a/n: I have no words (no apologies because nothing can excuse me) Just love.

September

Kendall doesn't cry, because boys named Kendall Knight do not cry. Not even a little bit. He instead texts James, because he can't be an asshole again. He can't do it. Last time he swore for James. Sure, it may not be a big deal to any other teenager his age, but for Kendall, swearing was a big deal.

And yet, he had managed to do it for James.

"Fucking jackass." Lovely words.

Still, Kendall never wants to be that "fucking jackass," again, so, rather than continue acting like one, he texts James late that night, despite the fact it's around 2 AM. He's tired and scared and angry, irritated and agitated and his left hand is clasping onto his Rosary beads like his life depends on it. He doesn't want to think about the therapy sessions that he had managed to push out of his mind, but he can't stop thinking about them.

His hand is shaking as he types out a "hey im really sorry I couldn't come back tonight…" because he's thinking about the consequences of doing this: as much as he is aching to tell James everything, he's terrified of loosing his family. James is just some guy who may not even want to be his boyfriend at the end of all of this (not that Kendall blames him, but). If Kendall keeps fighting for James, with his family, Kendall could lose his family. Was it even worth the risk?

He keeps typing the text message, regardless, writing " but my mom really missed me and got teary-eyed when I said I wanted to catch up with other friends…even though I said it was important. She just wanted to hang out. Im so sorry." And just like that, as his message is finished, he adds "but I'll make up to you. Promise. Hang out soon?"

And it's at that point that he remembers, he's Kendall Knight. He's smart, he's a leader, and he knows how to get shit done.

So maybe Jen won't let Kendall see James if Kendall is gay for him, but maybe if Kendall "proves," to her that these therapy sessions (Kendall shudders at the thought of having to go) are working, then she'll probably let him hang out again. Of course he could always lie and say he's going to see Logan, but his mom would probably be too suspicious.

And offer to drive him to Logan's house.

Though Logan could, potentially, have James come to his house. But Jen may come in to talk to Logan's parents…

Wondering whether he's being over paranoid or acutely accurate, Kendall decides that the safer option seems to be his best bet. He may not have treated her best friend all that well, but Jo Taylor was gorgeous and beautiful and sweet and everything Kendall looked for—except, you know. She had a vagina.

Still, she was Kendall's chance to see James; she provided an opportunity for Kendall, and he was going to take this course of action while he still could. There's only one week left of Summer and then it's school (and Kendall's going back to his old school, thank god) so Kendall's probably going to have to work fast.

But he has confidence in himself. He can do this.

He will.

He won't compromise his friendship with James any longer in order to please anyone else. He just wants to be happy, and goddamit, if James makes him happy, he's going to do everything within his power to keep James there. Especially if they had the potential to be something more. (You know, including James liking him back.)

Though when Kendall realises that James has to like him back the thought kind of scares him. Sure, he's fine, now, with the realisation that he wants to kiss James and maybe after they're married (what a joke, though) have sex with him…but. But James has to like him too. And that means that James will have to see a side of Kendall that Kendall doesn't share with anyone.

That means that Kendall will have to be open and intimate and share his insecurities and flaws. That means that James will have to have a deep understanding of Kendall.

Kendall isn't good at letting people in. He's good at being their friend. That's what he's good at. Being the "friend." He's the go-to guy, he's the guy who sorts out everyone else's life, mostly so he doesn't have to sort out his own. But now that he is, it means that his lack of focus on himself (which has becoming increasingly more and more these days) will have to continue to grow.

And he's not so sure he's ready for that yet.

Sure, Kendall's ready to like James, but, he's not all that sure if he's ready for James to like him back.

Because then things will be real and scary, then things between his family and James will really become apparent, and the ties will be severed between one group and Kendall knows that family is forever but he also believes that this is his oneshot at being happy.

And Kendall realises that his happiness is highly dependant on James' feelings (whether James likes him or not) and that terrifies him.

So Jo becomes real, not just a scapegoat, because Kendall's still a coward.

"I can't imagine why Jen hasn't been at Church lately!" Brooke says to James, as they arrive home on a random Sunday morning. Brooke's in the process of getting changed and James is shielding his eyes, horrified.

"Mom," he says. "We talked about this. You have your room and a bathroom. Please change in there."

"Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Gay. What are you afraid of?" She asks, pulling on a t-shirt (not that James can tell—he can hear the fabric.)

"Being scarred for life," James responds, still with his eyes shielded.

Brooke pats James' leg and says, "There, I'm done." She walks into the kitchen, continuing her story, saying, "I'm serious, though. Does Jen hate me now? Are you and Kendall alright?"

For once, Kendall and James, are, in fact, alright. Though James may have overreacted that night that Kendall apologised, but. He hasn't done anything to make himself have to say another apology so James finds that, that's good enough.

"We're good," James says, and it's completely honest. "Maybe you and Jen had a fight, hey mom?"

Brooke scowls at him, returning to the room with a bowl of fruit. "I didn't do anything for her to not show up at Church. Haven't you thought its weird that you haven't seen Kendall there?"

Actually, James did the first time but Kendall texted him to say that he was busy with youth group stuff in a room off to the side in the Church. He said he was busy with it for a few weeks so to not expect him, so no. It wasn't all that odd.

"Oh he texted me about it," James says, realising that Brooke can't read his mind and also knowing that Brooke wouldn't have known Kendall wasn't going to come unless Kendall told her himself. "A while back. He was busy with youth group stuff."

"Oh." Brooke says, chewing on a cherry. "Still, Jen, though." She goes silent and ponders for a while as James directs his attention towards the television. When the phone rings (the phone that Brooke left in the kitchen, thankyou very much) James groans and looks pleadingly at his mother.

"Hey you've got the younger legs," Brooke says, unmerciful.

"I'm your only son," James whines, and Brooke sighs and concedes, shoving the bowl of fruit into James' hands.

"Take with you, my offering. My body and mind and soul," Brooke says, in mock-priest voice, and James raises his eyebrows.

"Wow," He says. "Nice. Not sacrelig at all."

Brooke scrunches her face. "Sac-relig?" She questions. "stop being so lazy and say the whole damn word." She walks into the kitchen, racing when she realises the phone has been ringing for that long, grumbling that it had better have been important.

"Hello, Brooke speaking," She answers, although there's really no need. There's only one female who lives in the house, and that's her. Still.

"Brooke?" It's Jen. She doesn't sound very happy; as far as Brooke can tell, she sounds fairly moody, but Brooke's surprised; it was like a sign from God for Jen to call today, so she disregards the tone of voice and says, pleasantly.

"Jen! How nice to hear from you, how are you?"

There's a pause on the line and Brooke is forcibly reminded of Carlos. She waits, chewing her lip a little, wishing that Jen would hurry the hell up and reply. Brooke was an impatient woman, Jen should know that by now.

"Actually," Jen says, and she pauses again. "Actually, I'm a little upset." Brooke's entire aura alters.

"Oh no," She says instantly, wanting to comfort Jen. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm worried about Kendall," Jen says, and Brooke says "Oh?" somewhat surprised. Kendall is a good kid. He generally doesn't do anything wrong, except freak out about minor things that are irrelevant.

"What's he done?" Brooke asks, wondering if Jen's the type of mother to overreact when her son forgets to do his homework one day. If only she had to take care of James, she thinks, wrlyly.

"Actually," Jen says. "Actually, it's not what Kendall's done. It's more about what James has done."

And, okay. Brooke would be offended, but it's James. So. She knows she should probably belt out an "excuse me, hold up here," but, knowing her son, he probably deserves whatever lecture Brooke is about to endure. Keyword being he deserves. As in, Brooke should go give the phone to James now.

Instead, Brooke questions, "What has James done? Did he break anything? We'll re-inverse you for it. I'm sorry, he just gets fairly moody sometimes."

"No,no, no, no." Jen interrupts. "No, it's nothing like that…I just. Have you ever heard of a specialised Camp for those who believe they may be in need?"

Brooke is totally lost.

"What?" she manages. "I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with James?"

"You know, for the corrupt souls." Jen continues, and it's delicate, like Brooke is a fragile china doll; Jen obviously is handling this situation in the wrong light because Brooke is the motherfucking queen bitch, and when she connects specialised camp with corrupt souls she knows it can only refer to one thing.

Hell no.

"Excuse me?" Brooke finally manages to get out after a few moments of static silence. "Are you insinuating that my son should be sent to a straight camp because he happens to like boys?"

