Well, here goes nothing =)

I've finally been convinced to post this. It's the sequel/continuation to "Baby Makes Three" and it's probably a lot easier to follow if you've read that first. To those who stumbled across this and don't feel like reading 50 chapters of another story first the gist is this: Blair was indeed pregnant in season one, she and Chuck have a daughter named Grace and they've been trying to work out various issues. One is Blair getting accepted to Yale and Chuck not wanting her to take the baby to another state, another is their feelings for one another. BM3 ended on Grace's first birthday when C and B decided to have sex first and talk later.

I've been really apprehensive about posting this for two reasons. 1) It's most likely going to be loooooong. 2) Chuck and Blair may be endgame but they're not going to be a couple for large parts of the story. As I've said in BM3 I want to explore them as parents separately, not together. I know I've gotten a whole lot of requests to continue the story and you have no idea how flattered I am but just be ware that you might feel disappointed that it's not Chair-centric. I'm still highly skeptical that there are lots of readers who would be interested in this story as it is but we'll see.

BM3 was a ridiculously long story (and this is a ridiculously long AN!), 50 chapters covering only 21 months. This story is meant to cover the rest of Grace's childhood so I don't even want to think how long it's going to end up being. I've decided to make the chapters much longer, like twice or three times the length of the BM3 chapters, and to make them slightly more fragmented. There might be jumps in time in the chapters and there might be a few different storylines covered each time. When Grace gets older it might even be one chapter per year of her life. We'll see. I don't even know if I'll end up posting more than one chapter for this.

Hm, let's see, what else… I borrowed/reworked a scene from the show at one point, like what I did in BM3 on occasion. You'll know it when you see it =) I think that's about it.

That's enough talking from me (for now). I hope you won't hate it!

A loud noise slowly broke through Blair's ecstasy. At first she didn't even realize what she was hearing, she was so caught up in the waves of pleasure and the thrill of Chuck's highly intimate presence. Then the sound seemed to register with Chuck who stopped his movements and turned his head in the direction the noise was coming from.

"Grace…" he panted.

"Don't stop" Blair panted back.

"Blair, the baby!"

"She can wait" Blair insisted. "Or Dorota can take her. Chuck come on, please don't stop now…"

"I'll go" he said.

Blair groaned and felt a bit like crying from disappointment and from the loss of body contact as he got up from the bed and headed off towards the bathroom joining Blair's bedroom and the nursery together. With a cry of frustration Blair sat up and very reluctantly got up to put on her satin robe. She walked through the bathroom and found Chuck leaning over the crib where Grace was crying furiously. He had grabbed a towel on the way and wrapped it around his waist. Blair would much rather make that towel drop to the floor than tend to a screaming one year-old but she knew there was no point in trying. With a sigh she walked over just as Chuck had lifted Grace up.

"Give her here" she said with little enthusiasm.

"It's okay, I've got her."

"Is her diaper wet? Does she need to be changed?"

"I don't think so."

"Let me take her, and you go back to my bedroom and put on boxers. That towel is too distracting."

He gave her a disapproving look for reasons she didn't understand and then handed the baby over and walked back to her room. With another deep sigh Blair adjusted her grip on the baby and looked at her.

"What do you want, Grace?" she complained. "It's the middle of the night and you should be sleeping. Your diaper is clean, you can't be hungry after everything you've eaten… Please, after everything I've done for you can't you leave this until morning?"

Grace refused to be bargained with. She continued to cry while Chuck came back, now obediently wearing boxers.

"What does she want?" he asked.

"Attention. That's the only thing I can think of."

"She doesn't usually wake up in the middle of the night screaming for attention" Chuck argued. "At least not since she got used to going to sleep on her own in the crib."

"What else could it be?" Blair asked, more than a little annoyed and frustrated.

"She had a piece of cake before she went to bed. Maybe her stomach hurts?"

"Is that it?" Blair asked the baby, gently bouncing her up and down.

"Or maybe she actually is hungry. Lots of excitement today, lots of impressions, that takes energy. Maybe we should heat up some gruel or something and see if that helps?"

"Fine" Blair sighed, realizing that she wouldn't be getting back to screaming in bed herself anytime soon.

"I'll go down and heat something up for her then" Chuck said.

He was gone before Blair could ask him if he knew where to find what he needed to heat up gruel, or even if he knew how to do it. But he returned ten minutes later with a bottle which Blair took and offered the child.

"Try sitting down" Chuck said.

"I know what I'm doing" Blair responded in a bit of a snarl and sat down on the couch. "I guess you were right. She's hungry. God Grace, you always eat like a pig."

Chuck sat down next to her but his attention was all on the baby. He gave her stomach a little rub but Blair smacked his hand away.

"Don't do that while she's eating."

After finishing two thirds of the bottle Grace pushed it away and burped. Chuck laughed a little and took the bottle into the bathroom to empty the rest of the gruel down the drain and rinse the bottle.

"We should stray from protocol and let her go to sleep in either your arms or mine" he commented. "After all the excitement today and all that… I think she could need it. Plus it sort of is her birthday still."

"Go back to bed" Blair said, adjusting Grace so that she was facing her mother while she reached for the pacifier on the table next to the couch. "I'll be right in. She's sleepy, it won't take long before she's asleep again."

With a nod Chuck finished his task and then walked back to her bedroom. Blair rocked the little girl back and forth, relieved when the baby went back to sleep within minutes. She rose from her seat and walked back to the crib, gently laying the child back down.

"Please Grace, no more drama tonight" she whispered.

She pulled the blanket up to the baby's shoulders and made sure the balled up scarf was within reach. Then she turned the lights off and with a relieved sigh walked back to her bedroom, eager to continue where they had been interrupted.

Chuck was back in bed but the look he gave her when she walked in was not the look she had been hoping for. He didn't seem to be thinking about sex in the slightest. She attributed it to simply having been thrown by the crying baby and estimated that she could get him back in the mood within five or ten minutes. With a warm smile she sat down on the side of the bed and reached for his hand.

"I believe that is the first time I've ever been interrupted during actual sex" she smiled. "Where were we?" She frowned. "And why did you blow out all the candles?"

"Let's just go to sleep, shall we?"

"Chuck…" she said, caressing his hand. "I don't want to go to sleep."

"She could wake up again at any given moment."

"She was hungry. She ate. She's not going to wake up anytime soon."

"She might need a new diaper."

"Chuck…" Blair said in a pleading tone, moving closer on the bed. "We have waited forever for this."

"Come on, get under the covers."

Smiling she let her robe fall to the floor and crawled underneath the comforter. When she pressed up against him she noticed that he was still wearing boxers.

"Why are you not naked?"

"Let's get some sleep."

"You want this…" Blair said, caressing his cheek and simultaneously moving his face towards her. "You want this just as much as I do."

She kissed him and for a few blissful seconds he reciprocated. Then he gathered all his willpower and pulled away.

"It's been a really long day."

"Chuck."

"Let's just get some sleep. We could both use it."

She looked at him with incredulity. He curled up on his side, signaling that he did indeed want to go to sleep. Not knowing what else to do Blair made herself comfortable next to him. She reached out for his hand and found it. He didn't draw his hand back but he didn't make any move to reciprocate either. After a few minutes his steady breathing told her he was asleep but for Blair sleep was nowhere in sight. She was too busy trying to wrap her mind around what had just happened and to make some sense of it. Why had he had a change of heart?

She fell asleep after almost an hour, mulling it over the entire time she lay awake. Chuck barely moved a muscle during that time and she didn't understand how he could sleep so peacefully.

When Blair woke up the next morning Chuck wasn't in bed. She sat up, wondering for a fraction of a second if he was with Grace before she spotted him in the other end of the room. Putting his clothes back on.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "Come back to bed."

"I should get going" he said.

"I don't know what's wrong with you at present, but just strip and get back into bed. We can have breakfast in bed with Grace. Like we did this summer. It will be fun."

"Blair I'm serious, this is a bad idea."

"What, sharing breakfast with our daughter?"

"Last night…" he began, searching for the right words. "Last night was a dream come true. It was incredible."

"I know" Blair smiled and patted on the bed next to her. "If you come back to bed you can experience it again before breakfast."

"Last night also reminded me why we can't do this."

Blair's face fell.

"Why… we can't… do this? Why we can't do what, exactly?"

"Be together" he said, tightening his belt.

"Why?" Blair asked with incredulity. "Because Grace woke up? Chuck that's absurd."

"Our focus should be on her. Not on each other. We've been so caught up in our own drama these past few months and it's not fair to her. Most parents struggle to keep their relationship alive when they have babies; they don't throw themselves into love affairs and frolic in bed at all hours."

"When did we become most parents?" Blair asked. "We're us. Chuck and Blair. Blair and Chuck."

"We're Grace's parents. That's more important."

"Chuck if we are together then that would make everything better for Grace" Blair tried to argue. "People are supposed to be together when they raise their children."

