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Chapter Five

Fire in the Water

When I was a little less than one day old I had my first picture taken by my dad, Charlie, as I was lying nestled in my mother's arms. At age two I starred in my first home video as my mother, Renee, chased me around with a camera from dawn to dusk, filming even the minutest details of a two year olds life. When I was four, I was introduced to my own agent and was consequently enrolled in acting classes. When I was six, I landed a spot to star in my first real movie. By the time I was eleven years old I was one of the youngest people in the world to have an Oscar. At twelve, I was honored with my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame to forever be remembered.

Everything changed when I turned thirteen.

The adoration and obsession from fans turned to be too much for any thirteen year old to handle, although I did my best with all things considered. There was an incident after filming one day where my older mid-twenties guy costar took me for ice cream. We had just ordered when a crazed fan recognized and grabbed me, pulling me into him. My costar had refused us needing any security when we left the set, so he stood there looking at me in shock as the fan held a knife to my throat, threatening to kill me unless I went away with him to be his daughter.

I still remembered the cold feeling of the blade pressed against my throat, and the raspy voice in my ear.

When I reopened my eyes to look at Edward one last time out at the practice fields at the Athletic Complex Center, the memory of the blade of the knife pressing against my throat came to mind. Panic made my throat constrict painfully as I gazed into his beautiful emerald green eyes, and I tried to think of the guy that I had thought I knew, the one who I had shared a deep connection with and who had let me in when he was vulnerable. The one who had saved me and then taken care of me afterwards, helping to battle the demons of memory away. In that moment I tried to memorize his beautiful eyes, his perfect, tousled hair, and his amazingly toned body that even now in my shocked state, I longed for. I knew I had always been physically attracted to him, but looking at him then, my body wanted him even more, because it knew we would never have him after that moment. I cringed as I realized that I never wanted to forget him, and what he had inspired inside me, and yet I never wanted to see him again.

Head Coach Grey yelled something to all the players and Edward looked back towards the field; the distraction brought me back to reality. In the next moment, I took the disconnection from him as an opportunity to turn around and leave. I ignored my name leaving from his lips as I dashed back inside the center. After I left the Athletic Complex, I found myself running as fast as I could as emotions threatened to collapse inside me, and I fought to keep them at bay.

It was easier to keep them from crashing over me as I leapt into the world of running that was always a way for me to escape and provide peace from whatever darkness or tragedy threatened me. It was a way to clear my mind as I focused on nothing except for the movement of my legs and the sound of my even breath.

With the fresh memory of the blade on my skin, I let my thoughts drift back to the aftermath of that day in my life five years ago.

Before anything more serious happened, someone in the ice cream shop knocked the fan out from behind. Afterwards, I was stuck in a psychiatrist's office for a week. The movie was further cancelled from all the bad press and leaks about what happened, and I never saw the young guy actor again. I had little say in the events that unfolded from the crisis; I was only thirteen, a minor, and I didn't know any better.

Honestly, I had little say in the events that led to before that day. It was my mom's dream for me to be an actress as I was born just outside Orange County in California. My dad divorced her and moved to Washington State when her star crazed obsession became too much for him to handle, and my mom's brother, Carlisle, moved in with us to help look after me. A year later when I was four, she remarried Phil, a film producer who came from old money, and we moved to his mansion in Bel-Air.

She called the shots, and my naïve love and complete trust in the only mother I had led me to obediently follow her direction. I grew to love acting; it was all I ever knew growing up. With the right agent, Aro, and my uncle Carlisle who also became my tutor, I was guided into wisdom and away from the downfalls most child actors face. Aro was more self-career driven, but Carlisle really took me under his wing when he saw his sister's neglect towards me in the areas of a parent. He took precautions to teach me what mattered in the midst of the material, shallow Hollywood society. Over time, I came to realize my mother's faults and shortcomings as a mother when I needed her, but Carlisle was always there for me.