"Look, Brooke. I know this must be difficult for you to hear—"

"—No!" Brooke interrupts, angrily. "No, it's not difficult for me to hear that my son is gay, because I've happened to know this, his entire life. And you know what? I have no issue with it, whatsoever. My son likes boys. I like boys. We have more in common than anyone else I know. But how dare you infer that my son needs help because of it!"

"Please, Brooke, it's not healthy. His soul is in danger—"

"His soul?" Brooke shrieks, though not loud enough for James to hear; she hopes. "His soul is not in danger. God made him the way he is, I'll have you know, and God loves all of them. What God doesn't love are homophobic women who lie to their daughters about the death of a parent. That's a sin! But how dare you call and try to tell me that my son needs help."

"And how dare you tell me that I've made the wrong decisions," Jen fires back. "Look, I don't care how you or James live your life. If you want to suffer an eternity in the pits of hell—I can't say I approve but there's nothing I can say or do to stop you. But what I won't have is your son corrupting mine." Jen pauses again, and Brooke hears a broken sob. "No matter how much you seem to not care for your boy, well, I love mine. I love my son so much that it hurts. And I will not have him going to hell because your boy corrupted him."

Brooke's eyes widen as she slowly puts all the pieces together. "So you called me," Brooke hisses, "to verbally attack my son, because your son happens to like boys?" Brooke pauses before she speaks, wondering which way she should attack this issue. She could call Jen a bitch and an inadequate parent, but Kendall lives with her, and she absolutely adores him.

It's within the silence that Jen utters the words that make Brooke's heart stop and ache for both Kendall and James, "My son only likes one boy, and it's your son." Jen says, and she's sobbing heavily. Her distress is evident in her tone of voice and while normally Brooke would be comforting, she's too shocked by this revelation.

Kendall likes James. "Look, Jen," Brooke asks, and she'll admit, a little selfishly so, "Are you sure you aren't mistaking this for very good friendship?" she needs to know if Kendall really likes James like that, because then…then everything would make so much sense and it'd all fall into place and James would stop being so hurt all the time, and maybe her baby would smile.

"He sat down at the table with me," Jen sobs, "And told me he liked James, as more than a friend. Romantically likes him. Does that sound like friendship to you?" And while Brooke's heart flutters at the news she remembers camp.

"Look, Jen," Brooke says, changing tactics, biting her lip, hoping that James is still oblivious to this entire conversation. "I know it may be difficult for you to adjust to the fact that Kendall isn't interested in what's conventional—"

"It's not an issue of what's conventional!" Jen shrieks, and Brooke winces, holding the phone slightly away from her ear. "It's the fact that he's going to go to hell because your son is an abomination and somehow corrupted my one."

Brooke's blood boils. "My son is not nor will he ever be an abomination. He isn't wicked, he isn't a sinner. He is a beautiful human being and I honestly have no idea how you call yourself a Christian if you treat him as an inferior human being because of his sexual orientation. My son is perfect in everyway and I would never ever wish for him to be, even the slightest bit different. And guess what? Kendall is exactly the same. He's beautiful and I would be honoured to have him for a son. But since you seem to find it difficult, I'll gladly do the job for you. Just because Kendall likes boys now it doesn't change anything. He's still your son, and he's still exactly the same in every way. You isolating him isn't going to make him feel any better; he'll already find it difficult enough adjusting to his own realisation, and you forcing ideas down his throat about some stupid satanic straight camp isn't going to make him feel any better.

So Jen, do me a favour. Down a bottle of holy water and please enlighten to me as to whether it stings or not. And in the meantime, don't you dare do anything stupid that could isolate you from your son. He doesn't need your shit on top of his own. He's going to heaven, he's a sweet boy."

Feeling satisfied, Brooke goes to hang up before she remembers one last thing. "And oh," she adds quickly, "I'm being the wedding planner."

"Wow, you look spiffy," Brooke says, as James enters the kitchen. He's wearing a blue and white flannelet (and no he didn't buy it just because Kendall wore flannelet's. God. Stop being so accusing.) and black skinny jeans, which hug his ass in all the right ways.

"I'm hanging out with Kendall today," James announces, as he grabs a banana from the fruit bowl and begins to eat it.

"Suggestive," Brooke states, raising an eyebrow and smiling lightly. James nearly chokes on it, because ew gross ew gross.

