Finally adding a third part to this story. I really like the idea of it and maybe one day I'll go back and turn this isn't a full story instead of one-shots thrown together.
Warnings: Sexual content. Alcohol Abuse. If you think there's something else you think needs warning tell me and I'll add it!
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Blue eyes locked on the liquor cabinet in the victims house. He had been doing so well in the last few months with the help of Shawn Spencer. At least he had been doing really well until last weekend. He still wasn't sure what had lead to it, but he now had more than a few bottles hidden in the trunk of his car under a spare blanket.
It was the one place that he knew the younger man wouldn't look. And Shawn was looking. Especially after the first month of his withdrawal. Lassiter had tried just about everything that he could think of to get something to drink. He was not proud of some things he said and did during that time.
In a way he knew that he was lucky. The pseudo-psychic had taken care of him better than he ever thought possible. He helped with his meal planning to make sure he ate and even went as far as exercising in the middle of the night when the urge got to be too much. He'd even stay up whenever the detective spent the night shaking or dry heaving.
It was a little sad how dependent he was on the younger man. At that thought his heart jumped into his throat. He knew that it was coming time for the man to go back to his own life and leave him alone. It was a surprise that he hadn't done son before. There wasn't really a reason for him to stay now that he was sober.
Taking a shaky breath he let his eyes scan the scene until they locked onto Shawn. The younger man had a smile on his lips as he talked to his best friend. He looked so… Normal. Carlton knew that was probably the last word that should be used to describe the pseudo-psychic, but it was the best he had.
Shaking his head to knock the thoughts away the detective went back to the crime scene. He had something that he could focus on instead of getting lost in his breaking heart. A part of him hoped that the few hours of work would knock the depression that was starting to take him over.
He should have known better than to get his hopes up. By the time he was able to go home he felt even worse than before. His head pounded angrily while the crime scene danced behind his eyelids every time he blinked. Every time there was a moment of silence Shawn's laughter filled his ears making fun of how disorientated he was becoming.
In the back of his mind Carlton knew that he was acting paranoid, but he didn't stop long enough to listen to that voice. All that he could think about was getting away from everyone and to a place where he could finally drink. He was so close to finally being able to fall back into the bottle that he loved.
It felt strange to sneak out of the precinct while Spencer was talking to Gus and Juliet, but it was the only way. Even with the knowledge that the younger man knew he was leaving he would have a head start. It was enough time to get at least a few drinks in him before he was stopped. If he was stopped.
Smacking his hand into the steering wheel he began to drive to his house. His heart was hammering in his chest as he pulled up. For a moment Carlton felt his head come back to him. Was he really going to throw away all the work that Shawn had done? Was he going to go through the pain of withdrawal again for a little pleasure?
A torturous voice in his head pointed out that he didn't have to give it up. He had tried to be sober for four months and it wasn't him. He was still a good cop when he was drinking. A functional alcoholic. That was what he was and there was nothing that was going to change that. Not even a snarky fake psychic.
The detective was barely thinking as he grabbed the liquor from the trunk and went inside. Stripping out of his suit and gun he went into the living room and sat down. He could see the sun setting out of the window as he opened the first bottle. Taking a deep breath he put the bottle to his lips and took a swig.
A soft moan left his lips as the whiskey slid down his throat. He had been dreaming of being able to taste the alcohol again. How he ever thought he'd be able to walk away for good was beyond him. The burn in his throat was so familiar. Something that had been in his life for so long that it felt like home more often that not.
It didn't take long for the bottle to be almost completely empty. A peaceful smile was on Carlton's lips as the warmth surrounded him. He felt so safe getting lost in the haze that came with drinking. It was absolutely perfect and he loved every second of getting drunk. Especially when he didn't have to get sober.
"Hey, Lassie?" Shawn called walking into the room, "Jules was… What are you doing?"
Looking towards the doorway the detective saw the younger man standing there frozen. The hazel eyes scanned the room before landing on the liquor. Almost instantly Shawn deflated. Carlton watched him come forward and kneel next to the chair he was sitting in his eyes locking with the older man.
"What are you doing, Carlton?"
"I think you're smart enough to figure it out," Lassiter responded his head turning back to the window as he lifted the bottle once more.
"Don't," Shawn spoke his voice taking on a pleading tone his hand reaching out towards the bottle stopping short when the detective downed the last of the alcohol, "Carlton."
