Please read this, it's actually important this time.

Alright my cookies, here it is. The end. I know some of you are going to hate me for this... but I like it. I know it's a giant, huge, long emo rant disguised as a story, but I'm proud of it. I KNOW most of you are going to be pissed by the end of it and all of the pairings but... I still like it. It was supposed to end this way from the beginning. I do thank you guys though, it's been awesome to have other people read my writing and enjoy it. I've enjoyed your feed back immensely and I think you're great so I hope I don't let you down completely with this chapter despite it being both emo and so so so SO cheesy. But this was the plan from the beginning and I'm glad I stuck to it.

Sorry it took so long to get out, (that's what he said) but I had a really hard time wrapping this chapter up. (It's about this point you can ignore me and go ahead with the story if you want) But to be honest I didn't want to let this story go. I loved writing it, and I loved the characters, and worst of all even though I knew this was how it was going to end I didn't want it to end this way.

I know it seems to drag on forever, but that is mostly because I put a lot of my own feelings into this. I wanted to convey a very brutal love, like my own first love was, and show that it was still love in the end and that is what mattered. I also really wanted to get across that love never fades, even if it moves on. So I'm sorry if it does disappoint, piss off, or make you hate my writing, but this just sort of wrote itself and I'm proud to stick by it. Much love and thanks, LLCoyote

!Happy reading!

Tori

They say time flies when you're having fun... I think that is even more true when you're having sex (whether it's fun or not). Graduation reared its ugly head up on us before we even had a chance to realize what was happening. I'm not sure you really CAN grip the concept of graduation entirely until it's upon you for the first time. It was like a slap to the face, one day you wake up and realize it's all over, and it's all starting. The extremity of the situation is physically and mentally painful as your life rips in two different directions. You're never happy on this day, especially if you're in Hollywood Arts. H.A kids are destined to go somewhere, to be somebody... and that means going where ever the people want you. Very few of us get to stay together, or even in touch. We go where the audience wants us to be. As a performer, you learn to please the people. As Jade's friend, you learn that lesson ten fold.

She stands in the rear of the line, looking even less enthused than I thought she would. There's a trademark Jade scowl on her face, even though I can't see it. We're all in the alphabetical order of our last names, so the only people 'together' are Cat and I. Even at that she is four students ahead of me, bouncing up and down without looking back. No one is looking back. No one but Andre. His eyes are set on me, reassuring and calm. My best friend, he never has let me down, so I trust him that I'm safe now. Usually I'd look to Jade for such reassurance, but she isn't offering me any today. She isn't offering me anything.

My gaze turns back to the raven haired beauty that I've come to love so much it feels like a knife to the chest when I think of her. The gorgeous actress stands rim rod straight, face flat, shoulders squared. Those piercing eyes are scanning the crowd, staring people down and daring them to say something and ruin her proud, boastful attitude that she's surrounded herself in. It hurts to see her. Fuck does it hurt. I shake my head and swallow some bile as I try to get the guts up to try and catch her eye. She refuses to look at me, and speaking to me isn't even a plausible option anymore. Jade hates me right now.

I'm leaving for London tomorrow for a co-starring part in an under-rated movie that the producer hopes will take the box office by storm as a 'black horse'. It's a long shot, but aren't they all? It's my chance. My chance to finally be the star I've dreamed of my whole life. My chance to escape. All Jade sees is I'm leaving her, and she knows this is exactly what I've been waiting for. The opportunity to do something I have been trying to do for the two years since we started fucking. I'm walking out that door... and I'm not ever coming back. Not to this school, not to my family's house, and not to her. I have to get away from her. If I'm ever going to make it anywhere, if I even hope to be happy I have to run away from her. As fast as I can and not look back. Not even a glance, I can't give her a split second because if I do, she'll catch me again.

I could love Jade. I guess that's the wrong way to say it because I DO love her. What I meant is I could stay with Jade. I could be with her forever... I can still remember that one night I had sex with Beck. We curled up in my room and I got to touch the real, unrestrained Jade. If she would let down her walls, forget about these stupid rules, leave Beck, ditch Cat, and just try... I could stay with her. It'd be easy. I've spent two years trying to be with her, three if you count the year I met her that we WEREN'T having sex. In that time I've done everything one woman can do, and she still refuses to love me. I realize that I can belong to Jade but Jade will never belong to me. She'll never be mine like I'm her's. I'm not sure why, but I know that I can't take it any more.

If it hasn't happened yet, I need to realize it isn't happening and move on with my life. I refuse to be one of those people that are stuck. Running in circles and trying to preserve something that has long since been wilting and refusing to let it die. I've poked and prodded and stoked a dying flame... but it's time to let the embers burn to ash and the ash to fly away with the wind. I need to accept that no one can hold Jade West. It's like putting an elephant on a leash, you can try your damnedest, but that thing is NOT moving if it doesn't want to... However I can't say that it doesn't kill me that I have to do this. It's like stuck in a bear trap. I HAVE to cut my foot off if I'm going to live, but I'll never get that foot back and it'll bleed and hurt for months. I'll have to learn how to walk again. I'll have to learn how to live Jade-less and right now, in the moment than I'm actually leaving her, I'm thinking loosing a literal foot would be easier. This pain is almost blinding.

My name is getting closer and closer on the list until finally, there is nothing between me and the awaiting stage but some concrete stairs. Helen isn't genuine when she smiles at me, I'm not sure why but she never got around to really liking me the way most people did. Sikowitz on the other hand is practically jumping up and down, waving his hand behind the short woman, making sure I look over him. Making sure I don't miss him right now, because I know I will later. Slowly, and with caution, I step up onto the stage and straighten myself out. With a small grin I try and gracefully close the 15 step distance between Helen and myself. I manage not to trip and fall on my face on the way over. She gives my hand a warm shake before shoving the paper into my grasp. The crowd claps, a few whistle, and I take a front row seat next to Andre, Robbie, and Cat. Who knows where Beck is. He's been disappearing more and more lately.

Students come and go, people I couldn't care less about. Their names are just part of the constant buzz of noise in the air, and hold just about as much meaning to me as the cough I just heard from an older gentleman two rows back. "Jadelyn August West!" Helen says, beaming at the goth in a way she didn't at me. It's the name I've been waiting for. My eyes lock onto the woman I love so intensely. This is it. The curtain is about the close. The finale is here and the show is almost over. I'm crying a little, my chest is swelling so hard it hurts. Andre reaches over to grasp my knee lightly. Whether he's feeling anxious because this is the last person of our group and knows it's ending too, or to comfort me I don't know... but I'm so glad it's there. Wrapping around tight and warm, reminding me I'm not alone in the last moments.

