I never understood how two people, two complete strangers could fall in love and never have met one another in person. I mean really, how much can you learn from someone over the computer, over the internet. The questioner can only provide so much information. Things like name, age, location, general likes and dislikes but you don't get the reality, the face to face, the subtle clues the body gives, the important things like that but maybe that's just the profiler in me. You don't get the different shades of blue her eyes change depending on her mood. You don't get how when she is worried, really worried about someone she cares about, how she plays with the necklace her sister gave her. You don't get how when she sees her son, how her voice increases in pitch. You don't get how when she is deep in thought she will place her finger on her lips. You don't get how when her family is in danger she will literally do anything to protect them, even kill. Trust me she will, she already has. I just don't understand it, the whole online dating.

Though I didn't find love on an online dating site, no personal ads, not facebook, myspace or twitter, no, none of the traditional online love matching sites but love online I did find. If we're being honest and I am, because I hate to admit I found love online, I knew my online love before online happened. I knew her in person, in reality, in face to face. I just didn't realize it at the time that it was love. Nope didn't have the slightest clue that I loved her and she loved me and we had known each other for years and hadn't figured it out. No it took faking my death, thousands of miles, a different time zone as well as a different continent, her taking my job and a game of online scrabble to realize that Jennifer and I were always and will always be more than just friends.

It is overtly obvious now. Now that we have finally realized it but living in the moment, we couldn't have been more clueless to the fact. Looking back there were subtle clues, subtle touches. Like how our hands would brush while we walked together, really why in the world were we walking that close it's not like we walked that close with others and in actuality it happened quiet frequently. The way our eyes would always find each other no matter how crowded the room. How we would usually always end up sitting or standing next to each other whether at headquarters, the jet, a car or really anywhere. The way we would always be the first to check on one another when injuries were involved. Like when I was hit by a two by four, JJ was the first to check on me or when she was hit by the shovel, I made sure to check on her to get her out of harms way. How we would always volunteer to take care of each other after injuries accrued or after a particularly hard case. Like after the Judge was killed and JJ ended up covered in blood, I made sure to get her a cup of coffee and of course a reassuring pat on the knee as I settled in the sit next to her. And for the love of god all the eye shagging. I mean really, now that I look back, I can see all the times I would work my eyes up her body checking her out. How my stares lingered longer than they should have on her outfits and by outfits I mean shirts and by shirts I mean breasts but in my defense her shirts are always either cut really low or lacking some buttons. I mean really could she have not buttoned more of those damn buttons. Than there was how I would always watch her when she left the room and by her I mean her ass. Looking back I remember seeing much the same but with the roles reversed. I mean my shirts aren't cut or buttoned like hers but I do recall her checking out my buckle, yup that's right my off center buckle. So I guess the eye shagging was mutual.

I guess deep inside, I always knew my feelings for JJ were more than just friendly. I remember the pain I felt when I learned of her relationship with Will but at the same time I was glad she had found love, looking back I guess the pain was wishing the love she found was me. I guess the love I had and have for her is what made me push her towards him. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time and though hard as it was I'm glad I did it because something so very wonderful came of their relationship, Henry. Learning of JJ's pregnancy was also hard but also heart warming. I knew the world would be a better place with a little JJ running around it and I knew she would make the most wonderful of mothers and I couldn't have been more right. However at the same time it felt like another nail in the coffee. Than there was the stab to the heart when he, Will, mentioned marriage and she didn't deny it. I didn't know why I felt that way, but now I do. I always wondered why they never did marry, why she could never give him her heart completely. Turns out that JJ's heart didn't belong to her anymore, somewhere along the way she gave it to me and I gave her mine. Good trade if you ask me. Now that I know I have it I will cherish it, protect it and never, ever give it back.

No, I guess, I have always loved her, just never was willing to admit it. That is until I discovered online scrabble. The higher ups wanted or needed a way to stay in contact with me with raising as little suspicion as possible and what better way than a harmless word game. I always loved scrabble, a fact that not many people knew about me but JJ knew. When I was younger I would always get the staff to play with me, don't know why I enjoyed it so much but I did and I got good at it. Turns out it was JJ's idea actually, she remembered that I played and I guess she thought it would be the perfect cover. I later learned that JJ hated the game, she doesn't anymore, it has become our thing. Seems funny how someone who has made a living with words hated a game based on them but she did, but she played it for me, to be in touch with me. How can you not love that?

After leaving the café that night I went through the paperwork which included a newspaper with the crossword puzzle partially done or so I thought. Looking at the clues and the answers they didn't match up. I know what you're thinking most likely the person just didn't know the answers and you could have been right but the thing was I knew that handwriting, I knew it well, very well, I saw that writing everyday for years, it was her writing. After studying the page for what seemed like hours it finally hit me and I ended up with the words varsity, scrabble, seven and vonnegut. It took some time but I finally came across a screen name that I could recognize VarsityVonnegut. Just so happens I came across this screen name in a game of scrabble at seven o'clock in the morning. So all the clues came together and I found JJ at least I thought it was JJ, I mean all the clues indicated it was her. The game started of like most but soon the words that were being used were words from work, terminology that we would use. Than friends names were used as well as places that were familiar for the two of us also began popping up. When the word Allegany came up I knew it was her, I mean really who would come up with Allegany.