"Normally I would agree. But this thing between us is just… It's too overwhelming. Look back at the past few months and tell me we haven't been putting way more energy into sorting out our relationship to each other than we ought to have. If we were to get together do you think everything would run smoothly? Because I don't. I don't know that I can be a devoted parent to her at the same time as I'm devoting myself to being a boyfriend to you. I can't do either halfway. I know you can't either."

"It's not going to be a problem" Blair argued, voice trembling.

"Blair last night you were more than willing to ignore Grace's cries and stay in bed with me" Chuck pointed out.

"It was mid-sex."

"After we stopped having sex you were still more focused on getting back into bed with me than making sure she was okay."

"Well I knew she wasn't in mortal peril" Blair snarled, subconsciously pulling the comforter up higher to cover her bare breasts.

"Still, you weren't focusing on her."

"She could have waited."

"What kind of an attitude is that?"

"She could have waited" Blair repeated.

"Waited? She was starving."

"She's always starving" Blair argued.

"So therefore we should let her starve?"

"Maybe it's about time we taught her patience."

"She's one year old. The point is not even whether or not she could have waited. The point is what you prioritized above tending to her."

"Chuck we've been wanting this for a long time now so is it really strange that I wanted to enjoy it? Or at least I thought we'd both been wanting what happened last night. Maybe I was wrong to think so."

"Come on, that's not it and you know it. I was just as into it as you were until…"

"Until Grace woke up."

"She comes first, second and third in my book and I find it disturbing that you don't seem to feel the same way."

"So that's it?" Blair said and crossed her arms over her chest, tears burning in her eyes. "You can't be with me because of Grace?"

"Her needs before ours."

"You are an unbelievable coward."

"I am not a coward" Chuck replied angrily.

"Yes you are. You are petrified of giving this a real chance so you hide behind Grace. I mean, saying we can't be together because it would be bad for her, are you kidding me? I'm sure she will be horribly emotionally damaged from having her parents being happy together. Everyone knows that people who come from happy homes are emotional wrecks, right?"

"You just don't get it."

"No you don't get it. You and me together would be wonderful for her because it would give her a mother and a father who were unified and happy. There is no better time for this than now, when she is little, because if there are bumps in the road and difficulties adjusting then we should get that dealt with while she's too young to remember it."

"Blair I may have had a lot of women but I've never had a girlfriend. When I actually commit to a relationship I want to be invested one hundred percent. I can't give you that right now. I need to focus on Grace."

"You realize that you're saying you'll never have a relationship, ever, unless, God forbid, the baby dies before you do?" Blair scoffed. "We both know that this feeling between us is real. Sharing a child is icing on the cake, not a roadblock."

"Maybe you see it that way but I grew up with a father who always had other things that came first. I don't want Grace to come second with me and when she's this young that means girlfriends aren't important. You deserve to be with someone who will make you his main priority."

"I deserve to have the guy I have feelings for set aside all his irrational fears and insecurities and be there for me. This is not about Grace and you know it. This is about you and your inability to open your heart to someone. What is it you think that I might do to you Bass? Would letting someone care for you be that bad?"

Chuck tried his best to ignore what she was saying because he knew she had a point. He was terrified of opening himself up to her completely and giving her any bit more power over him than she already had. It was safer to push her away before she got a chance to do the same to him.

"The only thing I'm scared of is becoming my dad and not putting my child first" he said, trying to convince both of them.

"Then why did you sleep with me last night?" Blair asked coldly. "Why have you been chasing me for over a year and a half? Either you really do want me and you're a coward or you've just been attracted to me and you're the biggest jerk on the planet. Which is it?"

"I wish I could say I don't expect you to understand, but I do" Chuck said, putting his jacket on. "Your focus should be on Grace as well. This, us, seems to be too much of a distraction. You know I'm right."

"This is your last chance" Blair said coldly.

"I'm just going to check up on Grace and then I think I should leave" Chuck answered, heading for the door. "Look, I'm sorry."

"No you're not. But you will be. When Grace asks us why Mommy and Daddy aren't together. When you wake up all alone with nobody there who loves you. When I meet someone who's not afraid to feel something for me and you realised you threw away the best thing that could have ever happened to you."

"I didn't throw Grace away."

"You threw away the chance of giving her a real family."

"You're so sure that we could make it work. I'm not."

"Then get the hell out" Blair said icily. "And by the way? Last night was just me having sex for the first time in a long time. Don't flatter yourself into thinking that my eagerness had anything to do with your skills, or whatever you call it."

"It was what it was."

She had no idea what the hell those words meant and he didn't elaborate. He walked out of her room, heading to the nursery, leaving her fuming. She heard him speaking softly to Grace for a few minutes. Then he left and when she was sure he had gone he pulled the comforter up over her head and cried.

"Are you going to be this theatrical every week?" Chuck asked with a sigh, holding the baby while Blair wiped a few stray tears from her face.

"I can't believe I'm leaving her for a whole week" she said.

"Blair? This won't get easier if you drag it out for another ten minutes. Just kiss her goodbye and leave."

Blair nodded and more tears fell down her face. Grace eyed her with confusion. The little one had no idea what was going on other than that it was making her mother sad.

They were in the hotel room Chuck had rented after returning from the Hamptons a few weeks back. Blair had arrived half an hour ago to drop off Grace and whatever knickknacks she needed in addition to the paraphernalia in the hotel room. Yale orientation week had arrived and for the first time Blair was going to leave the baby for more than two nights in a row.

She gave the baby a kiss and then backed away. Grace reached out a hand.

"Ma… na" she said.

"Oh God I can't" Blair cried. "Chuck I can't leave her for so long! She will think that I've abandoned her!"

Chuck kind of thought that was exactly what Blair was doing but he didn't voice that opinion out loud. The decision had been made and there was no point in trying to back out now. Yale was waiting. Instead of confirming her worried statement he reminded her of why she was on her way out the door.

"You're going to Yale" he said. "The college you've always wanted to attend, to get the education you've always dreamed of. It's just a few days, Blair. Look, if you feel the need to come back and see her when you have the time then just call and I'll send the chopper."

"Promise?"

"Of course I promise. Now go. Grace will be fine. She's with me all day today, all day tomorrow, all day every day, she will not feel abandoned. You were the one who said you didn't want to give up on higher education just because you had a baby, remember?"

"That's easier to say before you have the baby."

"Go. It's okay."

She nodded and hurried to pick up her things. Their new arrangement was rather messy but they both viewed it as merely a temporary solution until they could find something more suitable. Blair was flying in to New Haven in Chuck's chopper for the orientation week and would be gone the entire week if she could hold out that long without the baby. While she was in New Haven she would try to find an apartment and once she had gotten one they would be trying to keep up an arrangement where Blair had Grace from Sunday night to Friday afternoon every other week, and from Monday night to Friday every other week. They both knew this arrangement was doomed to fail rather quickly but they had been avoiding each other as much as they could lately and chose to let the issue be for the moment.

"Bye sweetheart" Blair said to Grace, trying to smile.

"Wave goodbye" Chuck told the baby.

"Buh" Grace said and waved.

Blair waved back and then hurried out the door before she lost her resolve.

"There she goes…" Chuck mumbled. "Now it's just you and me."

In a way it was a huge relief. Ever since Grace's birthday a few days ago the two of them had barely been able to be in the same room. Today was the first day it had gone okay with no bickering and bitterness but that was just because Blair was so wrapped up in going off to Yale without Grace. Chuck hated the tension but he knew there wasn't much to be done about it right now; they just had to weather the storm. Weathering it in separate states seemed like a very pleasant option at present.

"We'll get by just great without her" Chuck said and kissed Grace's head. "Won't we Grace? You can have my full attention and Yale can have hers and when she gets back she can forget Yale for a few days and focus only on you. Doesn't that sound good?"

"Mama…" Grace said, reaching out a hand in the direction Blair had left.

"Mama will be back" he said comfortingly. "Until then you've got Daddy. Hey why don't we use this week to teach you how to say Dada?"

He walked over to the kitchen table and picked up her pacifier. She took it in her mouth and stayed quiet, but her eyes were on the door Blair had walked out through. She knew something different was happening.

"You're such a smart little girl" Chuck said. "You know she's going to be away for a few days, don't you? Poor angel…"

He kissed the baby's head and rocked her gently.

"Mama" she said again.

"I know, I know…" he said softly. "I miss her too. She'll be back. You will get to spend quality time with me until then. Won't that be fun?"

"Mama" Grace complained.

"Why don't we go see if we have any fun toys lying around?" Chuck suggested. "Or give Uncle Eric a call and see if he's doing anything."

Grace looked skeptic. Slightly nervous Chuck walked back to the bedroom with her. He was used to her crying and fussing whenever Blair left her but after their summer together in the Hamptons he had hoped she would be just as happy to be with him as she was being with Blair. But it seemed nothing could measure up to Mom.

"Tell you what, this is going to be a really good bonding experience for the two of us" he said to Grace, sitting her down on the floor and grabbing a toy to distract her. "When was the last time we had some lengthy father-daughter bonding time, huh? Unfortunately we might not get to see each other as much as I would like during semesters so we should make good use of this."

