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Today was a bad day between Wallace's surgery and eventual death and to top it off today is my birthday. I went to Calliope's apartment hoping to relax in bed with her arms warped around me, but after Little Grey told her about my birthday, Calliope felt the need to throw me a surprise birthday party. I ran out of her apartment crying, but as I'm walking away from her I realize that I'm not sure who I'm crying for Wallace or someone else who will not have another birthday.

I went to the hospital hoping to give the Anderson's some semblance of peace, even if it was for a minute. Giving them the chance to see Wallace just one more time seemed like the least I could do for them. I would give anything to see him one more time, but I wasn't possible what came back in the coffin didn't resemble the man who died. The Anderson's cried and grieved for their son, right there in the morgue. I wish I had been given that chance.

After the Anderson's had left the hospital, I walked back across the road hoping the surprise party had ended. I opened the door and was thankfully met with silence and a beautiful sight of Calliope asleep on the couch. She must have been waiting for me and fallen asleep. I set my keys down and closed the door. She woke up and started talking about hats, donuts, and the lingerie she was wearing.

"I love you." I couldn't help it coming out of my mouth. After I said it she stopped talking and looked at me.

"You do?" the vulnerability in her voice almost breaks my heart.

"I do."

"I love you too." she finally says it back and for the first time today. I feel like the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders. For a split second everything in the world is okay.

"I told you I didn't like my birthday." I'm not mad at her, but I don't understand why she would throw a party after, I specifically, told her I don't like my birthdays.

"I thought it was my job as your girlfriend to give you a party for your birthday because everyone likes their birthday. I thought you were just saying that." she is heading total rant mode.

I cut her off with, "I don't. Not anymore." I didn't want to have this conversation the same night I told her I loved her for the first time, but if we don't have this conversation tonight, right now, I know I'll keep it from ever coming up again.

"Not anymore?"

I breathe in deeply and exhale. I mental prepare myself for this conversation and pray that Yang and Owen don't show up tonight, because if they come busting through that door, I will lose my nerve to have this conversation.

"I stopped celebrating my birthday four years ago." I start.

"Why'd you stop celebrating?"

We haven't talked much about Timothy; in fact, I've only ever talked about him twice in ten months we have been dating. The first time was on our first date when she asked if I had any siblings and the second was when George O'Malley signed up for the Army. I remember when I finally tracked her down in lounge ready to give her a piece of my mind after the in counter near the scrub room we had.

I walked into the lounge and Calliope was sitting there and I start talking and she looks up, "Maybe I don't understand people, I don't see things. So, maybe I just don't get what's going on with you or why you're so mad. But, I do think it's awesome. I think that George joining the army is awesome."

"Um, shut up."

I shot back with, "Um, No. You asked me who I was. I am a person who thinks that what George is doing is dangerous, and terrifying, and brave. He's going to serve his country. He's going to risk his life to save the men and women who make it possible for you and I to sleep safely in our beds. I'm a person who thinks that, that is brave. And I am a person who stood in an airplane hanger, and watched them unload my brother's body in a coffin. And, all we got was a flag. My brother died over there because there weren't enough doctors Callie. So, for my money, George O'Malley is a patriot. He's a hero, and I am grateful that he exists. So yeah, the word I use is awesome. That's who I am."

Calliope looks up at me and says, "I'm sorry."

I stand up and walk out of the lounge I can't sit here with her right now. She grabs my arm as I pass her. I look at her and open the door and walk out.

That day in the lounge was the most I had said about Timothy since that day in the airplane hangar. We never talked about that day other than to discuss O'Malley dying. For which I am thankful for. I didn't want to have a big talk about Timothy and my feelings. I still don't, but I want to make sure that she never tries this again, because I'm not ready to celebrate a birthday without Timothy.

Calliope is staring at me, waiting for me to keep talking, "My brother and I were born ten minutes apart. Every year we used to go all out for our birthdays. When we were high school we would go off the military base and party with some friends we had made whose parents were civilians. Then when we turned eighteen we went clubbing and made a bet on who could get more numbers from the ladies. At twenty-one, we went to Atlantic City and played blackjack for the weekend. When he enlisted and I was in med school and then a resident, we would go to out to a bar and if neither of us had a girlfriend we would make a bet on who could get the most numbers. I would kick his ass every time, because he never thought to make a rule that said I had to pick one sex to get numbers from."

"This is why you never told me when your birthday was?" I smile at her question. She had been trying to get me to give up my birthday for months but I would always start talking about something else when it came up. If she didn't know then she couldn't do this, but Little Grey had to blow my secret.

"Yea. I figured this couldn't happen if you didn't know when the party should be."

She opens her arms to me and I walk over and settle myself in her arms. This is what I had wanted all day. Especially, after calling Wallace's time of death. I breathe her in and my heart feels lighter in chest than it has all week.

"My heart is smiling." I say out loud.

"Um. Hearts don't smile." Calliope says confused.

"Timothy always ended his emails or letters that way. It was his way of letting us know that he was okay and nothing bad was happening when he wrote. The last letter I got from him was the week after the airplane hangar." I don't know what is making me tell Calliope this; I've never even told Mom and Dad about the letter I got from him.

"What did it say?"

"I don't know. I haven't been able to bring myself to read it." I sit up and grab my purse from the floor. I look through it until I find his letter. I hand it to Calliope.

It's rumpled from the time it has spent in my purse, but the envelope can be clearly read. It's got my old address back east and where he was stationed.

"Are going to open it?"

"Someday, but I can't, not yet. I can't read the last line knowing that he is dead."

We sit in a comfortable silence for awhile. Calliope is tracing random patterns on my shoulder with her index finger. It hits me for the first time since getting here that she is in some new lingerie and all were doing is sitting here.

I stand up and reach out my hands to help her up. We make our way to her bedroom and after I shut the door behind her; I pull her into a passionate kiss that I know will leave her breathless. She starts to move backwards towards the bed, but I move us so that my back is to the bed. She starts moving again towards the bed again and I feel the bed hit the back of my knee and I fall onto the bed pulling Calliope on top of me.

"We don't have to do this tonight we could just lay in bed and talk." she says in between kisses.

"I don't want to be sad. I want you to make me feel better. Make me forget about all the losses. I want you to make love to me, Calliope."

"I love you." is all she says and starts to make me forget about Timothy, Wallace and the tiny coffins.

"I love you too." I say.