"Oh, don't take that tone with me, Spencer. I tried the whole sober thing, but it wasn't worth it. So I'm done."
"You were doing so well though. You were good for four months. Why would you go back to this?"
"Did you ever think that I like it?"
"I thought you liked me more."
The pseudo-psychic looked so broken at that the older man couldn't help but look back at him. Hazel eyes were glazed with tears causing his heart to clench angrily. He didn't think that the younger man would be so hurt with his drinking. In truth, he had expected a lot of yelling and throwing things before Spencer stormed out and left him to drink alone.
Placing the now empty bottle on the coffee table he turned fully towards the younger man. He was so confused seeing the man look so upset by something he did. The idea that Shawn cared that much about him had been laughable for so long, but now… now he wasn't exactly sure what to think.
"I don't..." Carlton tried to start only to stop and shake his head, "No you can't do this to me again."
"Do what to you?" Shawn question shaking his head, "You're not making any sense."
Scoffing loudly Carlton stood up and started to pace the room. He could feel his legs wobble as he walked, but he didn't stop. It felt as if he wanted nothing more than to kick the younger man out and go back to drowning his thoughts away. He didn't want to have the conversation that he knew was coming.
Spinning around Lassiter reached for a new bottle only to have a hand lay over his before he could lift it. Blue eyes locked with hazel once more. Slowly Shawn stood up and moved so he was toe to toe with the detective. HE pulled the bottle out of his hand linking their fingers together holding him tightly.
"Talk to me, Carlton," Shawn said his eyes roaming the older man's face looking for something, "What happened?"
"Why are you still here?" Lassiter questioned ignoring what the other man was saying, "Why haven't you left? What else are you expecting me to do for you?"
"What are you..."
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Spencer. You did this to me."
"Did what? Help you?"
"Broke me! You made me believe that I could… That I could be something."
"You are something!"
"Obviously not enough!"
The men stood there in silence for a moment before the detective shook his head and started to walk away. He had no idea what was going on in his mind. It was as if he had lost the ability to think. A part of him knew that he was just taking everything out on the younger man, but there was some truth behind them.
Ever since the first night Shawn came to his house to help him get sober things stopped between them. One night of kissing and sharing a bed to sleep in and then nothing. It was as if he finally got what he had wanted only to have it pulled away from him just as he got a small taste.
The worst part was that he had done all of it for Shawn. He knew who the younger man thought he was and he thought that if he proved that he could be that man Shawn would want him. He should have known better than to think someone like Shawn would ever want him.
"You should go," Lassiter said going back to his chair and reaching for another bottle.
"So you can drink yourself to death?" Shawn asked anger finally filling his voice, "Is that your plan?"
"Yes, it is and it's not your concern anymore. Leave."
"Like hell and what do you mean it's not my concern? I thought… I mean, we're...Aren't we?"
Shawn took a few steps closer to Carlton his hand reaching out to rest on the side of his face. Without thinking the detective leaned into the hand letting the warmth fill him. Blue eyes slipped shut as he tried to memorize the feeling. It was unlikely that he was ever going to feel the man again.
Licking his lips Carlton reached up and placed his hand over the younger man's. Instead of pulling away as soon as he could Shawn pulled him closer so he could hug him properly. Feeling his heart speed up Carlton pushed the pseudo-psychic hard enough to make him fall on his ass.
"What did I do to you to make you hate me this much, Shawn?" Carlton questioned tears gathering in his eyes.
"I don't..." Shawn tried to start only to stop and take a deep breath, "Please, Carlton, put the whiskey down and go to sleep. We'll talk when you're sober."
"I don't ever want to be sober again."
"Please? If after out talk tomorrow you still want to drink I won't stop you. Just sleep this off. Okay?"
Narrowing his eyes Carlton slowly put the bottle down. There was no chance in his mind that he was going to give into whatever it was that was going on inside the younger man's mind. It didn't matter though. In the end he was finally going to get what he wanted. Shawn would finally be out of his personal life.
Carlton stood up and made his way back to his bedroom. He could hear Shawn moving around behind him and all he wanted was for the pseudo-psychic to come up behind him. To be able to share a bed with the man once more would be amazing. That was never going to happen again. He was never going to let it happen.