This site was the type that allowed you to communicate with whom ever you were playing against. And so I made the tentative approach and voiced a single letter, "J," The response that was given was perfect "Emmy. It's J." I say perfect because that's what Henry calls me, Auntie Emmy. From there life takes a turn for the better. The game started of innocent enough. By game I mean us talking through the online board and by innocent I mean small talk. We would get online everyday at the same time for about an hour. For me it was seven in the morning for JJ it was ten at night but we met up same time, same site everyday and basically just talked, caught up, comforted one another and of course played scrabble.

Scrabble can be a very informative game, especially the way we played it. I learned of all the details of my death, about my funeral, and of course about how the team was handling it. I learned that Reid was taking it the hardest and would stop by JJ's most nights. I learned that JJ with help from Rossi had figured out a way to get her back to the BAU and that it would be in the form of a profiler. I learned that things between JJ and Will were strained. I learned that Will was against the idea and left her when she actually became a profiler and returned to the BAU. I learned that Henry asked about me everyday and that JJ had refused to tell Henry that his Auntie Emmy was dead insisting that he was too young to understand and just told him that I had to go away for awhile but that he would see me again one day. Told you, you can learn a lot over a game of scrabble.

After JJ rejoined the BAU, and after Will had left our conversations left the innocent stage and became more personal. When I learned he left, I finally had the courage to ask her why she and he had never married. I mean we are thousands of miles away and I may never see her again, what harm could there be. After an agonizing wait her reply was simply "I guess I never really loved him." With some elaboration I learned she loved him but was never in love with him. That he was a wonderful guy but he never had her heart. I guess with my question she to got a little gutsier and asked why I hadn't found Mr. Right, why I wasn't married. She knows how hard it is to date in our line of work so I figured she wouldn't take that as an answer so I opted for the truth. I told her that I couldn't legally marry in most states, which is why I haven't married. It took awhile for her to respond and my heart dropped, I thought I had blown it, I thought I had just lost my best friend but her response was heart warming "You can marry in D.C.". That's how she took me essentially coming out to her, by telling me I can legally marry in D.C.. Our conversation ended there but we picked right back up the next day and everyday until I came home.

The next day she picked up where we left off. Wanting to know if I was dating someone in Paris, what my type was, why I never told her I was gay. Talk about easing into the tough stuff right. I decided to stay with the truth, it's easier to speak the truth when you don't have to look the person in the eye. So I answered every question she threw at me. Nope, not dating anyone here in Paris, don't really have a type just looking for someone who loves me for me, not really a label type person, dated both men and women, prefer women and honestly don't know why I never said anything, just figured if I found someone worth it than I would have mentioned it. It took some time for her to ask her next question, I guess she needed some time to process all the new information I had given her, but her next question caught me slightly off guard and made me think. "Emmy, was there someone special back home?" Yeah, that's what I thought. Someone special, well depends on her definition of special. Okay that's crap and I know it, of course there was someone special back home, still is but could I actually tell her that, could I actually tell her that the someone special was her.

Several minutes had passed and I guess she began to worry because before I respond I get "Emmy, you still there?"

I have to respond, I know she's getting worried, "Yeah, still here." That's all I could muster.

"There is someone, isn't there? I know them don't I? That's why you haven't responded right? Am I right?"

"Yes there is a certain someone and yes J, you know them." Mind racing, this could be my chance, I mean she took the whole liking girls things well and from our informative games of scrabble I have learned she experimented in college, but really can I tell her that my certain someone, my special someone, is her.

"You know you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I didn't mean to pry, but know Emmy, I will always be here for you if you want to talk." God I love her even more, if that is possible. I can only imagine who she thinks it is, I mean we don't know a lot of the same people most if not all are work related, God I hope she doesn't think it's Mick Rawson, wait that was his name right. I can do this. I have to do this. I want to tell, no I need to tell her.

"You." Okay there it is, out for the world to see, and by world I obviously mean her.

"No, there's no one special over here for me." Man she can be blonde sometimes. This means I actually have to say it again. "Wait, that wasn't a question was it, there was no question mark, it wasn't a question. It was a statement, wasn't it?" Okay not totally blonde.

"Nope not a question." Yeah I know, I wanted to elaborate but chickened out. But after some time without a response I decided that elaboration was needed. "J, I'm sorry. I don't know when it happened, or how it happened but it did. I understand if you need some time to process this. It's almost what 11:30 for you we, can call it a night and talk again tomorrow or not if you don't want to talk again, I'll understand, really I will just please say something, type something." Waiting is not my strong suit and patients is not a virtue in my book, so I was so glad she wrote back quickly.

"No, don't go." Okay not what I was hoping for. Thought I would get more. I wish I could see her so I could gauge how she's feeling. Before I could type anything she writes more. "What you feel for me is it love, do you love me? Are you in love with me?"

"Yes." Love you yup, in love another yup.

"I love you too." All I can think is, I should tell her it's okay if she doesn't feel the same, that its okay if she only want to be, wait she loves me too.