Jade's front right boot slams against the stage with this certain air she always seems to have. She never tries to be graceful, but somehow that blunt, powerful, demanding stride, full of weight and determination is the most elegant thing I've ever seen. Like poetry that doesn't rhyme, her motions don't need to flow, they cut through the norm and slice through you with a blunt truthfulness that is stunningly beautiful. Helen's hand confidently holds a diploma out to the girl as she takes the stage. As always, Jade's presence commands attention and love from the audience and even those that don't know her clap earnestly. How could they not? Her head is held high, chest puffed out, with a smile/smirk on her face that isn't just there for show. That expression isn't made to appease the audience, to look good for a picture, or to rub it in anyone's face. Jade is smiling because she's done it. Something for her, that no one can take away. While Jade doesn't share much with me... I know she's struggled her entire life. I know that half of the time it's seemed like one big crap storm after another, and now, that tiny piece of paper is letting her move forward. Every step she takes is another step toward freedom and not depending on anyone.

I wipe some tears that are dripping down from my eyes. I can't loose it, I can't be weak. Her eyes pass over the crowd, locking on her father and raising her chin a little higher, as if to laugh silently in his face, then they continue down the rows. Andre gets a small nod from her, and her eyes seem to soften and even contemplate Cat, until finally she zeros in her gaze on me. I don't think she's ever looked so happy, and for a moment, her smile softens from pride,to something akin to love. No, it IS love. So much of it, captured in her eyes and I know that's as far as it will ever get. That love will never escape her gaze. It'll never be mine to touch again. It beats against those glassy walls of her eyes like a caged animal, begging to be free but unable to escape... But I can feel it thrumming in my heart as I return her stare. It's strong, and it makes my vision blur with tears, my heart soar, my stomach flip, and my mind soften. For those few seconds, I'm on a love high... and with a tiny shake of her head and a coy wink my way, her eyes leave me and she exits the stage... The high is over. I plummet from the air like crashing plane.

We don't meet up afterwards... We never say 'I'll keep in touch', because we know that's a lie. We never hug and tell the other they'll be missed and without them, life will be twice as hard as it is now. We both know life is going to hurt, going to suck without each other until our wounds heal. That smile said it all, and when she exits that stage, Jade West exits my life. I practically hear the curtain thump closed as I watch her walk straight down the rows, to her car, then right out of the parking lot without waiting for a soul...And she'll never know how hard I screamed into my pillow when I got home. Her eyes will never see that hole I punched in my wall. She'll never know how I lamented every second she was gone. Jade West will never know how desperately and brokenly I cried for her that night... or how by the morning, I was all cried out.

~wmvmw~

I always said I wanted to be a pop star. When I was little, it was just a dream. When Trina got into Hollywood Arts and no one even thought to ask me to audition, it was a ridiculous notion. When I got into H.A, it was a possibility... And now it's a reality. I've had four songs top the charts just in the last two months. My concerts? Sold out with desperate people standing outside the stadium just to hear. In the ten years since I left H.A. I've had five world tours, and I'm getting ready for another. I've starred in two major movies... Oh and I'm married. That last one has nothing to do with my fame, but everything to do with success.

Victoria Harris is not a catchy name when you first hear it, but the longer I have the title, the higher regard I hold it in. Andre is an amazing man. Patient, kind, smart, funny, talented, like a puma in the bed, and a great father. We have two fraternal twin girls... and I have a family that ten years ago, never seemed possible. I've matured from that awkward, fumbling, yet oddly talented girl that was timid and crushed in high school, to a proud, strong mother who's family would give up anything for. It means more than any record deal or photo shoot could ever could. There is something about a family that you don't understand when you're a kid. Something that just... I don't know, you never grasp. It's like something you are told a million times and you even agree, but you never really GET it. Family is everything. Now that I have one of my own, I know that's true.

It's because of that realization that I'm able to do this. Something I swore I would never do, and a place I swore I'd never return to. My heels click against the linoleum of the hallways that I remember traveling up and down for years, but I don't recognize them. What isn't covered by multiple tacky banners that say 'Class of 2013 first annual ten year reunion' is completely different from the Hollywood Arts I knew. New people, with new tastes, putting new finger prints and designs on lockers, their first true taste of artistic freedom. And in another few years, the lockers will change again, and give way to generation after generation of artists, singers, writers, actors, and anyone that even remotely shows promise to Hellene.

My hand tenses on Andre's as we make our way toward the old Asphalt Cafe. There are nerves fluttering in my veins like butterflies that just got their wings. But at least I'm not being flocked by too many people. The cool thing about this is no one is staring at me because I'm famous, they are staring because they know me. My name isn't shouted out in admiration, but recognition. And that same aspect that makes it so cool, makes it scary as hell. I don't have many friends outside the family. Not any real 'deep' or 'close' friends. I've met people on sets and I've been outwardly friendly as often as I can bare to be, but what time I have left over from my job isn't to be wasted on people that aren't my family. So being around people that don't just see me as a pop star or an actress, but as silly, goofy, popular, up-and-coming Tori Vega is a terrifying to say the very least.

I slide into a seat in one of the two tables we used to frequent as kids, every one else here seems to be doing the same. Like the chairs are placed in a state of eternal dibs. Andre pats my shoulder and smiles. "I'm gunna grab some grub! You think Festus is still running that grungy old truck?" He says, swinging his legs around the bench and not even waiting for an answer. It wasn't really a question that required one anyway. More so a little joke, or something to ponder. Though I don't really want to 'ponder' Festus, and I highly doubt he's still running the grub truck. The poor yerbanian would be bonkers for sure by now after all these years dealing with kids. Almost as crazy as Sikowitz is... well was. There were two people I wouldn't be seeing here for sure. My beloved acting teacher passed away two years ago in a car crash with Lane... I didn't even have the gall to go to the funerals. Though I was never AS close to Lane as Sikowitz. I had a good reason for not going though, because I knew who would be there.

"O-m-geee! Tori?" A familiar sing-song voice beckoned me from behind. It was a bit deeper now, but I knew way before I turned around, that it was Cat. Red hair, dressed in an outrageous but beautiful pink retro dress, heels so high I swear she is standing on her tip toes. "Cat Valentine!" I squeal, my arms reaching out to her the second I see her. I thought that after seeing her naked so many times in the past, I'd never be able to face her once I put some distance between us. But seeing her now, I can honestly say the only things I feel are overwhelming joy, and relief. I missed her. Cutting Cat out of my life was necessary, and painful. I'm not sure the pain ever went away. I thought it did, but now I realize that I was just pushing the pain down, and focusing on other things. Seeing her face made the pain fade for REAL.