"Mom!" he manages to get out after he doesn't choke. "I told you, no sex talk with you. I don't want to be thinking about that in the middle of a sexual act with—with my future non-existent boyfriend."

"Oh honey," Brooke says, putting an arm around James. "Someday you'll realise that all parents are required to make children feel uncomfortable about sex subjects in order to stop their children from having sex."

"Well, don't worry, I won't be getting anyone pregnant." James says, rolling his eyes as he discards his banana in favour of a bowl of cereal. As he's pulling a bowl from the top shelf and getting cereal out the pantry, Brooke says, "oooh, so you've decided to top?" She pauses before saying, "Or is that how you're telling me you want to bottom?"

"Mom!" James yells. "no! No! We are not having this discussion. I forbid you to talk to me! Out!" He points to kitchen door. "Out of the kitchen, now."

"Fine," Brooke sighs dramatically. "Fine, but. I'm telling Kendall you want to top—he may have an issue with it."

James blushes scarlet and leaves his bowl and cereal on the island before physically pushing his mother out of the room.

"I'm going, I'm going," she complains, shrugging James' hands off the small of her back. She turns around once she gets to the kitchen doorway, saying "My, James. What strong hands you have. I'm sure Kendall will appreciate It when you're—"

James throws his hands over his ears saying "LA LA LA LA LA," at the top of his lungs, before Brooke leans forwards and kisses his cheek before leaving. James shudders.

God, why did parents have to scar them for life when it came to all the fun things to do in life?

James eats his cereal in silence (thank god) his heart racing when he realises he'll get to hang out with Kendall. It's been pretty hectic since school started three weeks ago, what with being Seniors and all this year. But still, James would cut out even singing practice to hang out with his friend-crush.

He's sort of accepted that he and Kendall will probably just only be friends, though he finds himself thinking back to that night last month when Kendall was on his doorstep, apologising. He can't help but think that it means something.

When James gets to the park, he has to do a double take. Sure, he was expecting Kendall, but he wasn't exactly expecting there to be a third party involved.

Not a girl.

Not Jo Taylor.

It wasn't that James was a misogynist or anything, but still. He'd much rather be greeted with the site of Kendall shirtless and wet rather than Kendall with Jo.

James walks with his handsome head held high, because, at least he's better looking than Jo, who's holding onto his man's hand.

He doesn't want to believe that she could be a girlfriend for Kendall, but Jo leans up and catches Kendall in a quick kiss and James' heart plummets to the ground, shattering.

It's not really a big deal this time though, because Kendall and he have fought so many times that it sort of goes on auto pilot when it happens.

When James reaches the swingset, Kendall looks up at him, smiling. His stupid moss coloured eyes are brought out by the ugly green flannelet shirt he's wearing. It's not even a good shirt; it's well cut and fitted but Kendall looks stupid in it.

"Hey James!" Kendall says, brightly, apparently only noticing James' existence now. Jo looks up from the swing and smiles up at him. Stupid her.

"Hey," James says lifelessly, trying to completely ignore her. He hasn't really hung out with Jo all too often before. He can pretend he doesn't know her, right? Maybe if he ignores her she'll go away.

She looks confused for a few moments, before holding out her hand and saying, "I'm Jo!" She grins again. "Camille's friend?"

James doesn't bother to hide his scoff. Yes, he knew who she was, that does not mean he had to like her boyish name. If Kendall wanted someone with a boys name, he most definitely should've gone after James.

"Hi," James replies in monotone, ignoring her hand. Jo looks slightly confused and crestfallen (they know each other, of course she's going too, but who cares) and Kendall shoots him an odd look but James sits on the other swing, pushing off of the ground hard. He swings in complete silence for five whole minutes, Kendall merely staring at him, unsure of what to do. James doesn't bother saying anything; he can't help it if he's a moody three year old.

"So James," Jo says casually, after an awkward bout of silence, "Do you know my friend Camille?" This is obviously a tactic so that James can admit to ignoring Jo's existance so that Kendall will scold him for being so rude and then make out with Jo to make her feel better, and nope, James is having no part in it. (Though normally James would strike up an enthusiastic conversation about Camille and how she was gorgeous and perfect and great and he'd totally bang her if she wasn't a chick).