The detective had let his guard down when he thought that he had a chance to have something real with the younger man. Now he knew that it had all been in his head he wanted to walk away before he embarrassed himself. It would be for the best if he put all of it behind him and forget it happened at all.
Sighing he stripped out of his suit and fell onto the bed. He didn't bother brushing his teeth or hair as he closed his eyes to fall asleep. The sooner he got the situation out of the way the better. All he had to do was sleep off the alcohol. Though he didn't actually feel like he was drunk at all.
The next time he opened his eyes the sun was streaming through his window. With a soft groan he rolled onto his side burying his head into the pillow. He wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep, but he could hear someone talking. That was when his conversation with Shawn came rushing back.
Taking a deep breath Carlton climbed out of bed and slipped on a pair of sweatpants. A voice in his head told him that it might be for the best to just climb back into the warm bed and ignore the younger man. If he never left the room than Spencer would get the idea and leave him alone to do whatever he wanted.
Against everything he was thinking Carlton grabbed a T-shirt and went to the door. His hand wrapped around the doorknob before he froze. Now that he was closer he could hear the pseudo-psychic talking. It might have not been the best idea, but the detective found himself standing there listening to him talk to his best friend.
"Come on, Gus," Shawn scoffed pacing the room, "You know me better than that… I know what I'm doing… Gus… You know… I'm not letting my emotions cloud me… Three years and they haven't gone away… I know it's stupid, but I think I am in love with him… It's not going to end badly… Gus… Gus… Gus! I love Lassie, okay?"
Carlton's eyes widened hearing the younger man speak. He had been dreaming of hearing the man saw those words for years, but he never thought that he'd ever say them. It made no sense in his mind that someone like Shawn could actually love someone like him. But he wouldn't lie to Guster like that. Would he?
Throwing his shirt on Lassiter opened the door and walked into the living room. Hazel eyes darted over him as he lowered the phone handing up on his friend. Neither man said anything though both of their minds were working overtime trying to figure out what the other was thinking.
"You heard that," Shawn said clearing his throat.
Nodding his head Carlton took a step closer his heart pounding in his chest. For a moment it looked like the younger man was going to make a joke, but his mouth snapped shut as he moved closer as well. A shaky hand came up reaching for the pseudo-psychic only to have it jerked back to the lanky man while he stepped away.
"Carlton," Shawn whispered grabbing his forearm, "Talk to me."
"I can't..." he tried to say, "I don't..."
"We've been going around in circles since we met. Will you just tell me the truth?"
"The truth? That's rich coming from you."
"You want the truth? Fine. I'm pissed off at you for not being strong enough to stay sober. I'm pissed off that I'm about to lose the one think I want without ever actually having it. Oh, and I'm not psychic!"
Carlton froze hearing the man yell at him. He had not been expecting that, but he found a smile coming to his lips. As hard as it had been for him to believe there was no way for someone to fake those emotions. Wrapping a hand around Shawn's he pulled him close.
"What?" Shawn questioned his voice muffled.
"I'm sorry," Carlton apologized softly, "I didn't… I thought it was all in my head. I didn't think it could be real."
"You didn't know how I felt about you? Why did you think I was doing all of this?"
"I don't know. It was all so… How was I supposed to believe that someone like you would want someone as broken as me? As much as I hoped and dreamed that you wanted me too I never let myself believe it was true."
"You're an idiot."
A strong hand tangled in his hair pulling him down so Shawn could kiss him. The kiss was so gentle that Carlton couldn't help but fall forward letting himself get lost in the other man. It was so much better than he had ever dreamed up.
"Shawn," Carlton whimpered breaking the kiss.
"We're both idiots," the younger man continued shaking his head, "I thought you needed more time to get used to being sober before we got deeper into a relationship. I also thought you knew we were getting to that point."
Shaking his head Carlton placed a hand on the side of Shawn's face taking in the man. It would be all to easy to break the other man if he really wanted to. Hell, a part of him thought it would be for the best to end everything before either of them got too far deep. It would be better for them in the long run.
"Stop thinking so hard," Shawn spoke placing a hand over his, "Nothing good ever came from thinking so hard. Just let it happen, Lassie."
"That's not really who I am," Carlton sighed looking at the ground.
"I know. Try though. For once let something good happen to you."
