This is a series of short, interconnected drabbles about the Marauders. Written as actual teenage boys. So there's a lot of swearing, a lot of childishness, and James continually fails to seduce Lily on account of being a stupid teenage boy.

These drabbles are not chronological.

"Fuck you, man."

"Naw, man, fuck you."

"Oh, how I missed the scintillating repartee that is the James and Sirius show," Remus said, falling onto the seat next to Sirius.

"Fuck you, Moony," James greeted him cheerfully, offering the new arrival a Bertie Botts bean.

"Fuck you, Prongs," Remus replied politely, taking the lolly, and Sirius laughed, offering him a high five.

"The only person *I'm* planning on fucking is Evans, thank you very much."

"Then maybe you should *not* torment her best friend this year?" Peter suggested, and James crossed his arms.

"But Snape is so…"

"Tormentable?" Sirius suggested.

"Slimy?" Remus added.

"Git-like," James decided, "He's a slimy git who is incurably tormentable."

"Well, to be fair," Remus mused, "we haven't seen him yet this year. He might have cured himself somehow."

"Highly unlikely," Peter said, filching a bean from James, "he's just a stuck up prat."

"Always has been," Sirius agreed, "and he always will be."