The scare at the ice cream shop induced Renee to finally be a mother, and she completely freaked out over the incident. Despite my honest assurances of being okay, she took drastic measures to take me out of the only world I had known. To her, the best way to keep me safe was to eradicate my existence in Hollywood completely. My name changed back to the original name I had been born with, Isabella Swan, and Marie Dwyer, my presumed identity for the past nine years, and beloved child star, suddenly was declared to have cancer and died a year later. The press was kept from all the events and details, but I knew my mom and Phil got a nice letter and token of gratitude from the cancer society as money went flooding into helping fund their research upon the news of my supposed diagnose and death. Only the people close to me knew the truth. Renee and Phil, Carlisle, Aro, Charlie, and the few people it took to help spread the rumors of Marie's cancer diagnose and death.

They kept me hidden; it was the best way to avoid press and to keep the truth from being known. It was imperative that I remained "dead" to the public once the decision and announcements were made. I spent the first few years stuck in Phil's different houses, slowly driven restless as the four walls imprisoned me in more ways than one. I was lucky there were multiple houses to provide a change in scenery every now and then. From the one in Bel-Air were he stayed with Renee, to his beach house in Malibu, to a vacation home he bought in a rich, reclusive area in Norway. Carlisle accompanied me everywhere I went, continuing my studies as he rigorously taught me everything from Calculus and the different proteins in our bodies to how to stitch up a wound. He was the most overqualified tutor, as he set aside his medical doctorate to make sure I was well looked after both physically and mentally. After a few years passed, and I continued to grow older and my appearance altered and matured, we often times threw on hats and disguises and toured around the famous cities in Europe. Those were often times my most favorite memories prior to starting Whitlock.

Charlie, my dad, would come to visit every Christmas so long as I was back in the states. Renee and Phil didn't want to risk me flying to see him in Washington, so it was their stipulation that he came to visit me. I didn't resent Charlie or feel neglected by him; I knew he was busy working his own way through life as a small town Sheriff with his new girlfriend, Sue. Furthermore, Carlisle had remained a substitute father and mentor to me growing up so that I hadn't missed the dad I hardly knew or ever saw.

I sighed as I looked up to see the sun already setting as I approached my dorm and slowed to a jog. As my heart ached, I realized in this moment of need that I missed Carlisle, and I hadn't bothered to call him or talk to him since I'd arrived at Whitlock.

I stayed outside for a while with my hands on my head as I tried to catch my breath. I willed myself not to think or feel as I shut my mind down from all the reminiscing.

I entered my empty dorm room and numbly tried to clean things up. I wouldn't think about reality. I wouldn't recognize the loss that had just occurred. The pain of not being remembered by him… I wouldn't think of it. When I was sure that everything looked pristine in the room, I went to the bathroom to take a shower.

I turned the shower on and turned it as hot as it would go.

Despite the scalding hot water raining down my back and arms, I was shivering… shaking… sobbing. I huddled onto the bottom of the shower in a little ball as I cried. My head hurt, my body hurt, and my heart hurt.

I must have been in the shower in that ball for at least twenty minutes before I pulled myself together and cleaned myself up. When I was finished, I went straight into bed and curled into another ball. My arms wrapped around my knees in a fetal position as I felt another wave of emotion hit me. It came, uncontrollably, and somehow I survived through each round of pain. Eventually, I fell asleep, exhausted, with tears streaming down my face as I realized the one who I had finally connected with, who had brought purpose and meaning to who I was, had been a complete lie. I was completely and absolutely alone.

The next morning I was less competitive in my running class. Professor Mueller challenged us to beat our one mile time, but mine was more than a minute slower than last week. He frowned at me when I finished, but refrained from commenting further beyond looking me in the eye and asking me if I was okay.

I showered when I returned to the dorm and then went back out to attend my classes. I started with my biology lecture, then chemistry, and finished with my biology lab at three in the afternoon. Afterwards, I sat down at a secluded spot outside a campus café and dialed Carlisle's number.

"Bella!" He answered on the second ring. His rich voice washed over me and I fought to keep my emotions in check when tears pooled in my eyes. The nickname he always called me flowed so naturally from his lips and his voice comforted me in my newfound loneliness.

"Hi Carlisle." I spoke softly, "Sorry I haven't called before now. How are things?"

He talked about the hospital he was currently working at as a visiting doctor in Phoenix. As a neurosurgeon he was both doing research and taking care of several patients during his visitation there. After a few minutes he turned the conversation back to me as he said, "Enough about me, how are you? How is school?"

