Oh you, use your heart as a weapon.

And it hurts like heaven

(Coldplay – Hurts Like Heaven)

It was mutual. He kept telling himself. It was mutual. They both wanted this, because it was better this way. So why it sucks so much? Freddie Benson had been brokenhearted before, but there was nothing that would compare to how he was feeling at that moment. A part of him knew, when Sam stopped the elevator, everything was about to go down. And he wasn't wrong. At that moment, what Carly said had made so much sense, but afterwards he couldn't think why it did.

Sure, they were way too different, but was that enough to keep them apart? He didn't know. The truth was, since the moment they decided to end things, he's been regretting every second of it. As soon as he saw her walking out of the elevator, he feared that was it for them, even though, they said someday, Freddie feared that someday would never come. So he had to tell her how he felt, he couldn't move on without letting her know what was in his heart.

So he did it. He said the L word and he never regretted it. The feeling that took over him as the words came out of his mouth was inexplicably. Nothing ever felt that way before, saying I love you to someone never meant so much before. In his life, Freddie Benson had said I love you many times. To his mother, father, Carly… but the only time he meant it with every ounce of his soul, was when he said it to Sam Puckett.

His tormentor, the bane of his existence… the love of his life. Most people spend a lifetime without feeling what he felt for Sam, and he was deeply sorry for those people. Because what he felt was so strong, and so complete and he knew nothing would ever compare. It was even better when she said it back. She loved him back. And the moment the words escaped her mouth, he wondered so why are we breaking up? Oh right, because we're not ready yet. Or are we? Hard to tell.

There were many things he wanted to say to her and in the back of his mind, he just wanted to scream at the top of his lungs I don't want to break up! But she said so herself, it was mutual, which meant she wanted that, which meant it didn't matter what he wanted. She stepped forward, always being braver than him, and pressed her soft lips against his own. Covering his mouth with hers in a chaste kiss.

Because they weren't ready to be a couple, they decided to break up. But because they weren't ready to give up on each other yet, they postponed it until midnight. Later on Freddie would think of this as his own personal fairytale, where the princess has to leave at midnight because the spell is about to be broken. This one might not have a happy ending though, unlike all of those Disney movies.

The pair rushed back into the elevator, sharing sweet kisses that soon became more heated. Somehow, they stumbled back to Freddie's apartment without taking their mouths off each other. They kissed and kissed, threw each other at walls and furniture, because they're Sam and Freddie, they play rough. When Sam started to slide his open shirt off his shoulder, Freddie felt that it was his last chance to knock some sense into her head; he didn't want her to regret wasting something so special on him. But Sam knew in her heart that wasn't possibly. Freddie Benson was the love of her life and even if she tried that would never change. Even if they had to be apart now, she could never regret sharing this moment with him, because she knew that one day they would find a way back to each other.

It didn't take much convincing to get Freddie to unhook her bra and get things over with. He was always a gentleman, so he put on some music, but it wasn't something he had planned, so whatever started to play first would be their soundtrack. Train's To Be Loved was the first song to pop up and he decided to put it on repeat, it was a romantic song and Freddie didn't want to risk something like Eminem coming up next.

Sam always knew it was supposed to hurt, but she didn't know it would hurt that much, but after the sting on her lower body was gone, she was able to enjoy one of the most magnificent sensations in the world. Unlike what Carly said, her first time was nothing about awkward and quick. Freddie took his time, made her feel as good as she made feel and he was gentle and lovely. Because he was Freddie, a gentleman, and unselfish person.

After it was over, they spent the night in each other's embrace, because secretly, they didn't want to let go. They whispered sweet nothings to each other and promised that when they were ready everything would be amazing. In the next morning, Sam kissed Freddie's forehead while he was asleep and left, on her tiptoes, making sure he would stay asleep. It killed her having to leave him, but she knew it wasn't forever.

I'm not going to let you get rid of me so easily nub. Sam Puckett never let go of her favorite play things, she thought to herself closing the door behind her. If he thought, only for just a second, that he was going to get rid of her that easy, he was deeply mistaken.

Freddie woke up alone in his bedroom, his pillow still smelling at Sam's apple perfume. They fitted so perfectly together it seemed unreal. Like they were made for each other. So why were they breaking up again? He didn't know, all he knew was that this sucked. They had to wait until they were ready, but what if they were never ready? Then what? How could he supposed to move on from the most beautiful and amazing girl in the whole universe? She could move on at anytime, she was stunning, but what about him? How was he supposed to do that? It didn't matter what he wanted, but what she needed. Or at least what he thought she needed.

