'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Ziva looked at the calendar. It read March 30th. It had been 3 years since she had last seen the father of her children. Talia had turned 5, 6 months ago to the date and Tom was 8 months away from his 3rd birthday. Every time she saw her son, her heart ached a little.

She had told Tony about Tom the day before he disappeared. Ziva thought back to the day now. It was filled with the new life of spring, and Easter was just around the corner. Talia had been pestering her to buy a Cadbury egg for weeks.

She was hardly surprised when the test came back positive. She had been sick and her sense of smell had increased so much she could literally smell Tony's unwashed socks from the laundry room.

Tony had hugged her, the big bear hug that Ziva loved so much. They had gone to Ziva's favourite restaurant and spent the night entwined.

The next day Tony went to work, as usual, whilst Ziva had to go to Israel since her father was not well. At his hospital bedside, she received the news. Tony had been taken hostage. Or at least that was what Gibbs had said. No one knew by whom. There was no idea about his whereabouts.

The only thing left for Ziva was to continue. She knew that was what Tony would have wanted her to do. It was awkward at NCIS at first but it had been awkward before. Especially when dealing with Rule 11. Ziva chuckled as she remembered how she and Tony had dealt with it.

Rule 11: Never date a co-worker Sure, no dating. But it never said don't marry your co-worker. They took the plunge quick, but it had turned out fine. Everyone was alright with it. Even Gibbs!

This was worse. Ziva felt as if part of her had been taken with Tony. With him gone, she truly understood the term soulmate. Tony was her soulmate, no doubt about that. One thing kept her going. Well, two to be precise.

Talia and Tom were Tony, in a sense. He was present in them. Also, as their mother and only parent, she had to set an example.

Nearly 3 years had passed. Taking Tony's laughing photo in her hand, a tear rolled down her face.

"Tony, I'm not sure if I can take it much longer."