Part 4: Placebo Enjoy :)
It has only been 4 hours since the last time I was in this park with Yokozawa. The night has become even colder, but the heat of Onodera's hand in mine is winning.
I can hear the dry leafs being crushed under my feet, my very fast feet. I can't slow down. I'm practically dragging Onodera with me, and I can feel his pulse through his hand if that is even possible. His fingers are gently laced through mine, but while he's clinging on to me, I'm pulling him.
After our second kiss in the backseats of the bar, I bought us some more drinks and grabbed a pack of cards from the bar. While drinking and getting to know each other more, we ended up playing Black Jack for an hour. When one of us lost, we had to drink more. My cocaine confidence had me be so sure of myself, saying I had Black Jack when I only had nineteen; no chance he could have a better hand. But he did, so there were 8 sips for me. I'm sure I'll have a hangover tomorrow.
Onodera is laughing at me as I am dragging him through the park. I am letting my eagerness show and I am not sure that I like it. He barely had a chance to finish his sentence after agreeing to go home with me. I took our jackets, dragged him out of the bar and headed for my apartment. The trains aren't running at this time of night, so we have to walk the far way home, all the more time for him to change his mind. I can't wait. I want him.
"Ta...Takano-san! Please don't walk so fast, I can barely keep up with you". I stop in my tracks and lay my gaze upon him. I'm so attracted to him, but it feels wrong. Usually, I am not this eager. I can hardly believe that for tonight at least I can make him mine. I stare at the full moon in the sky, searching for answers. For something else than him to make sense. I look around to see that there are only lights from a few streetlights and the moon. If I thought he was beautiful in the bar, well then now he looks amazing. The bright white light reflecting from the moon hits his brown hair and his huge emerald eyes are so beautiful... I thought eyes like those only existed in fairy tales.
"We're almost at my apartment if you still want to"- I start hesitating, what if he didn't really want to go home with me? – I would give him the choice... "But I can always follow you home if you want?" Please don't say you want to go home. I don't want to go home alone. He looks unsure of himself, staring down at his shoes, "Y..yes, I want to. You just walk so fast and it's not like we're in a rush, right"? Yes, we are in a rush.
I walk towards him and stare deep into his eyes. How do I say this directly? Maybe it will be easier by wrapping my arms tightly around him and I whisper huskily into his ear with more need than I want to feel - "Onodera if we don't get to my apartment soon, I'm gonna burst". He tenses up in my arms, mumbling incoherent sentences, and I stare at him again, seeing the nervousness and confusion on his face. His eyes, and his body language. I know that he wants me to. Leaning down I bring my lips closer to his and whisper achingly my final words - "I need to be inside of you, taste you and have you". This is a question of having. Though sharing my night with another stranger is nothing new, this one is different. For once I want to make love, not just another fuck.
The need of giving someone a piece of myself, belong to another one for a night and let him by mine. I bring my index finger and thumb to his chin and lock them, just as I had done earlier and guide his face towards mine.
"Ah...ah Takano-san"! "Onodera, ngh"!
This is what I needed, his body locked in a tight embrace, my embrace. Thrusting slowly in and out of him. Panting mouths, licking mouths, biting mouths. Eyes glazing over with lust, eyes filling over with pleasureful tears, eyes clenching tight from ecstasy. He confided in me before entering my apartment, that he hadn't had sex with a man for years, only girls. Knowing this I took my time and prepared him as much and as gently as I could, though it only worked me even more up, drowning in every gasp and moan he gave me. Now being inside of him, I can confirm from his breathless words and sounds that he is really enjoying himself, and I couldn't be more pleased. "Oh, ah! There Ta...Takano! There"! "M...mh, here"? A sly grin is playing on my face, as I ask him I give him a more determined thrust, and he moans even louder, from the harsh push as I ram hard into him, pressing hard against the small bunch of nerves.