Grace looked cranky and not at all interested in the toys he offered her. He began to worry about how the week would go. He was terrified of not being able to be a sufficient parent to her and even though he knew Blair was number one to Grace he hoped he was an acceptable option at least for a few days.

"Yale sucks, doesn't it?" he sighed and lifted Grace up again. "I hope it's everything Blair dreamed it would be. It had better be to be worth all of this."

He kissed the baby's brow and decided to pack a bag for her and take her over to Lily's. Perhaps a bit of company would help distract her from Blair's absence. He had been looking forward to getting a few days alone with her but now he couldn't help but wonder if he should be counting the seconds until Blair's return. He didn't want to have to see his poor child crying for her mother for several days.

On Wednesday evening Chuck was exhausted from a long day of taking care of his consistently more active daughter and trying to form a business strategy for himself. He felt strongly that he needed to do something to help build his empire and above all he would need something to occupy himself with during the day. Once Blair got things sorted out in New Haven Grace would be staying there with her most days of the week and Chuck would have nothing to do all day. Business ventures seemed like the perfect solution but making sense of his different ideas and writing up proposals was difficult to say the least when Grace kept demanding his attention. By now she could pull herself up to standing even though she fell down instantly without anything to support her and she was constantly trying to stand up or shuffling around on her bum in search for things to discover.

"You're wearing me out, little lady" he commented and combed through her curls with his hand.

She paid no attention to him. He was stretched out on his side on the bed and she was sitting up next to him in level with his chest, entertaining herself with a large multicolored centipede plushie that jingled when you shook it. It had been a birthday gift from Serena and Grace was insatiably fascinated by it.

"Not that I mind much" he continued. "But I have to wonder how your mother thinks she's going to be able to study at Yale with you around. You're always up to some new mischief, aren't you?"

Grace let out a long string of nonsense while shaking the centipede fervently. Chuck laughed a little at her enthusiasm.

"Yeah make sure you get rid of all that energy because it's almost time for bed. You know what? Tomorrow we can go for a stroll through the park and maybe feed the ducks. Yeah I know, ducks are kind of gross. But your mom likes them. We could totally make her jealous by ending up on Gossip Girl at her favorite spot. That'll make her regret jetting off to New Haven." He made a face. "Okay, I'm going to stop talking like that. To be honest Gracie I hope you'll take after her and be that driven to get a good education. She deserves to get the education she wants and so do you one day. Just please do me a favor and set your sights on a school on the east coast. You're going to break Daddy's heart if you decide you want to go to Oxford or some school in India or something."

Grace looked up at him and smiled.

"Baba!"

"You know, baba is what the sheep says" Chuck told her. "There's another word you could be saying instead. It's very close. Da… da. Dada. Can you say 'dada'?"

"Baba."

"Can you even say the letter D? Dada. Dada."

Grace gave him a look like he was deranged and returned her focus to the centipede. She shook it again and shrieked with excitement when it jingled. Then she looked at Chuck with a grin.

"Ada!" she said.

Chuck sat up.

"Grace that's it! That's almost it, you almost said it. I knew you could say the letter D; Mom is full of crap to insist otherwise. Can you say it again?"

"Moo" Grace said.

"Forget about animals for a second. Look at me Grace. Can you say 'Dada'? Dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada, dada."

He kept repeating the word in the hope she would try to copy him, a process they had gone through more than once with zero results thus far.

"Moo" Grace said again. "Dadadadadadada."

"I can't believe it! You actually said: 'Dada'."

He scooped her up in a hug which she didn't like since it caused her to drop the centipede. She screamed angrily and he loosened his grip on her to grab the toy. When he gave it back to her she quieted and he got up from the bed with her in his arms and gave her another hug.

"Thank God, you finally said it" he laughed. "Yeah, who's your favorite parent, huh? My fabulous little girl. Tomorrow morning the first thing we're going to do is call your mother and tell her what you've just said."

He grinned at her and playfully gave her a gentle shake which made the centipede in her hands jingle. Grace laughed and seemed to decide she liked the fuss that came with saying the new combinations of sound.

"Dadada" she said.

"We need to work on the number of 'da's you say" Chuck commented. "But let's face it, I'm not picky. So long as you're talking to me I'm a happy camper. Come on big girl, let's get you ready for bed. Just don't think you can bring that toy to bed. I won't be able to sleep with that thing jingling in my ear."

"Dada" Grace said.

"Okay, so maybe I'm open to negotiations."

She shook the centipede again and laughed happily. He carried her to the bathroom to change her into her pajamas, grinning from ear to ear while she kept saying 'dadada' over and over again.

"I can't believe I survived that whole week" Blair said without taking her eyes off her little daughter.

"Four and a half days."

"Semantics."

Chuck smiled slightly. Blair was sitting on the thick rug on the floor of the hotel room with a firm grip on Grace, who was practicing standing up next to her. Blair had arrived thirty minutes ago and spent every single one of those minutes with the baby. It was clear from Grace's reaction that she was very happy to have her mother back, that Blair had been missed, which Chuck recognized with mixed feelings. On one hand he didn't want Blair to feel guilty over getting herself an education. On the other hand it was difficult to accept his baby dealing with abandonment issues at the age of only one.

"So how was orientation week?" he asked. "Is Yale everything you wanted it to be?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Good."

"But I won't lie. I missed my little angel like crazy."

"Aw, I missed you too."

She gave him a look but made no comment. He cringed inwardly, realizing it was far too soon for a comment like that after what had transpired between them. At the same time he didn't mind watching her squirm for having left the baby for several days when Grace really needed her mother.

"I got a bulldog sweater for Grace" Blair said.

"They come in baby sizes?"

"Well, no. She'll have to wait seven years or so before she can wear it."

He sat down next to her on the rug and tousled Grace's hair. Grace turned her head to look at him and smiled.

"Dada" she said, causing him to smile warmly.

"Has she been a good girl?" Blair asked, and he could hear her getting emotional.

"She's been perfect."

Blair nodded and smiled but he could tell the tears were on their way.

"You already know about the biggest event of the week, which she just demonstrated" Chuck said.

"I can't imagine how happy you were to finally hear her call you that" Blair nodded. She kissed the baby on the cheek. "Did you have fun with Daddy, huh?"

"I took her to Lily's on Wednesday" Chuck said. "Rufus made her a waffle. I swear the man is trying to turn her Brooklyn."

Blair laughed a little and gave the baby a kiss.

"Did you like your waffle?" she asked.

Grace nodded. Chuck laughed.

"She had jam and whipped cream all over her face" he said. "Not just her face… Her whole outfit. I had to send Dorota to the dry cleaners."

"See, this is why waffles and babies don't mix" Blair said.

"Eric took pictures."

"Aw!"

"I can show them to you later. I plan on using them for blackmailing purposes when she gets older and starts to riot."

"Enough with the blackmail photos already."

"Wawwew" Grace said.

"She's been saying 'waffle', or at any rate been trying to, ever since she had one" Chuck said. "And speaking of food, have you eaten? We could go out and have dinner."

"I don't want to go out" Blair said. "I want to stay here with my little sweetheart."

"Order in?"

"Sounds better."

"Any particular preferences?"

"What was that deli you took me to when we were secretly sleeping together?"

"You're going to have to be more specific than that."

"The place with that mushroom sauce and the-"

"No" Chuck grinned. "When we were secretly sleeping together before we knew you were pregnant, or when we were secretly sleeping together when you were in the horny phase of your pregnancy?"

"I don't recall ever being in such a phase" Blair said haughtily. "I merely allowed you to get into bed with me-"

"Out of the kindness of your heart? Such a generous, giving person…" Chuck smirked.

"This is not something I want to talk about" Blair sulked, wondering what the hell he was doing bringing up their past sexcapades after the fiasco at Grace's birthday.

"I don't get why you're ashamed of that" he continued. "Those few weeks were pretty awesome if you ask me."

"Of course they were. For you. How often have you been lucky enough to get to sleep with a real lady rather than one of your cheap trollops?"

"A lady on the streets is a freak between the sheets" Chuck smirked. "Certainly true of you, my dear. You didn't do very many ladylike things during either one of those periods."

"And you sir, are no gentleman" Blair replied. "Can we please not talk about sex when our daughter is in the room? Or ever anymore? Between the two of us sex no longer exists, is that clear?"

"Fine, but you still need to specify which… love making period you're referring to."

"We have never made love. And I'm talking about the deli you took me to when we were first secretly seeing each other."

"Got it" Chuck grinned. "I will order us some food. I still remember what your favorites were at that place."

"Really?" Blair asked with a happily surprised smile. "It's been almost two years."

"Memorizing things you liked outside the bedroom paid off inside the bedroom" Chuck smirked.

"Are you done wallowing in how you like using me as a mattress?" Blair asked sharply. "You know what, I think I'm going to take Grace home instead and eat there."

