It was early December, and in spite of all the lava surrounding Bowser's castle, it was freezing on the inside. Bowser himself had, while puffing fire on his hands to keep them warm, ordered the help to lit five times as many torches to heat the place. Unfortunately, the dim-witted Koopa Troopas had left the torches in open crates outside the overstocked and unorganized supply sheds, where they had been soaked by snow and now useless. Bowser was not at all happy with this.

Unfortunately, wet torches were the least of his problems. Kamek, his bespectacled serf had fallen ill. Roy Koopa, one of his oldest children, had pulled a prank on Kamek by poisoning the water bottle the elderly wizard drank from (to avoid being poisoned). He was currently occupying a bed at the Toad Town General Hospital, and by the looks of it, not going anywhere for a while. Bowser's personal physician, Medikoopa, couldn't do anything, so the Koopa King saw it fit to provide Kamek with the best medicine money could buy, even if it meant relying on the Mushroom Kingdom.

The Toad physician was obviously feeling awkward in the presence of Bowser. "It's very serious, Your Majesty," he said, in complete disregard of how one addresses royal Koopas.

"How serious?" Bowser growled.

"Master Kamek has stopped vomiting green slime, but he has not stabilized. He won't be on his feet until spring."

Bowser roared. It was a familiar roar; the first one he ever, well, roared. It was reserved for those times he didn't get his way. The last couple of times he had visited Kamek, the latter had been asleep, and Bowser had hoped for more improvement this time. He kicked a tub of used sponge bath water across the hall. It shattered against a painting of the Mushroom King and everyone in the vicinity was doused in feculent soap water. Of course, no one was stupid enough to object.

Kamek was sleeping when the two entered his room, but was rudely awakened by Bowser, who attempted to sit down on one of the chairs, which then collapsed under his tremendous weight.

Medikoopa was a bit more sympathetic; after all, they were old friends. He took Kamek's hand in his own two. It was as cold as ice.

"How are you feeling?"

"Well, you know," Kamek said dryly, "There's nothing like a good overdose of arsenic to remind one of one's actual age."

Medikoopa helped him sit up. "Nonsense! You don't look a day over three millennia."

Kamek turned to Bowser. "I've been meaning to congratulate you, Your Largeness. I heard the egg finally hatched. What was it, a son or a daughter?"

"A son," Bowser grumbled.

A new addition to the Koopa royal family had arrived four days earlier. Bowser was of course very proud, but on the other hand, the birth couldn't have been more inopportune. Normally the Koopalings were Kamek's responsibility, also, when Medikoopa had declared the unhatched offspring as viable, the rest of the servants at Kastle Koopa had formed a union to ensure that none of them would have to care for Bowser's little vipers. And he really could not afford a strike with the freezing weather. He would have to deal with them later.

Kamek patted the night stand to find his glasses. Medikoopa cleared his throat. "To your left, Kamek, always your left."

Bowser's patience was long gone. He pushed Medikoopa aside and dragged Kamek to his face by the IV lines. "Listen up, you old geezer. I didn't come all the way here for tea and cupcakes. Since you've been gone, all of my people have unanimously denied looking after for my kids. I need someone to do it, because I can't simply lock them up in the dungeon."

"Why not, Your Causticness?" Kamek coughed.

"Because it's freezing down there! My entire castle is freezing. The whole gang would catch pneumonia and end up next to you. I need a nanny, but nobody in the Dark Land will volunteer!"

"So, how may I help you, Your Awfulness?" Kamek was incensed through his exhaustion; leave it to Bowser to unload dirty work on people on their deathbed.

"You're gonna use your nice little bauble and find me, not a babysitter, but a nanny. A woman; a Toad woman. I know she's out there."

"I'm cold," Kamek said blankly.

"Imagine how cold you will be if you let me down," Bowser grumbled. But at least he dropped the sick one onto his bed, giving Medikoopa the opportunity to take care of him.

Before Kamek could say anything else, the door was opened and a nurse entered with the dinnertime dose. She simply told the Koopa King to hightail out of her ward.

Outside, the snow was whirling around in the cold wind. Kamek could feel the painkillers slowly working, and his eyelids were heavy. He still had time to reflect on his task though. It seemed impossible – no Toad woman could watch over Koopalings. In any case, she would have to be a real misfit…