And the Get-Rich-Quick Schemes

Caroline entered Max's front door holding two bags of food.

"Look what I got!" she exclaimed happily.

"A life?" Max questioned with annoyance.

"Food from McDonald's!"

Max rolled her eyes. "Just what I always wanted."

"And… look at this… a Monopoly game! If you get Boardwalk, you win a million dollars!"

"So let me guess… your father got 'Go To Jail'?"

Caroline, as always, shrugged Max's insult off with a smile. She reached to peel her game piece off her French fries.

"You do know that the odds of winning a million dollars are about the same as the odds of LeBron James winning seven championships?" Max pointed out.

"Free smoothie!" Caroline exclaimed.

"Oh, boy, where's the confetti?"

"You know, Max, you should be happy about even the little victories in life."

"I am. Every time you sleep on that couch instead of in my bed, I celebrate."

"I mean it, Max. You shouldn't be so negative about life. Look at me, I've lost everything, and I still approach life with a smile!"

"I've gained nothing and I approach life with a frown, so I guess we're even."

Max and Caroline were taking a break during work, while a couple of 20-something hipster guys ate at their table.

"Hey, you two!" one of the guys called.

"Ignore him," Max whispered to Caroline.

"I got an offer for you!"

"Again, just ignore him."

"I'll give you a big tip if you just come over here!"

"Quick, get over there!"

Max and Caroline ran over to their table.

"Where's our tip?" Max asked.

"I'll give you a hundred dollars if you two kiss each other."

Caroline blushed heavily, but Max looked annoyed.

"You're going to have to up that offer if you expect anything juicy. I don't open my mouth for less than a thousand."

"Okay. A thousand dollars – but it's got to be an open-mouth kiss."

Caroline gave a huge smile, while Max was still quite annoyed.

"There's no way you'll give us a thousand dollars – show me the money."

The guy quickly opened up his wallet and flung out ten hundred-dollar bills.

"You better enjoy it while it lasts," Max stated.

She then grabbed Caroline's face and went in for a quick kiss. However, Caroline put her hands on Max's face and began to make out with her.

"Ooh, that's good stuff. Here you go."

"Let go, Caroline!" Max yelled as she tried to pull away.

"Oh, right," Caroline replied.

Max grabbed the money off the table. "No more embarrassing requests."

Caroline simply blushed.

Max and Caroline were back at their place, and Max was busy counting their money.

"You know, I should have asked for twenties – most places aren't going to take hundreds."

"Just put it all in the cupcake fund, Max!"

"No, I need some of this now. I'm going down to the bank to cash this."

"I'm coming with you!"

Max handed the ten hundred-dollar bills to the banker.

"I'd like this in twenties, please."

The banker took the stack of bills, then used a permanent marker on one of them. She then looked at the bill suspiciously, holding it up to the light.

"I'm sorry, miss, but this is a counterfeit bill."

She then began checking the other bills.

"You're trying to pass counterfeit money, aren't you?"

"No, we got ripped off!"

"I'm sure."

The banker called security, while Caroline looked confused.

"Max, what's the problem?"

"We got ripped off by that guy! An open-mouthed kiss for ten fake hundreds!"

"I didn't mind."

Meanwhile, a couple of security guards came up to Max and Caroline and handcuffed them together.

"Max, are we being arrested again?"

"Yes, and don't dare asking for the handcuffs for your own fun!"

Max and Caroline found themselves being questioned by a policeman.

"So, where did you make your counterfeit money?" the policeman asked.

"I'm telling you, I didn't make those bills, they got passed to me by some hipster!"

"Then I have a different question to ask: was this money given to you in exchange for a, ahem, service?"

Caroline spoke up. "Yes, it was!"

Max tried to slap Caroline, but she could not thanks to being handcuffed to her.

"So, you're prostitutes?"

"No!" Max yelled. "The guy dared us to kiss each other for a thousand dollars. We obliged."

"Happily!" Caroline broke in.

"Shut up!" Max shouted. "Anyway, we had no idea he was going to pass us funny money."

"What did this guy look like?"

"He was a hipster! He looked like every other hipster in Brooklyn! That's all I know."

"Well, we'll be on the lookout for any more counterfeit money."

Max and Caroline were released with no more than a warning.

"So, you just feel like speaking up anytime you want?" Max questioned Caroline angrily.

"What do you mean?" Caroline asked.

"You know, telling him we performed a service for that money. I could have gotten us out of there a lot quicker."

"Oh, come on, Max, there's nothing wrong with a policeman knowing that we kissed."

"You want everyone around this town thinking that we're in love with each other!"

"So you are in love with me?"

"No, Caroline!"

Caroline came back to Max's place the next day with a few tickets.

"What are those?" Max asked.

"Lottery tickets!" Caroline exclaimed. "I was hoping to make some money for our cupcake fund quickly!"

"Caroline, you know the chances of winning one of those lottery games is like the chances of Harold Camping being right about the rapture."

Caroline quickly scratched off one of the tickets.

"Instant win - $100!"

"Give me those!"

Max grabbed the rest of the tickets off Caroline. She began scratching them off.

"Try Again – Try Again – Try Again-"

"You must have bad luck, Max. Let me scratch them off."

"Oh, come on, Caroline, the chances of winning two of those lottery games is-"

"Instant win - $50!"

"You are amazing, Caroline!"

Max threw her arms around Caroline's neck in celebration.

"So, you do love me, Max?"

"Don't get any ideas, Caroline."

Caroline went to the local convenience store triumphantly, to cash her winning lottery tickets. Max followed along, hoping to keep Caroline's ego in check.

"Hi, I'd like to cash these tickets."

She then looked at the guy working the counter.

"Hey, look, Max – it's the hipster who ripped us off!"

Max jumped toward the counter.

"So, hipster – going to pay us in counterfeit money?"

"Tell you what – you two kiss each other again, and I'll pay you off in real money."

"Tell you what!" Max replied. "You pay us off in real money, or we'll call the cops!"

"Just one little kiss?" the guy asked.

"Just one little kiss?" Caroline chimed in.

"No!"

An hour later, the police were at the convenience store, arresting the guy, while Max and Caroline were $150 richer.

"Now, Max, all that money's going into the cupcake fund."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because it's my fingers that scratched them off!"

"I hate to think where else those fingers have been…"

Current Total:

$909.67