Guilty Heart Part 5
Disclaimers in Part 1
**********
Two days passed and a whiney padawan was making his feelings felt. "Master I'm tired of walking around the bed. Makes me dizzy. The sun is about to set, can't we walk to the balcony in the waiting room?" Obi-Wan was desperate and had begun to feel claustrophobic. "Please?"
Reluctantly Qui-Gon agreed. "Okay, but just to watch the sunset, and then back to bed. I want you to be able to go home tomorrow. You have to be rested when the healers come to examine you."
"Yes, Master." The young man, with Qui-Gon's help, padded slowly out of one room and into another. The balcony was decorated with several chairs and a single cushioned bench. Qui-Gon directed his apprentice to sit in one of the chairs. Obi-Wan groaned in pain as the incline of the chair was a bit too much. "Master, let me try the bench." Finding a comfortable position, Obi-Wan sighed heavily and looked towards the distant sky. "It's so beautiful."
"That it is, my Padawan. It was just a few days ago that I wondered if I would ever again share a sunset with you."
"Master, don't. No more guilt. We need to move on. I've already told you how I feel about that. Can we just focus on the now? That is where I need you, not in the past wondering what might have been."
Jinn put a gentle arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. My mind has been lingering in the past. Just the thought of losing you..."
"Master," the boy replied softly, "You haven't lost me."
"I know." He paused for a few moments before continuing. "Perhaps this time away will be just what both of us needs. Time together will do us good."
"I look forward to it." Silence fell over the pair as they sat back to enjoy the wonder of the Coruscant dusk. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, breathed in, then let out a contented sigh. When it became clear that the weariness was consuming his apprentice, Qui-Gon got him to his feet and assisted him back to bed. It didn't take long for Obi-Wan to curl up in his blanket, clutch his river stone in his hand, and drift off. "Good night, Master."
"Sleep well, my Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon lowered the lights in the room before disappearing for the night. A feeling of serenity came over him as he made his way home. And for the first time in a week, the burden he'd been carrying was lifted from his shoulders. The immense guilt that had at one point held a death grip on Qui-Gon, was lessening. There was no blame, no one at fault. His apprentice was insistent that they move on, and finally the master understood. He'd often questioned Obi-Wan's ability to control his fears, and his tendency to lose focus. But this entire episode had shown him just how strong Obi-Wan had become. He still had much to learn, but in the last week, he had become almost a different person. More confident, yet more stubborn than ever. It was those traits that had pulled him through this. **As stubborn as his master. Obi-Wan, the council will have it's hands full with you once you are knighted.**
The tall knight flopped down onto his bed. Everything was so quiet. Too quiet. He missed the comforting presence of his student in the next room. Qui-Gon was lonely, more so than he'd been in a long time. Hesitantly he reached for the bond and found Obi-Wan completely relaxed and sound asleep. Withdrawing from the others mind, the venerable master settled in to find the same peace that had claimed his apprentice.
**********
It was bright and early the next morning when Bren and Qui-Gon entered Obi-Wan's room, hot on the heels of Healer's Terran and Elisha. "Okay, Obi-Wan, Terran and I want to give you a once over, and see if we can't get you out of here today. I'll need you to remove your tunic so I can scan the area."
Qui-Gon grinned at the boy as the healers began the exam. Pride shown in the older man's eyes. To Qui-Gon's side, Bren watched the silent conversation she knew to be going on between the two and took hold of her friend's hand. The two person medical team worked quickly, but carefully as they assessed Obi-Wan's condition.
"Well," Terran stated happily, "Everything looks good. Healing is coming along nicely. There is still some deep bruising, as you can see here." He pointed to the area of the boy's chest just below his heart. "And there is some internal damage that is still repairing itself, but Obi-Wan, I am going to release you to Qui-Gon's care. You can go home."
Barely able to contain his joy, Obi-Wan laughed carefully. "A real bed!"
"But, there will be no training at all for two weeks. Not even light kata's. Meditation is okay. Walking is what I want you to do. Each day your walks should be longer and more frequent. After these first two weeks, I want to see you again. We'll evaluate you, and determine if you're ready to resume light training. Do you both understand me?
Master and padawan glanced at each other once more and replied in unison. "Yes, Master Terran."