She pulls back, keeping her arms around my shoulders with an almost smug smile. "Nope. That's not me." Her hand pulls back to show a massive, yet classy diamond strapped onto her ring finger. It's cup cake shaped, and pink, but it's defiantly a diamond. "Oh my goodness CAT! Who's the lucky man?" I ask stupidly, forgetting that gay marriage was legalized once again in California a year after we graduated from high school. "Woman." Cat corrects me with a Cheshire grin. Being oblivious as ever I toss my hands up in defeat. "Fine! Then who are you now Cat?" My smile broadens as she giggles and twirls that thick red hair around a finger for a moment, contemplating. Her eyes turn a little more firm, head raises, chest puffs out. In that moment she doesn't look like Cat... She's proud... and she kind of looks like- "It's Catarina Hannah West now." She states firmly, and my jaw pretty much hits the floor. Yup, she defiantly learned that stance from Jade. My surprise is almost too much to get a handle on, but I'm not sure why, it really isn't so unlikely.

But I suppose I always assumed Jade would either break off from both Beck and Cat, or she'd marry Beck. This was... completely unexpected... and I haven't the slightest clue what to say. I won't tell you I haven't FOLLOWED Jade's carrier. I try not to but I can't help over hearing. She did a few small films, then some plays, and most recently every damn casting director in the world is on their knees for Jade West. Despite knowing this, Jade is very private with what goes on behind closed doors. That, paired with my intense need to avoid anything with her name in it, has left me in the dark. Now the light is turned on full, and I'm squinting like I do in the early mornings and Andre flips the switch to get me up. It stings a little, it's very annoying, and I'm totally unsure how to react. But unlike my rude morning awakenings, it makes me happy in a way. Happy that Cat finally got her girl.

Now that I think of it, I knew she always would. She SHOULD be with Jade. I watched the sweet red head take years of crap from Jade, waiting by Jade's feet for the day she'd finally be welcomed by the goth's side. No matter what happened. No matter what Jade did or said, Cat would stay with her. Love is just that powerful. Plus, Jade always did have this way of looking at Cat every day that I only remember getting twice. Once the night I lost my virginity, and last at graduation. Whether Jade realized it or not, I think it was hopeless from the start. Cat was going to have her... and now she does apparently.

"W-wow Cat I don't know what to say." I babble, but smile all the same as Andre swings back into a seat beside me. "You're one to talk Mrs. Harris!" She scolds, pointing at my husband who is shoveling food gracelessly into his mouth. He smiles through his chicken and says something along the lines of 'Hey little red'... but that's about it. Men and food... they just can't help themselves can they? It's a good thing they are serving roasted chicken, because if it were any sort of pork, I'd never get him off of that buffet table. The man loves his ham.

"Yeah I guess... how long have you guys been together officially?" I ask, unable to stop myself. Right now I don't want to talk about me. Just her and Jade... like a junkie needs a fix I NEED to know what happened. I wish Andre hadn't come back. It's hard to talk about this as it is, and I don't need him asking stupid questions. He knows the bare minimum of my high school extra circular activities. Cat smiles sweetly at me, swirling her purple punch, "Since a year after graduation. Beck left for Australia... and when he came back Jade says it wasn't the same. A couple months later, I was staring at a certain dark haired beauty down on one knee. Jade let me plan the ceremony. You'd know all of this if you'd have bothered to come." She said, there was hurt in her voice, but also understanding. I could tell by the smile on her face that she didn't really mean to guilt me.

"I see, and... where is she?" I ask nervously. My hands fumble against the fabric of my dress. Are my knees shaking? No... it's my entire body. The redhead turns to point up the stairs to the higher deck, and on the edge of a tiny crowd, I can see her. She hasn't changed at all. It's like she hasn't aged. Perhaps she grew a few inches, but from this spot it's hard to tell. She's still shaped like a goddess, her hair is still thick and coated in black hair dye, she's ditched the blue and green streaks that darted through her tresses in high school. The locks are pinned up in a delicate up hair-do. Unlike Cat's puffy skirt, Jade wears a dark purple dress with a slight sheen to it. It only has one shoulder, with a low cut neck line, and the entire dress has a light covering of black lace, which extends a little past the bottom of her form fitting attire and brushes her knees. The actress glows under the moonlight, smiling in unrestricted happiness as she chats with Robbie, Beck, and a much less creepy Sinjin. She's perfect... and I realize that she'll always be perfect. Apparently Cat's waving hand distracts her, and her eyes snap over quickly to make sure every thing is ok. They're hard and calculating for a split second, and I can see that familiar protective look in them. The second Robbie sees me, he pats her pale shoulder and trots down the stairs to our table. Beck is close at his heels and a passive Jade brings up the rear.

"There she is." Cat says excitedly, pointing at the dark angel as she steps down from the last metal step, gracefully using Beck's hand on the dismount but disconnecting with him the second her foot is on the floor. Robbie hugs me, and I'm sure I hug him back and give an automated greeting, but I'm not paying any attention. Beck doesn't really speak, but I know he's only trying to wait. To see if I'm ok with all of this or if I'm over whelmed. Always considering others. He's a damn good guy despite the fact he can be an ass at TIMES. Deep down though... he's good. Jade crosses the tiny space between the stairs and our group, and I can see her breath caught in her lungs, pressing against her pale breasts and making them puff out into the dress. It's a lot more painful to see her than I imagined, and she obviously feels the same. Andre's hand squeezes mine, reminding me that he is here and I don't have to be afraid... but I'm not afraid. My heart is swelling in my chest and my eyes are glittering with tears I won't let spill. My head is spinning and my knees are wobbling like jello... but I'm not afraid. I'm overwhelmed by residual feelings, familiar passion, and fleeting thoughts... but I'm not afraid. My love for her will always be strong, and will never go away. It's ok... when I don't have to see her. It doesn't HURT when she isn't here. But those flawless green eyes on mine are as painful as a knife to the chest.

Jade exhales as Cat's arm loops around her waist. A small hand on the actress' hip, fingers gently tightening and loosening against the fabric, reassuring squeezes that seem to tiny redhead calms the beast inside of Jade into a more comfortable state with a simple touch. Cages it back before Jade can release it, because that's what she does when things hurt. I can only assume she's hurting too as I finally find the courage to hold eye contact. Jade's beautiful lips pull back into a smile. A real one. One that says that she is relieved to see me, that she's wondered and worried over me all these years, and that she loves me too. I know, because Jade always worries about her things... and in a sick way, I'll always belong to her. Even if it's just a little bit.