God his voice is turning me so much on, it's like a high. I lean closer kissing his lips. I gently lick his bottom lip asking for entrance. I push my tongue into his mouth, he complies letting me in. Our lips lock, I lick his tongue like I'm tasting the sweetest honey on the surface, and our bodies are connected. It's a slow sensual pace, but my thrusts are getting deeper and deeper, eager and determined. I want him to feel extraordinary. I want him to be on cloud nine. I want to be his best ever, so I can lay claim to him, so he won't forget this night or me. My mouth is by his ear now, I'm whispering sweet words about how much I like him; yeah it's probably too soon, but he doesn't complain, he moans, even more, his body writhing beneath me. "Ta...Takano", he moans against my neck, his nails digging into the skin of my arms. I drown myself in his voice, a mature tone with a childlike ring to it when he pitches at his highest pleasure. I raise myself by my arms, hands splayed out by his head. I take in his flushed cheeks and tousled hair, he is biting into the pillow next to him, keening over by pleasure. My eyes travel away and I look down at us. I had been so desperate to get him into bed that I didn't take the time to discover just how.. gorgeous his body is.
He is lean built, his abs aren't as muscular like mine, but damn he is a sight. His warm toned skin looks tanned compared to my dull lack of color. It must be all the drugs... Every time I let my mind drift, he drives me right back into the moment.
"I..I can't, it's too good," - he has his eyes covered by his hand, groaning into the palm. Can't have that. Placing my own hand into the one covering his face, I place it above his head, making him look at me. "Onodera, enjoy this," - I gently bite the lobe of his right ear whispering, "God... You're so tight", and groan against him, making sure he knows how good he makes me feel as I'm thrusting more determined into him.
The steady rhythm of our bodies moving together is getting faster, turning it into an erratic dance of wanting to feel more and the early enjoyments of the oncoming goal of climax. His voice is driving me nearer to my climax. He is panting against my chest with his hot breath and groans, "Faster Takano", meeting my eyes with a look of frustration and bliss. "Faster"? I look at him in slight disbelieve mixed with a thrill that he wants more. My plan was to make this experience intimate and gentle (as gentle as I can be), but every word, moan and touch fuels my body and I give in to the animalistic part of me to pound him harder.
His eyebrows furrow and his eyes darken, it is almost too good and yet not enough. I lean down and lick his bottom lip, telling him to open up. Our tongues drink each other up, hot breaths mixing together. His body tightens around me, voice trembling, pulling back from my mouth, tears that I hope is from pleasure spill from his eyes, "Ah fuck, Takano I'm coming", he moans against my neck. I quickly grab him in my hand, he is hard and heavy, his breath pitches and keens, mixed whispers of fuck, yes yes yes, the white liquid soiling my hand. His eyes roll further back than I thought human possible, mixed whispers of fuck, yes yes yes, leave his mouth while the white liquid soiling my hand.
While he groans and moans from past and present pleasure, I hungrily lick the remains of my fingers, almost shocking myself by how far I am taking this. The thought of being this close, open and raw with someone else pushes me over the edge and I let my orgasm take over, right hand above Onoderas head, moaning against him as I take myself in my left and cum in one of the condoms I so smartly bought earlier this day.
That felt amazing. I haven't had such an intense orgasm since - no don't think about that. This isn't about him. Don't think about him right now, not when you have given this your everything. This is about the best sex I've had in a while now, with Onodera Ritsu. A man I met less than 4 hours ago, lying beneath me with closed eyes, panting and moaning the last pleasure out of his body. I lean down to kiss him gently and caress his cheek. We're both slightly shaking, our bodies recovering from our intense orgasms. Still feeling high. I move over right, leaning my back against the bedpost. I don't care much for cuddling with anyone, but I feel a strange urge to pull him into my arms so he is resting his head on my chest. "That was fantastic" I sigh, with a toothy grin.
He whispers back to me, "Ye-yeah it was". I look down at him, noticing that he's avoiding my eyes. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Was I too rough"? I panic a little, it was never my
intention to make him feel bad. Maybe he really didn't want this, but couldn't say no? - He frowns and averts my gaze, "No no, that's not it, I really enjoyed it"... He looks upset and caught up in his own thoughts. "Well, what's the problem then"? The chink in my armor is showing, and the coke is wearing off, the irritability building up on me. I don't want to see him like this, especially after such a good time.