"Okay, OUT! NOW! I don't want to see either one of you anytime soon. GO!"
Qui-Gon turned to Bren. "Would you mind helping Obi-Wan home, I need to speak with Terran for a few minutes." She nodded and took Obi-Wan's arm. Seconds later they were gone and Qui-Gon addressed the healer. "No complications?"
"Not other than what I brought up before. He's strong, Qui-Gon. Follow the plan I laid out for him, and it'll be fine. You are wondering about that vacation?"
The older man nodded.
"Take him. It can only help, as long as he is careful and does nothing strenuous. And I still want to see him in two weeks. You know where to reach me should anything happen. I'll supply you with a pain medication for him, only to be used if the pain can't be controlled with the Force. I don't want him to become reliant on the drug. And it does tend to make a patient somewhat drowsy. You'll be able to tell if it's more pain that he can handle. But I suspect this trip is less about physical recovery than the need to have some bonding time with him, am I right?"
Qui-Gon nodded once more. "Yes. We've been so busy lately, there hasn't been much time for us to relax and enjoy each other's company. This incident hit a little too close, and..."
"I know, you aren't ready to lose him. They grow up so fast, and before you know it they're knights, out patrolling the galaxy, and taking padawan's of their own. It's a son or daughter leaving the house and starting a family. I've raised two of my own, Qui-Gon, I know how it feels." He glanced warmly at the master. "Go on now, get yourselves packed and enjoy your time together."
"Thank you, Terran...for saving my padawan's life. Force be with you." Qui-Gon bowed and left the room.
Elisha came running in. "Terran, we have a group from the crèche coming in, lots of broken bones. Looks like we'll be busy for a while."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
**********
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood in the docking bay awaiting one of the crew to bring in the private shuttle they would have access to for the next couple weeks. Bren was there to see them off. "Give me a call to let me know how things are going. Just so I don't worry, okay?"
The transport touched down and the crew workers moved the Jedi's bags inside. "I will call you every day." Folding his arms around her, he held on for several minutes, not wanting to lose this feeling of family. But Obi-Wan was anxious.
"Master, I can only stand for so long. Can we go?"
"Don't be rude, Padawan."
"Yes, Obi-Wan Don't be rude. I want a hug before you leave."
Obi-Wan's mischievous smile washed over his smooth face as he hugged Bren tight. "Bye, Master Bren. Thank you."
"Keep an eye on that master of yours. I want him returned in one piece. Got it?"
"I promise."
"Good," she said as she backed away. "Behave yourselves. Safe journey my friends."
*********
The flight to Taladar was quiet. Obi-Wan had withdrawn somewhat and was more inclined to watch the stars float by than to hold a conversation. Qui-Gon was respectful of his padawan's need to reflect. As much as Obi-Wan wanted to move on, and had told his master that same thing, he was still an eighteen-year-old boy who had come close to losing his life in a training exercise. At some point, he needed to deal with those feelings and images that were biting at him. On the final hours of the journey, Qui-Gon reached out to him.
"Obi-Wan, are you okay?"
"I think so, Master, I've been so busy trying to get better and worrying about you, that I guess I haven't really completely dealt with everything myself. It's all right. I wish I could remember though. Maybe then I could understand what that ripple in the Force was and be ready for it next time."
Kneeling in front of his apprentice, Qui-Gon forced their eyes to meet. "We can't always explain why the Force works the way it does. You may never know the cause. And it's best not to dwell on it. As you told me, no guilt. We need to move on. Let's help each other get past this point in our lives. We have many more years together, Obi-Wan. Focus on the moment. Remember."
"You look happy, Master. I'm pleased to see that. I worry about you sometimes."
"And I worry about you, too much I think." Obi-Wan cocked his head to the side. You've grown a great deal in these past five years." Qui-Gon paused and took the padawan's hands in his own. "I worry because I care about you, Obi-Wan. You and Bren are my family. If anything were ever to happen to you...I don't want to think about it."
The chime indicating the ship was on final approach signaled, startling Qui-Gon. He had been so concentrated on his student that he'd shut off the world around him.
"We're almost there." Obi-Wan wandered to the pilots seat, but before he could take his seat, a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon faced the apprentice.
