title: shinobi are not to be trusted
pairing: KibaIno-centric IDK I LIKE THEM, SasuSaku if you squint
a/n: i really honest to god want to get back into fanfiction and this my attempt to do so. i have so many ideas i'm trying to organize them and put them down on paper, and is one has been floating around in my brain for so long
disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Grey's Anatomy. If I did I would have ended Grey's Anatomy SO FRICKIN LONG AGO.

Kakashi stared down at the reports that Shizune had presented to him. Hidden behind his mask, with his forehead protector tugged over one eye, the Sixth Hokage was as unreadable as ever. He had finally started stepping up and taking over the responsibilities of Hokage. Shizune shifted from one foot to another. She couldn't help but think that she had never been put in this position when Tsunade was in charge.

"Kakashi-sama," Shizune said, impatiently.

"Aa," Kakashi replied, examining the documents more closely. "So, it seems there is a syphilis outbreak among our shinobi."

"Oh my God," Sakura gasped.

"Oh my God!" Ino shrieked.

Tenten collapsed in a fit of laughter.

"Guys, it's not funny," Hinata complained.

The four of them were gathered at Sakura and Tenten's house for dinner, a tradition they upheld whenever they were all in the village. Tenten had recovered from her mission gone wrong, and was home again after a few days, on bed rest, not allowed to go out on missions.

"Poor Kakashi-sensei," Sakura bemoaned.

"Poor us," Tenten groaned. "This says we have to attend a seminar on safe sex. I mean, are we fifteen again?"

"Apparently," Hinata commented. "We are in the midst of a syphilis outbreak after all."

"Well you two don't have anything to worry about," Sakura said, pointing at Tenten and Hinata with something like disgust in her expression. "All happy and monogamous with your stupid boyfriends."

Hinata and Tenten delicately ignored their friend's jealousy. It was true; everyone knew that Naruto and Hinata had been going steady for weeks now. Neji had not left Tenten's side while she'd been in the hospital, and they had plans for an official date (Neji's term, not Tenten's) when he returned from his latest mission.

"Oh my god!" Ino shouted again. "Who do you think Patient Zero is?!"

Tenten snorted, "Who else? It's got to be Kiba."

Ino froze.

For reasons she could not quite explain, Ino had not told her friends about The Weird Thing Happening With Kiba. Ever since the night in the hospital, when Kiba had comforted her while she fell apart, Ino had not been able to stop thinking about the wild Inuzuka. They had run into each other the day after Tenten's surgery, and got to talking, and then laughing, and then falling into bed together.

Ino, who had never looked at Kiba in that way, suddenly couldn't stop looking at him. And she hadn't told her best friends. Ino tried to convince herself with a hundred different reasons. Because Sakura was still hurting from Sasuke, and Ino didn't want to abandon her. Because Tenten had just found happiness again with Neji, and Ino didn't want to steal her thunder. Because Hinata was Kiba's teammate, and it could upset her.

It was all bull shit, and she knew it.

"It's definitely Kiba," Sakura snorted.

Hinata shook her head; her polite way of saying she agreed but without speaking a word against her teammate.

Damn it, Ino cursed, glaring at the ceiling.

Ino hovered anxiously in her apartment. Kiba was stretched out on the sofa next to her; they'd had a night in, ordered take out, and were watching a movie. Ino stared at the screen without seeing.

She was a kunoichi. She was a woman of action. She was an adult. She was capable of having a conversation with a man that she liked. This was a thing that she could do it, and damn it she would do it, because—

"Ino, are you okay?" Kiba asked, breaking into her thoughts.

"Hm? What?" Ino squawked, in a totally cool and reasonable manner.

Kiba raised his eyebrows. "You're not squealing or shrieking at anything that's happening in this movie, and this is a Ryan Gosling movie. I'm kind of afraid that you're having a stroke."

Really, she was a little touched by the comment, but Ino couldn't think of anything other than her friends insisting that her sort-of-not-really-maybe boyfriend was Patient Zero.

"You would tell me if I needed to get tested, right?" she blurted out.

Kiba bolted up right. She could see him trying to figure out what she had said, until finally realization dawned. Kiba stared at her, lowering his voice as if anyone else could hear him, and hissed, "Do you think I have syphilis?!"

"Um...no?" Ino squeaked.

"Oh my God, you totally think I have syphilis!" Kiba groaned, falling back onto the couch in defeat.

"No, no, no, that's not it," Ino rushed to explained, waving her hands about as if erase the conversation from their memory.

"Then what is it?" Kiba grumbled, and Ino realized that she'd hurt his feelings.

"It's just..." she scrambled for the words. "We never, like, made any rules." Kiba looked at her with one eye open and stretched out on her couch like that, he was absurdly sexy. Focus, Yamanaka! she scolded herself. Ino took a deep breath, tucking her hair behind her ear, betraying how nervous she was.

"Rules?" Kiba prompted.

Ino sighed, "We've been doing this thing," she gestured wildly between them, "for a little bit now, a-and we never said anything about rules. So, like, if you were doing other things, I wouldn't hold it against you," even though she would die of jealousy, "and yeah, so, I just thought—,"

"Ino," Kiba interrupted, a tender expression on his face. "There's no one else." That simple phrase shut her up. He grinned at her, "When would I have time for that? You're a handful enough as it is."

"HEY!"

Kiba quickly interrupted, "Is there anyone else for you?"

"N-no," Ino replied.

There was a moment of awkward silence, where two loudmouths who adored each other couldn't quite figure how to take this thing happening between to the next level even though they both desperately wanted to.

Kiba cleared his throat. "Maybe we could...make some rules?"

"Okay," Ino mumbled and then, with a sly grin, she threw herself into his arms and kissed him deeply.

Sakura hated everything.

She hated Kakashi-sensei and his stupid mandatory sex education.

She hated stupid Genma who was a stupid little man whore and Patient Zero, because, who knew, but Kiba was dating Ino.

"Sakura," said a voice.

And now she hated herself because she was standing in this stupid freaking line, waiting to get tested for syphilis because she had stupidly had drunk, unprotected sex with the person she loved/hated, who was now standing behind her in line.

"Are you kidding me?" Sakura groaned to the all-powerful forces of the universe.

Sasuke ignored this and instead asked, "Why are you in this line? This is the syphilis line."

"Gee thanks Sasuke, like I didn't know that," Sakura snapped.

Sasuke closed his eyes, resisting the urge to growl at her. In a calm voice he said, "You do not need to be in this line."

"I don't?"

Sasuke cleared his throat, "There will never be anyone for me other than you, Sakura."

The pink-haired kunoichi went very still, at a loss for words. Suddenly, she was so very, very tired of being angry at him.

"Do I need to be in this line?" Sasuke coughed, awkwardly.

"What?" Sakura squawked. "No! No." She cleared her throat. "There is...there's never been...anyone else."

Sasuke looked at her, and she looked at him.

"Okay."

"Okay."

YEP OK THAT HAPPENED byyyeeee.

8)