Damn You

Tom has been in the brig for 25 days. Janeway Just cant take it any more.

Captain Kathryn Janeway was pacing her ready room fuming. She was angry, mad, incensed and down right pissed off. At least once a day, every day, during the last 25 she found her self here, pacing. She tried, unsuccessfully, to keep her bad temper off the bridge. But with every crewman and officer giving her dirty looks it was impossible to feel better. It wasn't just on duty. Anywhere she went there was an attitude of disdain aimed at her.

25 Days earlier her pilot, her Conn officer, her friend disobeyed a direct order. He had commandeered a shuttle and assisted a citizen to instigate a treasonous act against his government. He almost caused a civil war, almost caused Voyager to become the enemy of a peaceful people. She, believed as Tom did, that the Minoan government was misguided. They were on the edge of squandering their resources beyond repair. She also knew that it was not Voyager's place to do more then give information. Janeway knew this not because of her duty to uphold the prime directive, hell it would just be one more infraction among many. She knew this because the Minoan people were adults. They were a sovereign government in charge of their own destiny. Voyager doesn't have the resources or the right to fly around as intergalactic parents making others obey them. Voyager was a group of people doing their best to get home. Giving help and information when they can is a noble thing and all they can afford to do.

She would have shot his shuttle down. If it hadn't ended before she needed to, she would have. It would have been the only way. Voyager couldn't afford another attack. The Minoans had allies that needed their resources. The Minoans had weapons and ships. Voyager couldn't spend another year or two running from yet another enemy in the delta quadrant. The crew didn't think that way. They only knew she would have shot him down and hated her for it. Building their trust again would be hard. Maybe it was impossible. But that wasn't what bothered her. Captain's make hard decisions every day. Being without Tom is what bothered her.

Janeway believed locking Tom in the brig was the right thing to do. Starfleet would have done more, but Starfleet was a long way off. Demoting him was the right thing to do. He lost the trust that comes with his position. He will need to earn it back. But sometimes the right thing to do hurts, and this was one of those times.

Janeway went to the brig. She was not sure what she was going to do or say. But she needed to see him. Maybe seeing him will make the hurt go away. She walked through the door and right away she knew it didn't. The pain was still there. Tom's self righteous expression as he looked at her through the force field was like a kick in the gut. It was the same look she got from every officer on the bridge. As Janeway moved in to the room the Captain inside her left. The woman inside her took over. A really angry woman.

"Ensign remove yourself to the hallway." The security officer left the room. He looked back nervously as the Captain lowered the force field to Tom's cell. But he left just the same. Tom watched her, waiting to see what she would do. As she walked in she said, "I meant it you know. I would have shot you down."

"You said that once and I got the message" He had a sneer on his face as he replied.

"No Ensign, (she said his rank harshly) I don't think you did." The Captain slowly took the pips off her collar . She took them off one at a time tossing them out of the cell. She moved one step closer to Tom for each pip tossed. Then she removed her tunic. The command red that usually graced her shoulders landed on the floor next to her discarded pips. "No I don't think you did at all." And before he knew what was coming he felt her right fist connect with his solar plexus. She drove it in to him as hard as her small frame could manage.

He fell back from her and grunted. The look on his face went from arrogance to shock. "That isn't even close to what it felt like as I stood on the bridge preparing to give the order. But no bending over in pain for the captain. I stood up straight as I took the punch." She was deceptively strong for her size and he was gasping for air. "The wind was knocked out of me but I couldn't let it show, my breath was steady as I heard you defy my order to come back."

Tom regained his breath and started to speak. Once again he was taken by surprise Her hand shot out and slapped him across the face. The force turned his head. Tom's whole body was moved sideways by the intensity of her blow. He rubbed The angry red hand print that appeared on his face as he stepped out of reach.

"That's what I get every time I look a crewmember in the face. No stepping away from their looks of scorn. My eyes can't water against the sting of their contempt. They don't have to think about what your success would have meant. Voyager with new enemies. Voyager being chased across the quadrant by the people that buy the Minoan's water. Maybe a different crewman dying in your place as we battle for our survival yet again."

Tom felt all the righteous indignation that he had been feeling melt away as her words sunk in. The realization that shooting him down would have been her only option to keep the people that he loved safe made him feel sick inside. The understanding of what his actions caused her and how they might have effected the crew brought forth more pain then any injury she could cause.

He turned towards the wall unable to face her. He should not have been surprised at the kick she leveled to his kidneys. It bashed him against the bulk head and he slid down to the floor. The Captain stood over him looking down. "If I had given that order I would have killed the man who made this trip bearable for all of us. You are the morale keeper of this ship. Your holo-programs, practical jokes and illegal betting rings are the bright spot in a very dark world. The heart of this crew would have died with you."

She squatted down and grasped his chin with her hand. She was squeezing hard as she turned his face towards her's and looked him in the eye. "I could forgive you all of this. But what I can't forgive is what you did to me." Her voice was harsh. Her eyes were accusing and her face was a mask of iron. Her hand gripped him harder as she said, "You almost made me kill the man I love."

Her kiss when it came was as punishing as her blows. She held nothing back as she pushed her tongue past his teeth to wrestle with his. There was no softness in her lips as they pummeled his. When he began to respond she stopped. As she moved away from him he could see pain on her face. For the first time ever he could see tears starting to form in her eyes. Janeway stood up and left the cell.

she turned the force field back on and touched her Com badge. "Captain to sick bay."

The Doctor's voice came over the com system. "Yes Captain?"

"Please report to the brig."

Janeway looked back at Tom. As he looked up to her from the floor he noticed that any signs of pain or tears were already gone.

"You can submit your report to Tuvok. Assault and sexual harassment ought to cover it" She kicked her pips and tunic to the side of the room as she walked by them.

"I doubt I will need these anymore." She gave a derisive chuckle. "The crew was already pretty close to mutiny." With her back straight and her head held high she left the brig. The Captain did not look back.