Moving to respond to the soothing baritone voice, the young knight found Qui-Gon's kind eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Master...it's okay. I'm okay now. You don't have to worry anymore."
As the boy was drawn into a loving embrace, he fought to hold back his own tears. And he repeated his words. "You don't have to worry anymore, Master."
Qui-Gon held the weary young man close, again that feeling of family washing over him. "I will always worry, Padawan. Always. What kind of a father would I be if I didn't worry about my son?"
Those words broke the dam, and within seconds, both master and apprentice could no longer stop the threatening tears, and the sobs that followed. It was what both had needed; the beginning of the final step in healing. It was the beginning of the remainder of their journey together, as Obi-Wan moved toward knighthood.
The pair stayed that way for several minutes. An inner calm settling over them. Obi-Wan eventually pulled away. Qui-Gon's hands cupped his face, then strayed to his braid. Running the thin strand between his fingers, the master realized he'd never be closer to his apprentice than he was now. "What do you say, we get ready to enjoy this vacation? This is behind us now."
"Yes, Master. I'll bring the ship in."
"Take things slowly. If Terran saw you piloting this ship, he would have my hide."
Obi-Wan took his place in the pilot's chair and began landing procedures. "I am tired master, but what a beautiful planet this is. We will enjoy our time here."
"Together, Obi-Wan. As long as we spend this time together, it would be almost impossible not to enjoy it."
The younger man grinned a thoughtful look at his teacher before returning his attention to final landing procedures.
They exited the ship and stood at the top of the ramp, Qui-Gon's arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. "Our adventure awaits."
"Why do I have a feeling there will be quite a few adventures to come in our journey together?"
"Because life with me is never dull. Just ask the council."
"No thanks. I will leave your despise for the council to you."
"As you should." One last look, "After you, my Obi-Wan."
Heading down the ramp, master and padawan took in everything around them. Obi-Wan's steps were slow and exhausting for his still recovering body, but he was determined to stay at his mentor's side. Together they took this latest step towards an uncertain future. But a future that both men were more than happy to spend in the company of the other.
END
1
Disclaimers in Part 1
**********
Two days passed and a whiney padawan was making his feelings felt. "Master I'm tired of walking around the bed. Makes me dizzy. The sun is about to set, can't we walk to the balcony in the waiting room?" Obi-Wan was desperate and had begun to feel claustrophobic. "Please?"
Reluctantly Qui-Gon agreed. "Okay, but just to watch the sunset, and then back to bed. I want you to be able to go home tomorrow. You have to be rested when the healers come to examine you."
"Yes, Master." The young man, with Qui-Gon's help, padded slowly out of one room and into another. The balcony was decorated with several chairs and a single cushioned bench. Qui-Gon directed his apprentice to sit in one of the chairs. Obi-Wan groaned in pain as the incline of the chair was a bit too much. "Master, let me try the bench." Finding a comfortable position, Obi-Wan sighed heavily and looked towards the distant sky. "It's so beautiful."
"That it is, my Padawan. It was just a few days ago that I wondered if I would ever again share a sunset with you."
"Master, don't. No more guilt. We need to move on. I've already told you how I feel about that. Can we just focus on the now? That is where I need you, not in the past wondering what might have been."
Jinn put a gentle arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. My mind has been lingering in the past. Just the thought of losing you..."
"Master," the boy replied softly, "You haven't lost me."
"I know." He paused for a few moments before continuing. "Perhaps this time away will be just what both of us needs. Time together will do us good."
"I look forward to it." Silence fell over the pair as they sat back to enjoy the wonder of the Coruscant dusk. Obi-Wan closed his eyes, breathed in, then let out a contented sigh. When it became clear that the weariness was consuming his apprentice, Qui-Gon got him to his feet and assisted him back to bed. It didn't take long for Obi-Wan to curl up in his blanket, clutch his river stone in his hand, and drift off. "Good night, Master."
