Hello, everyone. We have a special guest today, and no, I'm not updating Blind Pain. Haha. Meet my girlfriend Wolfie!

Wolfie: Yaoi fangirl here! Nice to be here.

So, we're doing that thing where I write sentence, then she does, then I do. Okay? Glad were caught up. Let's do this!

Wolfie: We do not own Death Note.

It was a nice day at Wammy House in Britain, and it seemed that Matt and Near were having a very nice day. Mello, however, didn't seem to be doing so well. His aner could be seen from miles around. His jealousy in seeing Near being with someone else pissed him off. Why you ask? For the same reason Mello keeps telling himself he wasn't. He was in love with Nate River, more likely known as Near.

Just seeing that pale young boy with white hair and midnight sky eyes interacting with that rowdy video game playing mediocre dunderhead made his chocolate filled blood boil. His head was going to burst, and chocolate would gush out everwhere from his overwhelming jealousy.

Just the though of Near being in love with someone other than him made him feel as if his whole world was going to collapse. If he found out that Near was in love with Matt... Well, let's just say that he wouldn't be very happy, and if you tried to see him the next day, you'd find him a grave man.

Mello knew he needed to do something. He almost wanted to just stomp up to them and scream his head off at Matt for even thinking he had a chance with Near. Near was so obviously Mello's, and everyone knew that. Damn it, they were in love! Well, Mello was in love with Near. Maybe not the other way around. But there was hope!

Mello decided to do exactly what he wanted to do. He stomped his big black boots filled with secret bars of chocolate over to the two boys, one fifteen with snow hair, and one seventeen with hair red with fiery passion.

Near and Matt looked up from the board game they were playing. Near was so close to winning a game of Monopoly. What could Mello, the boy who looked so sexy in leather, want with him? Near didn't think he was good enough for Mello, so he never said anything. What reason could there be for Mello being over here? As for Matt, Matt just wondered if Mello was going to tell them what was for lunch.

Then, all of a sudden, Near heard Mello's milky caramel voice lash out at Matt, yelling his ownership of Near, and that Matt couldn't have him at all, he was all his. Near was shocked. He heard the dark rich voice of Mello say that he loved Near, and that Near would always be his, no matter what. Wait a minute. Mello loved Near? Near was so confused.

Part of Near wanted to cry tears of joy, another parted wanted to stand up for his newly found friend Matt, and predominate part of him just wanted to keep quiet and figure out what the hell just happened. Where was the normal chocolate loving dear Mello he knew? Where was the boy who insulted him everyday? What was going on here?

Mello and Matt turned to Near. Matt looked so confused, contrasting greatly from Mello, who looked as red in the face as cherry filling.

Then, suddenly, Matt got up and declared, "You know what? Screw this, you fags! I'm going to go and play Super Mario Galaxy. Near, let's play Life later, okay? I'm also going to find out what's for lunch. I hope there's cookies."

With that statement, Matt with big boots and orange goggles dangling around his neck like, uh, well... Nevermind, walked towards his shared room with Mello, slamming the deep brown door behind him. It shut loudly with a bang, and it fell off it's caramel hinges. Matt looked down and stared at it for a moment. He shrugged, seemingly not caring and nailed sheets to the doorway, preventing them from seeing, but they could still hear his video games.

With Matt gone, Mello and Near spent many minutes awkwardly looking at the makeshift door and back at each other. Just then, Mello did the thing all men do. He was an idiot. A bafoon. A dunce. A je- You get the picture, I hope.

"You know baby, you and me ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. I'm getting horny now," Mello said with an awkward leer.

Near blinked a few times and stared with the most awkward facial expression Mello had ever seen. "Did you just quote the Bloodhound Gang, Mello?" Near asked, rolling his eyes. "Nice pick up lines, but they won't work on me. How about this. You and me, nine tonight, Red Lobster, you're paying. Get it, got it, good, I'm gone."

With those inspiring words said, Near left. Mello stood there like an ignorant bafoon for a couple of minutes before shouting in joy. He decided to celebrate by eating a pound of chocolate. Well, Mello finally believed he knew how fangirls felt deep inside.

Meanwhile, in Japan, as Light and L were doing the deed, they heard the most peculiar sound. A shout of joy, coming from the far west. They pulled apart, wondering what the odd sound was.

"What was that?" Light asked, looking up at his older boyfriend curiously, with the most innocent cinnammon puppy eyes anyone had ever seen.

L stared for a moment before finally saying, "Mello finally scored with Near."

Light stared, giving L a blank look. "How did you know tha- You know what, never mind."

And with that, they continued with their urgent business.

It was beautiful! Thanks, Wolfie! You know, that review button's looking mighty lonely down there...