"Tori Harris. I'll be damned." She says, her arm wrapping around Cat's shoulder tightly. The smaller girl doesn't object but she lets out the smallest of squeaks. She knows that Jade isn't trying to hurt her, simply trying to deal with the pain that is parading around her skull. I attempt a smile at the tall, pale beauty, "Jade West... you look great." I can't help but say, my hand waving to her flawless body. It couldn't be more true either, it's like time hasn't even started to consider even maybe the possibility of making her look older. The actress rolls her eyes, "Yeah, you too. Ya know, for someone who's pushed two kids out of her vagi-" "Jade!" Cat cuts her off, bumping her hip into her wife in a scolding manner. The tension floods out of me. Same old crass, say and do what ever I want Jade and it's nice to know that some things will always be the same.

"Yeah, two little girls. They wear on the hips." I say, patting them lamely. I can hear Andre snort at my awkwardness. Jade simply purses her lips and looks down at Cat. My awkwardness is no longer something Jade is accustomed to dealing with. For the first time I see a bit of vulnerability on her face, she's looking for direction. The little singer gladly gives it, "You can't tell at all Tori. Mind if we sit?" She asks, waving a hand to the seats around us. I agree, but only because it's uncomfortable to simply stand when there is a perfectly good table right here. Robbie and Andre start to chat, asking about how he finally got that stupid puppet off of his wrist, and Beck waves us goodbye to go back to his wife, a woman I've never even met. Jade, Cat, and I sit there silently, soaking up this odd, familiar feeling. The feeling of us being together. After Jade introduced me to Cat sexually, life was totally different and when we were together, it was like we were our own little family. I truly think that on some level, we all loved each other (even though I just KNEW Cat hated Jade paying me any attention). When we were together, just the feeling of each other being there, occupying the same space, brought us peace. We're sharing that same feeling now as the initial pain dulls to a gentle throb.

We finally start talking, mostly about our careers and my children. I don't tell them anything like their names, or what they like, I know neither girl cares but my children are all I know to talk about. They are what I have to show from my life... or at least it's how I feel. Jade doesn't even pretend to act like she cares about the subject matter but neither of them seem honestly enthralled in the conversation. I can see that despite being here with me, they're more interested in each other. Jade is on hyper alert, looking to Cat for guidance, and Cat is watching Jade curiously for reasons I can't place. But they aren't rude to me. I know they want to be here, to talk to me as much as I do them. They even add things at times, tell things about themselves. It goes on for hours, us talking, dancing, laughing, and the world stops. We get one night to live in the love we thought was lost forever... and it flies by. Because in reality we can't stop time and we all know that. We have to accept that. While it feels nice now, while I can clearly see VERY subtle changes in Jade and fairly dramatic ones in Cat... we split for a reason. So I know that as the crowd thins out and the goodbye hugs are given, that I'll never see them again. We all know that.

Andre heads to the car at about one in the morning, and I'm on his heels. We were the last ones there. The reunion was only set to last until 11, but we'd stayed after with Helen's permission. I sigh and wipe my eyes, getting one last look at Hollywood Arts. I'd faced my demon, and now I knew for certain that I wasn't ever coming back. My business here was finished, I could move on with my life. I turn back toward the parking lot and wave to Cat and Jade as I pass the actress' expensive truck. "Hey! Tori Vega!" The goth shouts, there is a wide smile on her face and she's giving me 'the look'. The one she only ever gave to Cat or Beck back in high school. Confidant and beaming, with her chest puffed out, sharing in my accomplishment. "I'm damn proud you made something of your sorry ass." She says with a smile before getting into the truck and slamming the door. I know that the toughness is all an act, and I remember what Cat said to me all those years ago, on her knees, rubbing my back as I cried after a particularly painful night with Jade.

"Jade doesn't get love Tori. She doesn't understand it. All she knows is sex and pride. Any affection you see from her is a combination of those two things. I've been with her for over 4 years now, and you see how she treats me. Remember that week we worked on the float? How awful she was to me? But I know she loves me Tori. I know because no matter what she says or does, when she looks at me, she's proud. Proud of who I am, and proud of what I've done. It's all she understands and I promise one day, when she's a bigger person... she'll be proud of you too. And then you'll know... Jade loves you Tori."

My hand slides down to my purse to grab my phone as I slide into the car. "You callin the baby sitter?" Andre asks, tilting his head slightly as he turns the keys to the Porsche. I nod silently. "Hello? Harris residence." A voice on the other line answers politely. "Hey it's me! How are the girls?" I whisper for reasons that are beyond me. A light giggle rings out over the line, "Lilly was a little hard to get to sleep, but once Cadence was down she gave up. They're fine now, that was hours ago. Want me to give them the phone?" The sitter whispers. I chuckle as a large truck zooms out of the parking lot, cutting off a line of cars who blare their horns. A familiar pale finger shoots out the window and Andre and I both crack up. "No. It's fine Laura... let them sleep. We'll be home in a bit." I wipe my eyes for the last time that night, and remind myself I'm headed home to my family. I'm not in high school anymore and they are what really matters now. The feelings will fade. Maybe this time they'll fade even more than the last.

It's true. Jade West loves me... and I love her more than I'll ever be able to tell you. That type of love is born when someone teaches you things you never knew, and you give them things you can't get back. I love Jade West not only for everything we shared or everything she is, but also because like it or not, painful or pleasant, through blood, sweat, and sex she made me a woman. I'm proud of myself too...

JADE

Blue hats and gowns, black eyeliner and mascara, crudely mock the bruises I'm feeling on my heart. Graduation is a confusing time, especially for a woman like me. One who doesn't get change. I don't know why the world doesn't just keep turning the way it's been turning for the past two years. We had a damn good thing going and time just up and shit all over it! I'm sure my perception of the past is a little more warped than others. For someone who loves black so much, looking back on the years, I only see gray.

Compromise, numbness, vacancy, are what make the biggest splotches on the painting of my high school years. There is one white area. (There are actually three white areas, but I don't realize it at the time.) Tori Vega is the only one I can see right now, maybe because her space just got particularly brighter. She's a pure, blinding white. Not because of some innocence and not because she lights up my world or some dumb hippie shit. Tori is white because she makes me feel so much. Unlike Beck or Cat, she doesn't just make me love her... she makes me hate her too. She makes me feel afraid, happy, angry, sad, torn, broken, safe, grounded, unstable, and the list can go on and on. Every emotion has it's color. And it's this never ending mix of contrasting colors, that make her white. They violently collide with each other in this strong, over baring brightness of white that is Tori Vega. And recently she just exploded all over my canvas. She spilled that ivory paint all over my masterpiece of grey with only a few words.

