A Heart Divided

"Wake up, Commander."

He didn't recognize the voice. But he did recognize the sharp sensation that stuck against the side of his hip. Like a serrated knife was plunged deep into his waist. Groaning at the pain, he reached down to hold his wound, only to realize there was nothing there. "I could have sworn I was…" he thought inwardly, his gaze straightening as his world funneled back into focus.

"Ah good. Thought you might've been dead. You were asleep for a long time. Now it's time to get up and smell the fresh air."

The voice was feminine, he could discern that much. But it was also dark. Sinister. His eyes moved towards the speaker as he asked, "Who are you?"

"You."

He was pleasantly surprised by the answer. As his gaze met with hers, he felt goose bumps tingle on every inch of skin. He cast away the feeling of doubt and stood up saying, "Look, just tell me what's going on."

"Look, just tell me what's going on," she repeated aloofly, an air of wickedness to her words.

He thinned his gaze. "I'm not in the mood to mess around."

"I'm not in the mood to mess around."

"Stop it."

"Stop it."

"Stop."

"Stop," she mimicked again, her coarse voice rising frivolously in volume.

"I'm…"

"Warning you." He stared at her, dumbfounded, puzzled, and furious. She let out a conceited laugh. "See?" she said. "I'm you." She rubbed the side of her head and continued, "Well, at least, a part of you. I'm usually trapped here all by my lonesome self." A feigned frown formed on her face as she drew a line down her cheek to represent a tear. "Boo-hoo."

"Where is here?" he asked, holding his clenched fist tightly at his side.

"Does it really matter?"

He was silent for a moment. "No."

"Then you don't need to know."

"Who are-" He stopped himself short, realizing he'd already asked the question. Quickly rephrasing it, he asked, "What are you?"

It seemed like the answer was on the tip of her tongue. "I'm everything you could never be. " She approached him, her pulsating red eyes never trailing far, the scars riddling her face glowing dark orange. "Usually I'm your darkest desires, your wildest inhibitions. I am your unadulterated, undiluted impulse, the unspeakable thought that you tuck cozily away in the back of your mind…" Her voice shook him to the core. She traipsed around him, drawing a line from one shoulder to the other as she did. "But right now? I'm just I'm everything you wish you could do, but don't have the nerve to."

He stood adamant, only his eyes looking off to follow her movements. "I don't understand."

"You don't have to."

"Spare me the cryptic dramatics."

"Oh, blunt and straight to the point. There's hope for you yet." She sat on a conveniently placed chair and asked, "Do you ever hate all the red tape? Do you ever just want to break through it and do what you have to for the greater good? Do you even have the balls to do the right thing, even when you know it won't let you sleep at night?" No response. "Hmph, of course not. You're just a boy scout. Can't do wrong, won't ever do wrong, always plays by the book." She denounced him with a quick wave of the hand and rolled her eyes. "Talk about a buzz kill."

"I do what I believe is right and make choices to the best of my abilities," he answered.

"Really? How about with rachni Queen? You had to let her go?" she pressed.

"It was either that or exterminate an entire race."

"An entire race that once plagued the galaxy, that nearly ended all life in Citadel space."

Shepard breathed in deeply and said,"She was different; she told me she wasn't interested in revenge."

"She was lying."

"How do you know she is?"

"How do you know she isn't?"

The thought crossed his mind so many times, but he wouldn't bring himself to believe it. There had to be some honesty in those words, he knew it. "I did what I thought was necessary. I couldn't judge her based on the previous actions of her species."

"True. But suppose you kill all the Reapers in the future. And one day, you happen to find a Reaper. This one promises if you let it live, it won't try to attack in the future. Are you supposed to trust it? What're you going to do, let it go?" She let him sit in his silence.

"The Reapers are different," he finally surmised.

"Are they? Or are you just deluding yourself, like always? Are you trying to water down the truth because deep down, you're too afraid to make those tough decisions? You weren't there when the rachni killed billions. You're just on the outside looking in. You made a choice, and you chose morality over logistics."

"That's not…"

"It is true. You want to take the easy way out of everything. You want everything to work out so that everyone can celebrate a happily ever after." She snorted, "Hah. What a laugh. There isn't anything that convenient in our galaxy." Her tone darkened as she gestured a nod. "What about David Archer? Why did you let him go?"

"He was in pain. If you saw what his brother had done to him, you would have done the same."

"I highly doubt that."

"I couldn't just let Gavin go through with the Project. It was depraved, inhumane."

"It could have possibly saved millions of lives."

"Possibly isn't definitely. I won't take a chance on that."

"So you would put a million lives at risk to save the life of just one person?"