Everything about that night was perfect, flawless and dreamy. So why is the awkwardness hanging around the room every time they were near each other? It was hard for him to look at her in the same way he did when they were just friends. It was also hard for her to treat him like she did before they shared that moment in his bedroom together. It wasn't about the actions, but the meaning of it, the closeness she never felt before and the love, the love she knew she would never feel for anyone else. Nevertheless, she felt stupid.

They never really thought about the afterwards, that's why things became so heavy and intense between them. It was not supposed to be this way, Freddie mused. She helped him with T-Bo, but it wasn't the same as before, and he missed his Sam, the Sam he knew she was trying to hide from him. She walked around him like she was on a minefield, and Freddie didn't like that very much. It was bad enough he lost his girlfriend, now he was about to lose his friend too? No, that wasn't happening. That's why he asked Carly to borrow her room to talk to Sam. He knew she was going to be looking for Carly, since it was Friday, probably to borrow some clothes for the show, so he took that opportunity to talk to her. Freddie didn't know if he could just ask her to talk, he didn't know how to act. He tried three times, to talk to her, but she always had an excuse, so he had to catch her off guard.

Carly was feeling guilty as hell, especially because she heard Sam sobbing a few times in the bathroom when she thought no one could hear. Because she watched Freddie glance sadly over at Sam when she wasn't paying attention. And because things being awkward between Sam and Freddie, it felt awkward for everyone. Even Spencer begged Carly to just help them out.

Freddie was sitting nervously on Carly's loveseat. It would be the first time since the breakup he would be alone with Sam in a room. And that scared him. He was afraid of what he might want, and he couldn't have it. It was better this way, he told himself. But if it's better then why it hurts so much?

"Hey Carly, I'm here to-" Sam stopped talking as soon as she spotted Freddie sitting alone on Carly's room.

He jumped to his feet, not really sure how this was supposed to go. The previous night, he had written in his computer the things he would like to say to her, he printed and rehearsed, but looking inside her blue eyes, Freddie forgot that the little piece of paper was in his pocket. Sam was taken by surprise, and she was pretty sure he planned that. Freddie asked a few times before to talk to her, and she feared of what he might wanna say, so she ran, made up excuses to avoid him. She looked around deciding which excuse could work better this time.

"Hey" he said lamely "hi…"

"Hi Freddie… I'm looking for Carly…" Sam stuck her hand inside pockets, very aware she hasn't been alone with him since the break up.

"She's not here… but we need to talk" a sudden rush of determination overcame him "do you wanna sit?"

Oh shit! She thought… where do I go? Should I run? Tell him I have something better to do? She was deciding which excuse worked better, but she made the mistake to look at his face. Dang it! His freaking stupid face was so convincing. The hell with it, he won't stop bugging me unless I let him speak, so whatever, I'm ready for this shit, she decided.

"Ah… sure" Sam shrugged and acted cool, but on the inside she was having a minor freak out. What he wanted to talk about? What could it possibly be?

"So" he began "how are you doing?"

She might be a little scared of this conversation, but she's still Sam "listen, cut to the chase will ya?"

"Sorry. You're right" he took a sharp breath "the thing is… I really don't like this awkwardness between us. I miss us being friends Sam, and even though I still hope one day we'll be ready to do this again, in the mean time I would like my friend back"

Sam analyzed him for a moment. If he didn't look so sincere, she would think he was just trying to tell her they're really better as friends and that was the way he wanted. Because the break up was mutual, but she didn't want it, so it must have been him. He must've been the one who wanted this. However, he said he hoped they could do that someday, so that meant he still wished they could be together. She knew it could be a long way until they found each other again, but the fact he wasn't willing to give up, made her want to smile. He was right, as always, in the mean time they could still be friends and the awkwardness had to be gone, plus he looked so cute with that green plaid shirt, she couldn't say no.

"You're right… I don't like this too and I think we could stick with being friends, until…" she trailed off, hoping he would get the hint and don't make her say it.

"Yeah… I'd like that. I kind miss the way we used to be. As friends… not as a couple" he stumbled in his own words "not that I don't miss us being a couple, because I do very much, but what I mean is-"

"Dork" she put her hand on his knee, and quickly retrieved it, scared of the electric sensation going through her veins every time they touched "I get it okay? God, you're such a nub"

He chuckled. It's been months since she called him that, and to be fair he kinda missed it.

