Trick-'r-Treat

Characters/Pairing: Dark Ichigo/Ichigo

Rating: T

Genre: Humor

Summary: When all the little kiddies frolick about on Holloween day, bad-ass Ichi comes out to play.

A/N: HAVE A HAPPY HOLLOWEEN EVERYBODY! WHOOOO! I'm posting this a little early cuz I don't suspect I'll be around for Holloween.

Ichigo hated Holloween. It was the day all the spooks and gouls, literal and non-literal, came to haunt him. It was the day all the spirits with a problem or two came out to scare the shit out of people like him for a couple of laughs, and, if they were lucky, to pass on to the other side. Even as a child he had loathed Holloween. So, every October on this inescapable day, he'd hole himself up in his room, draw the blinds, and if need be, crawl under the covers and become completely nonexistent for such an event.

Karin, who could see ghosts as well and was ever averse as he was, always gave into Yuzu's pining and Isshin's besoughted attitude, and the three of them would dress up in some god-awful get-ups and go trick-'r-treating. After they were gone, Ichigo would, so to speak, guard the fort.

Unfortunately, he wasn't the normal human-being he used to be; he was a mystical death god who went around cleansing these aforementioned apparitions, therefore it meant he was not only plagued by masses of them, but other other-wordly beings as well...

"Ichigo! C'mon, Ichigo! Am I gonna have to drag you out of there?" Rukia continued her incessant banging on his door at 3-something in the afternoon. Ichigo dived for his bed and yanked the curtains closed just as someone else began tapping at his window. "You know she's not gonna stop," Renji told him from where he was perched out on the roof. "You might as well give in."

"NO!" Ichigo shrieked, snatching his pillow up and clutching it to his chest. He moved about edgily, disregarding Rukia's taunts and instead leaning up against his closet and sliding down onto the floor.

There was no way he was going to let her provoke him. At least not this once. Today was too imperative a day for him to get worked up. It was the eve of Holloween. Rukia and the others may have been eager about it because human customs were amusing, but to him it was a serious matter.

There was no telling how many damn ghosts would harass him if he so much as stepped over the threshold out of his house. Besides, Toshiro had already agreed to be his stand-in for just this day, although it had garnered suspicious looks from everyone on why he wanted that particular day off.

He had given all number of excuses for why he wouldn't be present for Holloween. He had told Orihime that he wasn't feeling well and might be sick. She had been speculative, but seemed to give in after a couple of fake coughs. He had told Uryu, no, dammit, he didn't want a costume designed for him.

He had told Chad he simply couldn't come, which seemed to suffice fine being the strong, silent type the guy was. Ichigo had gotten agitated concocting all the alibis halfway through and just told Rukia the truth: he fucking hated Holloween and he wasn't going no matter how much she pestured him. Eventually, after much traipsing after him and badgering, she seemed to get the hint and gave up altogether.

And what with Ichigo's focus being elsewhere the closer Holloween neared, his guard slipped entirely on his Hollow. Shirosaki had never seen his King so...jumpy before. It was as entertaining as it was unnerving just to watch him.

The following day, Ichigo came out of "dungeon", of which Isshin had gotten in the habit of calling to get in the mood for Holloween. He stayed out long enough to see what his sisters were gonna dress up as for Holloween. After much deliberation, Yuzu had snubbed the fairy outfit and decided to go out as a neko.

Karin had originally donned her normal clothing and put on a baseball cap. She told her family that if anyone asked, she would just say she was an umpire. Isshin, of course, got all over her case, which led to incredible physical violence, like always. Ichigo was just walking out of the kitchen with a pop tart when Karin gave her father one good kick from where he lay sprawled out on the floor and stomped off to change.

"Nice make-up," Ichigo said, pointing out the bloody smears and bruises on Isshin's face.

"Ugh...'t's not make-up," he slurred. "Karin..." Ichigo shrugged, uncaring, and went back upstairs to his room. He traded his night wear for something a little more casual: faded jeans cleaved at the knees and a white long-sleeved shirt. He retrieved an old baseball bat he'd stowed away under his bed and laid it out across his lap while he finished off his snack.

Tonight...was going to be an arduous night. It looked to be a chilly evening. As soon as dark fell on the town Rukia and the others came knocking on his door. The only person who didn't have respect for his privacy burst into his room without even the decency to simply speak of his presence. No, Isshin had to scream his introduction. "HELLOOOOOO, ICHIGOOOO!" A rather poor imitation of Peter Pan hurtled into his domicile with the speed of a heat-seeking missile.

"GAAAH!" Ichigo cried out, grabbing his father by the foot and throwing him straight through the glass window pane. Luckily and unluckily-for Ichigo-Isshin grabbed the edge of the sill, saving himself from plummeting to the pavement some feet below. His impact with the glass had cut him up so that he now looked like a rather demented, gory Peter Pan. "Ichigo!" he whined. "How could you? My costume..." He trailed off pitifully. Ichigo snorted.

"It's an improvement. But you're paying for the window," he said. Yuzu, in a cutsy school uniform complete with sandy colored ears and a tail, went over to her father's aid. Karin stood by in a black hoodie and cargos. In her hand she wielded a fake machete. She gave no specific answer as to what she was supposed to be. Rukia, unlike the others, had gone to great lengths to pull her costume off and wore a red corsette dress with a frilled hem. She had a red cape tied around her shoulders. It was obvious she was Red Riding Hood.

Ichigo ushered them all out and turned down their offers for the final time. They all left without a fight. Once the front and back entrances to the house were locked and all the windows had been secured, Ichigo huddled down in the hallway with his baseball bat and waited. By dimmed light, he went and warmed up the leftovers from dinner the day before and ate. It was only when he finished up cleaning the dishes that he heard knocking and those telltale words.