"I'm leaving Jade." She'd said a few nights ago. Being my normal bitch of a self, I snorted and told her that we were ALL leaving. It's graduation. She didn't tsk or roll her eyes like she usually does with my poor attitude, instead she slid to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them to her chest. "I'm going to London." She whispered, not looking into my eyes. I don't blame her. Within a split second my dull expression falls and they're flaming with an amount of anger and intensity that she could never seem to tolerate. "When are you coming back?" I snarl through gritted teeth. She's an actress and a singer, I knew she'd travel. But she'll come back... right? Can she hear my heart jumping like a jackrabbit? Desperate to get into my throat and spew out words of love, words that it knows will make her stay. The brunette weakly shakes her head from side to side, "I'm not Jade." It's so quiet. The way she says it. Her heart is breaking, just like it has so many times before for me. The only difference is... my heart is breaking along side of hers.

It isn't beating loudly in my ears now, pumping panicked blood through my veins. It's so slow and relaxed, despite my chest being constricted and without any air at all. All I can do is stare at her, and I stare and stare, hoping maybe if I do I'll burn a hole straight through her legs and she won't be able to walk away from me. I can't stop myself, throwing my coffee mug across the room and straight into the wall. It breaks into a thousand pieces, exploding on impact and bleeding the brown liquid onto the floor. I stand there and huff for for oxygen, I need AIR! I'm desperate... I'm so fucking DESPERATE for her but this hurts. This hurts. I've been broken worse than that mug could have ever been. So I turn toward the door and start to leave in silence.

My feet pause at the door way, my limbs tremble, my eyes sparkle with tears and I look at her. Everything about her is beautiful, broken, but beautiful. I should know, I'm the one that made her that way. Again my breath catches and it hurts so badly I just want to scream. "I love you." I plead gently. A loud, strangled sob breaks free of her throat before she gets enough air to speak, "I know." Her body shakes as she turns away from me, "And I love you too... but it's never been enough and it never will be enough to make it work." In a mad fury I slam the door so hard the handle snaps off.

I drive to Beck's that night in a rage, we fight, we fuck, we scream until finally I'm collapsed on the floor in tears. In the beginning I used Tori and loved Beck... but I just reversed the roles. I used my boyfriend, I was violent with him. Blood is trickling down the side of my face where I've hit my head against the wall. I had been lunging for Beck and he dodged me. In his defense he tried to grab me before impact... but I'm glad it happened. The pain knocked me out of my haze, and coming back into reality, I can see how I've used all of them... not just Tori. Everyone I love. I cling to Beck that night, and I tell him she's leaving... He doesn't understand how much it hurts... no one ever will.

That was it. I never said anything else to her. In fact, I didn't hear very much from her for years afterward. Maybe I did and I just ignored it. I do that... or at least I did. I guess I'm a little less of a bitch now days. Cat says I'm 'pleasantly tolerable' most of the time and we're married so hell... I suppose she'd know better than I do. We all gave Cat shit for being so ditzy in school and yet, she's always seems to know better than I do. Better than any of us ever did. She just wasn't bitchy enough to rub our noses in it like a puppy that messed on the floor. Very patiently she waited for us to come up to her level... to be better than what we were. Something with substance that was worth having. She saw that in all of us, but most of all in me. It's one reason I fell in love with the sneaky little bitch.

Love is a fucked up word, just so you know. Well... no let me rephrase. Love is a perfect word. There is nothing more pure or true. What's fucked up is the labels and limits we put on such an indescribable and unrestricted thing. We're taught from the time we're little, mommies and daddies go together, and love only exists between two people at a time and sex shouldn't live outside of love. It's preposterous. Love doesn't fit in a box any more than the ocean fits into a coffee cup. I think that's why it screws us over so hard too. We're so small, and we have to try and hold this massive substance that is pure, raw love. At first, we throw it away carelessly, then over time we learn that while a burden, while it spills over the walls of our cups and stains everything it touches, or how if burns our throat from the raw heat as we swallow it down, we learn to cherish it.

People who truly cherish love can see the restrictions the world has put on it, and drop them. We let love define itself. Love is only shared between two people at a time because (and I can tell you from first hand experience) it's easier to control that way. But when I was little and I decided I wanted to be an original, to not take the easy or normal way out, without knowing I opened myself up for love to spill out of me in every direction. While I didn't notice it, I wasn't even remotely in control of my love. I called it sex and I gave it away freely. But love has a mind of it's own, and it seeks out who it wants and eventually it zeroed in on who it really wanted. In my lack of control, it decided what I wanted for me. My love wanted Cat. It wanted Beck... and it wanted Tori too.

When I had them all, I was finally sated. It was painful and chaotic, but I was still happy with that. I was in love and in a way, we're all happy in love. We accept in some way that love comes with pain and we don't let that interfere with how happy we really are. Our small group was like a family in a really twisted way. Not in the way you're related, but in the way that when you're together there is this feeling of being whole. We were part of one machine, moving in harmony, never one without the other. It was something I never got at home. My mother was bitter, my father was strict and hateful (on top of the fact he wasn't there after him and mother divorced), and I spent so much time torturing my younger brother that he grew up to hate me as much as dad does. I'm sure they all had their reasons for staying in our little group, I'm sure they had their OWN problems that made them crave the love we so freely gave away. Even though we caused each other pain, the pain of loosing each other was far worse, or at least that was how it LOOKED. We were fooled by this illusion that life without one another was nothing, that the world outside was much worse than the world inside our crooked little home. An illusion I made them see, because in my case it was no illusion at all. So we wrapped our wounds after fights and clung to each other... until Tori saw through the haze, and made a run for it while she could still find a path out.

For a while after that, I clung to Beck. He was everything to me... I don't even remember talking to Cat. I needed Beck. He was so strong. Something was off though, we could both feel it. The break in our little family Tori made, created a crack in our walls and lighted the way for Beck to see out. He wasn't sure about it. I know he loved me... and I still loved him. So I shoved his ass out the door. It came in the form of an acting gig in Australia. We said we'd pick right back up where we left off, but we only said it to dull the pain. It was a lie. By the time Beck came back it was a half a year later, he came over once... to tell me he was engaged. It didn't hurt though. By the time he was back the wound was old, it had healed instead of festered and rotted the way I thought it would.

Of course it could have been because of Cat. I'm pretty sure she's a doctor and not a singer. She stitched me up after he left. She took nights of screaming and anger because I was too afraid to cry in front of her. I covered my sadness up with cruelty and like the angel she is, Cat took the hurtful words and actions in stride as I stormed through the halls of our rented home in a rage. Objects flew, words cut and I'm deeply ashamed to say there were times my hands hit her. In the worst of rages, where I just wanted someone to hurt as bad as I was hurting.

