The silence was deafening. A few of the Hufflepuffs shifted and glanced uncertainly at each other. Their Founder had been silent for quite a while, and she kept staring at them with that strange, scary expression on her face and none of the students dared to speak. Pomona was looking more and more unnerved by the second, shifting her weight and wringing her hands. She opened her mouth once or twice, trying to gather her courage, but every time she tried to speak her voice would fail her. Finally the tense atmosphere was broken, by none other than Helga herself.

"WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL HAS HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING HOUSE?"

The House gave a collective flinch. Helga's eyes burned with unholy fire, glaring at the frightened children before her.

"YOU– WHY– HOW–" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her lips were moving slightly and some of the closest students could swear that the heard her mutter "I'm not angry, everything is perfectly fine, find your happy place, Zar in his wife's dress. I'm not angry-", but that was impossible, right?

Eventually she rounded on Sprout, who jumped back like a scared rabbit before a fox, with a very fake and incredibly scary smile on her face. "Why, pray tell," she began in a falsely cheerful voice that made a few students of all ages cry in fright, "has my House turned into a fucking breeding ground for pussies?"

Pomona flushed at the profanity and the implications and floundered for an answer to satisfy the Founder. She averted her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else, such as Voldemort's dungeons or swallowed up by her own Devil's Snare. It seemed like so nice, safe places.

Helga growled softly when the Head couldn't answer her, looking as if she tried to melt into the cheery wood panelling behind her. She turned back to her badgers, grimacing at the sight of them. If Goddy or Zar found out about the state of her House, she'd never live it down. Ever. They'd even find a way to torment her about it in the afterlife, she was sure.

"Alright, that does it." She said loudly enough to be heard by everyone in the room. "I'm gonna have to teach you pathetic lot how to grow some fucking spines, and you're not leaving the blasted room until I'm satisfied you're not gonna go embarrass the fuck out of me." She smiled widely, and the insane, sadistic sparkle in her eyes made the poor Hufflepuffs nearly wet themselves in terror.

The Slytherins were calm, collected and sophisticated. They were lounging elegantly on the dark green furniture, watching their Founder expectantly and looking like miniature kings and queens. Draco felt quite smug about the appearance of nobility they had managed to affect. Now that the shock had passed, he was quite excited to meet this legendary Dark Lord. The undignified display in the Great Hall was blissfully forgotten and he was certain that the man would praise them all for trying to uphold his values in the face of such opposition.

Salazar stared back at them, letting his pale green eyes rove over their forms one by one. Finally he sighed and crossed his arms. "How many people in this room believe in Pureblood Supremacy?" he asked and Draco proudly raised his arm, along with everyone else. Even those who didn't exactly uphold the ideal did, since they all wanted to be on the man's good side.

Surprisingly, instead of immediately praising them, he dropped his face in his hands and groaned. "All of you?" he asked, his voice filled with an emotion Draco couldn't identify. "Every single one?" Draco was feeling vaguely discontented. Yes, discontented not nervous, because Malfoy's did not get nervous. Slytherin was not acting as he was supposed to act at all.

When no one answered him he groaned again. If he didn't know any better, Draco could have sworn that the Founder muttered "Great, I have a House full of morons. That's just fantastic." But surely that couldn't be.

Slytherin looked up at them, red hair dancing from the unnecessarily jerky motion. He stared at the students for a few seconds. "If you are all Pureblood Supremacists, I feel obligated to inform you that I hate you all." As one, the previously very dignified Slytherins' jaws dropped and they stared at the man in horrified silence. Salazar nodded and crossed his arms again. "If you believe in the tripe that Purebloods are magically more powerful or somehow more worthy of that magic than Muggleborns, then you're heads are denser than rock, and quite possibly filled with nothing but fluff." Draco felt faint from shock and was too disturbed to hide it as a proper Slytherin should. He swooned slightly, pressing a hand to his forehead dramatically. His delicate, noble blood pressure could not handle surprises like these.

Suddenly, Slytherin grinned and Draco's survival instincts urged him to run away screaming like a little girl. "I will quite enjoy teaching you the error of your ways, I'm sure." The man said, eyes glittering with something dangerously close to insanity. Draco whimpered in fright.

"Hi!" Godric shouted as soon as he stepped foot in the common room. Harry grinned. He was meeting an actual Founder! Godric Gryffindor! He just barely contained himself from bouncing on the spot. His Housemates were no better, sitting up straight with shining eyes as they watched the real life legend look around the room in curiosity. The man grinned. "Wow, this place sure has changed." he commented and a few stray laughs were heard from the gathered students.