"No don't do that" Chuck said. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. You've got a lot of nerve. Making fun of me over our former sexlife when we both know what happened on Grace's birthday."

"I'm sorry" Chuck said again. "I guess I just… I'd rather joke about it than have things be awkward."

"Next time think of that before you get naked."

"Sound advice. I shall keep that in mind."

He walked off to order food and Blair glared at his back. What had transpired between them on Grace's birthday was a very sore spot for her and it didn't make it better that Chuck acted as if he didn't care and everything was the same as it had always been. Perhaps he was trying to get back to the kind of banter they had had before feelings started to get in the way of everything but Blair knew that they never could go back to where they had been. They had to deal with things the way they were.

"Mama" Grace said and reached out her arms.

"I'm right here Gracie" Blair said and hugged her. "I'm not letting you out of my sight until I go back to school. Next week I'm going to pick out the perfect apartment for you and I to live in. I can't wait for you to move out there with me."

"Bababababababa."

Blair made a face, hoping the baby was just making noises and not trying to say 'dada'. She hated to admit it but she was a bit jealous of Chuck who had gotten to spend so many days in a row alone with Grace. Not that Blair herself hadn't spent much longer periods of time with Grace without Chuck seeing her but there was a small part of her that worried about Grace becoming more fond of her father than her mother. She had asked herself a hundred times this week if she was a bad mother for leaving her one year-old this way and the ultimate proof of her failure as a mom would be her baby preferring her father at an age where most babies loved Mom above anyone else.

"When I've had dinner we're going to go home" she said to Grace. "Tonight you'll get to sleep in your own crib in your own nursery. And when you wake up, I will be there."

"Dinner will be here in thirty minutes or less" Chuck announced, walking back into the room. "In the meantime why don't we-"

"In the meantime why don't you go pack Gracie's things?" Blair cut him off.

He looked surprised, which annoyed her a bit. Did he think she was going to stay in his hotel room with the baby, or perhaps even leave Grace there for another night?

"Mamana" Grace said and tugged a strain of Blair's hair.

"Ow" Blair winced. "Chuck did you hear me?"

"Sure" he mumbled and walked to the bedroom to do as ordered.

"Grace let go" Blair said. "You're a little too old to be pulling my hair like that, aren't you? There, that's better."

She stood up and scooped the baby up in her arms, walking over to take a seat on the couch. She sank back against the comfortable cushions and hugged Grace close. Grace squirmed a little but seemed to be getting sleepy. After fidgeting for a minute she stood up on Blair's legs and looked around the room. Blair hoped she wasn't trying to find Chuck. Then Grace sat back down and curled up and Blair hugged her closer and gently rocked her. When Chuck came back out with Grace's things she was fast asleep in her mother's arms.

"Lots of excitement for her this afternoon, huh?" Chuck said softly.

"Yeah I guess…" Blair said, gently stroking the baby's hair. "God I've missed her like absolute crazy."

"Dinner's going to be here any minute. You want to go put her in the crib?"

"No" Blair said and smiled. "I think I'll just hold on to her for a little while longer."

The following Wednesday evening Blair stepped off the elevator at her mother's penthouse and angrily stomped towards the stairs. Dorota came out from the kitchen, looking surprised to see her.

"Miss Blair? Why are you not at school?"

"What is wrong with New Haven?" Blair griped. "Do you know how difficult it is to find decent living near campus?"

"Maybe you have high standards" Dorota shrugged.

"I have no such thing but there is a child to consider here! I cannot live with Grace in any old dump. She is a Waldorf and she needs quality housing. God knows what can happen to her in those middle-class apartments I've looked at this week."

"You think you find apartment better from here?" Dorota asked, confused as to why her protégée had come back to the city in the middle of the week.

"Chuck won't let me take the baby to New Haven until I have a proper place to stay and as much as I hate it I have to admit that he's got a point. So instead I have to shuttle back and forth just to spend a few hours with her before she goes to bed and then fly back out in Chuck's chopper in time for my nine a.m. lecture tomorrow morning. How am I supposed to get a quality education like this? Tell me!"

"Columbia is quality education" Dorota shrugged.

"God, you Europeans have no sense of higher education."

"Or you could have convinced Mister Chuck to move to New Haven too but then you sleep together and things get awkward again."

Blair stopped halfway up the stairs and gave her maid a death glare.

"What was that?"

"You hear me. You and Mister Chuck not even want to be in same room right now, of course he not moving."

"One more word out of you and you will be moving. Back to Poland."

Angrily she stomped up the stairs and headed for her room, now in an even fouler mood. As if she hadn't wanted much more than just sex with Chuck. As if she hadn't tried to convince him that they should give it a chance. Well no more of that. She was done being the only one who pursued, the one who always had to do all the convincing. Chuck might still want her but he sure as hell didn't make her feel like it. If anything she felt rejected and undesired and she would be damned if she kept chasing after someone who clearly didn't want her enough.

She grabbed an old duffle bag from her closet and filled it with a change of clothes and a few toiletries. She had left New Haven in such a hurry that she had completely forgotten that she was going to Chuck's hotel room and not home and therefore she hadn't brought anything with her from Yale. She wasn't looking forward to spending the night in the same hotel room as Chuck even though he had moved from a one-bedroom to a two-bedroom to make room for them both. And if he thought he could have the room where they put Grace's crib he was sorely mistaken. She wanted to spend time with her daughter, not with him, and he would get to be with her all day tomorrow while Blair sat through unending lectures.

She threw the bag over her shoulder, adjusted her headband and strode back downstairs. Dorota was there waiting, pretending to dust a few ornaments. Blair pointedly ignored her and walked right past her.

"Miss Blair" Dorota said. "What will you do if you not find apartment in New Haven?"

Blair snorted. She refused to think about that. Of course she would find a suitable apartment. She might just have to wait a few weeks before she did.

"I will find one" she said confidently. "Grace and I will live there together for the next four years."

"But what if you don't?" Dorota insisted. "There is ivy league school in New York too."

"Why are you so determined that I go to Columbia and not Yale?" Blair asked. "Isn't it bad enough that I have to put up with my mother whining and with Chuck's passive aggressive protests?"

"We don't want baby to grow up far away where we not see her" Dorota said.

"Oh, so it's not me you will miss" Blair snarled.

"You already grown" Dorota shrugged. "Yale big opportunity for you. But Miss Grace just as happy in New York."

"And she will be even happier in New Haven" Blair said, stepping on the elevator, fighting back tears of frustration.

"How is little Grace today?" Dr. Harrison asked and smiled at the baby sitting on a gurney at his clinic.

"Not so little anymore" Blair said with a proud smile.

"One year and three weeks old" Dr. Harrison nodded with an eye on the chart. "Her weight, height and overall growth is within the range. She looks healthy and happy."

"She is."

"Is she talking yet?"

"She says a few short words."

"First word?"

"That depends on who you ask" Blair said. "If you ask me her first word was 'Mama when she was around seven months old. If you ask anyone else it was 'Food' about two months ago. Well, she couldn't say the letter D, but we knew what she was trying to say."

Dr. Harrison laughed.

"Her appetite is the same, I see."

"I'm worried that she might become fat" Blair frowned. "Right now I know she has baby fat and she's supposed to have it, but I've read that children who are overweight are more likely to have problems losing weight as adults."

"As I said she is within the range" Dr. Harrison said. "Don't worry about her appetite. She needs as much nutrition as possible to help her grow."

"If you say so doctor" Blair said, looking skeptical.

"And the baby fat will start to disappear once she begins to walk. She's crawling by now I take it? Has she taken her first steps yet?"

"Actually she's not crawling" Blair said with a troubled frown on her face. "She kind of… skips on her bum."

The doctor laughed.

"Some children do that. It's nothing to be so concerned about."

"It doesn't seem normal."

"It's nothing to worry about, trust me. But she hasn't taken her first steps yet?"

"No not yet."

"She will soon enough. Now, let's get down to the main reason why you two ladies are here today."

Blair smiled nervously. Grace was due to get more shots, a pretty hefty dose this time around. She had gotten a hepatitis B shot at birth and an additional dose a month later and while Blair had no memory of when the first had been given she very vividly remembered Grace screaming at the top of her lungs when she got the second dose. Now she was older and would not only be sure to cry, she might remember that it was Mommy who had brought her to have those shots. Blair didn't know if children remembered things like that but she hoped not. Their situation at present was hard enough without adding Grace being upset with her over something like that.

"It's quite a big one this time" Dr. Harrison said, being the opposite of helpful. "I won't give her polio or influenza today, however. She'll get those with her DTaP in six months' time."

"God it's like there's no end to the vaccines she needs" Blair sighed.

"It's a cheap insurance" Dr. Harrison said.

"I just don't like her being poked by needles too much."

"She will be fine, it only stings for a minute."

"One very long minute" Blair commented.

"I'm going to prepare my kit" Dr. Harrison said. "Why don't you try and distract her for a bit? I believe it's better if they don't see me approaching them with the needle."