Three months after he left I couldn't take it anymore, I accidentally let my tears flow in front of Cat. I was terrified. I'm supposed to take care of her. I'm supposed to be strong! I'm Jade West and up until that point I thought I was Cat's rock. The fear came over my body in what felt like icy chills as I just cried and waited for her to break too. If I couldn't handle it no way Cat could. I just knew that showing her I was weak would hurt her enough to finally make her leave me too. I was a selfish, weak looser who deserved nothing but the loneliness Tori and Beck had bestowed upon me. I most certainly didn't deserve love after everything I'd done... especially to Cat. So I hung my head in shame and waited for the last one to leave, unable to control my tears and consumed with pain and self hatred... And after a long moment of dreadful silence, Cat wrapped her arms around me and held on. Strong as an ox she supported my entire being as it crashed the rest of the way down and I opened up more than I ever had with anyone. She did it with soft words and gentle hands stroking my body. I'd never felt more loved. It had taken over four years of persistence to get to this place in our relationship, something that no one else had the time, or strength, nor the ability to do for me... and I knew I loved her more than anything else right then.

After that night things slowly started to get better. I no longer had to put so much effort into not thinking about Tori or forcing my attention off of Beck. Strangely enough, Cat and I are kind of (damn it I hate saying this) 'good for each other'. From the time I was a child, I remember being somber and angry. I was ok with those things. They were the norm and I felt no need to change them. At times, I even wondered why people like Tori or Cat or Robbie (especially Robbie seeing he had no prospects) bothered to put so much effort into fighting those emotions that ruled my life. Anger protected me and my over all melancholy attitude kept people that annoyed me at a distance. Self preservation and success was all that ever mattered to me. It wasn't until that night with Cat that I started to want more from life. Cat seemed to supply me with what ever I needed even when I didn't know what I needed. Comfort, stress relief, understanding, and love were given to me without asking.

Over time, I slowly became aware that I did just as much good for Cat as she did for me. The little redhead has never had and self restraint. We've known each other for years, and I can't count how many times I've saved her ass. I was the one that pulled her out of that mental ward in high school after Tori murdered Rex. It was me who stayed the night with her after that incident with Daniel. I even stayed with her on that stupid cupcake float to make sure she didn't wonder outside and get herself murdered. The point is, the more time we spend together, the more she seems to learn what she shouldn't do. She mainly does it because she doesn't want to annoy me (or more likely worry me), but at least as the time passes Cat is starting to recognize these things on her own without me telling her. Also, the more time we spend together, the calmer and more mature she seems to be. Don't get me wrong, she's still ditzy, crazy, never shut up, super energetic Cat, but she's learned to channel it. It most likely because she no longer has to fight for attention, I give her copious amounts at almost all times when we aren't working and that apparently relaxes her... that or we have so much sex she is too tired to act like a nut.

After Beck told me he was engaged it was like a switch went off in my brain. I NEEDED to marry Cat. Sure, we weren't officially doing any more than we did in high school, we just sat around in private and had sex or watched movies or talked, we weren't even by definition dating... and true to a selfish nature, as soon as I heard Beck had something more, I wanted it too. So I put on a romantic facade (which I suck at by the way) and proposed to Cat the best way I could think of... with ice cream. The girl loves ice cream almost as much as she loves me. I took her to the zoo (and barely made it through that experience without being a bitch), and we walked around from one exhibit to the next, Cat blabbering about nothingness the whole time. When I could barely take it anymore I took her to this 'fancy' ice cream place downtown, fingering the ring in my pocket nervously the whole time. I discretely slipped the man behind the counter 30 dollars and a glass dish that had 'will you marry me' printed on the bottom... I don't really know when it all started to go to Hell.

We sat there until the 'waiter' brought over our ice cream. For the past half hour Cat was asking me if I was sick. I WAS sweating profusely and nervously snapping at everyone around us. By the time she was half way through that damn ice cream I was shaking in my seat, lying and saying it was because I was cold. A loud scream broke through our poor excuse for a conversation. "YES! Yes yes yes! Of course I'll marry you!" Some random woman shouts from the other side of the room. My eyes snapped over to see her arms around the neck of a mortified young man. "Aww that's so sweet!" Cat gushed, shoveling another spoonful of the strawberry ice cream down her throat, "Hmm... he doesn't look so happy huh?" I went to put my head in my hands out of frustration, and accidentally hit the tray containing both of our ice creams, which splattered against our shirts. "JADE!" Cat half squealed and half laughed, grabbing gobs of napkins to try and dry herself. "What is the matter with you today?" She grumbled, shaking her head in exasperation. "Cat?" I snapped, bringing her attention from her ruined blouse to me. She gave me a fond smile, "I'm not mad about the shirt Jade."

"I don't care about your damn shirt!" I griped, earning a perk of her perfectly groomed eye brows. "Well if you're going to be huffy." She said with an eye roll. "Cat... that guy" I grumbled, pointing over toward the awkward couple, "Isn't happy because he doesn't want to marry that girl." Cat tilted her head curiously, "Then why would he ask her t-" "He didn't." I interrupted, reaching across the table and picking up the discarded ice cream dish. "This was supposed to be his dish. That," I said pointing over to the dish on the couple's table, "Was supposed to be yours." Cat rolled her eyes, "Why does it matter what dish they got Jade?" Frustrated, I shoved my hand into my pocket and fished out the ring. I awkwardly slid out of my chair and walked around to kneel in front of Cat. It was an odd position, one that I doubt I'll ever be used to. Being low and submissive, knelt on the floor, was fitting really... because it was what I was willing to be for her if she wanted it. My hand held out the ridiculous pink cupcake diamond ring. Cat was stiff and her eyes were wide with curiosity, looking to see if I was joking. "The reason the dish mattered kitty, was the bottom said..." Here goes nothing "Will you marry me?"

After that it gets a little blurry, seeing as one second I was on one knee and the next I felt the air being slammed out of me as Cat tackled me to the floor. I felt her lips collide with mine ruthlessly as my vision began to swim. I blacked out... Turns out Cat made me bust my head on the stone flooring and I woke up in the hospital with a mild concussion. Cat was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking completely pitiful. I groaned and brought a hand up to my head just as she realized I was awake, "Damn it Cat, if you didn't want to marry me all you had to do was say so... the attempted murder was a little bit of an over reaction." Before she broke into tears I smiled and pushed her with my foot, "So what about it baby girl? Wanna be stuck together?" She leaned over and nodded vigorously, kissing me much more gently than the first time, "We've always been stuck together Jade." I chuckled and swung my feet off the bed so I could get up, "Ain't that the truth, when you want something, you always know how to get it huh kitty?" Her eyes rolled, "You're one to talk."

