A/NL: I just...I need time to think.

Enjoy the story first, guys. My rant is down there. And no, it's not an apology on how I haven't updated James's Prayer yet, but I do sincerely apologize for that.

Not Everything is a James and Lily Fairy tale

I stared silently at the blank wall, my body only covered by the thin sheets of the bed. It was dark, with only romantic candle lights illuminating the room with its warm glow. The scent of my favorite flower, the rose, was in the air, filling me up inside and making my head go numb. I blinked. Once. Twice.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I could feel his bare, warm skin against mine He nuzzled my neck, and I sighed. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch, savoring the moment which I knew would be our last.

I felt so hopelessly stupid. Who was I to believe that he actually liked me, actually cared for me? All those times when he held me close, wrapped me in his warm embrace, they were all fake. Just for show. I wasn't even fooled by a second.

I knew that this was going to happen. Even as I read the words, the beautiful poetic words that he had wrote himself on that flimsy piece of paper, I knew. It was so obvious, practically shoving itself into my face. Even when I wrote the word 'yes' back, I knew what I was getting myself into. I'm not that stupid.

I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.

His grip tightened around me, but my body immediately tensed up. I wasn't about to be lied to. Not again. I wasn't about to be used and tossed away the way I had allowed myself to be the first time. I wanted to walk away while I still had my pride and dignity with me.

But how could one not melt at his touch? How could one resist the loving ways he held one's hand, or the smiled that he saved for you, and only you? It was like a fairytale come to life, a cheesy romantic novel with a happy ending.

Everyone knows that none of them are real.

My mind, the mind that I had lost in the fuzziness and haze of high school romance and the deluded thought that it may be true, came back to me. Hit me with full force. I felt like myself again. The old self I had use so long to build up, only to tear it down because of one guy. And even as I feel myself creeping back into my body, a part of me longed for the ignorant, happy, deluded girl I was for the past few weeks to come back.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

But I knew what I had to do. I had to stop the dream before it became a nightmare, heal the cuts before they became wounds. I had to lay it all on the table, no matter how much it hurts the both of us.

"Get off," I said. I was an order, not a request, and he took it as such. He knew when not to push me.

I felt his arms untangling itself from me, and a feeling of emptiness overcame me. The cold wind brushed against my skin, making me shiver. I wanted nothing more than to just jump back into his arms and have him hold me once more, but I stayed strong. I wasn't like those wimpy girls, who cried over break-ups and begged for their boyfriends to take them back. I was stronger, better.

But for a moment there, I didn't want to be.

Just then, his voice came floating into the darkness. "Melissa, I'm sorry," he said in that completely broken voice that had once drawn me in. It hung in the air between us now, slowly falling down. Piece. By. Piece.

I shook my head, closing my eyes. "Don't say 'I'm sorry'. It only makes it worse."

I felt like one of those girls. Those idiotic girls who were easily manipulated and lied to. Then, when the guys are done with them, they just leave them there with nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Manipulated. Used. Broken. Pathetic. I hated these girls, swore to myself that I would never act like them.

And now I'm one of them.

I knew he would never use a girl that way, never use me that way, but I still couldn't help but feel lied to. I guess it was expected, though. I knew what I was getting into. I brought this on myself.

The funny thing is, there were no tears. My hands were shaking a little, but no tears came to my eyes. I did not like to cry, but god made me an easy crier. Now, my eyes did not even sting. Is this how one should feel after a break up? Lost, confused, but not sad? Maybe it's because he broke it off and not me?

I could feel something pushing me, threatening to make me fall. But I didn't allow myself to. Why should I spend nights over this, crying and crying my eyes out when there was nothing I could do? Plot ways to get him back together with me when I knew it was pointless? It would never be a real relationship that way, no matter what the novels say.

Was that 'something' that was pushing me sadness? Was I right to try to stay away from it?

Yes, I was. I will never let emotions control my life. That will only lead to destruction and even more problems. I carried my own weight, never asked anyone to help me. I handle my things on my own.

"Tell me something," I said. Again, it was an order. He sat up from the bed, fully alert. "Why did you ask me out before thinking this through?"

"I did think it through," he insisted, but I shook my head.

"Melissa," he tried again. "I am so, so sorry. I wish there could be another way..."