I took a deep breath and then I rambled on about all of my classes. He delighted in my joy over my biomedical class, but reminded me that he would be happy wherever and whatever I found my joy in. I told him about racing Professor Mueller and my other classmates the first day I started last week and he laughed.

"I always thought you should've joined a track team," he teased. "How is your roommate?"

"My roommate's name is Angela. She's really nice and considerate, although she eats frozen dinners every other night. Her and another girl who lives down our hall in the dorm, Alice, have been really good friends to me. Alice is the most outgoing person I've probably ever met. She's spunky and quirky, but she really brings joy to every situation." I told him about how she knew with certainty that I would get the football hostess position I interviewed for.

"It sounds like you're enjoying it," he commented. Then he asked me, "Have you had any issues with things?" I knew he was referring to my identity: if anybody had recognized me. But it was amazing how much I'd changed the past five years. This past year I had been out in public all the time and nobody had stopped me or said anything. There was nothing in the news about Marie Dwyer anymore either. Everyone had moved on and forgotten about the little actress whose life had been claimed by cancer.

"No issues." I didn't want to tell him about the attack outside the bar. That had been a random guy anyways, and I doubted he recognized me. Plus, it brought up him. And I felt unprepared to divulge to Carlisle my connection, obsession, and devastation when it came to Edward.

Carlisle heard my sigh and asked, "Is everything okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine." I muttered. I refused to give Edward this much power over me when he didn't even know who I was. I would move on and forget about him and the feelings I had toward him.

Carlisle remained quiet and I thought about how much he cared for me, how he had been there for me through everything, even when my own mother and father hadn't. After a few moments, I let out another sigh: this time in defeat.

"It's just this guy." I gave in.

"Uh oh." Carlisle softly chuckled, "Do I have to come beat someone up?"

A breath of exasperation escaped me as I rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see, "No, you don't. He doesn't even know who I am."

"I doubt that, Bella." He spoke up.

"How do you know?" I dejectedly asked. I hated how pathetic I sounded and tried to fight the feelings that he brought up in me.

"I doubt any boy that has stolen your eye or feelings would ever not remember the beautiful, intelligent girl that you most certainly are."

My eyes watered and after a moment I spoke, "I miss you, Carlisle."

"You're always welcome here or wherever I am."

I thanked him and then told him that I had to go study and eat dinner. He reminded me to call him back whenever and to come visit again soon.

The rest of the night was uneventful as I focused on my schoolwork and assignments and studying that was expected from my classes. When I came in the dorm after being at the library all night, Angela's door to her bedroom was already closed. I went to my own, closing the door with a deafening click and fighting the loneliness that threatened to swallow me.

I went to my Physics lab the next morning; I was absolutely dreading facing Steve. Was that why he had been so nervous around me on Monday at practice? Because he knew Edward didn't remember me? I was embarrassed and slightly humiliated by the whole situation. However, I realized that what was done was done. I couldn't change what happened and all I could do was move forward. I would face the awkwardness and hope that we moved past it quickly. Steve had always been welcoming and nice toward me, and I wanted to keep him as a friend.

Steve was already sitting at the lab table when I got there, and I gave him a small smile when I sat down.

"Hey Steve." I greeted.

"Hey, look there's something I want to tell you before lab starts." He responded quietly back. His eyes darted to the people around us, but they were all preoccupied with their notebooks or phones to pay our conversation any attention.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to apologize, both on my part and Edwards. I had no idea until before that moment that he-" Steve took a deep breath and his dark brown eyes met mine, "Look, you should know, Edward's got his own issues, but he's a good guy. I know it doesn't seem like it after what happened, but try not to hold it against him."

I nodded, but refrained from saying anything as our lab teacher, Benjamin, walked in that moment.

"Alright class, everyone open up your textbook to page three hundred and ninety four."

There was a collective giggle from some people in the room as we settled down to work.

Lab kept us busy that by the time it was over hardly more than two sentences had passed between Steve and I. When we got up to walk down to the lecture hall together the conversation stayed on school and away from Edward. We got to the physics lecture hall pretty early, and got seats near the front of the room.

As Steve was telling me about his Calculus class professor and doing an imitation of his Russian accent, a voice interrupted and both of us turned to look to who had spoken.