I can't say things got much easier after that. Cat planned a nauseatingly sweet wedding in some super old mansion. It looked like she sprayed the entire place down with pepto bismal to me. I didn't care much though, I was too frantically nervous to care about anything other than making this whole thing go smoothly. Cat told me on multiple occasions to calm down but her pleas fell on deaf ears. This wedding was not going to be a fiasco like the proposal... mostly because I wasn't ever going to go through this grueling, embarrassing scenario again so she better like it the first and only time we say our vows. To my surprise, the world decided not to shit on my happiness that day and everything went perfectly. The worst part was that I cried a little a few times, but out of both respect for me and fear for their lives, no one said anything to me about it. We spent a week in Paris, another in Rio, even one in Japan. Since both of our careers were off to a lovely start, we had some time and money to throw around.

Ten years later, I have the closest someone like me will ever get to a fairy tale. It's not perfect, we have our bad days, our really bad days, and our fair share of screaming and crying matches, but we're together. We never threaten to walk out or to leave, because it isn't even an option. I need Cat, and Cat needs me. Even after ten years that is an odd feeling, to have someone rely on you for nearly everything and vice versa. To be able to trust another human being with that much of yourself feels nearly suicidal, yet it cannot be helped or stopped. I wonder at times if it scares Cat like it does me. It seems so natural for her to give, and I'm a greedy old troll who tries to cling on to everything I have, only reluctantly releasing some to her when I have to. But it works some how, crazy as it may be, I've found someone who can hold all of my love even as brutal and harsh as it is and in return, I hold her love too.

~wmvmw~

Reunions. Who the hell thought that reuniting with your old high school class was a good idea? Please point them out to me so I can throw the stupid punch bowl at their face! Get it? Punch bowl? Wow... I've been around Cat way too much. There goes the last bit of my self respect. Anyway, the point is I can't remember a time when I was this angry. I mean, I can but it was a really really long time ago. I spent half of the night talking to Beck and Robbie, even Sinjin was an alright conversationalist. After a couple of hours I allowed myself to relax. She wasn't coming. The thought of seeing her now makes me physically ill. Just when I thought I was safe, she comes traipsing through the door like a frightened puppy. My attention quickly zeros in on the conversation I've been having with the boys as Cat forces me to release her. Stubbornly, I refuse to follow, pretending I didn't just see the lovely little Latina sweep into the cafe.

It isn't until I see Cat flailing her arms that my attention is brought their way. For a moment, I glare hotly at her, worried something is wrong, but then I realize she's just fed up with my hiding and is trying to force my hand. It works too. The boys recognize Tori immediately and practically stampeded her way. Like happy little puppies who's master just returned they run to her side, but I refuse to sink to that level. My pride makes me linger, walking slow and deliberate. Beck offers me his hand down the stairs, a playful glint in his eye. Will he ever cease to be amused by the sick little game going on between Tori and I? I doubt it. My heels click against the asphalt and in that second, terror floods in with my anger. I don't want to face Tori, not now, not ever and especially not with that creature on her arm. I'll never get over Andre marrying her. He's become some sick reincarnation of the Beast from that stupid Disney film to me. It fits really. I'm Gaston, the brutish hunter, and he's her prince charming as well as my prey... and just like in the movie, I lost.

Our iteration is nothing short of agonizing for me. It takes a good two hours for me to settle down into the conversation and it's only because of the familiarity of the situation. The night is slowly tricking me into feeling the same thing I've always felt when I was with the two girls (outside of sex that is) and that's peace. Like some stupid mother hen over her brood I see that my two girls are happy, content in the presence of one another and that relaxes and empowers me. To know that we can revert to our old ways within a split second. It makes me feel like less of the looser and more so the victor when I see her ignoring Andre to be with us, with me. I don't care what she says, Tori Vega is mine. Like a little song bird, I've kept her caged in my heart, possessively keeping her away from the world. In high school I fed her lies and watered her with what affection I knew how to give and I clipped her wing, never forgetting to latch her cage with fierce threats and comments that struck fear in her heart. But even now, the little bird in front of me flies back to my hand, happily stuck to me by the long chord around her heart that I've never severed.

We sit there for hours after the event is over but near 12:30 Cat starts to bump my hip and fidget. Usually that means she wants to get going, because she's sleepy. Reluctantly, and realizing the time, we all tear ourselves apart again. A wave of anger passes over me as I see her near the car with that thing. That horrible, beastly prince charming that was everything I could never be to her, opens her car door, and I can't resist saying something to her despite my anger. I want to shout that I love her, and that I don't give a shit about her kids or that stupid wedding ring. I want to scream at her to get her ass in the back of my truck and be where she belongs, with us... but I don't. I tell her I'm proud of her... because I do love her and as much as I want to, I won't ruin her life, her happiness. It's important to me that she's happy, even if it means I'll loose her forever this time.

The ride home is silent, only the soft gargle of the radio hums along with the car. Cat is lightly dozing in the seat next to me, and I realize I'm crying. Not in big heavy sobs, but in silent tears that drip down my cheeks. Just like the first time she left me, Tori has forced a flood of emotion to come out... only it's different this time. I'm not only furious at the fact she's gone or who she has gone with, I'm angry because things have changed now... I've changed. I'm sure that if she had come to that thing alone, with no family back home to worry about and no stupid husband, that I'd have convinced her to come back with me and this time she wouldn't want to leave. I've changed a lot more than she realizes, and yet I'm still the cliche bad guy. She probably tells the story of how she escaped my grasp like I would have killed her one day in a burst of anger, or that I never really loved her... and if she'd have just been alone I could have changed all of that. I could have morphed it into a sick fairy tale where I was the savior, not the devil.

We get home and I dry my tears before nudging Cat awake. She wears a passive, unemotional look on her face as we trudge into our house. Some of the tension fades off of me as I close the door behind us and we've enveloped with the smell of our home. The home we bought and made together. I was happy before I say Tori tonight, sure she crossed my mind at times and that was painful, but nothing like it is right now. Her face haunts the darkened corners in the dimly lit halls of my home as I saunter toward the bedroom, Cat is five steps a head. She's oddly silent right now, leaving me to my thoughts when I could use one of her trade mark distractions. The sneaky little brat is doing it on purpose no doubt, she's probably mad at me for being so upset over Tori. It was true they liked each other back in high school, they slept together, even went out a couple of times without me... but it wasn't like they loved each other like I love them. Cat was always ridiculously jealous of the time I spent with Tori, even though she denied it to both our faces. So now, she's letting me stew in my emotions because I was stupid enough to let them resurface.

I grumble under my breath as I fumble with the clasp my necklace. Warm fingers wrap around mine and gently swoop my hair off of my neck. Cat makes quick work of the jewelry, and then unzips my dress, smoothing her hand along my back as she peels it off. A bit afraid I'll upset her, I keep my mouth shut through the whole ordeal. When the dress is gone she unclasps my strapless bra and kisses my shoulder. "Good gracious Jade breathe." She whispers gently, tickling her fingers down my hips. I try my best to release the tension and exhale deeply. Her hands continue to wonder, comforting me rather than turning me on for once. She sighs herself, "Do you regret it?" Her tone is flat, but gentle as her hand on my flesh. "You forced me to go, of course I regret it." I snap, stepping out of the discarded garment and heading for the bathroom door. Cat huffs crossly, and begins to strip herself. She follows me into the bathroom, dropping items of clothing as she goes. Her underwear drops right outside the shower as she stubbornly forces her way in and under the stream of heated water I've started.