"I told you earlier that I haven't had sex with a guy for years. I only did it with my ex-boyfriend, and yeah I'm not too sure how I'm feeling about all of this"... That felt kind of sucky. I didn't want to be just a pity fuck that he could use, but I'm no better when it comes to my own feelings. I run a sweaty hand down my face, calculating the next step. Should I throw him out and get this over with? Give him another round? - "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" Just tell me. He sighs, I've noticed that he does that a lot, but then snuggles closer to me. "Just hold me like this, it's nice"... I smile, just smile, he is extremely adorable. "Will you stay the night"?
"Sure, if you want me to... I don't want to burden you"? He looks questioningly at me. "Of course I want you to stay", and before I know it, he is completely relaxed and sounds asleep in my arms. I take his smaller hand and lace my fingers through his. His chest is rising with every breath, and small snores leave his mouth. While my eyes examine his body further, I let the hand that is holding his run along his arm in ignorant bliss, almost missing the scars. His wrist. Cuts, deep deep cuts. Horrible cuts, how can I else explain it? My body tenses up with him in my arms; I don't know what to do. Empathy, sympathy, disgust, curiousness whelm up in me. Questions; Why Why is he doing this to himself? Trying not to disturb him in his sleep, I carefully take a hold of his wrist and examine the scars further. Some of the cuts look fresh, the skin hasn't even fully covered on some of the wounds and there is dried blood. While counting the scars on his forearm, memories of the evening return to my mind. The situation made me feel a bit eerie like something was off, but I ignored it; when the cocaine still told me that everything was A-okay.
Onodera stood from his seat and fixed his sweater. "Takano-san, please excuse me a moment, I have to use the restroom". Lifting my eyes from my cellphone, rejecting yet another earlier one- night stand, I smiled at him, "Sure, I'll just wait here".
I watched him walk to the restroom and after seeing him disappear I looked around the room, watching a couple sitting at the bar. They were in a heated makeout session, almost grinding against each other. The guy's hand was rubbing the girl's thigh with his right hand, not so discreetly, (I wasn't the only one staring).
I felt a hardness building in my jeans, while I was watching them making out in the bar, hoping
that I would have such an opportunity later with Onodera. I started thinking about all the things I would do to him if I could get him home with me. Sucking and licking his neck, leaving marks. Sucking and licking everywhere really. I got myself all riled up, begging him not to just ditch me. I sat there in the back of the bar, waiting agonizingly. The couple got boring and I got up to the bar to order another beer for myself and whiskey for Onodera, curtly nodding to the guy who was having his drink while the girl kissed along his neck. Chitchatting with random girls who came up to me, apologizing nicely that I couldn't have drinks with them since I already had a date. It had been ten minutes now and I was starting to get a little nervous. Shit, what if he actually ditched me? I thought he was interested, he looked interested, damn he was so cute too, I could only blame myself for coming on too strong' - while agonizingly drinking my beer I was brought back from my self-loathing musings when – "Takano-san, sorry it took so long, I got a call". Just a call.
"Oh that's fine, don't worry", I kept my cool composed self, but inside I was making a victory dance while chanting 'YES YES YES'! He smiled sweetly at me, "Glad it didn't bother you" while scratching his wrist.
Should I ask him when he wakes up? No, he would probably just say it's none of my business which it really isn't. We all got our own things we're dealing with. He isn't the first one that I've met who does this, so many kids back in high school did it all the time, almost like a trend. Maybe I'll ask him one day if I get the chance. Or maybe I'll never meet him again. Maybe he is just another fuck (one really, really good one). I might wake up tomorrow noticing that he wasn't all that and kick him out myself.
But all I know right now is that I just had the best sex I've had in a long time, I have a hot guy lying in my arms, I'm still a bit drugged and the first thing tomorrow is an Aspirin.
Hope you enjoyed it! As always, reviewing is appreciated :)