"Hey Steve." Edward stood in the aisle behind Steve, "Is this seat open?" He gestured to the empty seat next to Steve.

"Look who showed up to class today," Steve joked, and Edward grumbled something under his breath. His emerald eyes flashed to mine and he gave me a crooked smile. I quickly looked away and down at my notebook, looking over my notes from the reading assignment we were supposed to complete before class.

Luckily, both of them let me be for the few minutes between Edward's arrival and the time when the professor came in to give our lecture. I studiously ignored both of them as I took notes and focused on the different situational gravitational and frictional forces that the professor lectured on.

After the physics lecture I gave a quick goodbye to Steve, ignoring Edward's look that burned into my brain, and headed straight to the library to study for my first exam that was coming up the next week in Chemistry. I found an empty table and unceremoniously tossed my books and bag on it. The noise they made as I tossed them on the table startled me and I jumped.

I took a deep breath. Get a hold of yourself.

Gently, I took out my laptop and started it up. I began my report for one of my assignments given in physics that day. I was so focused on what I was typing that I wasn't fazed by the sound of a chair being pulled out across from me.

"Hello." A soft, quiet voice reverberated through one of my ears to the other thrilling my senses out of the darkness I had been in.

Slightly annoyed, I looked up to see who had interrupted my intense focus. I saw green emeralds and my jaw slackened slightly in surprise.

He set his bag down on the table next to mine, and his eyes never left my own.

Mechanically, I immediately stood up, closed my laptop, and gathered my stuff to leave.

"No, please," his voice was pure music as he continued, "Don't leave." My eyes quickly connected back with his that now held a determined look.

"What do you want?" I slowly sat back down, and I looked down at one of my textbooks. I couldn't help but notice how weak my voice sounded as embarrassment settled in. He didn't know me except from the vulnerability I had shown him Sunday evening as I thanked him for something he didn't even remember. I couldn't do this. I needed to get out of here and away from him.

"I wanted to apologize," he spoke softly, and sincerely. I glanced back up at him, and he looked uncomfortable. Vulnerable, even.

"Why? You don't even know me." I tried to keep my voice steady, but it broke near the end. He noticed and looked concerned.

"You're Isabella Swan. You have physics lab with Steve. I first saw you at a party two weeks ago where we danced together. Then you came to my apartment with one of your friends. We were together in my room for most of it," he glanced up through his long eyelashes, "then I saw you get hurt by that-" he stopped, and glanced down before looking back at me, "monster. You came back with the guys and me to the apartment. We fell asleep together in my bed, but when I woke up you were gone. I saw you for the first time in my right set of mind when you were talking with Steve. You were the most angelic thing I have ever seen. When I came over to talk with you, I knew I'd seen you before-" he stopped again and his eyes met mine in an intense stare, "I just didn't know where."

I was shocked that he remembered all of that, but then I realized that Steve and Jasper and his friends could have easily told him when I had been around. So I asked, "How did you know you'd seen me before?"

He looked down at his hands, and then connected his eyes back with my own. A beautiful, small smirk settled on his face. He offered no other answer.

Silence clouded between us; it roared in my ears. I watched his expression go from intensely staring back at me with his eyes conveying his apology to an unreadable expression as I felt him withdraw from me. Fear coursed through me at his withdrawal and the responding hurt that tinged inside me.

After a minute, he opened up his backpack and pulled out a book, setting it on top of the table. He scooted around in his chair, never glancing back my way as he opened the chemistry textbook and started reading. I sighed as I realized he wasn't going to answer my question.

My sigh brought his attention back to me as his eyes narrowed when he glanced up at me. "Do you mind? Some of us come to a library to actually study." His eyebrows were raised as he posed the question, and I couldn't help but see the amusement playing around in his eyes.

"I was studying until you interrupted me." I reminded him. I frowned at my sassiness. Why did I care enough to defend myself against his nonsensical accusation?

"Well, then we're even now. Anything else?" He looked at me expectantly. He was quite gifted with a stellar poker face. It was completely detached and unreadable.

