to Kurt, and kissed him gently. "You're brilliant."

"Oh, trust me. I know."

They'd spent the rest of Saturday and Sunday together, and Kurt had slept over for both nights. By the time Monday came around, Blaine was feeling much better. The weekend with Kurt had done wonders to his nerves, though Sunday night's conversation about sex had confused him. He wasn't sure where that had come from. But was Kurt really saying he might be ready?

Because if he was…God, that would be awesome. It would also solve his play problem without it really being about the play. It would still be about them. It was just…convenient timing.

It was all he thought about while driving to Westerville. The prospect thrilled him. Sex.

Sex with Kurt.

But he wanted to spend more time to make sure he and Kurt would both be comfortable. If it happened before the show then so be it.

Dalton Academy took his breath away, the high ceilings, the chandeliers, the portraits, the elaborate staircases. It was so stunning and, God, this staircase was where he first met Kurt. He ran his hand along the banister, smiling at the beautiful turn his life had taken that day, one year earlier.

He could already hear the tones of the Warblers drifting down the hall. And…was that Nick?

Seeing the Warblers, so obviously soaring in his absence, filled him with pride. The old faces, the new faces, there was just something special about the sea of blazers. He knew he looked out of place when he was pulled in to join the dance, but he felt a sense of normality in it. They'd definitely kicked the choreography up a notch since he'd left, and Blaine smiled as Trent sass-ified his moves in a way that reminded him slightly of Kurt.

And the new kid. Seriously. What talent.

Sebastian had seemed nice, but very well… forward in a way Blaine was unaccustomed to. They'd talked some after the Warblers performance, the other boys disappearing to their respective rooms after rehearsal. Apparently they had to study for a big French exam the following day. This left him alone with the newest Warbler. Blaine's politeness and inability to say no landed him a coffee date for Tuesday afternoon, though he didn't realize it until he was halfway home.

Well that's awkward. He decided not to tell Kurt. He'd just let Sebastian know he was off limits tomorrow when they met at the Lima Bean.

This was easier said than done, however. Blaine had never met a gay man more open about what he wanted. Part of him was flattered – because honestly WHY ME?

The more logical side of him was made slightly uncomfortable by Sebastian's obvious interest in him. Did he honestly seem the type that would not only hook up randomly, but also cheat on the person he truly loved? The tricky part was getting out of the situation, and he was handling it fine (he really truly honestly was) until Kurt showed up and got him all tongue tied.

He looked amazing.

He was jealous as hell and God was that hot.

After Sebastian left, Blaine realized that they'd actually agreed to go to the gay bar the next night with Sebastian. Wait what?

"You looked shocked, Blaine. What's up?"

"What just happened?"

"We made plans to go to Scandals tomorrow night."

"Oh. Ok. How the hell did that happen?"

"Blaine."

"Why did you agree? That's not us at all. You realize he's nothing, right? You don't need to prove yourself to me, Kurt."

"Blaine, stop. It's not about proving anything to you. It's about doing something fun for us."

"But the play –"

"-Will still be there later. You need this. I'll even be designated driver, ok. Loosen up a little."

And Blaine could never say no to Kurt. And maybe, just maybe, it would be fun.

They went back to Blaine's empty home, as Kurt had mentioned Finn wanted the Hudson-Hummel house that evening. He didn't mind at all. As far he was concerned, Kurt could stay here with him forever.

He had a nightmare that night.

"KURT!"

"I'm here, honey. I'm right here."

"KUUUUURRTTTT."

"Shhhh. You're fine. You're safe."

He awoke. "ohgodohgodohgod."

"I've got you."

Blaine felt Kurt slide a pill into his hands. He brought it to his lips. He felt Kurt tip a glass of water against his mouth. He swallowed.

Okay, fine, he'll admit it. Blaine was excited.

He and Kurt never got to go out like this. Usually they watched movies and talked about music, sometimes they'd head over to a New Directions party, and they'd dance around their rooms if the inclination hit them. But this was new territory.

Blaine wanted this. He wanted to go to a place where he wouldn't have to fear repercussions if he kissed his boyfriend. And he wanted this with Kurt. He wanted to dance with Kurt and kiss Kurt and shout that he loved him to a room of people who wouldn't hate them for it.

It was a little different from what he expected, but not unpleasantly.

"Remember to cut yourself off, Blaine. You took medication this morning," Kurt reminded him.