Instead he nods curtly, his shoes scuffing the ground as he tries to stop himself from swinging. He knows that he's making it impossibly awkward, but dammit, didn't he ever get a chance to just hang out with Kendall by himself? Was Kendall really that repulsed by him that he always needed someone else to be there? Was his friendship a mere act of charity?

It's awkward for ten minutes more, before Jo finally gets the hint and says she has to get home.

"We'll walk you," Kendall offers quickly, but Jo smiles and catches his hand, shaking her head.

"It's okay, you don't have to," She says. "I know you need guy time."

Not only does she smile at James as she says this, she actually has the nerve to walk up to him and hug him, out of all things, like they're actual friends. (At this point on, they are not, not anymore) That whore. That dirty blonde whore. She walks away and waves, before plugging her ipod in and starting a brisk walk home. Stupid girl, putting James in a bad mood before he even got to hang out with Kendall. And now James is all grumpy because Kendall's a poopface.

He decides to voice as much.

Kendall seems startled at the break of silence before saying "I'm a –I'm a what? Poopface?"

"Yes." James says, crossing his arms. "You are. Poop, poop, poop, poop."

"People Order Our Patties," Kendall replies, smiling lightly and James dies because Spongebob and how fucking great is Kendall? He instantly forgets to be angry with him and laughs like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard.

"I love Spongebob!" James says excitedly. "We should have a day—or a week—where we watch it!"

"ME too!" Kendall replies enthusiastically. "And we should!"

The two talk about "Spongebob" for half an hour more, comparing favourite episodes and characters and confessing some embarrassing Spongebob related stories.

"You did not actually sit there and write the wiki for Fred," James says, laughing as he shoves Kendall. "You actually wasted time doing that!"

"Hey!" Kendall says indignantly. "No, I did my research—the people needed to know that Fred was a character of substance. He has an ex-wife, he has two sons and a daughter—he has a life and a story of his own, you know? He should get workers compensation for his leg—but he doesn't. He works two jobs to pay for alimony, it's a hard life. The public need to know!"

"And by research you mean watch Spongebob all day?"

"What else is a guy meant to do when he's sick home from school?"

James tuts. "Do you ever take a break from being Kendall Knight?"

"Depends. Do you ever take a break from being James Diamond?"

James flashes him a dazzling smile. "Why would I want to? It's a great life being me." He says it jokingly, but he can't help but notice that Kendall's staring at him a little wistfully, before softly saying "Yeah. It seems like it."

It sounds like Kendall's admitting something, and James isn't really sure what to do with that. He's never really gotten passed Kendall's barrier-well, after the James slipped the whole "whoops, I'm gay!" thing in (he was surprised to find Kendall had one, actually, but he's learned now that he does) and he's not sure if it's even worth trying. If Kendall wants help or wants to talk, he can make the first move.

James ignores the pang in his chest which seems to indicate that he's being a bad best friend, but he'd love to hang out with Kendall for once when there was no drama, when it was just them, hanging out and laughing (and eventually making out), like he and Logan do; like he and Carlos do (sadly without the making out). He isn't sure why, but there seems something really difficult about his and Kendall's friendship, and he's not sure if it's because of the religion thing or the gay thing, but whatever it is, it still affects them, and James hates it.

After the moments pass them in silence, James decides to voice what he's been wondering aloud, praying that Kendall won't remember that James had already known Jo previously and totally pretended to not today.

"Is Jo—"

"—My girlfriend?" Kendall supplies. "Nah. She's just a friend—" (Score one for James, in which Kendall doesn't remember James and Jo knew each other).

"—She kissed you," James says, and he realises that he's pretty much telling Kendall that he likes him, but he's beyond caring.

"Yeah. Well, we're friends."

"On the mouth?" James questions.

"She missed my cheek," Kendall insists.

"Uh huh. Cause it's a difficult thing to miss, right?"

Kendall narrows his eyes. "So what if she kissed me?" he asks, and he sounds a little annoyed now.

James is a great actor, though.

"So you do like her then?" He says, grinning expertly.

Kendall rolls his eyes and pushes James, and the two fall back into a comfortable silence, but James' heart is racing, and he can't wait to get home.

The walk home definitely allowed time for the sadness and angst in James to bubble beneath the surface; he listens to a playlist on his iPod that he made on an angst-ridden night when he was a bit younger, and festers in self-loathing and misery up until he opens the front door.