This new sober Edward shocked me. His drunken state was so vulnerable and intense. After his apology, I could see his demeanor transform to an entirely new side of Edward. I remembered the pain I saw repeatedly on his face and his broken expressions before the revelation. This new Edward put up a good façade over all of that. I saw his arrogance in the way he walked toward me on the field yesterday; I saw his cockiness in his constant smirks and subtle double-sided comments. However, I saw through his overall strategy to keep the pain shielded from the world by all that arrogance. I couldn't understand his pain though. What was he hiding?

"Yeah, go sit at another table if you have a problem." I raised my chin and narrowed my eyes at him. Strength overcame me as I steadied my emotions around him. He would not faze me again.

"Who says I have a problem?" He asked me. And there was that smirk again.

I sighed in exasperation at him and mumbled out, "If you keep this up, then I'm going to have a problem with you."

"Then you can go sit at another table." He retorted and gave a low chuckle.

I growled lowly; I don't know where it came from, but something about him and his comment just made me subconsciously growl. His eyes darkened and he no longer chuckled. He looked serious and hunger fell across his face. I felt electricity radiating between us as our eyes connected again. I was aware that my internal temperature was rising. I was very much so turned on by him. I wanted Edward; I wanted to be wrapped around his muscular body and run my fingers through his tangled bronze hair…

"Isabella?" Someone interrupted our connection.

I spun around and saw Lauren. "Hey Lauren." I tried to offer her a smile, but I was still recovering from whatever it was that just happened with Edward. He leaned back and glanced back down at his textbook.

"Do you mind if I join you studying?" She asked while shifting her weight onto her other leg.

"Actually, I was just leaving." I immediately stood and gathered all of my stuff. I felt bad for the slight look of hurt that crossed her eyes. When I glanced over at Edward though, who was now also gathering his stuff to leave, she finally noticed him.

"Oh! Sorry I didn't see you Edward." She said. She sounded honestly surprised.

He smirked lightly and waved it off.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you around," Lauren was looking at me, but kept glancing over at Edward. The shocked look still plastered on her face.

"Yeah, see you then." I swung my backpack on and grabbed my books. I glanced over and saw Edward still putting a book in his bag. Taking the opportunity to go, and flee from this heightened emotional state he put me in, I turned and rushed out of the library, not looking back as I left.

When I was back outside in the hall, I took a quick glance back and sighed in relief. There was no sign of Edward. I was still shaken by the strength of my feelings I had around him. I felt possessed by my want for him in that moment. My breathing was heavy, and I was still looking behind me when I ran into somebody.

Two hands grabbed each of my arms in order to keep us both upright. I felt electricity again and looked up to see that it was Edward holding me. I deduced that he must have left out of a side door in the library.

"Where are you going?" His voice demanded. There was slight amusement in his serious expression.

I tried to ignore the want my body started to immediately feel again. "Let go of me."

I shook my arms, not liking to be manhandled, and he spun me around to the wall behind him then released me. I was cornered. Literally.

"Do you really think you're leaving me after that?" Edward's voice was extremely low and husky as he leaned closer to me. I tried to keep a clear head, but he enthralled me with a hypnotic stare and his emerald green eyes I loved so much had my thoughts travelling back to the darkest desires of my mind.

"No," I breathed. He gave me an approving look that sent chills of pleasure through me. His eyes traveled to my lips and he licked his own as he leaned towards me. His long fingers came up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear as he leaned closer.

"Edward?"

I wanted to groan as my body screamed in protest. Interrupted twice in the past five minutes. What were the chances?

Edward leaned away from me. I glanced around him to see what girl had the annoyingly high voice, and I saw Kelli.

This was the slap of reality I needed as I took in her barely-there shorts and low cut shirt that clearly showed too much of her cleavage.

I sighed. I was so tired of being used and taken advantage of. Wasn't that the life I had left behind? The life where my own mom used me to carry her up the social ladder? The manipulation involved to better oneself at the expense of another with zero regards to the person's emotional being?

I knew what this was. I was a new challenge for Edward, and he would be finished with me as soon as he got me. Just like I assumed he did with Kelli, and however many countless girls.

When Edward turned to answer her, I squeezed behind him to the library entrance door and swung it open as I left him with his past. I didn't look back as I went to the road and got on a bus that would take me back to my dorm. And away from Edward.

Thanks for reading everyone, really.

Chapter Title Song:

Fire in the Water- Feist

Feel free to leave some criticism/feedback. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Endless Love,

Chance33