How to introduce it? I did this because of one of the pictures that were revealed some days ago about the mini episodes we'll have in the season 6 dvds. I could not take it out of my mind so I tried to find an explanation. But it was hard, writing about just one picture without any contest. And that's why my fic is so weird.

The story is built on the duality of past and present, dream and reality, unconsciousness and consciousness, symbolized by the beginning of each part "With your eyes closed"/ "Open your eyes". I took those sentences from Chin up by Copeland. You should listen to that song… It won't help you to understand me but that's a wonderful song!

I want to say a very very very big "thank you" to my beta reader, goblindreamer, who really did a very very very good job with my story (and will maybe be afraid of the amount of "very" that I put in that sentence…)

Disclaimer: I own nothing… well maybe the insanity of the story, but River is not mine… *sigh* I wish she was!

"You choose your path and it leads to him."

~Before him, there's nothing~

With your eyes closed

Fear. Fear is your first memory. You are trapped in a place you don't know. You're alone, young girl in this big world. Young girl in this big universe. You're alone, but it's like you not really are. You feel eyes looking at you, you feel hands upon your body, you hear sounds in your ears. But there's nothing you can really remember, your memories come and go like dust in the air.

Except him.

You don't know where he comes from and don't know why he is so important. He is just here, in your mind. The only thing that comforts you. The only thing you clearly see. You never met him but you can see him. You know all his faces. You know the touch of his hands. You know how he smells. You know the tone of his voice. You know the light in his eyes. You know the darkness of his mind. You know the weight of age pushing against on his shoulders. You know the pain he suffers. You know the life he brings around him. You know how he feels, at every second.

The only thing you don't know is his name. But you know one day you will. It's a feeling, running through your veins. One day you will meet him. One day he'll be yours. You're too young to understand what it means and what it implies, but you know it. It's what you've been made for.

You think of him, all the time, because it's the only thing you can hold on. The only thought which is understandable in your mind. And as you're young, and alone, and afraid, you call him for help. You call for him, and you don't know how much time it takes. Time is not something you grasp. Time is all mixed up in your mind. It's like something was playing with it, changing it, eating it, and each time you try to catch it, it simply vanishes. Your memories disappear and you can't even know why you're afraid, and why you need him. You simply do.

Finally, he comes for you. You face him. He is far from you, but you instantly recognize him. He is just the way you imagined him. He does not know who you are, he does not know who you will be, but you can feel that, in some kind of way, he recognizes you. There are no words to describe what you both feel at that moment, when your eyes meet for the first time, but you understand something begins, something bigger than anything in the universe.

You live that moment as if it was the first time in your life you live something real, something that will remain in your mind and never go. For the first time your memories are clear and you understand the world around you. For the first time you can see what's around you and it's all bright and shiny. He has turned on a light into you. You were lost and blind but he has cured you. That's the moment you remember his name and understand it.

"The Doctor"

You call him for help, and he is actually about to but someone screams and shoots in your direction. You stare at her with fear and incredulity. You don't remember her but it's like you should; and you know she should not act like that. She is not an enemy. She's with him. She's a friend. She can be sweet and lovely. You can feel it. You've already met her and she was kind with you. She is someone important to you and you know she loves you. You feel it. But now you don't know who she is, and she doesn't know who you are.

You regretfully look at him for a last time and you run. You hear laughter around you and you feel the tears coming down your cheeks.

And then you forget.

x.

Open your eyes

You escape from the memory and try to look around you. At first, you can't see anything.

You blink.

There is a grey wall front of you. Or maybe it's the ground. You don't know. You try to remember where you are and what you are doing here. You try to remember who's with you and why you're feeling so weird. But the only thing you can remember was that old memory of him, your painful childhood and the time when you were alone and afraid. And the only thing you can see is that grey wall or grey ground moving front of your eyes.

You blink.

Step by step you realize something is wrong. Your eyes are blurred and your mind is confused. You can't remember anything but it's a feeling you are used too. What you find strange is the fact that you can't feel anything. You try to move your body but it's like you don't have it anymore. You feel like you are just a mind, a mind and two eyes wide open starring at a grey and cold moving wall or ground.

You blink.

You can't feel anything but you are not afraid, because it means that you don't feel any pain. You try to concentrate on the world around you. You look at the grey surface front of your eyes, because it's all you can actually do. You thought it was moving but you suddenly realize it is not. What you can see are flashes of lights passing between your eyes and the wall. You finally decide that it's a wall. You don't know why but it seems more logical to you.

You blink.

You pay attention to the lights and you think that they may be gun flashes. You still don't know where you are and why you are lying on the ground (you must be, lying on the ground and facing the wall) but you can guess. You must have been shot. You have been shot and you are dying. You can hear sounds around you, cries and screams, but nobody takes care of you. Maybe you're not dying. Maybe you are already dead and those words are your last thoughts before leaving the world.

You blink.

You feel all right. You know you are dying but everything is fine. You don't feel pain and you're not afraid. You have never been afraid of dying. You only wish he could be here, next to you, but you also hope he is far, far away from here, safe. You would have liked to see him a last time. A very last time.

So you close your eyes and let the memories come, so you can somehow be with him at the end.

...