"Sleep well, my Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon lowered the lights in the room before disappearing for the night. A feeling of serenity came over him as he made his way home. And for the first time in a week, the burden he'd been carrying was lifted from his shoulders. The immense guilt that had at one point held a death grip on Qui-Gon, was lessening. There was no blame, no one at fault. His apprentice was insistent that they move on, and finally the master understood. He'd often questioned Obi-Wan's ability to control his fears, and his tendency to lose focus. But this entire episode had shown him just how strong Obi-Wan had become. He still had much to learn, but in the last week, he had become almost a different person. More confident, yet more stubborn than ever. It was those traits that had pulled him through this. **As stubborn as his master. Obi-Wan, the council will have it's hands full with you once you are knighted.**
The tall knight flopped down onto his bed. Everything was so quiet. Too quiet. He missed the comforting presence of his student in the next room. Qui-Gon was lonely, more so than he'd been in a long time. Hesitantly he reached for the bond and found Obi-Wan completely relaxed and sound asleep. Withdrawing from the others mind, the venerable master settled in to find the same peace that had claimed his apprentice.
**********
It was bright and early the next morning when Bren and Qui-Gon entered Obi-Wan's room, hot on the heels of Healer's Terran and Elisha. "Okay, Obi-Wan, Terran and I want to give you a once over, and see if we can't get you out of here today. I'll need you to remove your tunic so I can scan the area."
Qui-Gon grinned at the boy as the healers began the exam. Pride shown in the older man's eyes. To Qui-Gon's side, Bren watched the silent conversation she knew to be going on between the two and took hold of her friend's hand. The two person medical team worked quickly, but carefully as they assessed Obi-Wan's condition.
"Well," Terran stated happily, "Everything looks good. Healing is coming along nicely. There is still some deep bruising, as you can see here." He pointed to the area of the boy's chest just below his heart. "And there is some internal damage that is still repairing itself, but Obi-Wan, I am going to release you to Qui-Gon's care. You can go home."
Barely able to contain his joy, Obi-Wan laughed carefully. "A real bed!"
"But, there will be no training at all for two weeks. Not even light kata's. Meditation is okay. Walking is what I want you to do. Each day your walks should be longer and more frequent. After these first two weeks, I want to see you again. We'll evaluate you, and determine if you're ready to resume light training. Do you both understand me?
Master and padawan glanced at each other once more and replied in unison. "Yes, Master Terran."
"Okay, OUT! NOW! I don't want to see either one of you anytime soon. GO!"
Qui-Gon turned to Bren. "Would you mind helping Obi-Wan home, I need to speak with Terran for a few minutes." She nodded and took Obi-Wan's arm. Seconds later they were gone and Qui-Gon addressed the healer. "No complications?"
"Not other than what I brought up before. He's strong, Qui-Gon. Follow the plan I laid out for him, and it'll be fine. You are wondering about that vacation?"
The older man nodded.
"Take him. It can only help, as long as he is careful and does nothing strenuous. And I still want to see him in two weeks. You know where to reach me should anything happen. I'll supply you with a pain medication for him, only to be used if the pain can't be controlled with the Force. I don't want him to become reliant on the drug. And it does tend to make a patient somewhat drowsy. You'll be able to tell if it's more pain that he can handle. But I suspect this trip is less about physical recovery than the need to have some bonding time with him, am I right?"
Qui-Gon nodded once more. "Yes. We've been so busy lately, there hasn't been much time for us to relax and enjoy each other's company. This incident hit a little too close, and..."
"I know, you aren't ready to lose him. They grow up so fast, and before you know it they're knights, out patrolling the galaxy, and taking padawan's of their own. It's a son or daughter leaving the house and starting a family. I've raised two of my own, Qui-Gon, I know how it feels." He glanced warmly at the master. "Go on now, get yourselves packed and enjoy your time together."
"Thank you, Terran...for saving my padawan's life. Force be with you." Qui-Gon bowed and left the room.
Elisha came running in. "Terran, we have a group from the crèche coming in, lots of broken bones. Looks like we'll be busy for a while."
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
**********
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stood in the docking bay awaiting one of the crew to bring in the private shuttle they would have access to for the next couple weeks. Bren was there to see them off. "Give me a call to let me know how things are going. Just so I don't worry, okay?"
The transport touched down and the crew workers moved the Jedi's bags inside. "I will call you every day." Folding his arms around her, he held on for several minutes, not wanting to lose this feeling of family. But Obi-Wan was anxious.
