A little rough and short, but I wrote this on my lunch break after I was thinking about my dad who past in december. I started to write him a letter of everything I wanted to say or take back from the days leading up to his death. Espcially me saying that if he died it was his won fault because he didn't take care of himself. Anyways that turned into this and after I wrote the letter a new fanfiction was born. So stay with me and I will update when I can. don't worry I haven't given up on my other castle piece it's just at the beta. Enjoy!

Alexis,

I asked the boys to make sure you get this even though I'm not sure if you will even read this. If you are then that means I'm gone. I've tried writing you a hundred times and picking up the phone a thousand more, but I knew there was nothing I could say that you would want to hear. It was the reason why I stayed out of site at your father's funeral. I had to say my goodbyes, so I am sorry for any hardship this would have caused you with me being there.

I'm sorry for many things Alexis. You're father's death being number one on that list. It was my fault and every day I had to wake up knowing this fact. I was stupid to think I could keep the promise I made to you about keeping him sage. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to go without him by my side even for a day. My selfishness of needing him cost him his lie.

Your father saved me Alexis. When I was drowning he was the only one there that could wade through the waves and pull me to shore. When I put a wall to keep us at a distance, he tore it down brick by brick. He made me see the joy of life, the wonder and happiness of it when I only ever saw darkness and death. He was the first man, person really, to make me feel safe. To make me feel loved.

I love your father so much.

The only mistake in my life I truly regret, with everything I am, is I did not tell your father sooner. I regret more then I can say that the first and last time he heard the words was when he was dying in my arms, from a bullet that was meant for me. Knowing that gave him a little peace, if that help you at all. He begged me to look after you. To make sure no harm came to you and I kept that promise from afar as I know my presences would be too much for you to bear. Now that request has been passed on to Kevin, Javi, and Lanie. They have and will always be your family, Alexis. If you ever need anything, no matter what or when, those three will move heaven and earth to get to you. As your father would have.

One last thing, I want you to have my mother's ring. Keep it as a reminder to not let the grief over run you and miss out on the beauty of life and love like I did. Also for a symbol of the love I have for you. I always loved you like a daughter, maybe before I even fell for your father. If you throw it away, again I wouldn't blame you.

I'm going to end this now and pray that you have read this far. Live, Alexis Rodgers, Alexis Castle, live for your Grams and your father. Be the woman he wanted you to be and never lose that child like wonder he passed on to you. Love, like I loved him. Find peace that always eluded me. I hope you find a little in knowing that I brought his killer to justice. And lastly, find happiness.

Love Kate

PS. Please take care of my father. You and Martha are all his has now. I know that together you will pull yourselves up and rise from the ashes. Together the love of a family can get you through the darkest of times.

A tear hit the paper with a loud plop and Alexis hastily wiped it away before it could smudge the ink. She wanted to preserve what was the last words of Kate Beckett. "When?" Alexis asked her grandmother when the silence became unbearable.

Martha finally moved into the room and sat on the edge of bed, "Last night. They were part of the raid to bring Richard and her mother's killers. The vest it just-. She died before the ambulance could get to her."

Tear poured down the girl's pale face, "Was she alone?" The thought paralyzed her. No one should have to face death alone. Beckett had been there holding her father when he drew his last breath. The detective deserved the same.

"Detective Ryan and Esposito were with her." Martha's voice cracked with her own tears. "She umm made them promise that they would look after you and her father. Also to make sure that this letter got to you."

Alexis glanced at the letter in her hand. There was no way of stopping the cold sickening feeling of grief from grabbing hold of her. It was like losing her father all over again. Her voice trembled as she spoke, "W-was she scared? Before-?"

Martha wrapped her arms around the teenager needing the comfort as much as she did. "I don't know honey."

"She wasn't." Ryan's voice came from the threshold alerting Alexis of his presence for the first time. It was clear by his ruffled appearance and blood shot eyes, the detective had done his fair share of grieving. "Remorseful about leaving her father this way and not being able to keep her promise to Castle."

"What promise?" Alexis asked between sobs.

"To not let the quest for his killer take her over. To not lose herself." Which she did the moment Castle's heart stopped beating. or the past six months Kate Beckett had been a shell void of all emotions except guilt, grief, and anger. Ryan pulled the chain that held Beckett's ring from his vest pocket. "She made me promise to give this to you."

With trembling hands, Alexis grasped it tight against her heart as if some how hoping she could transfer the memory of Beckett to manifest into a living vision.

Ryan covered her other with his own. "Right before." Tears caught in his throat and stung his eyes. "She spoke your father's name as if he was right there and went with a smile."

Unable to hear anymore, Alexis crumbled into the detective's embrace. Ryan spoke no words knowing nothing he said would change anything or make it better. He just simply rocked her as she cried.

Yes? No? Maybe? Let me know what you thought pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee I'm needy like that :P J/k But it would be awesome to know what you think.

Stay awesome

Erin