I must admit that I do not own anything involving Transformers or Monty Python.

This chapter takes place within the episode Masters and Students, and the specific Monty Python sketch was suggested by LadyBonBon. Enjoy! :)

Also, when Bee is speaking the words will be in italics.

It's Only a Mesh Wound

The ground seemed to vibrate as Skyquake crashed. Optimus looked up from the smoking mass, and saw Bumblebee riding Agent Fowler's jet. The Autobot leader sighed in relief when he saw the young scout jump and land safely on the cliff.

The two bots approached the damaged form cautiously from different directions. It seemed like the fallen warrior would not be rising any time soon, or so they thought.

Optimus continued to gaze thoughtfully at the con as Bumblebee came and stood by his side.

"Had Skyquake chosen to stray from his master's path we might not be burying him today." Optimus grumbled solemnly. "Bumblebee, scout the area for a decent burial site." The yellow mech nodded and turned to go, but stopped when he heard a pained groan.

"I'm not offline!" a deep voice growled. Bee turned back around to see Skyquake stumbling up into a standing position. The scout's optics grew wide. Even though it was clear the Skyquake was in no shape to fight the fact that he could move was a miracle.

Optimus, his own optics a tad wider than normal, took a step forward.

"Skyquake, you've shown a great deal of strength today. I understand why Megatron valued you so highly. However, even I can tell that you will not be able to fully recover from such severe injuries. Please, join us and let us take care of you."

His request was met with a silent stare.

"Skyquake, the Decepticons will not be interested in you if you can not fight as well as they'd hoped. I know your loyalties to Megatron are great, but he is gone and the rest of your faction will not accept so damaged a mech."

Again, there was no reply. Optimus vented a sigh.

"I am sorry it has to be this way. Come Bumblebee, let us return." the two bots turned to leave, and Optimus brought his hand up to his help to call Ratchet.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Skyquake snarled, taking a pained step forward. Optimus raised a single eyebrow.

"What?"

"This battle isn't over, you're not getting away so easily."

"I admire your drive Skyquake, but I will not attack a defenseless mech."

"Then you shall die!" The hulking jet leaped forward, arm reaching for Prime's neck.

"So be it." Optimus's battle visor clicked back into place and his servo was replaced by a blade. In one swift movement the Prime dodged Skyquake's attack and severed his arm from his frame. The Con went tumbling past him and fell to the ground again.

"Now stand down Skyquake." Optimus commanded. But Skyquake was up within a minute.

"Never! It's only a scratch!"

"A scratch! Your arm is on the ground!" Bumblebee beeped in alarm. Skyquake scowled.

"No it's not."

"Then what is that?" Optimus asked gesturing to the fallen limb. The green Con glanced at it.

"I've had worse."

"Liar."

"Liar!? I'll show you slagger!" Skyquake charged at Bee. The scout braced for a fight, but Optimus quickly stepped between the two. He brought his sword down again, slicing off Skyquake's other arm. The shock caused him to crash into the canyon wall.

"Now it is over." Optimus proclaimed, sheathing his blade. He gestured for Bee to follow him. They had taken all of two steps when the Autobot leader felt something hit his pedes, and heard the clang of metal on metal. Both bots turned around. Skyquake, now completely armless and leaking energon profusely, had hefted himself off the canyon wall and was kicking Prime's legs.

"Face me!" he demanded.

"What!?" Bee whirred in disbelief.

"Skyquake, you are indeed a brave and strong mech, but this is no longer a battle."

"You've had enough then?" Skyquake sounded smug.

"You fragging idiot, you don't have any arms left!" Bee practically screeched at him.

"Yes I do." Skyquake insisted. Bee pointed at his arms in frustration. The Con looked back at his severed limbs for only a moment.

"It's only a mesh wound." he immediately went back to kicking Prime.

"Stop that." Prime ordered, the tiniest bit of irritation in his voice.

"Coward!" Skyquake continued to kick.

"Do not force me to harm you further." There was no change. "Very well." The blade slid out once again and Optimus easily chopped off the leg that had been kicking him.

"I'll get you for that!" Skyquake scowled once again.

"You can't be serious." The irritation in Prime's voice was a hint stronger this time.

"Fight me!" Skyquake tried to jam his shoulder's into Prime's frame.

"Why? So you can leak on him?"

"No Autobot can defeat me! The Decepticons shall always triumph, long live Megatron!"

Without another word Optimus sliced off the mech's one remaining limb.

Skyquake fell to the ground, landing on his back. He squirmed for a minute, trying to get back up. When he was unsuccessful he looked all around, counting the number of limbs on the ground. Finally his optics returned to the Autobots.

"We'll call this a draw." Optimus shook his head at the con's statement.

"Come Bumblebee." The scout didn't need to be told twice, quickly following after his leader.

"Now you're running away? You slagging cowards! Come back here and feel the wrath of my Master! I'll gnaw your pedes off!"

The Con's voice faded as the two Autobots moved farther and farther away. Once they could no longer hear him, Optimus stopped. Bee turned toward his leader, eyes questioning.

"Bumblebee, don't tell any of the others about this. Let us never speak of this again."

The scouted nodded vigorously.

Author's note

Oh Skyquake, you one episode wonder! :P Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure Soundwave was watching the fight in the original episode. Do you suppose he would have mentioned this last part to Screamer?

You know, I think this is the first time I've had any official members of Team Prime in a chapter. It was kind of fun getting to write them in this sort of scene. :D

Just to be sure all credit is given where credit is due: This chapter was based off of the fight with the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.