THIS MAY BE THE ONLY AUTHOR'S NOTE IN THE ENTIRE STORY SO PLEASE READ IT!

Now that I have your attention; Hi! Obligatory no-brainer statement: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit of this writing.

This story has been hanging around my brain for a while now, and then yesterday I got bored and started writing it out. I want to warn you for sporadic updates later on, since I'm really only doing this for fun and to break my writers block. THIS IS SUPPSOED TO BE PURE CRACKY CRACKNESS! DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE FIRST CHAPTER! THIS IS NOTHING BUT WHACKY HUMOUR! Please don't take it seriously. It's not meant to be, and I apologize in advance for any seriousness that might sneak its sneaky way in.

For now it's rated T, but that is subject to change. I have absolutely nothing about this story planned out, so I don't really know what's going to happen. I'll try to update on Saturday every week (my Saturday, and it might be late at night, so people in different time zones may find it updated on Sunday or something) for as long as I have finished chapters, but after those run out, all bets are off. And I will apologize for my fail mix of British and American English. I am nothing but an ignorant Swede and I DO NOT SPEAK BRITISH ENGLISH ALL THAT WELL! So despite my attempts to make it as British as possible, expect mistakes.

This will also be SLASH, meaning GAY MEN, so if that's not your thing, don't read.

And I think that's it. Enjoy!

Hogwarts was frustrated. One would think that she could not be frustrated, being a castle, but frustrated she was. She was also angry. And sad. And a whole slew of other emotions she was not all that keen on analysing. She was tired of hearing one of her fathers demonized so badly. It saddened and angered her when his ideals and thoughts were twisted into unrecognizability over the centuries. She was hurt that one of her mothers was written of, that her children were considered nothing special. It was also maddening to hear one of her parents being glorified over the others, being put on a pedestal and nearly worshiped as the epitome of boldness and honour.

Her parents' lives had been made into something like a fairy tale, with a hero, a villain and two helpless women screaming and gasping in the background. Her mothers were far from helpless, Godric was nowhere near perfect and Salazar was certainly no evil Dark Lord. So with every new rumour and every new jibe her frustration with her children grew. She didn't understand why Salazar was so hated. He had been a good man and a good father to the children under his care. And she had no idea where the thought that he ran away in anger had come from. All her parents were slumbering within her walls in their champers and, since the day of her completion they had not left for longer than a moth at a time.

She watched as the rift between Salazar's and Godric's Houses deepened, watched as Helga's loyal and strong children were mocked into tears time and again, watched as Rowena's children distanced themselves from the others in exasperation with their ridiculousness. It hurt her. This was not how things were supposed to be. This was not what her parents had wished for the future generations.

Hogwarts was deeply distressed. She didn't know how to make them understand. And so she watched helplessly as the power of her children decreased steadily in their refusal to cooperate. She could feel her wards and protections weaken with them. She kept her power levels by siphoning of magic when her children slept, soaking up the excess that swirled around them when they performed spells, and as her children grew weaker and weaker there was less and less magic for her to take. The land she was built on was very powerful, but that could only boost her so much. She needed her children's magic, and there was no longer enough to have. If a castle could cry she would have. How could this have happened?

The castle felt the suspicion and hatred swell within her children the closer the war outside came. They started looking at each other with paranoia, as though anyone could be an enemy. They jumped at their shadows, woke up screaming from nightmares and broke down crying over the newspaper. Despite the denial running rampant within them, they all knew. Voldemort was back, and he was behind the odd disappearances and deaths. The woman who was supposed to teach them how to defend themselves did nothing but hinder them, and it made Hogwarts panic a bit. How were her children to survive if they didn't know how? She had never really hated anyone before, everyone had their reasons for what they did afterall, but she was very close to hating that woman.

And all this fear, all this hatred and suspicion, was because of a child of hers who claimed he was the heir of Salazar. Hogwarts knew better. He was a descendant of her father, but in no way was he his heir. No heir of Salazar's would ever attempt to kill all muggleborns. No heir of Salazar's would ever want to create such chaos. No heir of Salazar's would ever be so utterly brazen about his methods. No heir of Salazar's would despise the Gryffindors so much.

Hogwarts wished desperately for her parents to come and make things right. To knock some sense into the stagnant wizarding society. She would have giggled at the thought if she could. Oh how they would be surprised if they ever came face to face with people so very different from who they had created in their minds. She would dearly love to see their reaction to Rowena who, though she prized knowledge above everything, was ditzy and silly and very mischievous. There was a girl now within her walls that reminded her much of her beloved mother. Luna was intelligent, but she hid it behind dreamy smiles, vacant eyes and strange statements. She observed and learnt things outside of books and was always ready to laugh, even if it was not always out loud. It was very endearing and so very nostalgic. Hogwarts missed her mother terribly. She tried to watch out for the girl that reminded her so much of her mother, but it was not always easy. The other children picked on her, and though she had found protectors in the group form Gryffindor that always managed to get themselves into trouble, it was not enough. There was no one to protect her in the dormitory. No one to guard her in the common room. There was no one to watch out for her when the Gryffindor children were not around.

She wished she could wake her parents up and set them loose on these fools who now ruled the British Isles. But it wasn't time yet. They had to sleep a bit longer. The crisis had not yet reached the levels where she could justify their revival. But if she did nothing now, would her children ever learn? Would they not continue on as they had, segregating the society into Gryffindor and Slytherin, and the forgotten Houses of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw? Even if they won this war nothing would change. And they desperately needed change. So Hogwarts thought long and hard on this issue, considering as many angles as she was able before the hysterical crying of at least a dozen children waking from nightmares made up her mind.

This world was about to meet the Founders, and they were not going to be happy.