There could, I thought. You could put aside your feelings, think about mine instead, and continue to go out with me. But I didn't mention it. What's said is said. He can't take it back.

"You have to understand," he said again. "I was in a vulnerable state. I wasn't myself."

I wish he knew how pathetic that sounded. So he's allowed to play with my feelings like a puppet on strings, just because he was feeling vulnerable? Maybe in another million years or so, we'll look back on this and laugh. It had to be a joke.

But then again, it's why I agreed.

"Melissa," he said. "You're the only person I can talk to and not feel ashamed."

"And being your girlfriend will change that?" I spat bitterly. Excuses, excuses. I had to see that coming.

"No! Melissa, look, I'm really sorry. I'm the biggest git in the world. I'm sorry."

He looked horribly ashamed of himself, and while I didn't want him to beat himself up over this (especially since his NEWTs are in a few days), I couldn't tell him that he wasn't. In some ways, he was. But it wasn't for me to say.

"Do you want to know why I agreed to be your girlfriend?" I asked, just as a formality. I told him anyway. "I knew this was going to happen. Yes, I knew," I repeated as his mouth fell open. "But all those times you talked about her, the look in your eyes...it made me go crazy. And when you asked me, I knew that you needed someone." I looked directly into his eyes. "I always put my friend's feelings before my own."

He looked down. "Now I feel horrible."

I didn't regret telling him. He had to know the truth.

"Mel," he said, using back my old nickname. "Thanks a million."

My look hardened, my body stiff. "Don't worry about it."

Silence once again. I didn't like silence. It rang in my ears, screamed at me. I just wanted it to shut up.

"But Mel," he said. "Sometimes you should put yourself before others."

"I can take care of myself," I snapped. I hated when people thought that I was one of those ordinary girls who needed a bunch of friends and a hell lot of revenge plots just to make myself feel better. I don't need other people to help me with my own problems. I settle myself, my way.

He smiled at me. "I know you can. The first time I met you, I knew."

I vaguely remembered the first time I met him, all those years ago in the Hogwarts Express. I was just a shy, little girl back then, looking for some company in the new big school. I knew myself better now, took care of myself better.

"Mel," he said again. I wish that he would stop calling my name. It's really irritating. "I'm the worst mate you could have. I swear it."

"You're not," I said, my inside, my mind was screaming with approval. I tuned it out, though. "There are a lot more people who are worse than you."

But he wouldn't hear of it. "I'm selfish," he continued to groan. "I can hurt you without even knowing it. I am such a git."

I rolled my eyes. "Do me a favor."

He looked up. "Anything."

"Hit yourself for me," I said simply.

He gave me a funny look, but did as he was told. I smiled in satisfaction as his hand came into contact with his head and made a loud thump.

"Now what did I just do that for?" he asked, rubbing the part where he had hit himself.

"For calling yourself a git."

"But I am one."

"Hit yourself again," I said again. He did it.

"Now what was that for?"

"I dunno," I said, shrugging. "Fun?"

I gave him my usual friendly grin, but it felt fake. Forced. I wanted nothing more than to burst out on him, demand why does he want to break up with me, to beg for another chance, but I contained myself. What's done is done. There's nothing else to be said.

He shook his head again. "What is being in a relationship for a week?" he chastised himself. "That's pathetic!"

Part of me wanted to tell him that we were actually going out for two weeks, but I stayed silent.

He sighed. "I feel like one of those guys I've always hated. And now I'm one of those guys."

I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to say.

"Mel..." he started again. "Can we still be friends?"

I closed my eyes and sighed internally, trying to work through my feeling that were all jumbled up inside of me. Then I gave him a smile and said, "Of course. I don't lose friendships over silly things like this."

I took a deep breath. "But first, tell me something."

He nodded. "Anything."

"When all of this blows over and you figure out that you still like me, would you ask me out again?" I asked. I looked down and closed my eyes, and before I could lose my pride, added, "because I will have to say no."

I will. I won't get myself tied up in the same situation twice, won't get myself hurt again. My parents always told me to learn from my mistake, no matter how big it is. I guess this is what they meant.

Silence overcame us once again. I wanted to push it away. It has no business to come butting in while we were in this situation.

