The Final Solution

AN: I had to write it. I just had to. I hope you enjoy my effort!:D If you can guess where the baby line came from, you win a virtual cookie!3

It was driving Germany crazy.

Every time he passed by any room in the house, his brother and Japan were sure to magically be in it. They would be giggling, or feeding each other grapes, or watching TV curled up in each other's arms. Or worse, they'd be kissing. And not just kissing. Overwhelmingly, sickeningly sweetly chaste kissing.

"Oy, bruder," Prussia waved breathlessly at him as he passed by with a basket of laundery. "If Japan and I had a baby, wouldn't the baby be cuter if it looked like Japan?"

The smaller man blushed modestly. "No, no, Prussia-kun. It should look like you. Your eyes are so beautiful."

Prussia squealed in an extremely unmanly way, hugging Japan. Germany gritted his teeth and walked away.

Yes, it simply had to stop.

Germany liked both of them very much. It wasn't as if he wanted to ruin both of their lives or something, but he really wanted them to break up. The pair were embarassing and distracting, not to mention any semblance of their housework was nowhere to be found. Even their bosses had resorted to trying to get them out of the room when ambassadors came to visit.

A nauseatingly high giggle came from the living room, and Germany peeked in and saw to his chagrin, Prussia was blowing raspberries on Japan's stomach.

That was too much. Germany clenched his fists. Oh Gott, he knew he was going to feel guilty for breaking them up, but it simply had to be done. To preserve his image as a man. To save them both.

And he knew just how to do it.
* * *

"You want me to do what?" Italy squeaked, pasta fork halfway to his mouth

"Shh," ordered Germany, looking around furtively. "You heard me! Something must be done!"

Italy scratched the back of his head nervously.

"B-but is it right? I mean, just look, they seem so happy..."

Both of their eyes trailed to the window overlooking the backyard. Prussia and Japan were sitting together on the grass, gazing into each other's eyes with a loving manner that made Germany want to run for the nearest toilet. They were making rainbow flower chains.

"I guess we do need to do something," Italy finally said.

Germany put a hand on Italy's shoulder. It was the closest he could get to expressing condolences.

"Be brave, Italia. I know you can do it."

Italy nodded and gulped, hard. A determined look came into his hazel eyes, and he walked out with a confident stride.

Germany watched from the window, heart pounding.

Italy took a deep breath and ran at the happy couple. Prussia and Japan looked up in surprise a split second too late before Italy crashed into them both.

Japan cried out, thrown back. There was a moment of silence.

"What the hell?" Prussia demanded, prying Italy off of Japan. His red eyes glinted dangerously.

"Uh..." Italy searched for words. "Hug...?"

"No," Prussia snapped possessively. He helped Japan up, who immediately clung to his shirt. "Are you okay, babe? Did the big scary Italian hurt you?"

"I-I'm fine," Japan whimpered. Prussia whirled on Italy.

"What were you thinking, running into him totally unawesomely like that? You could have killed him!"

"I'm s-sorry!" Italy wailed. He trembled, still down on the grass. He took a deep breath, and Germany braced himself.

"KIKU HAD SEX WITH GREECE!"

Both of them were struck speechless by the outburst.

Prussia was the first to speak, ignoring the way Japan's face blushed crimson.

"Darling..." He licked his dry lips and tried to find the right words. "Is...it true?"

Japan's eyes glistened with tears. "It was years ago, Prussia...a mistake I shall never repeat."

He took Prussia's hands in his own, and the trees ruffled their hair.

"I love you. I will always love you. There is no one else I could possibly love more, and I hope you will forgive me the mistakes of the past. When I first met you, I knew that was a true love!"

Tears coursed down Prussia's cheeks. He hugged Japan to his chest.

"I do forgive you, baby. And I shall act as though it never happened, because I love you so much...Nothing could ever shatter that."

Japan squeezed Prussia back, tears of joy coming down and sparkling like diamonds in the sunlight.

"Oh, Gilbert..."

"Kiku, my darling one..."

Meanwhile, Germany's jaw had dropped open to the floor, and it wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. He was in a state of shock, no, trauma. His reputation was gone, zip, zilch, nil. He would have to share a house with these two lovers for his whole life.

Italy sniffed as he walked back in. He wiped emotional tears from his eyes.

"Aren't they just gorgeous together?"

Germany's face twitched, and Italy had to note, he had never seen Germany throw a tantrum like that before.

I could write a sequel if anyone is interested...something involving the BFT. *shrug*