"I don't see the word 'linguist' anywhere on my shirt, do you?"

"Come on, Jack, we have to finish this. Just treat it like you would a crossword."

Jack snatched the document away from Daniel, and, after a cursory glance, tossed it back on the table. "Nothing but gibberish."

"It's Latin."

"Really? Well, spank me Rosy!"

"You know, condescending isn't a good color on you, Jack. Kinda clashes with your eyes."

"And do you know I could be off doing something General-y instead of pouring over some archaic… what the hell is this anyway?"

"The Chipola call it a concordance or word list, and its contents date back to one of the earliest Ancient dialects we've uncovered so far. In fact, many of the words are more akin to modern day Latin than the more commonly used dialects."

"So… what's the problem?"

"A plague swept through their settlement late last year and took out the only two members of their community that could read the concordance with any degree of accuracy. According to their faith, a great disaster will befall them if the words aren't spoken out loud at a precise time during their winter solstice."

"Sounds complicated."

"Not complicated, just inconvenient."

"And? So? What exactly does this have to do with me?"

"Well, given that the Ancient download you took on two occasions left you speaking the dialect of Ancient that comes closest to what the Chipola need, and-"

"Daniel!"

"Sorry, it's just that time is of the essence here. Scribes aren't considered worthy enough to speak the words and so they've asked you to take the place of their honored, and now very dead, orators."

"Orators?"

"Speakers."

"Me?"

"You."

"Did I mention having lots of General-y things to do?"

"Jack, the Chipola winter solstice festival is only a few days away and they believe their civilization will end unless you're prepared to step up and read the concordance for them. It's a matter of faith over science. Surely you've got one more save left in you?"

Jack sighed theatrically and snatched the document back up. "Just read the list, right?"

"That's all you have to do."

"In Latin?"

"You can do this."

"Ductus taenia."

"What?"

"Ductus taenia. Fifth word down, second column- Ductus Taenia."

Daniel snatched the document back and scanned down the list. "But that's…"

"Yep. Either this list is someone's idea of a joke or the Chipola have been worshipping the ancient inventors of duct tape."

The end