"Master, I can only stand for so long. Can we go?"
"Don't be rude, Padawan."
"Yes, Obi-Wan Don't be rude. I want a hug before you leave."
Obi-Wan's mischievous smile washed over his smooth face as he hugged Bren tight. "Bye, Master Bren. Thank you."
"Keep an eye on that master of yours. I want him returned in one piece. Got it?"
"I promise."
"Good," she said as she backed away. "Behave yourselves. Safe journey my friends."
*********
The flight to Taladar was quiet. Obi-Wan had withdrawn somewhat and was more inclined to watch the stars float by than to hold a conversation. Qui-Gon was respectful of his padawan's need to reflect. As much as Obi-Wan wanted to move on, and had told his master that same thing, he was still an eighteen-year-old boy who had come close to losing his life in a training exercise. At some point, he needed to deal with those feelings and images that were biting at him. On the final hours of the journey, Qui-Gon reached out to him.
"Obi-Wan, are you okay?"
"I think so, Master, I've been so busy trying to get better and worrying about you, that I guess I haven't really completely dealt with everything myself. It's all right. I wish I could remember though. Maybe then I could understand what that ripple in the Force was and be ready for it next time."
Kneeling in front of his apprentice, Qui-Gon forced their eyes to meet. "We can't always explain why the Force works the way it does. You may never know the cause. And it's best not to dwell on it. As you told me, no guilt. We need to move on. Let's help each other get past this point in our lives. We have many more years together, Obi-Wan. Focus on the moment. Remember."
"You look happy, Master. I'm pleased to see that. I worry about you sometimes."
"And I worry about you, too much I think." Obi-Wan cocked his head to the side. You've grown a great deal in these past five years." Qui-Gon paused and took the padawan's hands in his own. "I worry because I care about you, Obi-Wan. You and Bren are my family. If anything were ever to happen to you...I don't want to think about it."
The chime indicating the ship was on final approach signaled, startling Qui-Gon. He had been so concentrated on his student that he'd shut off the world around him.
"We're almost there." Obi-Wan wandered to the pilots seat, but before he could take his seat, a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
"Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon faced the apprentice.
Moving to respond to the soothing baritone voice, the young knight found Qui-Gon's kind eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Master...it's okay. I'm okay now. You don't have to worry anymore."
As the boy was drawn into a loving embrace, he fought to hold back his own tears. And he repeated his words. "You don't have to worry anymore, Master."
Qui-Gon held the weary young man close, again that feeling of family washing over him. "I will always worry, Padawan. Always. What kind of a father would I be if I didn't worry about my son?"
Those words broke the dam, and within seconds, both master and apprentice could no longer stop the threatening tears, and the sobs that followed. It was what both had needed; the beginning of the final step in healing. It was the beginning of the remainder of their journey together, as Obi-Wan moved toward knighthood.
The pair stayed that way for several minutes. An inner calm settling over them. Obi-Wan eventually pulled away. Qui-Gon's hands cupped his face, then strayed to his braid. Running the thin strand between his fingers, the master realized he'd never be closer to his apprentice than he was now. "What do you say, we get ready to enjoy this vacation? This is behind us now."
"Yes, Master. I'll bring the ship in."
"Take things slowly. If Terran saw you piloting this ship, he would have my hide."
Obi-Wan took his place in the pilot's chair and began landing procedures. "I am tired master, but what a beautiful planet this is. We will enjoy our time here."
"Together, Obi-Wan. As long as we spend this time together, it would be almost impossible not to enjoy it."
The younger man grinned a thoughtful look at his teacher before returning his attention to final landing procedures.
They exited the ship and stood at the top of the ramp, Qui-Gon's arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders. "Our adventure awaits."
"Why do I have a feeling there will be quite a few adventures to come in our journey together?"
"Because life with me is never dull. Just ask the council."
"No thanks. I will leave your despise for the council to you."
"As you should." One last look, "After you, my Obi-Wan."
Heading down the ramp, master and padawan took in everything around them. Obi-Wan's steps were slow and exhausting for his still recovering body, but he was determined to stay at his mentor's side. Together they took this latest step towards an uncertain future. But a future that both men were more than happy to spend in the company of the other.
END
1