"I can't believe I'm scheming against my own child" Blair muttered.

She smiled at Grace and tried to think of ways to distract her. Usually she was good at entertaining the baby but most of their games involved movement and she guessed it was better if Grace kept fairly still right now. Dr. Harrison used a wipe with rectified alcohol to clean off Grace's arm and the little girl stared at him with disapproval while wrinkling her nose at the unpleasant smell.

"Grace honey" Blair said. "Look at Mommy."

Grace looked over at her and smiled at the face Blair was making.

"Hi sweetie. Keep your eyes on me."

She quickly glanced around the room to find some inspiration for how to distract the baby and her eyes fell on a picture of the ugly duckling. She used her hand to imitate a duck's bill and made quacking noises. Grace grinned and seemed entertained but then something clattered over where the doctor was preparing for her vaccination and her eyes went there instead. Blair walked over to the stroller and picked up the plushie they had brought. It was a little dog and she held it up and started barking. Grace's attention went back to her and by playing with the dog Blair was able to keep the child's focus as the doctor walked up with the needle.

Once Dr. Harrison grabbed a hold of Grace's arm however Blair lost her attention. Having no memories of previous shots Grace wasn't wary of the needle but she did look confused over what it was for. When the doctor gave her the injection her jaw dropped a little and then she began to scream with anger, indignation and pain.

"There we go, there's a good girl" Dr. Harrison said.

"Can I pick her up?" Blair asked.

"Of course."

She scooped the crying baby up in her arms and tried her best to soothe her. Grace was furious over this new treatment and Blair frowned with concern.

"Is it normal for them to cry this much?"

"Adults don't like getting injections" Dr. Harrison pointed out. "Babies like it even less and they don't understand what it's for."

Grace most certainly didn't like it. She cried furiously and Blair's attempts at soothing her were all ineffective.

"What if there's something wrong?" Blair worried. "She might be having an allergic reaction or maybe you hit a nerve or something?"

"Miss Waldorf I assure you, there is nothing wrong with your baby" Dr. Harrison said. "She will calm down in a minute."

"It's okay honey…" Blair said to Grace and kissed the top of her head. "I know it hurt but you're all better now aren't you?"

Grace quieted down after a few minutes but she glared sullenly at the doctor, clearly not ready to forgive him quite yet. Blair was just relieved she stopped crying and adjusted the tiny headband she was wearing.

"You know the drill since last time she had a shot" Dr. Harrison said. "She might get a fever, some aching muscles… So long as the fever isn't high it's nothing to worry about."

"So we're done for today?" she said.

"See you in six months."

"Unfortunately" Blair said, giving him an annoyed look. "Come along Gracie."

She decided to keep holding Grace and not put her in the stroller yet, which resulted in some logistical problems when she tried to get through the door with everything she had brought into the office. Dr. Harrison held the door open for her and chuckled at the glare Grace gave him on their way out.

"Bye doctor" Blair said. "No offense but the less we see of you from now on the better."

The doctor laughed again and bid them a good day. Blair put Grace down in her stroller and left the building, shivering slightly when she got outside. It was September but there was a cold wind blowing.

"The doctor's office isn't much fun, huh?" Blair said. "I hope by the time you have babies of your own they will have come up with something that gives you all the vaccinations you need in one shot when you're born. Or better yet they could invent that before you have any siblings. If you ever do have siblings." She sighed. "You know, call me crazy but for a few hours there I thought that maybe you would get siblings as soon as I've graduated from college. Guess not, huh? At least not siblings who share your father. Your father is a real stupid head. But I'm not going to obsess about that anymore."

She cocked her neck and held her chin high, strolling down the streets with her cranky baby. She didn't actually have any desires to have more children, at least not in any foreseeable future, but it bothered her that she would have to give up on her hopes of having more children with Chuck.

"If your father ever gives you siblings it will probably be with some blonde bimbo who's only slightly more mentally developed than you are right now" she griped bitterly. "Then he'll probably cheat on her with the nanny and you'll get another sibling out of it. And me, I'll probably never end up giving you a sibling because I'll be spending the next ten years getting my college degree. God, I cannot believe it should be this hard to get an apartment"

She had been out looking at apartments almost every afternoon after her classes and still she hadn't found anything she liked. She was getting very impatient and the search for a place to live was taking a lot of energy she could have spent on school instead. Not to mention the roommate she was saddled with at the dorms was a huge grunge fan which horrified Blair. She had been quite relieved when Chuck had asked her if she could skip her afternoon classes and fly in to take Grace to the doctor.

"Are you still fussy over that shot?" she asked Grace. "Poor little girl. Tell you what, you and I are going to do something fun this afternoon. We are going to go back to the penthouse and see Grandma' and Cyrus before they jet back to Paris and then we're going to go and buy you a new toy. Then this evening I'm going to give you a nice bath and we'll cuddle up together on the couch and I'll read you a story and sing you a song just the way you like it. Maybe we can even buy a new book? Would you like that?"

She kept prattling as she walked down the street, hoping that her voice would help soothe the cranky baby. She was starting to feel a touch of panic at how much time she had spent away from Grace since college had started and she felt even more panicked at the thought of not finding a place to stay real soon. She felt strongly that Grace needed her more than she needed Chuck and it made her nervous to think of what effects this arrangement could have on their baby in the long run.

"You know what Grace?" she said. "Change of plans. Tomorrow is Friday and I have decided to skip my classes and take a long weekend. We'll make a quick stop at Chuck's hotel room and get your things and then we'll go home and spend every moment from now until Sunday night together."

Chuck would probably be surprised at this turn of events but she could care less. The agreed arrangement was that she would have Grace more days a week than him anyway and she had been missing far too much time with her baby lately.

"I don't follow" Chuck said a few hours later, lifting Grace up from the stroller with a frown on his face. "Your classes tomorrow got cancelled? All of them?"

"They didn't get cancelled. I'm skipping them."

"You're skipping them?" he echoed with disbelief.

"Yes" Blair said. "Skipping them. Don't look so surprised Chuck; you've skipped far more classes than the number you have attended."

"That may be but I'm not the one turning Grace's life upside down in order to go to a particular college" he said with a disapproving tone. "You've made such a big deal out of Yale and now you're skipping classes?"

"It's just a few weeks in to the semester" Blair protested. "One day of playing hookie isn't the end of the world."

"Sure it isn't" Chuck snorted.

"Chuck do not start with me" Blair said with a frown. "You were the one who called me and asked me to fly in and take the baby to the doctor."

"Because I've never taken her to one of her check-ups and you are much better at answering their questions and knowing what to tell them."

"Is that the reason? Or can you just not be bothered with the less fun aspects of parenting?" Blair griped, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I change her diapers. How much worse can it be to bring her to the doctor?"

"A dirty diaper is a lot easier to handle than Grace crying after she gets an injection!" Blair shot back. "Not that you would know since you avoid most responsibilities like the plague. That's the way it's been since she was conceived."

"I take my share of the responsibility. You're the one who doesn't want to let me share the load with you fifty-fifty. You still insist that she spends more time with you than with me."

"I'm her mother" Blair pointed out. "I carried her for nine months, I-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that all before. She is still ours, not yours, and as usual it seems I'm the one who thinks of what is better for her."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means it's better for Grace if you take her to her check-ups since you know the drill and you know what you talked about at her last check-up."

"What a load of crap!"

Their voices had gotten louder and louder while they argued and Blair's last words came out in a yell. Grace began to cry and Chuck held her closer, shushing her gently while giving Blair a glare.

"There, there…" he shushed the baby. "Nice going Blair."

"I'm not the only one at fault here!"

"At least stop shrieking; you're scaring her. It's okay Grace…"

"Give her to me" Blair said, walking closer. She could never stand to see her baby cry and wanted to soothe her whenever she did.

"No" Chuck said, backing away from her. "I've got her."

"You should be packing her things. We're leaving in a few minutes."

"If you're going to take my daughter away for the next three days I think I have the right to hold her for a minute."

"Chuck this isn't helping!" Blair said, running her hands through her hair with frustration. "She's never going to calm down like this."

"She doesn't need a mother's touch to calm down" Chuck snorted.

"No but it would certainly help if we weren't arguing with each other."

"I'm not arguing!" Chuck barked.

Blair bit her bottom lip to prevent herself from snapping something back at him and took a step back, glaring at him sullenly. He began to walk around a little, shushing the crying baby. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes even though they had a lot more on their minds but they kept glaring at one another. After a while Grace stopped crying but she was very fussy and wrapped her arms around her father's neck, burying her face at the nape.

"Her stuff is in my bedroom" Chuck said in a calm voice intended to keep the baby from crying again. "You can go and get it. I'll say goodbye to her in the meantime."

Blair nodded, not entirely pleased with the arrangement, and walked to Chuck's room. She hoped he had the baby's things in order and not scattered everywhere. When she had left the room Chuck turned to Grace.

"It's okay" he said. "Grown-ups fight every once in a while. Especially messed-up semi-grown-ups like me and your mom. I'm sorry we scared you."