"Right, I'm pretty sure you know who I am, so I won't introduce myself." He smiled goofily at them, and flopped gracelessly down on a couch. "I'm just gonna give you a few tips on how to be a Gryffindor." The students leaned close, eagerly awaiting the pearls of wisdom that was soon to flow from his lips. The man sat up straight, and crossed his legs carelessly.

"First thing you gotta remember is that Ravenclaws" Harry leaned forward so much he nearly slipped from his seat. "are never to be messed with." Godric shuddered. "They are really smart and really creative. The consequence just isn't worth it."

Gryffindor grinned at the confused but attentive expressions. Man, this was gonna be priceless.

"Second, is that Hufflepuffs are some of the scariest mofo's on earth when they want to be. Proceed with caution." Some of the Gryffindors scoffed and looked away, convinced he was pulling their leg. Godric frowned at them. "Hey, I'm serious. They might not be scary in this time, but when Helga is done with them, you can bet your arse that they will be."

Harry wasn't quite sure what he was expecting, but this wasn't it. Still, he soaked up every word, convinced that soon his idol would start speaking with wisdom. I mean, he couldn't possibly really be this carefree, could he? Harry had blissfully forgotten about the episode in the Great Hall where the man had made a complete fool of himself. Godric spoke again and Harry perked up, expecting tips on how to battle dragons and Dark Lords.

"Thirdly," the man said, face having gone serious, and Harry was certain that he was finally going to inform them of how to kill Voldemort. "Slytherins are really fun to mess with, and I encourage pranking them as much as you can, but if I catch anyone of my lions attacking one of the snakes, I will curse them into oblivion."

The room was dead silent, the faces of the many students shocked and scared by the dangerous tone and unexpected words. Godric's serious expression did not let up. "Do I make myself perfectly clear?" he growled softly. The students were quick to nod their consent, even through the haze of confusion that swirled around in their heads. Godric immediately brightened again, smiling widely at them and leaning back against the soft cushions.

"I think we'll get along just fine." He grinned happily.

Rowena hummed under her breath as she examined the common room. The Ravenclaws stared impatiently at her, growing more and more agitated by the second. This was not what they expected their Founder to be like! She was acting like some sort of crazy person! In fact, she was acting like Looney! One of the braver seventh years cleared his throat, fed up with being ignored.

Rowena looked at him and smiled kindly. "Do you need a cough drop?" She tilted her head slightly, seemingly oblivious to the horrified expressions of her chicks. "A sore throat can be quite dangerous if untreated."

Looney nodded along seriously. "I have heard that coughing and clearing your throat could be a sign of a Goldspotted Milup infestation." The original Ravenclaw turned serious eyes towards the fourteen year old. "You're quite right. And if left alone it might even attract some of the larger forms of Clearips. The small ones usually don't bother with humans, but it's not unheard of."

Luna was delighted. The Founder of her House was willing to play along in her little scheme and her Housemates were confused, frustrated and angry. The situation could not have turned out any better if she had planned it herself. She and Rowena smiled at each other, eyes glittering with mischief and amusement on the others behalf. Luna just knew that they'd be the greatest friends, being annoying and confusing people together.

"Right then, my sweet chicks." Rowena said softly, ignoring the horror on her students faces. "Can anyone tell me how wisdom is best to be gained?" she asked, smiling sweetly when they started speaking as one, reciting study techniques and maximised study time before the brain grew too tired to focus. Rowena grinned at them when they quieted.

"I'm afraid to inform you, my sweetest chicks, that you are all wrong." The Ravenclaws' mouths dropped open and they stared at their founder in confusion and annoyance. "Wisdom," Rowena continued, apparently oblivious to the agitation she had instilled in the people around the room, "is different from knowledge. A man can be wise without being knowledgeable, and a man can be knowledgeable without being wise. Wisdom comes from within, and it is wisdom I most cherish. If my students leave both wise and knowledgeable than I have done my job correctly. It is first when you can tell me what wisdom is and practise it, that I will allow you to call yourselves true Ravenclaws." She smiled, sickly sweet. The students suddenly felt a chill run down their spines. "You, my dear chicks, have a long way to go. If I must, I'll keep you here an extra year."

Half the Ravenclaws fainted straight away in horror.

Much shorter chapter, and unbetaed, I know. It's even unedited, which I will go back and do later. My apologies. I figured that you'd waited too long by now, so I'm updating this the moment I'm done.

Also, you should know that even if I don't answer you, I read every single review. It's so amazing! I haven't ever had a story with these many reviews and alerts and favourites! You guys make me weep with joy.

I know I said no more authors' notes, but I felt I had to tell you that every single review is damn awesome and you guys are the best ever.

Hope you enjoyed!

Cheers!

Yura-chan