I think I wrote this about a year ago and decided to post it, because I reread it and quite liked it. Also, because it was written a year ago, it doesn't comply with any of the canon established in the sixth season, so yeah. Also I was watching a Leaf game while writing this which is why all the OC are named after hockey players.

The first boy Amelia Pond ever kisses is a scrawny little nine year old with big ears named Billy Schenn. Billy Schenn was a greasy little bugger whose favourite game was making fun of Amelia. He would zoom around her with his arms stretched out, making weird noises and occasionally saying I'm an alien in a spaceship, Amelia, wanna be friends? The first time this happened, Amelia punched him, but she got into a lot of trouble, so the next time Billy Schenn aggravates her, she decides to get him back a different way- she grabs him by the shoulders and presses her lips to his.

Billy stands there for a minute, staring at Amelia in disgust, and then Kennedy Clark, who has seen the entire thing, points her finger accusingly at Billy and shouts, Billy fancies Amelia! Billy fancies Amelia! And while it may be argued that nine year olds don't really have much of a reputation, whatever sort of social status Billy Schenn had at the time was promptly ruined, and he never bothers Amelia again.

("Well, why did you have to kiss him?"

"He was bothering me, Rory! It was either that or I hit him again."

"I'd rather you have hit him," he grumbles, but she doesn't hear him.)

The second boy Amelia Pond ever kisses is a gap toothed boy named Tyler Stajan at Rory's twelfth birthday party. They are playing a game of spin the bottle, which is quite scandalous when you're twelve. Amelia sets up, grabbing hold of the bottle and giving it a spin (Rory stares at the bottle, hoping to suddenly gain telekinetic powers. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen). She watches, nervous, as the bottle begins to slow down.

When it lands on Tyler Stajan, the entire room holds its breath. She may be Rory Williams' best friend, but she's still crazy Amelia Pond- surely Tyler wouldn't actually kiss her?

But the rules of spin the bottle are clear, and so Tyler leans across the circle and presses his lips to Amelia's- five second minimum.

The kiss lasts for twelve seconds- one for each year Rory has been alive. When they break apart, Tyler grins, pushing his tongue into the space between his teeth.

"You're a good kisser, Amelia."

(While it's debateable whether or not twelve year olds can know what exactly good kissing is, that didn't really matter to Rory, who spent the rest of his party sulking in the corner and adamantly telling anyone who would listen that he hadn't even wanted to play spin the bottle.)

The third person Amy Pond ever kisses also happens to be her first boyfriend. His name is Luke Orr. He was one of the boys who had repeatedly mocked her as a girl, and when Rory sees her holding Luke's hand, he is understandably upset.

"Do you remember all the things he said about you? D'you remember when you tried to drop out of school and I convinced you to stay? D'you remember crying in the bathroom?"

Amy is fourteen now and has her death stare perfected. "Yes, Rory, I do remember that. But he's changed now."

"Changed? Amy, he asked if you wanted to ride his magic box. He hasn't changed; he's just gotten slightly more creative and a lot dirtier."

"You don't know, Rory! He's a lot nicer and more mature now."

"I don't like him, Amy."

"Well then, it's a good thing you're not dating him then, isn't it?"

She stalks away and doesn't speak to him for four days. After those four days of silence, she shows up on his doorstep pretending she hasn't been crying, and he assumes they're friends again.

"If you say 'I told you so,' I'm leaving."

He doesn't say anything- he never would. He just stands aside and pretends he can't hear her sniffling as she pushes past him.

"What happened?"

He sits down next to her on the couch and she turns into his side, pushing her head into his shoulder. "Why are you always right?"

"I wish I wasn't." He says this into her hair.

These are the moments he loves, the ones that stretch into infinity, where he's certain that maybe she does care about him. Maybe not as much as he cares for her- has anyone ever cared for someone like he cares about Amy Pond?- but still cares. Maybe even loves him.

She pulls away, squeezing his knee as she stands up. She opens up his fridge and starts pulling things out as he watches, bemusedly and slightly disappointed, from the couch.

"What're you doing?"

"We're baking."

"We don't know how to bake."

"So then wouldn't this be a great time to learn?"

"Amy... it's just... my mother won't be very happy if we set the oven on fire. Again."