"Be careful with her arm" Blair said, coming out from the bedroom to get the plushie she had seen sitting on the couch. "She's probably sore from the vaccination."

"Is that also what makes you fussy today?" Chuck asked Grace.

"You are very perceptive" Blair said with a feigned smile and returned to the bedroom, plushie in hand.

"Let's hope you grow up to have a sunnier disposition than your mother" Chuck said to the baby.

"I heard that!" Blair snarled from the bedroom.

"Of course she did" Chuck muttered under his breath. "There, there Grace, it's all okay now. Come here, let me take a look at that arm of yours."

He sat down on the couch and got her to release her grip on him. He took her arm in his and she pulled back a little but then let him hold it. Carefully he studied the band-aid on her upper arm and then took a gentle grip of her, one hand on each arm.

"Blair!" he called out.

"What?" Blair asked in an annoyed tone, coming back out from the bedroom.

"She's swollen. Her arm."

"Of course she is, genius, that can happen with the vaccination and it's not a big deal" Blair said. "I guess you've proven yourself right. There's no point sending you to the doctor with her since you don't know anything."

"Forgive me for being concerned" Chuck muttered.

"Try not to have any further crises until I'm done" Blair sighed. "Where did you put her damn diaper bag?"

"Where do you think? In the bathroom."

Blair muttered something he couldn't make out and went to get the bag. Chuck studied Grace with a frown and rested his forehead against hers to see if she had any fever. She seemed fine but she didn't like her arm to be moved around. Gently he removed the band-aid and placed a kiss where it had been.

"All better" he said even though he knew she was too little to understand the concept. "You're going to be just fine in a day or so. I know it sucks right now. Trust me, I got that hepatitis vaccine and they were all out of the kind they stick in your… fatty tissue? I don't know, point is, they gave me the second injection in the muscle on my arm, just like where they gave you your shot today, and my arm was sore for like three days. But it's all going to be worth it when you don't come down with whatever horrible diseases they vaccinated you for today. One of them probably was hepatitis, come to think of it."

He kept talking to her while he waited for Blair to gather her things. He hadn't been prepared for her to take Grace away today and he didn't like it. He felt rather powerless, like Blair had all the say-so. If she wanted to come and pick up Grace and take her to her penthouse she could, without any warning. Chuck couldn't wait until Grace was older and didn't depend on her mother as much anymore.

He looked up when Blair exited the bedroom carrying Grace's bag. He quickly got up and scooped the baby up with him, holding her close.

"Give her to me Bass" Blair said. "We're leaving."

"I'll put her in the stroller."

"I said I'll take her."

"Just let me put her in the damn stroller" Chuck snarled. "You're taking her a day early, at least let me kiss her goodbye and send her off."

"Well be quick about it. I don't have all day."

Chuck glared at her and then turned his back on her, doing his best to ignore her presence. He would rather say goodbye to Grace in private but he should have thought of that while Blair was still in the other room.

"I'm sorry you have to leave already" he told her. "I will miss you over the weekend. Have fun with Mommy. I will see you again on Sunday night, okay? By then your arm will be all better and you and I can play together and do lots of fun stuff, okay? You be good now."

He walked over to the stroller and gave Grace a kiss before very reluctantly setting her down. He ruffled her hair and stroke her cheek with his finger, hating the fact that her cheeks were still wet from her tears.

"I love you" he said. "See you in a few days. Miss me."

"Touching" Blair said with a feigned smirk and walked around the stroller to get on the right side.

"Bye" Chuck said and kissed Grace's forehead.

"Have a good weekend" Blair offered out of habit.

"Not as good as yours, I'm sure" Chuck replied.

He opened the door for her and held it open while she walked out pushing the stroller and with the bag flung over her shoulder. He stayed in the doorway until they had disappeared around the corner and then he closed the door with a sigh.

The following week Chuck felt like he had reached a boiling point. When Blair had dropped Grace off on Sunday they had gotten into another argument, again causing the baby to cry. The tension between them was palpable and they didn't seem to know how to act around one another right now. She was still hurt over what had transpired at Grace's birthday party and he was upset with her for not understanding where he was coming from. Aside from that Blair was growing more concerned every day that went by without her finding an apartment and Chuck was dreading the day she did. At present Blair was the one on the losing side since she couldn't bring Grace with her to her dorm but before long Chuck would be the one who only got to spend a few days a week with their daughter.

Chuck wasn't sure what to do to get out of this mess they were in. He had gone over the events of Grace's birthday a hundred times in his head and each time convinced himself that he had made the right choice. Grace wouldn't benefit from her parents trying to play house together at this point. He fervently denied to himself that his decision had anything to do with his own fears of letting somebody close and his worry that Blair might not want him for real. Yet he knew something had to happen, something had to change. They couldn't continue on like this for much longer. This, if anything, was harmful to the baby. She shouldn't have to be caught in the middle of her parents arguing because they didn't know how to work out or express their feelings for one another.

He sighed and looked over at the baby playing on the floor, babbling merrily to herself. Who was he kidding? Why was he doing this to himself, to Blair and to Grace? Blair had been right. Grace would only benefit from the two of them being together. He could overcome his fears couldn't he? Blair's feelings for him did seem genuine these days and he should at least be brave enough to take a chance for Grace if her parents being together was the best thing for her. He may not be brave enough for his own sake but he could be brave enough for his daughter.

He got up and walked across the room to get his jacket and his phone.

"You know what Grace, we're going out."

"Go" Grace said.

"That's right. We're leaving Manhattan and you're going on a chopper for the first time in your life."

"Wawwew?"

"No not waffle, chopper."

He grabbed the pacifier from the coffee table and lifted Grace up into his arms while dialing his phone.

"Time for big gestures" he said to the baby while he waited for his call to be connected. "I need some help now Grace and you're going to be the one to help me out. We need to go to New Haven and tell Mommy that Dad's a big old idiot. We need to tell her that she was right and we really should give this a try. Put those doll eyes of yours to good use so she won't be able to stay mad, okay?"

He hurried towards the closet to get a jacket for Grace while talking on the phone to his pilot, telling him to get the chopper ready. He felt both nervous and excited, eager to see Blair and make things right with her but afraid of opening up to her.

"Your dad's a big old idiot" he said to the baby. "Can you explain to me what I'm so scared of, huh? Yeah it is scary to tell someone how you feel. I don't know why though. We have you, I know she might have very strong feelings for me, I mean what could be so scary about something like that? Since when is happiness scary?"

He sat her down on the couch and kneeled to get her jacket on. She squirmed a little but he soon got the jacket on her. He rose with her in a firm grip and hurried around the suite gathering the things she would need.

"I'm not going to bring all that much stuff for you" he said. "This mission can go in only two ways. Either she'll agree to give me another chance, in which case you and I will be spending the next couple of days in a hotel room in New Haven and we can go out and buy whatever you need that we didn't bring with us. Or she'll tell me I'm too late in which case I'll be hurrying back to New York."

"Wawwew" Grace said.

"Yeah. Thank you for your support, sweetie. Come on, let's go."

Blair smiled happily, feeling good about herself for the first time since Grace's birthday. She was at an afternoon mixer, dressed in her latest Gucci purchase, feeling fabulous. She was also in the company of a very nice looking fellow named Jacob Townsend who had caught her eye on the very first day. Not that she was looking for a boyfriend, or even a guy to warm her bed, but a nice flirt to make herself feel better was definitely what the doctor ordered. She and Jacob had really hit it off and she was beginning to toy with the idea of letting him be the guy she could attach herself to for a while to show Chuck that she didn't need him and that if he didn't want her there were plenty of guys who did. So when Jacob had asked her to go to dinner with him after the mixer she had happily said yes.

"I'm so happy to have met someone else who sees Yale as a calling and not just a prestigious name to be associated with" Jacob said.

"I know" Blair said, practically purring. "Most of these people don't even get why Yale is so remarkable."

Jacob smiled warmly at her. Then he frowned.

"Some guy is staring at you from across the room" he said. "And not very friendly looking, I might add."

Blair turned around and saw that Chuck, the last person she expected to see here, had just walked into the room. Her jaw almost dropped to the floor. What was he doing there? And where was Grace?

"Excuse me for a second" Blair said to Jacob and hurried across the room to talk to Chuck. When she reached him she grabbed him by the arm, hard enough for him to frown. "Chuck what are you doing here? How did you know where to find me? Where's Grace, is she alright?"

"She's fine" Chuck said, carefully prying Blair's hand off his arm. "It's her nap time, she's sleeping at a hotel room with Dorota looking after her."

"Bass be straight with me" Blair said. "What has happened?"

"I'm not here because anything happened to Grace" Chuck said with a little laugh.

Then why was he there? Blair couldn't think of any reason for him to show up out of the blue in New Haven unless something had happened. She preferred finding out sooner rather than later.

"What is it then?" she asked. "Serena? My parents?"