He dials Carlos' number on autopilot, unenthusiastically saying "Carlos," into the phone.

"It's Mrs. Garcia, dear," Carlos' mother answers.

"Carlos," James repeats, too defeated to even form sentences.

"Oh, dear. Are you okay James?" she asks, and James really hopes that the third time will get through to her.

"Carlos!" He says, a bit more forcefully than intended, but it works, because soon the phone is scuttling between people and Carlos is suddenly at his ear.

"Hello?"

"Carlos," James says, making sure he says it in an exceptionally whiny tone.

"What's wrong?"

"Carlos," James says again, this time emphasizing the "los"

Carlos sighs. "Anything else?"

"Carlos," James heaves, like he's singing staccato.

"I'll be over in ten minutes."

James really loved Carlos sometimes.

"I'm doing damage control," Carlos says, and James remembers why he's so awesome. They're sitting in James' room, James face down on his bed. He'd relayed the Kendall-and-Jo story to Carlos, and Carlos had called Camille, asking for details on Jo.

In reality, there was no "damage," to "control," but it sounded a hell of a lot better than "I'm stalking Kendall's girlfriend so we can bitch about her." Yep. Damage control it was.

"Hey!" Carlos says suddenly, with such enthusiasm that James throws a pillow at his head. Carlos ducks, undeterred and says "If Jo is Kendall's girlfriend, Logan."

James stares at Carlos. "Yes!" He says. "How did I not think of that one?"

"Invite him here?" Carlos asks, before James rolls his eyes and says "Obviously!"

The wait for Logan seems to take hours. Carlos had called him, saying only "Logan James' now!" and snapped his mobile shut, like he meant business. To which Logan rang back and said, "Seriously dude, what the hell?" In the end, it was established that Logan would be at James' around eight because he was with Camille at present and couldn't exactly leave (James rolled his eyes because Logan so could). Carlos and James passed the time by playing video games and occasionally James remembered Kendall and would fall face first into the couch, but for the most part he and Carlos forgot and were being awesome.

Only when Logan arrived at eight did James really remember, and all those angsty feelings hurled forward inside of him, as Carlos ushered Logan inside, up to James' room.

"So what's the deal?" Logan asks, because he knows it's a business call.

"The deal is that your best friend has a girlfriend!" Carlos says, pointing an accusing finger at Logan, like it's his fault somehow.

Logan seems genuinely surprised and skeptical, leaning back , brows furrowing.

He leans forward before saying, "I'm sorry, come again?"

"Jo Taylor," Carlos spits them out like they're violent swears. Or a vegetable he wouldn't ever eat.

Logan tilts his head before shaking it. "Nope, I'm pretty sure Kendall's not going out with anyone at the moment."

"I saw them!" James pipes up. "Today. We hung out. They kissed, in front of me."

Logan stares at both of them disbelievingly. "Look," he says. "Jo Taylor is the last girl Kendall would ever go out with; they're friends, kinda yeah, but Kendall would never willingly kiss her. You probably walked in while she made a move and left before you saw Kendall push her away."

James sighs and recounts the experience, although the recount seems to be much more dramatic than his own actual experience. Oh well. Artistic license. Logan still looks skeptical.

"I'll call him right now," Logan says, getting his phone out and unlocking it. "I'll put him on speaker," Logan adds, going through his contact list, "And not tell him you guys are there, so he'll be honest with me." He holds the phone to his ear before adding "no offense."

When it starts ringing, Logan puts the phone on speaker. They wait and wait, but it continues to ring. Logan's about to hang up with Kendall answers with a "Hey, Loges, how goes it?"

His voice is very quiet and tired. James feels kind of bad; they probably woke him up. Logan's obviously thinking the same thing.

"hey dude, sorry, did I wake you?"

It takes Kendall a while to answer before he responds. "No, no, I'm –I'm probably not gonna fall asleep anytime soon." There's rustling in the background and Kendall sounds so sad that James wants to hug him forever and love him and propose.

Logan bites his lip, obviously noticing that Kendall's not in the best mood. He stares at Carlos and James, and they stare back at him, before Logan says,

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Kendall says instantly, like it's a reflexive response. James thinks it might be.

"You sure?" Logan asks at the exact same time Kendall says "And I'm sure."