Licking his lips Carlton let the younger man link their fingers and lead them through the house. Once they were in the room he pushed the older man onto the bed and straddled his lap. For a second the two men sat there quietly content in just being there. Then Lassiter let his hands roam over the pseudo-psychic's body.
A sigh of happiness escaped Shawn's lips before his hands started to map out the detective's. Letting his eyes roll back Carlton fell onto the bed giving full control to the younger man. He had been in control for so long that he was just so tired. There was no one that trusted to make sure he was safe giving control over to.
Shawn seemed to understand exactly what the man was thinking. He stripped both of them down to their underwear before Lassiter took hold of his lovers hips. It felt perfect having the man's weight on top of him.
Leaning down Shawn let their lips meet once more. Carlton had thought that something more was going to happen, but the younger man made sure to keep the kiss sweet. After a moment he pulled back before standing up.
"I need to say something before anything else happens tonight," Shawn said staring down at Carlton, "I can't be in a relationship with a drunk. I'm not strong enough for that. So, you're going to have to try not to fall back into this again. Okay? And before you say it. I know you're going to have some slips, but you can't just give up when the going gets tough."
"Shawn," Carlton responded reaching for the younger man, "Come here."
The younger man rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be pulled down. Carlton situated them under the blanket making it so that Shawn was pressed tightly against him. Once they were comfortable he took a deep breath letting his mind finally be silenced by the other man.
"I can't promise it'll be easy," Carlton said running his hand over his lovers back, "But I'll try. You deserve the best and that isn't a drunk."
"Okay," Shawn breathed out curling more into the man, "Don't stop fighting. Alright?"
"I won't as long as I have something to fight for."
Shawn pulled back and looked up at Carlton a small smile playing on his lips. Threading a hand through the thick black hair he tugged the older man down. Their lips met in a passionate but rather innocent kiss. Letting his eyes slip shut Carlton focused on the kiss. He knew it wouldn't bet the last, but he still wanted to savor it.
Slowly the kiss grew into something more. Hands roamed over each others body drawing moans and soft curses from both men. Carlton felt himself grow hard as they moved together. Before he could think about it he rolled on top of the younger man grinding down feeling Shawn's erection rub against him.
"Carlton," Shawn groaned his hands digging into the older man's hips.
Leaning down the detective began to place kisses and soft bites to his neck and chest. A hum of pleasure left the younger man's lips his hands squeezing his hips periodically. It felt so good having the smooth hands on his body. Even without the callouses the hands felt strong. As if they could hold him together.
Carlton's hands slowly traveled down the pseudo-psychic's body until it was wrapping around the hard cock. Shawn moaned loudly his eyes falling shut for a moment before they locked onto Carlton's. He watched the younger man lick his lips as he thrust up into his hand. Taking a deep breath the detective moved down his body taking the dick in his mouth.
A loud gasp fell from Shawn's lips his hands tangling in his hair. His grip was strong but not controlling his actions. Shutting his eyes Carlton took the man in as far as he could wrapping his hand around the rest. His tongue ran over the underside of the dick as he pulled back. Getting lost in his lovers sounds Carlton found himself rutting against the bed.
Feeling Shawn thrust up he placed an arm over his hips pinning him down. It had been too long since he had had someone in his mouth. He had forgotten how good it felt to have a dick in his mouth. Hearing his lover gasp and moan as he brought them to the edge. It was so powerful knowing that he was the one doing that.
"I'm… Lassie. Oh fuck..." Shawn gasped out before spilling into the older man's lips.
Swallowing him down Carlton pulled away and shoved a hand down his boxers. Groaning loudly he jerked himself roughly wanting to feel his orgasm hit him. As he got closer another hand wrapped around his own. Opening his eyes he looked down at Shawn. He looked disheveled and absolutely beautiful.
Throwing his head back Carlton let his orgasm over take him spilling between their hands. His body slowly began to come down from his high as he fell to the side. Almost instantly Shawn was there pulling his boxers away and cleaning him up. As soon as that was done they were cuddling under the blankets once more.
"I don't know if I'm more tired or hungry," Shawn complained after a moment of silence.
"Sleep then food," Carlton easily replied.
"Lassie, it's noon. You should be up and ready for the day!"
"Tomorrow. Go to sleep."
"But Lassilious!"
"If I let you get pineapple pizza for dinner will you shut up?"
"Oh how you spoil me!"