Finally, he said, in a voice so low I had to strain to hear it, "No." Then he added, more firmly, "I won't."

My heart sunk so low even the titanic ship wreck couldn't beat it, but I suppose that it was for the best. Did I want him to ask me again? Why? Just so I could achieve the fairytale dream that every girl wanted? The dream I swore I would never have until I met him? Remus Lupin? Am I suppose to throw away whatever I had worked so hard for just for him?

I don't really know anymore.

My head was so messed up, my heart felt like stone against my chest, my entire body weak. It just occurred to me that the both of us were lying on the same bed. Naked. A small blush crept to my cheeks, and I got up, letting the thin sheets fall around my body. "I'm- going to go change," I said awkwardly.

He nodded, and unless it was the candle light, he seemed to be blushing a bit too. He got up and picked up his clothes from the ground, slowly putting them on. I took my clothes, ran into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

This was like a badly written movie. The most horrible one in existence. Who the hell gets into a relationship, has sex, and then breaks up after just two weeks? Pathetic! I felt so ashamed of myself. How could I have sunk so low, to this kind of horror?

Is this the part of the movie when I slide down the door and cry? When I realize everything was just a dream? Will he come in and comfort me, apologize, and say that we were meant to be? Or will I just stand in this bathroom forever, thinking about what I've done, wishing that it had gone better?

It was time to wake myself up. This wasn't a dream. No Prince Charming with a white horse was going to come and sweep me off my feet. I hate princesses and Prince Charmings anyway. It was time to hook the anchor to the dreams I had with him and let them sink into the sea, forever forgotten. It was time to be myself again.

I could feel something crawling into me. It was a good feeling, like I was awakened again. This whole time I felt like I was just drifting blindly in a haze that gave me bliss for a short moment, but I have returned to reality. My morals and values came back to me again. I finally remembered who I am.

And I plan to stick that way for a long, long time.

I put on my clothes and got out of the bathroom. Remus was already fully dressed, and he looked just like the man I fell for: with the tidy, sandy hair and the warm, chocolate eyes. And what he said next ruined it all.

"We can never be normal friends anymore, can we?" he asked, speaking the truth.

"Well, what do you expect?" I shot back. "Unlike you, I actually liked you."

He sighed in frustration. "You don't get it- I did like you, I just-"

But I shook my head. "Do this: tomorrow, wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face, stare at yourself in the mirror, and think of any rubbish that you can think of. If I'm not in there, then you don't like me." And I'm positive that I won't be in there. I just know it.

He reached out to grab my hand, but thought better of it and drew it back awkwardly.

"Mel," he said. "I'm sorry. I really am. And you may never forgive me, but I'll always be thankful I had someone like you in my life."

I smiled at him sadly. One day, I thought. One day you will find some other girl who will be everything you've dreamed of and more. And instantly, just like many before you, you will forget me. It will be as if I never existed in your life. But I didn't say anything. Some things had to be discovered on your own.

"I guess this just goes to show," I said instead. "That not everything can be a James and Lily fairytale."

And with that, I walked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind me.

It's hard to get over a break up, especially when it has cut you so deep.

He once asked me- do we seem more like a couple, or just friends? And I answered, "sometimes, it switches."

Maybe that's the relationship I like having with him. More than friends, but not really a couple either. It was a complicated relationship, but yet, in some ways, it was completely paper-cut. Maybe this was all we were meant to be.

Remus and I first met on the Hogwarts Express. We never said much to each other then, but somehow we kept bumping into each other in the hallways, in the common room. I was one year younger than him, but somehow our lives kept clashing together.

After about two years or so, we started hanging out just as friends. He was charming, kind, sweet, sensitive, and a bit book-savvy. And while he wasn't the kind of guy I had interest in, I somehow developed a small crush on him.

He was having problems with typical things in life- friends, girlfriends, exams, and ranted about them to me without any hesitation. I was always the one to listen, although I don't usually bother about people's problems. I guess it was when he told me that he was a werewolf when it really hit me.

I fancy him. A lot.

The fact that he told me that he was a werewolf was a big deal. It meant he trusted me on the same level, if not higher, as his friends. The Marauders, they called themselves.