"One time, and she never lets me forget it. But come on, Rory! It's breakup food. It'll be good. And if it isn't good, it will be a reminder that there are worse things in the world than being dumped by Luke Orr."

So they bake. And when they're done, Rory is coerced into taking the first bite. After multiple assurances that the brownies are good, Amy tries some and immediately spits it out.

"I thought you said it was good!"

"Oh, I lied. Couldn't let you off with not trying some of that. I'd rather be dumped a million times than have to eat all that."

Amy stares at him with an unreadable look on her face. Just as he's getting nervous, she picks up the pan of brownies and dumps it over his head.

And then she grins. And when Rory's mother finds out he is banned from using the oven again, but Amy never cries over Luke again, so he doesn't mind all that much.

Rory kisses some girls through all of this. Annabelle Kessel, who is a year older than him- 13!- and as such he gains some 'cool status' by dating an older woman. And later, when he is fifteen, Sam Kaberle, a slightly snooty girl who hates Amy, and who Amy hates. When she gives him the ultimatum- Amy or me, Rory. Look, I'm not saying you have to stop being friends with her, but I'm your girlfriend. Besides, she's weird- he promptly dumps her. When Amy asks him what happened, he tells her simply that it wasn't working out.

It isn't that Rory doesn't enjoy kissing these girls. They're just not the girls he wants to kiss.

Amy's next boyfriend is possibly serious. His name is Rick Phaneuf and he is what Amy calls 'macho' and what Rory calls 'compensating for something.' She is 16 and he is 18, and she is absolutely gaga over him. He calls her things like 'sugar' and 'sweets,' and whenever he isn't around Rory will call Amy things like 'liquorice' and 'lollipop' until she can't help but laugh.

Rory really hates him. He's a condescending asshole. But the thing is that Rick seems to actually, genuinely like Amy- a welcome change from her other relationships. And so Rory puts up with him, for as long as Amy does.

Amy ends up putting up with him for nearly two months, until she shows up at Rory's house and starts rifling through his cupboards. He's sensing a pattern here.

"Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, the last time you showed up at my house to bake..."

"Oh. Right. Well, no, I'm fine. I mean, I broke up with Rick. But other than that I'm fine."

"You- you- what?"

"Broke up with Rick. Wasn't working out. Whatever, let's bake!"

"Amy-"

"I'm fine, Rory!"

Her tone is so severe he takes a step back. "I was just going to tell you- we're not supposed to, well... bake, anymore."

She rolls her eyes and smiles slightly. "Oh please. That was two years ago. I'm much better now."

Thus begins the Age of Dumping. Amy Pond is a heartbreaker, and it isn't that she sets out intending to break people's hearts- she's just very good at it. Amy Pond is one of those girls you can fall head over heels in love with in a matter of minutes, and many people do, all thoughts of the Raggedy Doctor and weird Amelia Pond apparently wiped from people's minds.

She doesn't date them all, and she doesn't kiss them all. She doesn't even like them all. But there always seems to be a queue of boys lined up behind her.

He mentions this to her one time, only a slight hint of jealousy in his voice. She smiles and links her arm through his, tells him he doesn't need to worry, because he's always at the front.

It is these comments which will one day kill him.

She is 18 when she tells him what she wants to do.

"A kissogram?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell is that?"

"I go to parties... and kiss people."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, you're all good at science-y stuff, so you'll be a nurse. The only thing I'm good at is kissing."

"That's not true."

"Why does this bother you so much?"

"You're like- like a low level prostitute!"

She doesn't talk to him for two weeks.

"I'm sorry."

"Amy?"

"Amy, please, I'm sorry."

It is nine o clock at night and he is standing outside her house, shouting in the general direction of her bedroom. People are shouting at him to shut up but he figures if he annoys the neighbourhood enough she'll eventually have to see him.

"Amy!"

"What?"

"Let me in. Please."

"Go away, Rory."

"I won't leave until you let me in."

"Well then I hope it doesn't snow tonight."

He waits. True to his word, he doesn't leave. Occasionally she will glance out the window and see him sitting on the steps, head in his hands. The mirror image of another time, a little girl, waiting, waiting, waiting.

She knows what it's like to wait.

A pair of boots walk out of the house and sits down beside him. She doesn't look at him.

"Everyone's always judged me. You're supposed to be the one person who doesn't."