"I'm not here for anyone else" he said and then his voice softened and was accompanied by a warm smile. "I'm here for me."

It dawned on Blair why he had come. He was after a second chance and thought all it would take would be to show up. Well he could think again. The extreme humiliation she had felt after the birthday party could not be made to go away by just showing up and smiling. After what he did to her how dare he think he could have her?

"If it's nothing acute then excuse me" she said, taking a step back when he reached out his hand for her. "I'm on a date."

"What?" he said with a disbelieving laugh.

"You can tell me all about why you're here later on. I'm sure it's for a stupid reason anyway. Oh, and I hear the Skull and Bones are out for your blood for some reason so if I were you I'd go hide off-campus."

She strode off and he stared after her in disbelief. Not that he hadn't gotten the message. She was still angry and hurt and wasn't prepared to forgive him right off the bat. But he had thought he would be able to lure her away from the mixer for some more private time since Grace was in New Haven with him.

He watched her walk right up to some guy who managed to look pompous and airheaded at the same time and she put her hand on his upper arm and gave him a peck on the lips. She couldn't be serious. He hadn't thought she was telling the truth when she said she was on a date but it appeared that she was. How come it never seemed to take her more than a few weeks to move on to someone else?

Jealousy burning inside him he backed slowly away from where he was standing and then walked out to the foyer. Instinct told him she would be turning around to see the look on his face but all she would get was him leaving. He needed a moment to compose himself before he could allow her to look at him. In addition it would be to his benefit to make her wonder why he had just walked out. The game and cat and mouse was their area of expertise.

He walked into the men's room and splashed his face with cold water. He needed a strategy, and fast.

Blair's head was spinning and her brain working overtime to try and piece together the facts. Chuck had brought Dorota and the baby to New Haven but not because of anything related to Grace. He was there to see Blair, out of the blue, and the only explanation that made sense was that he regretted his decision to walk out on her. If he thought he was regretting it now he had no idea what was coming. She wasn't going to just let him win her back over. She had her pride to think about as well as her self-respect. Jacob was an adequate fake-boyfriend and she had no qualms about using him to make Chuck feel as miserable as Blair had lately.

It seemed like she had succeeded since Chuck had apparently left right away once he saw her with Jacob. Which was partially a victory, since it had provoked a reaction, but also a defeat since she wanted him to stick around and get a good look of her fawning over somebody else. Even if that somebody else seemed a touch confused by, albeit not objecting to, her sudden displays of affection.

"I'm absolutely parched" she said with her best coquettish smile.

"Let's get you something to drink then" Jacob said and placed a hand on the small of her back, ushering her towards the refreshments. "Blair you really surprise me, I had no idea you were such a fan of Chaucer."

"How could anyone not be?" Blair lied, wondering what he was talking about. When had they said anything about Chaucer?

"I want to be one of the great ones, you know?" Jacob continued. "Imagine being talked about centuries from now and having students reading your work, talking about your art. It's one thing to write a big seller, but come on, nobody's going to talk about Dan Brown or JK Rowling the way they talk about Jonathan Swift or Tolkien."

"Absolutely" Blair pretended to agree.

They reached the refreshments and Jacob grabbed a glass to get her some punch. Blair nearly jumped out of her skin when Chuck materialized out of thin air and reached out for a snack, grazing her chest with his arm by what was clearly not accident.

"Chuck!" she exclaimed. "What are you still doing here?"

Jacob frowned and handed Blair her punch.

"Is this guy bothering you Blair?"

"Absolutely not, I can assure you" Chuck said with a charming smile, reaching out his hand for a handshake. "I'm-"

"He's no one" Blair interrupted. "He's leaving."

"Blair you're being rude" Chuck chastised with a teasing grin.

"Are you a student here at Yale?" Jacob asked, putting an arm around Blair.

"No he's not" Blair said.

"I'm not" Chuck confirmed, eyes turning darker with annoyance that this guy put his arm around Blair that way. "Some of us don't need college to succeed in life." He extended his hand again. "I'm Chuck Bass."

"Jacob Townsend, majoring in English lit."

"Mmm, thrilling" Chuck said without attempting to mean it.

"You're a friend of Blair's?"

"By the very loosest definition of the word" Blair said icily.

"I'm the other half of her daughter's parents" Chuck said.

Blair wished she could just clobber him. She hadn't told Jacob about Grace yet because she wanted people to focus on her and her academic agenda and not on her baby. Luckily Jacob didn't seem to be too shocked to gather his wits.

"Of course" he said.

"Speaking of which, shouldn't you be getting back to Grace?" Blair asked Chuck in a tone that may sound sweet but she knew he could detect the poison behind it.

"I was thinking-"

"Great" Blair cut him off. "Well it was… nice… running into you here. Jacob we should go over and speak to the dean before we head out to dinner."

"Excellent idea" Jacob said. "Nice meeting you Chet."

"Chuck" Chuck corrected him sullenly.

"Right."

Jacob walked off with Blair, still with his arm around her waist, and Chuck was left fuming by the refreshments.

"Your daughter?" Jacob asked in a hiss as soon as they were out of earshot.

"I know, I should have mentioned her" Blair said. "It's just, my mother's a well-known designer and her father, whom you just met, is one of the richest men in the world. Not to mention her aunt is a veritable paparazzi magnet. I don't like talking about her to people before I know them since I want to keep her sheltered from the public eye as best I can."

"What's between you and her father now?" Jacob asked. "Why is he showing up here? And am I just someone you're using to make him jealous?"

"Chuck lives on Manhattan. If he came all this way for me then I would hardly need to use some guy to make him jealous, now would I? There is absolutely nothing between Chuck and me, except attempts to be civil around each other."

"But you were in love once" Jacob concluded.

"Grace was not a planned baby" Blair said. "She just… happened. Chuck and I weren't dating and we never have been." She stopped walking and faced Jacob with a smile. "I don't want to talk about him. He's probably here on some business deal or other and decided to stop by and let me know he brought the baby. Grace is with him sometimes while I'm at school. It's a temporary arrangement until we can figure out the logistics."

"I don't mind not talking about him either" Jacob said and let his finger caress her cheek. "Come, let's find dean Berube and then go to dinner."

Blair stepped outside to get some fresh air while Jacob went to find his roommate to talk something over which had to do with a coat hanger which Blair had understood nothing of. She had only been outside for a minute when Chuck walked up behind her.

"Blair…"

"Just save it Chuck" Blair said, turning to look at him. "Whatever it is."

"Look I made a mistake. I made the wrong decision to walk out when I did, and I've regretted it ever since."

"Is that why you're here?"

"You know it is." He moved a step closer, gathering all his courage to be open with her. "Whoever that guy is… This is me Blair. This is us. I know that guy isn't someone special to you or I would have heard about him sooner."

"It may not be special yet but it can be the start of something special. I deserve to have something special."

"You're right, you do" Chuck agreed. "I'm just… I've never really been part of anything special before and I'm scared that if given the chance… I would ruin it."

"Maybe you already have."

"No" Chuck said, shaking his head. "No, because…"

"It doesn't matter either way" Blair said, wishing he would stop speaking vaguely and get to the part of telling her what she wanted to hear from him.

"I was afraid to rock the boat but I was wrong" Chuck said, gently placing his hands on her sides. "I was afraid of… a lot of things… I'm sorry Blair. I don't want to do wrong by Grace and I-"

"No, stop hiding behind her."

"Please don't leave with that guy."

"Why?" Blair asked. "Give me a reason."

"Because you don't want to."

"That's not good enough" Blair said.

"Because I don't want you to."

"That's not enough either."

"Because we have the baby. You were the-"

"No, Grace is not a reason why I should stay" Blair said, pulling back from him. "Grace is the reason why I should go. You said so yourself."

"I was wrong" Chuck insisted, stepping closer and gently grabbing her arms with his hands.

"Maybe I was wrong" Blair said.

"You don't believe that."

"Perhaps I do. I need to think about her and I need to be with someone who is dependable. You're not. You keep pulling me in and then pushing me away. Why should I expect this time to be any different?"

"Because it is" Chuck said pleadingly.

"Prove it."

"How?"

"Give me the real reason why I should go back to your hotel with you rather than out to dinner with Jacob. And don't say Grace is the reason."

"What is it that you want to hear?"

"Three words, eight letters" Blair said, for a moment daring to hope that he might say them when he was looking at her like that. "I need that from you before I can know that you are serious about this. Say those words…"

The look on her face was almost begging. He knew he felt what she wanted him to profess but for some reason the words just wouldn't come out. What guarantee did he have? He had no way of knowing if her feelings for him were real. This could all be power play. And wasn't this going just a little too fast? Proclamations of love before they had even been on a date? Even with a shared child this felt like too big a leap. He wanted to be with her, he was finally prepared and willing to try and be the best boyfriend he could be and to dare to believe that she could love him, but he had thought they would take it one step at a time. Things were intense enough when they had a daughter together without adding those three words.