"I'll only have one."

"Right."

"I mean it."

"Ok." They kissed and then Blaine sipped at his beer.

"You're gonna dance with me, right Kurt?"

"Maybe in a little bit."

"I'll dance with you, Blaine," said Sebastian.

Blaine could feel Kurt's gaze on him the entire time, but dancing with Sebastian felt nice. Really nice. It was amazing to be able to this with another boy and seriously no one gave a shit! He kept looking over at Kurt with a join me in his eyes.

But Kurt was still working on his drink. Now that he thought about it, he's was really thirsty too. "Hey, Sebastian, can we-."He gestured at the bar.

"Absolutely."

And then 1 beer became 2 and 2 became… something. All he knew was that he loved dancing. And he loved dancing with Kurt. And Sebastian was so nice because he kept buying him drinks since it was his first time there.

People were awesome and life was awesome. And Kurt was amazing. And, God, this was the best night of his life. The only thing that could make it better was Kurt.

But why wasn't Kurt kissing him? Why was Kurt fighting him? Kurt had said – he said he wanted this, that he was ready.

But Kurt was yelling, and Blaine wasn't completely sure why. "I've never felt less like being intimate with someone!"

I've never felt less like being intimate with someone.

I've never felt less like being intimate with someone.

"I think I'm just going to walk home."

What had been the point of all this? This had all been Kurt's idea. He'd even given him the permission to drink as long as he didn't overdo it. How many had he had again? 3? 4, maybe? Blaine felt himself stagger, and he reached a hand out for the light post ahead of him to regain his balance. He leaned heavily against it.

It was cold. His jacket was still probably in his car with Kurt.

Kurt. Where was he?

Oh, right. I've never felt less like being intimate with someone. Why didn't Kurt want him? Kurt was supposed to love him. Did Kurt not love him anymore?

He reached the end of the street and tried to read the signs in front of him. His vision blurred. He thought he saw G-R-E. It was probably GREETING ROAD. Good, he knew where that was. He turned left and walked up the street.

Except at some point, he fell forward, scraping his hands against the rough sidewalk. His stomach rebelled, and he twisted, vomiting into the nearby bushes. And, really, he just realized how much he hurt.

His stomach. His throat. His heart. Where was Kurt?

He was hurting and Kurt wasn't here.

Oh right. They'd fought. Kurt wouldn't be here.

Blaine knew he was not okay. He wanted Kurt. Was that a car? Someone needed to turn those damn lights off. He curled up, trying to quell his nausea and get his eyes to focus on something. They landed on the boots in front of him. Kurt.

"Blaine. How many did you have?"

What? Had Kurt just slapped him?

"Come on, Blaine! This is important. How many?"

I've never felt less like being intimate with someone.

First Kurt didn't want him anymore…and now he was mad at him for drinking? But he'd said it was ok.

"Imma wawk 'ome."

"Blaine."

"Imma wawk 'ome." Blaine pushed himself up to a sitting position.

"Honey, at least let me drive you home. You're sick. And you're going the wrong way."

He shivered. It was cold. It would be warm in the car. "Jus' ta'e me 'ome, Kur'."

"Okay. I've got you, honey. You're going to be fine."

He awoke up alone, surrounded his aches and cold sheets. His head was killing him. His heart hurt worse. He was unlucky enough to remember last night, at least some of it. He remembered Kurt telling him he didn't want him.

But hadn't Kurt brought him home? Where was he? He certainly wouldn't have left him alone in the state he was in, right? Blaine glanced over at the red chair where Kurt, no doubt, had curled up with his own blanket and pillow.

Blaine pulled on a pair of slipper socks and padded into the kitchen from where the aroma of coffee seemed to be originating.

"Blaine? That you?" a tired voice called. Had he slept at all last night?

"Yeah," Blaine replied as he sat down opposite Kurt, groaning into his hands.

"You scared me. "

Something sounded off. Kurt hadn't touched him, hadn't kissed him, but Kurt looked so sad and scared that it made Blaine's heart ache.

"Kurt, what happened last night?"

"Are you sure you want to talk about that right now?"

"Kurt."

"You had a bad reaction between you meds and the alcohol you drank last night. But you're ok. I called Carole to make sure."

"Carole!"

"I was worried, Blaine. We need to watch you better next time."

If there would be a next time with Kurt ever again. "Last night…Kurt, you said you didn't want me."