"Wait you love me too." Look at me repeating what she says, I must sound so very smart.

"Yes." Damn it JJ, you are a person of words and this is all you give me.

"Yes." I know I'm just as good with my words.

"Yes." Okay so it's definitely a yes, now what. Well we spent the next several hours trying to figure out the what now and all we ended up with was that I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me and really that's all that mattered but now we are in love, thousands of miles apart, different time zones, different continents, oh joy and there's the fact that I'm dead to the world, but that didn't seem to matter we were in love.

When we finally did sign off I found myself lost in a daze and I couldn't wait to talk again. With each day brought new hope, we began making plans, about what we wanted when I returned. We talked about our first date, what we would do, where we would go. We talked about me staying with her since I didn't have a place of my own anymore. We began making plans for our future and for the first time since really this whole thing started I really felt like I was going to go home, like there was a real chance and all of that came from me having a reason to make it back home.

I remember when I finally got word that I was going home. I was online and had been waiting for over twenty minutes for JJ and she still hadn't gotten online. I found myself getting very worried, I mean JJ is never late, messy yes, disorganized oh yeah, but late never, as I find my self panicking slightly I hear my phone ring. Surprised the crap out of me considering it was my only in emergency phone. Reaching for it my heart drops, why is it ringing, has something happened to JJ, is that why someone is calling me, is that why she's not online. "Yes." It's the only thing that comes out.

"Emily, it's me. It's over, we got him, he's dead. Em, you're coming home." The most amazing sound ever. I will never forget how I felt when I heard her voice, when I knew she was safe, when I found out I was coming home.

"JJ, thank God I was so worried. You're okay right?" I needed to hear her say she was fine, I needed to know, I needed her to tell me she was fine.

"I fine Emily, I just want you home. Now!" I can tell in her voice that everything is okay. We continue to talk a little. I get the details about my flight, she said she will be at the airport to pick me up. She informs me about the death of Doyle. About how he was shot, how she shot him. I can't believe she shot him, I kind of thought if he was killed it would be at Morgan's hands or better yet mine but no it was her, she took him out, she killed him for me, to get me home. Another reason I love her, as if I needed another reason.

Walking down the corridor of the airport, I find I am getting extremely nervous. I am about to see my best friend, the friend I have confessed my love to, the one that has confessed her love for me and I am beyond scared. We have yet to actually say I love you in person, in face to face. I mean we have typed it and we have even said it over the phone but not in person, not eye to eye. Rounding the corner I see her. I see her frantically looking, looking for me but not only her, him too. She brought Henry and I can see the sparkle in his eyes and the broad smile on his face when he spots me. I see him squirm in JJ's arms and his pointing and I hear him yelling Emmy. God I love that name. Our eyes finally meet and I see tears, not only in her eyes but mine as well. I am now speed walking towards the pair and before I know it I am in the most loving embrace. I am in the arms of the woman who over the past seven months has kept me sane and over the last three months has made me crazy. Poor Henry is squished between us, but he doesn't seem to care I feel his little are around my shoulder and hear him repeating over and over again Emmy and love you.

Pulling away from the hug I do what comes naturally to me. I reach out and grab my little man. Giving him the biggest hug, kissing his head and telling him how much I missed him and how much I love him. After loving up on my little man I turn towards his mom, who still have tears both shed and unshed. I have never been so happy in all my life to see someone as I was in that moment. The past three months of talking, has come down to this moment and I do the only thing I can think of. With my free hand I put it behind JJ on the back of her neck and pull her close to me to where we are just inches apart. I see her searching my eyes just like I am hers and before I know it both her hands are on the back of my head pulling me into her, crashing our lips together. I am lost in this moment, so very lost and realize I don't want to be found. I feel her tongue graze my lips asking permission to enter which I of course grant, I mean who wouldn't. As our tongues touch, sparks fly, fireworks go off, the world explodes, my mind is racing and all that good stuff. My lungs are feeling like they are on fire, I need air but lets be honest I don't want it, I want to keep kissing her. I want to keep kissing JJ for the rest of my life. Air being a necessity is what finally makes us pull apart. When we finally manage to pull way from each other, we do so only enough to look each other in the eyes. We are just standing there staring at each other lost in our own world, both surprised that we are finally together, that I am finally home and of course dumbfounded by that earth shattering kiss. We only look away from each other when we hear a very excited giggle, a very contagious giggle. We turn to face the giggler, JJ and I can't help but giggle as well. He has the biggest smile on his face and is clapping his little hands and is so excited that I am home. And his sentiment is mine as well. Realizing that we are still at the airport and still very much in public and very much the center of attention with everyone staring I reach for JJ's hand, and pull her towards baggage claim. As we head in that direction I feel JJ lace our fingers giving a gentle squeeze to my hand. With that squeeze and our interlaced fingers I know that I am home. I know that everything will be alright. I know no matter what the future holds it holds JJ and Henry, it hold the three of us together as a family.

So you see, I don't believe in online dating. You need to have more than a general questioner. You need more that the basic information. You need the reality, the face to face, the in person. You need the subtle clues that the body gives the important things like that. Online dating, what a joke. Now online scrabble, now that's love.