It's obviously a lie and James is dying for Logan to press Kendall so he can see whatever Kendall guards, but before Logan can decide what to do Kendall says,

"Aren't you at Camille's?"

"Nah I left. Her parent's didn't appreciate me still being there so late."

"Ah," Kendall says and James can hear the smile in his voice. "Welcome to my world,"

"Oh haha," Logan responds sarcastically. "Anyway, I just called to ask—Jo Taylor?"

There's a moment of silence before Kendall squeaks "What about her?"

"Uh…dude…what the fuck? Since when did you go around kissing Jo Taylor?"

"James told you?"

"And you didn't?" Logan sounds genuinely upset now. "Best friend?" he adds.

Kendall sighs. "Look, you know what I said. I would never go out with her, ok? Seriously. Never. You know how I feel about her."

"SO why'd you kiss her?"

"Are you trying to get me to admit I like her? Cause you can try all you want, but it ain't gonna happen."

"In denial?"

"More like, I don't nor have I ever liked her."

"And yet you kissed her—"

"—she's the last person on this entire planet that I would go out with, Logan. I would rather actually succumb to having sex with a monkey if it meant saving the human race. Dude, she's like my sister. Just, no."

Logan's speechless. So is James. So did Kendall just flaunt his fake girlfriend in front of James to be a prick? Cause it seems like it.

"—first of all, how does that even make sense? Screw a monkey for the human race? What. The. Fuck, Kendall? What. The. Fuck? And I know she's like your sister, which is why I'm curious as to why you kissed her,"

"She was aiming for my cheek and I turned my head at the same time. Believe me, ultimate awkward moment right there, but we got passed it. Now can you?"

Logan obviously believes Kendall so James supposes he has too as well. That doesn't make him feel any better, though.

"So what, are you just using her?" Logan prods, because he seems as confused as James is.

"Can't two friends hang out?" Kendall asks, and he sounds exasperated.

"A little birdie—"

"—James," Kendall corrects Logan,

"—A little birdie," Logan says, with more emphasis, "—told me that you guys were acting all couply."

Kendall sighs.

"Fine! Maybe I do like her, is that what you want to hear?"

"Well, do you?"

Kendall clucks. "I just said I did, didn't I?"

James slumps his shoulders and falls back onto his bed, face first. He pulls a pillow over his head and blocks out the conversation because he doesn't want to hear the rest of it. Logan and Kendall are arguing now, something about truth and dishonesty and best friendship, but Carlos sits next to James, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. He leans right down to James' ear, making sure that Kendall can't hear he's there before whispering "I'm so sorry, dude."

James shrugs his shoulders. He knows that Kendall isn't his, that they're friends and that Kendall doesn't have to be single if he's found someone he wants to be him, but that doesn't make it any better. It still hurts.

James doesn't rejoin the conversation until he hears Logan angrily say "—for a casual fuck?"

To which Kendall responds, "You know I don't do that, ok? I have far more respect for girls than you do, stupid."

"Oh is that so?" Logan asks. "Cause you know, Camille told me everything you guys did—" It's obviously the wrong thing to say, and even James knows this. Kendall hangs up straight away, and Logan shakes his head.

It's tense for a while and then Logan stands, stretching.

"I'm sorry, dude," Logan says. "I know you really wanted this to work out—"

James shrugs. "I can't make Kendall like guys—or like me, for that matter."

Logan looks at him for a long while before saying "I guess."

The three of them sit awkwardly, not sure of what to say; Logan, still pissed off from his argument with Kendall, Carlos feeling awkward from witnessing the fight, and James, upset about Kendall and Jo. It's a relief for James, though, when Carlos and Logan leave, cause that gives him the perfect opportunity to snuggle up next to his Mom, telling her all about Kendall Knight and Jo stupid face Taylor.

so that Fred (the spongebob fish guy who yells "MY LEG") thing was based off a post on tumblr...in real life I have no idea who made the wiki page for him, but god bless that person's soul.

i just wanted to forewarn you guys now that the next chapter will be a little short most likely, but I'm going to try and upload two at once (hahahah- that was my terrified laugh). There's no excuse for why this was so late, other then severe writers block. I'm so so very sorry but I'm almost on break again, (just a few more weeks!) so I'll hopefully be able to post a lot faster.