"You tried to have sex with me last night. I said no."

"I what?"

"You pulled me into the car because you wanted me."

"I did that?"

"You did."

"Can you – um – go, Kurt? Just for now."

"You're going to be ok?"

"Yeah. I just need time to think."

"Ok, Blaine. See you at school later," Kurt said placing a glass of water in front of him.

As Blaine got ready for school, feeling miserable and alone, the cloud of last night's events cleared in his now sober mind. He remembered dancing with Sebastian and Kurt strutting over to them during "Don't Leave Me This Way." At the time, it had seemed that Kurt was joining them, but knowing what he did now about the fight, it was clear that Kurt had been protecting what was his. He was joining Blaine.

Sebastian. He hadn't seemed like a threat, and there was really no way he could've known about how quickly alcohol affected Blaine because of meds. He's pretty sure that he only had three. Still, that was way too much for his medicated body. Sebastian had pushed them into his hands so quickly it had seemed like one, even though he knew Sebastian was getting him drinks.

There needs to be a better way for Blaine to watch himself.

He remembered pulling Kurt into the car with him, the struggle of heavy limbs fighting each other. Kurt had tried so hard to pull Blaine off of him. Why hadn't Blaine's mind registered that? He was able to fill in the dialogue gaps, noticing now that it wasn't that Kurt didn't want him, it was that Kurt didn't want him then.

He'd been really hurt by the attention Blaine had been giving to Sebastian. He wanted his first time to be beautiful, and not dirtied by alcohol and pressure. Blaine had always said it was Kurt's decision, and he'd completely ignored that.

God, he was such a douche bag.

And, yet, Kurt still followed him, took him home when he was sick, and stayed with him until he fell asleep (probably even after). He didn't deserve it. Blaine felt he didn't deserve a boyfriend like Kurt, who'd made sure he was ok despite the way he'd hurt him only minutes before.

Guilt wrapped her tendrils around his heart, squeezing tightly. Self-loathing.

They had their dress rehearsal for the show that evening. Somehow, Blaine would have to play it cool. He could do this. Maybe Tony's life could make him forget the mistakes of his own.

And that worked – part of the time. He went over his script during Thursday's classes, knowing he looked terrible from the day before. He could feel the gazes the Glee club members watching him critically, knowing that something had happened between him and Kurt. Even Artie had approached him, concerned.

"I'll be fine," Blaine said. "I've got Tony."

Kurt was still avoiding him. He didn't blame him.

That afternoon, Blaine let himself escape into the mind and body of the ex-gang member.

Friday went much the same way, though the knowledge that they'd be opening the show that night terrified him. Nick had called that morning to tell him the Warblers were excited to see him, and as much as he loved knowing they would be there, it also made him feel even more pressured to make his performance perfect.

Even if – he swallowed painfully – Kurt wouldn't be behind scenes cheering him on.

His almost sex with Kurt had been ugly. How was he supposed to channel the sexual energy of Maria and Tony when his own attempt had ended so disastrously? Rachel's answer was love and soul-mates, that they both knew that.

Soul-mates?

He remembered meeting Kurt on the Dalton Staircase. "Teenage Dream." Coffee date after coffee date. Seeing RENT and watching When Harry Met Sally. "Blackbird." Their first kiss, their competition duet. The desperate hug they'd shared at McKinley after Kurt's transfer. The excited calls from New York. "I love you." The look on Kurt's face when he realized Blaine had transferred to be with him. The many kisses they'd shared in secret at McKinley. Dancing with Kurt at Scandals.

Kurt softly caressing his hair, as he breathed heavily against Blaine's neck. "Be ok. I love you, you asshole. Please." And then, a kiss to his forehead that Blaine hadn't remembered before. Kurt grasping his hand as he withdrew to the nearby chair.

Soul-mates.

Kurt.

Tony sang to Maria, but Blaine spoke the words for the man smiling from stage left. The man he loved, and whom he knew still loved him. An apology was horribly overdue.

And at the end of the night, when Blaine finally had a chance alone with Kurt, when he could feel the pounding of Kurt's heart against their clasped hands even as the beating of his own filled his ears, when Kurt had pulled Blaine against him whispering breathlessly "You take my breath away"… it was then that Blaine knew that they were forever.

"I was so proud to be with you."

"I hope so. I want you to be." That's all I ever wanted.

The End