He was falling in and out with his girlfriend, Peyton Winkins, and that's when emotional situations really hit him hard. I really didn't know what to say. I had sworn to never get a boyfriend, but he didn't really help when he was standing right there, telling me about all the things he did with her, that I wish he did with me.

He broke up with her for good on the same day he asked me out. And that's when I knew.

He didn't like me. He just deluded himself into thinking that he likes me so that he could move on from her. There was no point sticking to a person who ust plays with your heart like a toy. But even then, he still liked her. Loved her, maybe. He was weak, vulnerable, easily broken. He needed someone to support his weight, to hoist him up again. I never hesitate to help my friends, and as long as they're happy, I don't mind how much it hurts me.

But now, I can see why girls protect themselves from guys a lot more. Breaking a relationship is not easy, and it sure as hell isn't simple. But the most important thing is to learn from them, just like how you learn from your mistakes.

To Remus, I only have this to say:

I want to thank you for so many things, for giving me a spark of hope, for giving me a reason to smile. But I also want to thank you for destroying that hope and taking away that reason, because it reminded me of who I truly am. Most importantly, I want to thank you for reminding me to never get myself hurt again.

I am my own person, and no one can change that. And especially don't try to.

A/N: This, my friends, is the story of my life.

I usually never like to get myself tangled in these boyfriend/girlfriend situations. I always like to be independent, settle things on my own. I don't need a guy to be by my side. It's pathetic.

But after this...I don't really know who I am anymore.

Basically, everything that happened in the story happened to me, except my ex-boyfriend and I did NOT have sex (I'm 14, not 41!) and he's not a werewolf. But he was, like in the story, falling in and out with his ex (the ex before me). And like I said in the story, I always put my friends' happiness before mine. No matter how much it hurts me.

There's a funny feeling in my stomach. I'm trying not to be sad, I really am. I didn't even cry. I hate crying, but god has made me a sensitive crier, and I hate that. I guess I'm just a...no-emotion zombie? Night of the Living Dead? I dunno.

What I know is that I'm angry. Really angry. And while I may not seem like it, I really want to hit something and throw it all the way across the Atlantic Ocean. Problem is, I don't know who to be angry at: Him for treating me this way, or me for letting myself fall for what I knew was going to happen.

I swear, I will never let anyone else get into a situation like this. The worst thing is that he didn't break up with me face to face. He broke up with me on Facebook. I mean, if you want to break up with a girl who cares about you so much she would die for you, at least be a man and have the guts to say it to her face.

I really don't know what to think anymore. I don't want to think. I just want to study because I'm having exams tomorrow. And I haven't memorized anything for my Chinese yet.

I guess the lesson here is: Never let your guard down. It only hurts more. I'm really lucky I didn't let my guard down for even a second.

One more thing. This is to my friend, who will know that she's whom I'm talking about when she reads this: I may not have shown it, but I didn't like it when you laugh. This is not a laughing matter, and if you're laughing now, stop. I may not have talked to you about him the way other girls talk about their crushes, but I don't like talking about my feelings, and I actually cared about him. A lot. It hurt when we broke up, though it may not seem like it did because I'm always smiling and freaking out over that f*cking maths, but there's a reason why I do that and not wallow in the pain of what had happened that night. Would you rather have the person I am now as a friend, or would you rather I be that friend who cries every night and calls you for counselling and needs you and a bunch of our friends to plot revenge on him? Because I have no problem with being both.

Break ups are not easy, and you may think this is a load of tosh, but it's not. I used to think it was too, but you can't really confirm it until you've been there and you've experienced it yourself. So be happy while you can, stuck with those thoughts in your ignorant world. I'm not insulting you. I'm just stating facts.

Another thing: If you do actually read this, don't talk to me about it in school. I rather certain things be left unsaid.

It sounds really pathetic to ask for this right now, but review? I need something to brighten my day.

Okay, and ANOTHER thing. My cousin and I were debating about it the other day and, while I still think I'm right, which house do you think it's better: Ravenclaw or Gryffindor? I'm rooting for Gryffindor, Don't get me wrong, I'm a Slytherin through and through. But if you count the qualities, Gryffindor really beats Ravenclaw, don't you think? Wow, now I feel awkward because I'm a Slytherin and I should be rooting for Ravenclaw. :/ Anyways, I hope to hear from you!