"So we're good? Like, Sam and Freddie again? Bickering sidekicks? At least for a while?"

"Yeah, why not?" she gave him a shrug "I'm glad you did this quickly. All the rambling makes mama angry"

"I know" he snorted "so, to seal the deal… wanna to go to the Groovy Smoothies and do some damage to my wallet? We can invite Carly, Brad and Gibby, but I'm only paying for you"

"That is one very good idea. That's why you're our techy nerd" she stood up and he followed suit "I'm glad we did this… because now I can go back to calling you names and stuff"

"Am I going to be your personal punching bag again?" he asked with a smile, opening the door of Carly's room for her.

"Nah… I guess Gibby is easier to beat, and better to humiliate. I'll stick with the verbal attack though"

"Fine by me" he shrugged and smiled.

The truth was, she knew touching him would be a dangerous deal. Whenever they touch or brushed against each other, she would get goose bumps, and that wasn't something she was ready to let it happen again. Not for a while at least. They were convinced the connection they shared was forced, little did they know some people would give everything to share with someone what they shared. It was a lifetime love, they just had to be ready to see it. And when they did, it would be amazing indeed.

Although, just to keep each other's presence always constant, they would do things that reminded them of each other. Sam would watch the Galaxy Wars' whole series alone in her room, thinking about that stupid nerd, that she loved so much. And she would spend the night hugging the purple chicken he won for her at a carnival and she rewarded him by smacking the stuffed animal against his head. Freddie in the other hand would sit in his fire escape for hours, listening to the same Train song that played the night they made love for the first time and eating a bucket of fried chicken. Sometimes he would listen to any song that would remind him of her, and just do nothing other than smile. His favorite was Glee's version of Take Care Of Yourself. They might be apart, but they still had each other.

Just to keep each other close, because they weren't ready to go down that road yet, but they weren't ready to give up on each other either.

It's time for us to part. Yeah it's best for us to part. Oh but I love you, I love you. Take care of yourself, I'll miss you… I love you, oh I love you.

Hey guys, first chapter is up, hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think! And oh, Glee fans are you as crazy as I am about Damian McGinty? Glee is coming back, and my baby is finally debuting! Take Care Of Yourself was perfect! I puked rainbows listening to that song, that falsetto? Please Damian, let me love you! It wasn't on the chapter, I just added because I'm addicted. And let's not forget about Being Green, only Damian can make a Muppets' song sound sexy… oh my…

Anyway, there is a sneak peek from next chapter:

Chapter 2 (Crash And Burn)

"Oh my god Freddie! You wanna go back together or something?" she squeaked.

"Yeah" he tapped his foot nervously on the elevator floor "I do"

"You're sure you're ready for this? I mean... You and Sam?"

"Honestly Carly, I never even wanted to break up" he got off the elevator and ignored Lewbert's cries, heading to the parking lot.

"But you're sure about the…" he cut her off.

"Listen, I love her okay? I don't need to be ready, I'm ready" Freddie opened the door of his car and started the engine, buckling the seatbelt; he was a careful driver.

"If you're sure… Oh my god this is awesome! Okay! I'll call her! Good luck Freddie!" Carly squeaked and squealed before turning off the phone.

Freddie rushed to get to Sam's house before she could say yes. He couldn't lose her, not for some stranger jerk who barely knew her. He didn't know what possessed him, but when Brad said his jerkhead cousin was going to ask her out, he freaked out. Freddie never wanted the damn break up and he had to let her know that. He needed to say it, face to face. But the traffic wasn't helping. Two men were fighting in the middle of the street because of some fender bender. Freddie had to wait five precious minutes for the police to solve the commotion. Then Carly called again.

"Freddie?"

"Carly? What the hell, you should be talking to Sam not me!" he growled.

"I tried, but she said the doorbell rang and hang up on me" she explained "I called again, and she said Will was there and she would call me back. I tried to stay on the line with her, distract her… but she just hang up on me. She said she would get rid of him and called me back, but it's been almost five minutes!"

"Shit! Okay… alright… I'm not going to make it on time… I'll call her, and hopefully she'll pick up! Thanks Carls"

She had to pick up, maybe when she saw he was calling she would. Freddie dialed her number, ignoring the road. He was a careful driver anyway…