"I…" he began, petrified of saying the three words but also frightened of losing her if he didn't. "I…"

"That's what I thought" she said in what was barely more than a whisper, and pulled herself loose. "Won't you please leave me alone? I guess it was for the best that you walked out that morning because you would have only broken my heart."

He wanted to say her name, tell her to wait, to give him a chance to explain why he was hesitant to say those words. But she had walked down the steps and was waiting for her date with her back turned to him, clearly signaling that she was done with the conversation. He was too late.

Blair could feel his eyes still on her and she was torn between wishing he would walk up to her again and give her at least some sign that he was serious about her and wishing he would hurry up and leave already before he realized that she was near crying. He chose to do neither and just stayed put, looking at her from a few steps up until Jacob came down the stairs and placed a hand on her back.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

She gathered all her strength and put her best game face on, forcing herself to smile even though all she wanted to do was go to Chuck's hotel room before he could get back, hold her baby close and weep through her disappointment.

"Let's do this" she said as cheerfully as possible to Jacob.

Chuck remained on the steps watching her silently until she and that guy had disappeared from sight. Then he slowly descended the stairs and began to walk back to the hotel. It would take him over half an hour but he could use the time to gather his wits and his thoughts before getting back. He realized now he had chosen the worst baby-sitter possible because Dorota had seemed to have guessed the reason why they were in New Haven and would no doubt be eagerly awaiting a progress report.

He walked for what felt like an eternity but didn't get anywhere with his thoughts. He hadn't been able to say those words to Blair and he wouldn't be able to do it now either if she showed up and gave him another opportunity to do so. He couldn't go from not even dating her to confessing to love her. It was too much. He wanted to give her his heart but it had to happen in smaller steps or he wouldn't be brave enough. He wasn't even sure he had ever said those words to anyone other than Grace, not even to his father as a child. He most definitely had never said it as a teenager, other than to his daughter and that was not the same. With Grace it was more of a natural thing, a parent's love for a child. With Blair it was a teenage boy feeling something for a teenage girl which she might not reciprocate. Even if she did it might turn out badly in the end. There were risks involved. Giving that much of himself to Blair without being in a relationship first was dangerous.

He reached the hotel and reluctantly went back to his room. As expected Dorota came hurrying up the second he walked through the door, holding Grace in her arms.

"Oh, Mister Chuck, you're back! Did you see Miss Blair? What did she say?"

"I don't know how Blair trains her hired help but the people who work for me do not stick their noses in things that aren't their business" Chuck sneered. "Come here Grace, did you have a good nap?"

He took the child from Dorota and took her to the other room, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the couch and hugged the baby tight, the one part of Blair that would always be his, the one thing she couldn't deny him. Grace wasn't in the mood for being held and hugged however. She squirmed and wanted to get down on the floor.

"Just as stubborn as your mother" Chuck sighed, allowing her to get down.

Grace made her way over to the thick rug on the floor and began to look around for toys but there were none in the room. She began to cry out of disappointment and Chuck got up with a sigh and walked over, sitting down on the rug, facing her.

"Yeah I know the feeling…" he said. "Here, I'll play with you. Look at Daddy."

He made a funny face and Grace stopped crying, looking at him with surprise for a moment before she began to laugh and clap her hands.

"Good thing you're easily entertained" he commented and made another funny face.

Grace laughed again but it didn't make Chuck feel much better. He was already regretting having come to New Haven to speak with Blair. He should have known it would be futile, that she had had enough of his insecurities. If only he had stayed in New York and waited until she returned, then he would have taken precautions and gotten a feeling for where she was emotionally before he let her know he was vulnerable to her.

"Mo!" Grace declared, grabbing his hands and pulling on them.

"You want more?"

"Mo!"

"I think I'm all out of funny faces for today. You need to learn some new words though. Can you say after me Grace?" He leaned in closer so that their noses brushed against each other. "Nose."

Grace just looked at him with a frown. He leaned back a little and pointed to his nose, saying the word. Then he poked her nose and said it again. Grace laughed but didn't try to repeat the word.

"Grace, can you say after Daddy?" he asked. "Nose."

"Muh" Grace said.

"Mug? You're thirsty?"

Grace seemed bored with the game and started looking around for toys. Chuck got up and walked out to the next room to get some for her but when he left the room she began to cry. He came back and lifted her up just as Dorota came hurrying.

"What is wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing" he said. "I stepped out to get her toys and she thought I was leaving. Does it bother you that she has abandonment issues at this age? Because it bothers me. Babies shouldn't have to worry about something like that."

"Mister Chuck " Dorota said. "Babies always cry when parent leave room. Is ordinary. I will get toys."

"Thank you Dorota."

He turned his face to Grace who reached out to grab his nose. He pulled his face back a bit, wrinkling his nose.

"Okay, you've learned to find Daddy's nose."

"Muh" Grace said.

Dorota returned with some toys. Chuck thanked her then dismissed her. She looked unsure of whether she should leave but a stern glare from him made her decide to do as he asked. He got up and closed the door behind her, sighing heavily. Grace entertained herself with one of the toys and paid no attention to him. He walked over to the bed and sunk down on the floor, leaning back against the piece of furniture.

He cursed under his breath. What had he expected today? What had gotten into him? How could he have thought Blair would accept his apology and give him a second chance? After their summer in the Hamptons he had dared to believe that she really did have feelings for him but maybe he hadn't completely trusted that. When they had slept together he knew it was the definitive test of her feelings. Either they would become a couple or it would turn out she was only using him for sex like she had when she was pregnant. He had been too afraid of finding out which option was the truth and worried that he would disappoint her even if she did have feelings for him so he had backed away. And he had backed away for Grace. He needed to deserve her love first and foremost and couldn't put anyone else above her.

So what had he possibly thought he could gain by seeking Blair out like this? Now all the power was back in her hands and he was more insecure than ever.

"Stupid…" he mumbled, closing his eyes. "So damn stupid…"

To his surprise he felt himself start to cry. He hadn't cried since shortly after his father's death even though he had often had reason to. Right now he couldn't hold it back any longer. His disappointment and his fears got the better of him. He took a trembling breath and let the tears roll down his cheeks.

A tiny hand touched his cheek and he opened his eyes, startled by the touch. Grace was standing wobbly beside him, falling forward a bit and bracing herself against his shoulder with one hand. The other remained on his cheek. Her eyes were surprised, confused and a touch concerned. He knew she was probably too little to feel empathy but he also knew children could sense the adults' state of mind and perhaps there was some biological mechanism that made a child her age worry when their parent was sad, if for no other reason than that it meant the parent might not take perfect care of them.

He pulled her in close and hugged her tight. This time she let him hold her without protest. At the back of his mind he knew it was wrong to lean on the baby when he was sad; she shouldn't have to be her father's emotional support. But as long as she was content to be in his arms he knew he would hold her. He needed it and he didn't think she would suffer any long-term damage from having been her father's shoulder to cry on just once.

After a while he eased his embrace and pulled her back a little so they could look at each other. She looked mostly confused, like she couldn't understand what was going on. She had never seen her father cry before. He managed to smile at her for a brief moment.

"I love you" he said.

Her hand reached out again and touched his cheek, exploring the wetness of skin she had always known to be dry. He turned her around and sat her down more comfortably on his lap, holding her close and rocking her slowly. He wasn't sure why she put up with this when she had been so under-stimulated just minutes ago but he was grateful that he had her.

"I love you" he said again. "I can't say those words to your mother but I can say them to you and you will always hear them. You deserve love. You're worthy of love. You're not like me. You're not going to live a day in your life without knowing that you're loved."

They sat like that until Chuck's tears had stopped falling and his cheeks were dry. Then he put Grace back down on the floor and got up.

"We're out of here" he said. "I won't stick around to wait and see if she'll show. There's no way in hell she's ever going to, not for my sake. She'll come to see you once her date is over but she'll find out we're not here anymore." He snorted. "Her date. Why the hell did I have to fall in love with a girl who can't love me back? She can't, can she Grace? Not when she goes out on dates with other guys just weeks after we…"

He trailed off and shook his head to clear it. Then he walked over to the door and opened it, calling for Dorota.

"Yes Mister Chuck?" she said, coming hurrying in from another room.

"Make sure all Grace's things are packed. I'm calling for the chopper, we're going back to the city."

Dorota frowned.

"Miss Blair not been here to see baby."

"She's busy cavorting with her latest fling" he said, realizing how bitter he sounded. "I did what I came here to do and we should head back. Blair can come to New York if she wants to see Grace."

"Mister Chuck what happen?"

"Pack her things now Dorota."

Dorota eyed him skeptically but walked past him to start collecting the baby's things. Chuck fished out his phone from his pocket and called for his chopper. He couldn't wait to be out of New Haven. He would head home to New York and cuddle with his daughter and try for the umpteenth time to forget her mother.

Well that's that. If there is enough interest for the rest of the story I'll post it. It will be a while before I update it though since I have other stories I'm more focused on and I won't post anything further until I've got a chapter about the same length as this one.

Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for reading.