How a Slytherin Deals With a Troll
A Harry Potter Fanfiction
by Drauchenfyre
SUMMARY: You would think outsmarting a troll wouldn't be all that impressive...
Characters: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ong the Troll
STORY
Harry Potter barrelled into the girls' bathroom to the accompaniment of Hermione's shrieks of terror. A large, smelly troll, easily twice Harry's height and much bulkier, was advancing on the poor girl. Harry, without a moment's hesitation, placed himself between the two. As the troll raised its club, Harry searched his mind desperately for a way out of this- he was far too weak to physically fight it, didn't know enough magic to overcome its natural spell resistance... then Harry got a crazy idea he remembered from listening to his uncle from his days in the personnel office at Grunnings Ltd.
It was crazy.
It was stupid.
It was harebrained.
It had no chance of working.
"Wait!"
The troll, unbelievably, hesitated as it looked at the tiny creature before him.
"Just answer me this one question first."
The troll looked at the little wizard, puzzled.
"Is this really what you want to do with your life?"
It was time to negotiate with a troll.
Harry and the troll (who had responded to the question of his name with a grunt that sounded like 'Ong') were now seated, cross-legged, facing each other on the bathroom floor. Hermione, who (naturally) had quill, ink and parchment with her, was writing up the contract between Harry James Potter and Ong the Troll that had just been negotiated.
"So we're agreed then?" Harry stated. "In exchange for Ong not harming us little wizards, Harry Potter will pay for Ong to attend Security Troll Training, thus enabling him to find gainful employ..." he trailed off as Ong looked confused, "I mean, Harry pay for Ong go to school, get good job, good pay, so Ong can find right lady troll and have troll sprogs. And Ong no bash Harry and Hermy." Ong's fearsome grin returned as he nodded eagerly.
Hermione, having finished the contract, passed it to Harry, who signed it, then to Ong, who she had to help mark it with his "X".
"What the..."
Harry and Hermione spun around to see they had an audience- Professors McGonagall, Snape, and Quirrell, plus Hagrid, were standing in the doorway.
"Hagrid!" Harry said. "Just the man I wanted to see. I've just signed a contract with Ong here to pay for his Security Troll training. You wouldn't happen to know how I could contact Gringott's to enroll him, would you?"
Hagrid, dumbfounded, managed to nod in response to Harry's question.
Hermione, meanwhile, was watching as Ong scowled at the professors. "What's wrong, Ong?" she asked.
Ong growled and pointed at Quirrell. Hermione looked confused for a second, then the light dawned. "Professor Quirrell? He's the one who brought you into the castle?"
Ong nodded and growled again.
Quirrell, realizing the jig was up, snarled as he reached for his wand, only to have it snatched from his hand by McGonagall (former Gryffindor Seeker) and Hagrid picking him up by the scruff of his neck. Snape pulled his wand, bound and levitated the wizard, and said, "I'll take this one to the Headmaster, Hagrid. Perhaps it's best you stay with Potter's troll friend."
"O' course, Perfesser," replied Hagrid.
Professor Snape looked down at Potter and Granger. "You negotiated with a troll?"
Harry nodded.
Snape smirked at Potter and stated, "Fifty points to Gryffindor for a very- Slytherin- response to a crisis. I will expect to see more of this cleverness and intelligence in my class in the future, Mr. Potter."
END