"I…" He struggled to find a response.

"You think too personally. You get too attached to the mission. You have to see what's better for the greater good, not what'll make you sleep well at night. Number wise, one to one million. What's more crucial, the life of one autistic man? Or the life of one million others?"

"When you're dealing with something like David, you can't jump to statistics," he retorted. "You can't base your opinion solely on numbers. I made a judgment call, I did what I thought was best."

"You were wrong. What will you do when those million lives are lost because of your incompetence to get the job done? Send all their mothers' sorry letters? They don't want your pity. The geth took away their children, and it'll be all your fault." She let him soak the thought into his conscious before continuing, "And speaking of the geth, what about this whole deal of reprogramming them? Think it's right to just change what they are?"

"It's different with the geth," he replied, appearing visibly distressed with all these questions.

"Suddenly it's different with every race now. Rachni, Reapers, geth…"

"It is. You can't just make a decision on a similar problem you've had in the past. The geth and the rachni are different problems."

"Right, because unlike the rachni, the geth are an immediate problem."

"No, because I have a choice with the geth – destroy them, or reprogram them. If I destroy them, I'll have killed them, ended all of their lives. But if I reprogram them, they can still live. They won't even remember what they lost. It'll be as if nothing happened."

"Only they won't be themselves. They have sentience too. It's like indoctrinating humans." She tilted her head at an angle and asked, "Would you do that to another human, change what he is just because you're too afraid of dealing with the problem?"

"I'd be changing him for the greater good."

"No, you're not changing him for the greater good. Just because you've reprogrammed the geth doesn't mean they can't arrive at the 'heretic' conclusion again. The threat isn't dealt with; it's just passed over, delayed. You're putting Humanity and the entire galaxy at risk of it occurring once more. The geth are an immediate problem to the entire galaxy. You have to deal with it."

"Then what am I supposed to do, annihilate an entire species?"

"If that's what's necessary, yes."

"I have no right to make that decision."

"Of course you do. You have all the right in the world. The fact that you're in the seat of power, the fact that you've been given the right to make that decision verifies it. The fact that a single push of a button is the difference between peace and a total galactic war gives you that right. You keep repeating how you're making these decisions based on what you thought was best. But it's time to do what's best. You can't take the easy way out anymore. You have to make the right choice, even if those decisions turn you hollow."

"Shepard-Commander…" echoed a synthetic voice. Legion? He stared at the woman, who seemed to dissipate into pixels before his very eyes.

She curled her lips and muttered, "Hmph. Looks like my time's up. Do what you will."

"Wait," he shouted, taking one step forwards. "Who are you really?"

Her lips cambered to form a half smirk. "I already told you. I'm you. I'm..."

There was a blinding light, then silence.

"Shepard-Commander."

His eyes opened. The sound of gunshots rang in his ears, and he immediately pulled himself together. Shaking off his vertigo, he put his hand against his head and asked, "What happened?"

"The explosion from a rocket struck the wall, causing it to collapse on you," said Legion. Thank God, a breath of fresh air. "We have run a diagnostic scan of your vital organs and bones and have verified that you have suffered no physical trauma."

"Thanks, Legion," he replied.

"Welcome back Commander. Don't want to rush you with the whole 'saving or getting rid of the heretics' problem Shepard, but we're sort of in a tight spot," said Garrus, ducking behind cover just in time to avoid a shot to the face.

Shepard blinked, then looked off to his right. A light blue command console shined dimly beneath the dark cobalt of the room. His thoughts immediately went to what that woman said to him in his dream. Was it right to let the geth that attacked Humanity live? What if they reached the same heretic conclusion again? What if another war sparked because of them? How many lives would be lost, of not just geth, but of humans, turians, asari, salarians…? How much destruction would it cause?

But at the same time, was it right to completely kill the geth for a rewrite in their programming? It wasn't their fault, they were victims of circumstance. It was entirely possible that they would never again reach a heretic conclusion. It was very possible that nothing would happen, and that lives would not have to be needlessly taken. It wasn't simply a clutch of geth. It was millions. And this holdout wasn't the only one. There were dozens of smaller ones across the galaxy. If action wasn't taken against them either, the heretic geth could still infect the regular geth with their virus…

And all the while, he couldn't help but think of what that woman said to him in his dream.

"You think too personally. You get too attached to the mission. You have to see what's better for the greater good, not what'll make you sleep well at night."

"For the greater good…" he whispered.

"Have you reached a consensus Shepard-Commander?" Legion asked, breaking Shepard out of his trance.

He stared silently at the console, and then at his hand. Slowly, he balled it into a fist and nodded. "Yeah. I know what to do. I know what I have to do."