It was shocking how menacing "trick-'r-treat" could sound. However, what he was unaware of was that Isshin had used most of the day to create a horrendous beacon outside the clinic which consisted of glowing jack-'o-lanterns and spooky paraphernalia. All of this was exactly what flocked trick-'r-treaters to people's property in the first place in search of candy. Isshin had also done this to torture his poor son.

For hours, Ichigo sat there near the stairway, clutching the bat to his body and praying it would stop. It didn't. And it wouldn't. Only two and a half hours passed and the ghosts discovered his place of residence. Ichigo holed himself up in his room.

"But you can help us!" the crowd of spirits wailed outside his door. "Please!"

"NO! GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE! I'M UNAVAILABLE!" he screeched.

"You mustn't be very 'unavailable' if you're sitting in here doing nothing," one of them pointed out.

"I'M AVOIDING YOU, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING! NOW GO AWAY!" he howled.

The pressure was building. The ghosts floated right through the only solid thing blocking them from him, beggining to argue. Downstairs, a group of young children knocked on the door and called out.

Ichigo snapped.

It was only on a very rare occasion that Shirosaki got to be in the driver's seat. He had been noticing the King's stress as of late, but had forgotten about it multiple times over the past week. Lately, however, his awareness had been drawn by this event, this...Holloween. When elaborating to Rukia its purpose, Ichigo had said it simply attracted crazy people. This piqued Shirosaki's interest. He was a crazy person indeed. Very crazy, in fact. No...insane would be a finer word. He enjoyed the thought of running amock with the crazies.

But when Holloween came around, Shirosaki could truly appreciate why Ichigo disliked it so.

It was constantly "trick-'r-treat", "trick-'r-treat", trick-'r-treat". It was so fucking infuriating!

He stood now, Zangetsu in hand, ready to slice-and-dice something. He was rather surprised when Ichigo snapped, but it was all too welcome for him, aside everything. Sensing the suffocating spiritual pressure that he was exuding, the ghosts evaporated. Taking complete control, Shirosaki tossed the baseball bat aside and searched for a real weapon. The group of children that stood outside the Kurosaki clinic with their satchels and burlap sacks were starting to contemplate going elsewhere, when, rather unexpectedly, the door creaked open. The bravest of the four, Soshi, pushed it open and was about to waltz in, when he collided with someone.

"Who wants candy?" Shirosaki cackled, and pumped the shotgun in his hands. He pulled the trigger and there was a loud blast. The shot narrowly missed Soshi and blew the paneling on the door to smithereens, sending wood chips spraying in every direction. The children screamed and whirled around, zig-zagging left and right as they scampered to their parents, who were standing in the street talking to one another.

At the sign of danger, they grabbed their offspring and ran. Shortly after their retreat, Renji came trotting up the drive. He had fake blood spattered all over his complexion, which was caked with way too much white cosmetics. Whether he was a zombie or a vampire remained to be seen. Shirosaki giggled insanely and pulled the trigger on the shotgun, blowing out a bush inches from the red-haired Soul Reaper and sending splintered twigs and leaves flying everywhere. Renji dived, and Shirosaki hopped over to him and snatched up the pillowcase he had stuffed full of candy. "TRICK-'R-TREAT, ASSHOLE!" Shirosaki howled, and kicked Renji in the balls so hard he curled up and began gagging.

Giggling manically, the Hollow traipsed off, bouncing off buildings and laughing hysterically.

He halted mid-stride when he came to the front of the Shoten. Bewildered by the dim glowing emitting from the windows to the second floor, Shirosaki hopped up in the air and did a neat little flip before coming to perch on the shingles. The window was wide open for a reason he couldn't fathom seeing as how it was October. He inched closer to get a better look...just a tad bit closer and...

"Ah!" Kisuke leaped up in alarm, the chalky powdered drug he'd been inhaling toppling over from its tin and spilling out onto the floor.

"I-Ichigo," he stammered, alarmed. Shirosaki grinned and hopped over the sill, landing agiley on all fours.

"So this is what you get up to on Holloween," he said faintly. "Stuff fucks you up. Pot's better."

"You...you indulge?" Kisuke asked, body unwinding. His shoulders slumped an inch or two and his facial expression slackened. Judging by the way his pupils were dilated, he was already high.

Shirosaki didn't say anything. He knew better. Ichigo wasn't that screwed up. He'd seen the seniors doing it after school before.

"Hey," Shirosaki spoke up, getting an idea. "I go' somethin' that'll really fuck you up."

Shirosaki turned around and opened up the bag that Renji had used for trick-'r-treating.

He pulled out the miniature jar of powder that Renji had gotten from a cantankerous old man who'd been just giving away spices and opened it up. He poured some out into his palm and turned around to Urahara, who'd been trying to peer over his shoulder the whole minute. He tried to assume a position that seemed composed and inconspicuous and waited anxiously as the boy approached him.

He was so high he didn't see the way "Ichigo's" eyes glowed ocher or how black his sclera were.

He just wanted to get fucked up.

Shirosaki held the stuff out and let it sift through his fingers into Kisuke's outstretched hand.

Kisuke withdrew and shoved his face into his palm before inhaling, not drugs, but powdered wisabi.

"YAAAAAAAGH!" Kisuke screamed, flopping around on the floor like a fish. He tried to inhale on accident and vomited due to the burning. Shirosaki laughed insanely and jumped out the window.

When Ichigo woke up the following morning, he was shit-faced and his closet was packed full of candy that he'd stolen from people all over Karakura. He also had copious amounts of cocaine which he had to dispose of immediately. He thought of returning the shit...but then thought better.

After all, Shirosaki had given him the best Holloween a guy could ask for. And he had all the chocolate he could possibly eat.