I do not own Hetalia, or any of the characters described here. The song If You Were Gay belongs to the creators of Avenue Q.

Now, enjoy!

Arthur was sitting in his reading room, a book in hand and a cup of tea on the table next to him. Ah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book: "Globe Theater Plays of the 1800s". No pesky roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

The front door burst open and in stomped everybody's favorite American. "Oh hi Arthur!"

Damn it, Arthur thought, the bloody wanker. "Hi Alfred."

"So Iggy, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me, and talking to me…"

"Wow, that's very interesting."

"Mhmm, he was being reeeeal friendly. And I think he was coming on to me. I think he might have thought that I was gay!"

"Ahem, why are you telling me this? Hm? Why should I care? I don't care. So what'd you have for lunch today?"

"Well, you don't have to get all defensive-"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! What do I care about some gay guy you met okay? I am trying, to read."

"Well I didn't mean anything by it Iggy. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"I do not want to talk about it Alfred. This conversation is over."

"Yeah, but Iggy-"

"Over."

"Well, okay. But just so you know,"

If you were gay,

That'd be okay,

I mean 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway.

Iggy moaned.

Because you see,

If it were me,

I would feel free to say, that I was gay,

But I'm not gay.

"Alfred, please. I am trying to read." The American just stared. "What?"

If you were queer,

"Ugh, Alfred."

I'd still be here.

"Alfred I am trying to read this book."

Year after year.

"Alfred."

Because you're dear to me.

"Ah!"

And I know that you,

"What?"

Would accept me to!

"I would?"

If I told you today, hey guess what! I'm gay!

But I'm not gay.

I'm happy, just being with you.

"High button shoes, pay Mattie!"

So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with guys?

"Alfred that is gross!"

"No it's not!"

If you were gay,

"Argh."

I'd shout, hooray!

"I am not listening."

And here I'd stay,

" LA LA LA LA LA!"

But I wouldn't get in your way.

"AAAAH!"

You can count on me,

To always be, beside you every day,

To tell you its okay, you were just born that way,

And as they say, it's in your DNA, your gay!

"I AM NOT GAY!"

If you were gay.

"AGH!"

That's gonna be stuck in your head for who knows how long. I know it's stuck in mine.

Any other ideas for songfics?

~Renee