"I wasn't referring to the reunion. I know you didn't want to do that." She snaps, wetting her blood red locks methodically. I take a seat on the bench in our large shower, the stone is cold and slippery against my bottom but I don't really mind. Cat grumbles something, and hold out her hand expectantly for the shampoo, only to have me grab the appendage and pull her into my lap. I take the sweet smelling, strawberry scented substance and start to rub it into her hair. She relaxes very slightly with a contented puff of air from her chest, "I meant... do you regret her? You brought her to us." My lips twist in thought, trying to avoid snagging her tangles. "No." I respond quickly, not having to think too hard about that part, "No, I wanted her. I love her." Cat takes the admission with grace instead of blowing up like most others. I suppose she knows that she is my 'knight in shining armor', and that I love her the most. She's fought valiantly and in the end, through years of stubborn persistence, she won every piece of me. I belong to her.

Amazingly, Cat even seems to accept my proclamation of love, continuing on without any noticeable offense. "Why did you let her leave back in high school?" She says quite suddenly, standing to rinse off her hair. I shrug my shoulders, not really knowing what to say to that. "Oh come on Jade. We did everything you ever wanted. You were in total control. You could have stopped her. Instead you threw a tantrum but reluctantly let her go. I mean I wasn't surprised when it happened with Beck, that was a long time coming, but not her... she was special to you." The redhead quips, motioning for the body wash. I hand it to her with a frown. "You're special to me." I defend quickly, but she only shakes her head. "Sure I am but we're special to you in different ways Jade. Even you have to admit it." She scolds. I want to grumble about how I don't have to do anything, but I don't. She's still apparently expecting an answer to her previous question, prodding me with her expression. I sigh in defeat, "The same reason I didn't stop her tonight... She wanted to leave. Hell back then I don't blame her." "But you do now?" Cat asks, tugging me off of the bench and grabbing my shampoo.

"Of course I do. She's with him..." I say childishly, I'm trying desperately to make myself feel anger instead of sadness, but it isn't working. "A lot has changed since then. I've changed... but one thing is still the same between us, Tori Vega belongs to me. Just like you do. When she got into that stupid car I almost-" I snarl in frustration and slam my fist into the shower wall, making Cat yelp a bit. "JADELYN! You could break your hand!" She snarls, swatting my hip painfully. It breaks my furious haze and settles me down a bit. Cat finishes my hair promptly, then wraps her arms around my waist, holding on firmly while I try and compose myself. "I didn't stop her because she wanted to go. In high school, she wasn't happy and I threw a fit because I couldn't force her to be happy like I could anyone else. I let go of her then because she wasn't happy, and I let her go this time because she was... and you don't keep the people you love from being happy. Not when you love them that much" I mumble, revealed when I finally say it. After ten years that painful, truthful admission has finally left my lips. Cat lets me work through it, washing me off the rest of the way and then gently leading me to bed before telling me she loves me. Of course I respond but emotionally I'm spent. As always, Cat doesn't press, nor does she seem disappointed.

"You should tell her the truth." The little singer proclaims. I snort and close my eyes, "What truth?" I feel her snuggle deep into the bed clothes beside me. "Tell her how you've followed her career like a bloodhound on a sent, tell her how disgustingly often you worry about her... tell her you love her." She replies, yawning midway through her little shpeel. "Go to sleep Kitty." I snap with a sigh, I don't want to think about Tori anymore. I don't want to talk to her, or admit anything else. I don't want the dreams that invade my head when I finally drift off. But I get them.

When I can't stand it anymore I wake up, toss the covers off of me and grab my phone off of the night stand. She probably won't even have the same number now, but I text her anyway. It's mostly for myself, so I can move on once and for all. I struggle through the large, two part message and hit send before tossing my phone away and hiding under the covers. It's done. My hand slithers possessively around Cat's waist, who doesn't stir a bit. I concentrate on how much I love her, and close the book on my relationship with Tori. She isn't mine... I've set my little song bird free.

~wmvmw~

Tori Harris died at the old age of 89, her husband passed a few years before her. She died a legendary performer with fans that followed her to the end. When sickness plagued her body, she let go and decided to move on, leaving four children well raised and ready to make their own lives. The eldest of them all, named Cadence, cleaned out her mother's room, carefully packing each object away. She went to the hospital and took her mother's things. A small box, filled with pictures of her family... and something else. An old phone and a photograph of her mother as a teen and a woman Cadence had only ever seen on TV was at the bottom of the wooden box. Jade West, an actress that had passed years ago. Cadence recognized her immediately because her younger twin once aspired to be just like the actress. The photo was faded, and clearly handled often. The phone, amazingly was still working. Using the charger to power the ancient device, Cade somberly flipped through the messages. If it was important to her mother, it was important to her. There was only one thing on the phone, two lone, long text messages.

-I saw you leave with him tonight, and I don't think I've ever been so angry. To know that someone else has you when I've always been the one that wanted you... but I don't want you now. Cat says I should tell you the truth though Vega- Jade

-Everything I did, was because I loved you. I'll always love you. I never stopped. I've worried over you and watched you from the shadows for years in denial. This time, I'm really gunna stop. You did one hell of a job with your life, keep it up... you aren't mine anymore but I love you, always..- Jade

Cade frowned, setting the items back in the box and taking it away. From what she could recall about the actress, she'd tragically taken her own life along with her wife one night. The news had said something about the wife, Catarina West, fighting some horribly painful disease and rumor was there was a suicide note explaining to their families they didn't want to be apart. It was strange her mother had never mentioned the two, she never even said she knew them. Her eyes fell back to the frowning actress in the picture and her mother, who looked genuinely happy. On the back of the photo her mother had written a small paragraph, which was read at her funeral, and then the picture and the box were barrier with her mom, next to her father. It wasn't until she was leaving that she noticed the plots beside her parents belonged to the same actress and her wife in the picture. With a shrug she pushed it aside, everyone has their secrets.

"True love is the most rewarding and painful thing in our lives. Yet we have no choice but to cherish it because nothing makes us happier. Nothing else fills our hearts to the brim with every emotion possible, and nothing else stays forever. People we love don't enter our lives and then exit them. Even if they move on, or stray away, you never stop loving them. I'll always love you too."- Tori Vega.