I…I am the loneliest person in the world.

Over many years, I have met many different people. And over those years, I have fallen in love several times. And all the people I fell in love with broke my heart in the end. As I sit here with a piano in front of me, in the Music Room at my High School, I have all the time in the world to tell my story. But be warned; it can get rather sad at times. So do not come to me with eyes full of tears, because you were warned ahead of time.

OO

Before I go into my relationships, let me fill you in on something else. When I was seven years old, my parents got into a horrible car accident in which there were no survivors. I was sent to a foster home and every family that took me in eventually gave me back. 'He's too stuck up' this and 'he never talks or pays attention to us' that. I was seven. Already I was blamed for being anti-social and quiet, OCD and a perfectionist. No one would ever understand the situation I was in, they couldn't even begin to comprehend the immense pain, loss, and loneliness it was that I felt.

While that was going on at home, I somehow, miraculously managed to go to the same elementary school all throughout the different grades. Sometimes this was a good thing, and sometimes it was bad. The bad thing was the bullies. A few boys in particular come to mind; Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert. Or, well, Francis and Gilbert; Antonio has always been rather neutral. But Gilbert, oh that damned albino, he was the exact opposite of his air-headed friend, not to mention that he had an insufferable personality to go with his huge and ugly ego. He loved to beat me and taunt me until I finally retreated, it was what he always did.

I never knew a time when I thought people were so horrible. Whatever family I was with would eventually send me back to the foster home saying 'He keeps getting into fights at school and keeps getting bullied, but we just cannot keep paying his medical bills. And if he can't stand up for himself, then there is nothing we can do for him.' After every run in I had with Gilbert, I would always return to my current family's home and hole myself up in my room. I didn't cry. I didn't do anything, really.

So, that was basically my life at home and at school. In 5th grade, well, that's when it all started. There was this boy, Vash, who had been a really good friend of mine for a few years, and all of the sudden, he decided that we should go out. I didn't really mind since he was a very important person to me, but I didn't really feel in love. After a few months of 'going out', he dumped me. I wasn't crushed, but I was beyond surprised to see that he was. He had actually liked me, even though we were so young, and I just could not return his feelings no matter how hard I tried. Luckily, the matter was quickly resolved as Vash and his family moved away not long after that.

It took me almost a year to adjust to being alone again. I missed having a friend that always tried to be there for me and stick up for me. My family at the time attempted to convince me that even though he left, I would find someone else that would be as great a friend as he was. I didn't listen to them. I didn't feel that it was just for me to have to listen to a bunch of fools who would one day abandon me.

But, life continued. In 7th grade, I finally managed to get a job. Babysitting. Oh, how I got made fun of for that. 'Babysitting? That's what girls do! Is there something you are trying to tell us, four eyes?' A typical response to my job. Like I cared, though. I loved the child I babysat. He was a small little 2nd grader, cute as they came. He was always nice and always, always had a smile on his face. While I watched him, there was another sitter to watch his older brother who happened to be in 4th grade. His brother wasn't as nice as him; he was stubborn, stuck up, and very rude. Somehow, I still found him cute nonetheless. And his babysitter? Oh, you would not believe how shocked I was to find Antonio watching over little Lovino. The friend of my enemy, the one who never said anything against me. At the time, I wasn't happy, nor was I angry. I just let time roll by to see how things would go between us.

We began to hang out after school, and we talked a lot more than we used to. I was surprised to find that we had many things in common. And that is how I fell, hard. One day, we had been talking to each other after school. It was a mindless conversation, all of the ones we had were, and I cracked a joke about Ivan, who was one grade ahead of us, was always being chased around by his wack-job little sister. Antonio smiled. God, that smile of his. It's one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. A laugh followed, and I had found myself unable to breathe, just taking in the shear sight of him. He was handsome, or cute, his voice was as smooth as his skin, and his skin tone was so even… How could someone so young fall in love? I still ask myself that. But then again, Vash did it, so why couldn't I? Anyways, right after that I told him that I had to go and went home. I felt so light on my feet, and I must have looked happy for once. When I walked into my house, my 'mother' had been nearly scared out of her skin to see me so overjoyed. I even spent some time out in the living room that night, which I never do.