He wants to lecture her. To yell at her. To show her all the other amazing things she could be doing.

He wants to kiss her and see if she's really that good.

"I just want what's best for you."

She leans her head on his shoulder and he grips her hand. "You're not my father, Rory. You're my best friend."

"Am I?"

"'Course."

She goes to parties.

And she kisses people.

She's the talk of the town, a scandal. People whisper, girls make snide remarks, boys make obnoxious comments.

Rory defends her to everyone and anyone who will listen, and those who won't as well.

No one ever said it would be easy, being in love with Amy Pond.

"You have really got to stop doing this."

"I'm tired!"

"Your house is fifteen minutes away!"

"Exactly! And I'm tired and it's late and I shouldn't really be walking the streets at this hour all alone."

"Right, because the streets of Leadworth are so dangerous."

"Oh, shut up. If you don't want me to stay then I'll leave."

"Alright, I'm sorry. Don't get all huffy."

"I'm not getting huffy!"

She changes into a pair of his pyjamas- plaid pants and a sweater that hangs loose on her body, and he can admit to himself that he is ridiculously turned on right now.

"Whatever, huffy pants."

"Huffy pants?"

"Go to bed, Amy."

"Tell me a story."

"Did someone put something in your drink tonight?"

She grins and climbs into his bed. "Oh fine. Spoil sport."

He kisses her on the forehead, lightly. "Goodnight, Amy."

She grabs a hold of his arm and keeps him still. She stares at him briefly, eyebrows scrunched together. Then she shakes her head.

"Yeah. Night."

"What if you meet someone?"

"What?"

"What if you meet someone? And you, I dunno. Fall in love, or something. Will you stay a kissogram?"

"That doesn't matter, though. I'm not gonna find someone who will stay with me when I go out and kiss people."

"I'm still here."

"Yes, Rory, but we're not dating."

He looks up from the book he was reading and turns the chair around to look at her. She's painting her nails on his bed. This would bother him except she's been doing it for years, and a little more nail polish on his comforter won't bring about the end of the world.

"You're lying on my bed in my pyjamas, Amy. We're practically married." A pause, and then, "If you found someone you loved, would you stop for them?"

She turns to look at him, eyes squinting, eyebrows together, like that time when she grabbed him last week, like she's seeing him for the first time.

"I think, if I found someone I loved, or whatever, they should know that kissing those other people doesn't mean anything to me. It's just... a job."

He goes back to his book. When he looks up, she's still looking at him.

"What are you staring at?"

She shakes her head.

After this, Amy seems to take a three day vacation into her own mind. He doesn't see her- even when he drives over to her house, there's no answer. Eventually he retreats into his room, calling Jeff once and asking to hang out. When Jeff tells him that he can't, he sits there and reads and realizes how much of his life is dedicated to Amy Pond.

After three days, she knocks on his bedroom door and he opens her, happy and yet very confused as to how she got into his house.

"Your mother let me in," she answers his silent question.

"Um, okay. And what have you been doing for three days?"

"Thinking." She walks into his room and sits on his bed, folding her legs beneath herself and absentmindedly playing with the hole in the blankets.

"Oh, okay. What about?"

"Do you remember when I used to make you dress up like the Doctor?"

"Yeah."

"And when I always used to hit you when you annoyed me?"

"I still have the bruises."

"And whenever I would come over and bother you because I was upset, but whenever you tried to make me feel better I would yell at you and tell you I was fine?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember all the shit I always put you through?"

He doesn't bother trying to tell her she hasn't put him through any shit. They both know that's not true. Instead he just nods.

"You're the only person I know who would have stuck around, who did stick around, even when I was crazy and even when I was a bitch and everything."

He just keeps gawking at her, not understanding what she's trying to say.

"Okay. And?"

"And... well, I- I really care about you, do you know that?"

He smiles, understanding what she's trying to say. "I love you too, Amy."

And then, because she's Amy Pond, because she's strong and confident and likes to be in control, she walks over and kisses him. And bloody hell, if she isn't the greatest goddamn snogger in the world.

"Thank you," she says against his lips, and it's quite possible that he's brain dead. He concentrates on forming words. You remember words, right Rory?

"Uhm, you're, uh... welcome."

She kisses him again, after.

Who needs words, anyway? There are much better things to do with your lips.