A few weeks passed since that day, and I finally got up the courage to ask Antonio out. He said yes, and once again, I felt myself light that I swore I would begin to lift off of the ground and float up to the clouds. I was happy, and he was happy to see that. Nothing special happened between us, really. We talked as we always did. We watched over the Vargas brothers together and talked some more. Sometimes we would walk to the park from school, holding hands; I liked days like that the most. It was on days like that when I genuinely felt loved. It was a nice feeling, to know that you were wanted.

With things like this, I feel the phrase 'The Lord givith, The Lord takith away' fits perfectly. Oh yes, I should have known that my happiness wouldn't last. Even though it did for a good 6 months. Then the day came when he told me there was something on his mind and he needed to talk to me.

'Roderich, I, you…' he grabbed both of my hands and rubbed the top of them with his thumbs. 'You are a great friend and all, but I don't like you the way you like me. I can't make you happy forever, and I would rather you know this sooner than later. I…' he sighed heavily before looking at me with sad green eyes. 'I tried. I really, really tried. But I just can't anymore, I'm sorry…'

Ah, that day was terrible. I accepted what he said and left him to stand there alone right outside of school. I know he hated upsetting my like that, but now I realize that he was in a similar situation as Vash and I were in. I understood how he felt so perfectly. It hurt. I couldn't breathe, but in a bad way. I was being suffocated, and something was squeezing my heart. It hurt SO MUCH. I actually broke down for once. Seriously broke down. My 'parents' tried to console with me, but they couldn't get my door open. It was just the lock, I shoved things in front of my door so it wouldn't budge, and I sat in the corner of my room.

Afterwards, I avoided Antonio as much as possible. I quit my job as a babysitter just to avoid him. For my sake, he tried to avoid me too, knowing that the less we ran into each other, the more it would put my mind at ease. It took me so long to get over him. I would spend countless hours in my room, sulking. I found myself completely alone once again. I was so lost in getting over my first love that before I knew it, I was in my first year of high school. I heard good things and bad things about it, but I was unafraid.

It was actually a really good year for me. I met new people and acquired a new friend. Her name was Elizabeta, and she went to my elementary school. But she used to dress like a guy and hung around Gilbert a lot. By high school though, she was wearing the prettiest dresses and always had a neat bandana in her hair. She was nice, too. Nice. Pretty. I am sure you can all see where this is going.

Love is such a funny thing. For the second time in my life, I felt lost and smothered by it. I knew I would never ask her out, though. I was afraid to further our relationship. Much to my surprise, she ended up asking ME out. I couldn't believe it…She told me that she had fallen in love with me, and that she had never felt as though she loved anything more before. So, of course, I said yes, and we were both happy. This time would be different. It would not be like when I was with Antonio. It was completely different, and we would be happy for a long time.

That's what I kept telling myself.

One day, a few months after we had been going out, I spotted Gilbert talking to Eliza. I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely and utterly shocked. After all, they had had a huge fight in elementary and hadn't really talked to each other since. But there they were, talking away. They looked so happy; he made her laugh. I could see my own relationship crumbling right before my eyes. Yes, after she told me she loved me. After we held hands and went on pointless dates. After we bashfully kissed each other a few times. I lost her to the person I hated the most.

Not even a week later, I broke up with her. She didn't seem sad at all, only worried about me. How funny it is. To think that she is the one that broke my heart and she is worried about me. How cruel it is, really. I watched her go, her beautiful brown hair waving behind her. I was really going to miss her, but rather than really sad, I just felt hollow. And the last thing I wanted to do was go home because I finally found a stable place to live; with two brothers. Ludwig was still in middle school, but he was very responsible and always calm. And then, there was his brother. I lived with Gilbert, too.

Living with him makes my life a living hell. Sometimes, he brings Eliza with him when he comes home. They are still going out, and I resent him more than ever. As hard as it was, I got over her. Now you may be wondering, do I like anyone now? Or have all of my emotions left me and now I am just a cold shell of a person? I would like to answer those questions by saying that yes, sadly, I have fallen once more. I will never learn. The person I am interested in right now will only cause me immense pain. How I came to like him, I have no idea. The person I hate the most. The person that has taken everything I ever loved from me. He has taken everything and yet, how can I find myself falling for him? Oh yes, him. Gilbert. Gilbert Beilschmidt.

I won't act on these feelings, and since he is with Elizabeta, he is too busy to realize how I feel about him. Just looking at him pains me. He is so happy, so insufferable. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him…

I love him.

OO

My name is Roderich Edelstein. I am in my Junior year at high school.

I am the loneliest person in the world.